My update

I wanted to say that I have been reading all the posts, and I really admire the way you are all being so courageous and straightforward with your significant others. They really should be glad you care so much for them, even those of you who broke up. Hope you can hang in there.

Just a quick update... I had been wondering how to approach an OM who had been showing quite a lot of interest (looking, smiling)but not really saying anything about us. He had become warmer, though, and started calling me "hon." I decided it was time to do something, but I couldn't get a private moment with him, so I ended up e-mailing. It was just a note suggesting we meet someplace where we could be more informal. No response yet, though, after a few days. Maybe he's too scared... should I see how he acts when I seem him?

SilverMermaid:confused:

He probably is scared...i'd say wait about a week and see what happens. Best of luck ;)

Maybe he doesn't check his email often.. Just wait and see

Silver....

Nice approach that you have shared with your interest in an OM. Being one, I realize that sometimes we need to be nudged to overcome our prejudice of age. Yes...I know it is shocking to know that we have a hard time with an age gap...but many of us do. My lover was pro-active in helping me address the issue and leave it far behind us.

I would encourage you to pursue him...and not wait. If you feel something, then the email is a great idea. Go for coffee...something smaller than dinner...Maybe you should tell him you need his advice on something...and then ask him. We seem to love the fact that we have experience....(but much of my experience was with women my age...and not worth that much). If you gently pursue...he might find it easier to respond. Afterall, we expect twenty-somethings to be assertive...just read the papers...

If your gentle pursuit is ignored...oh well...there are many more fish in the sea. I just would not expect him to start pursuing you at this point. IF you feel it....DO IT!!!!! ;-)

Silver,....life can be short...you do not want to look back and say..."what if i had pursued a little longer". If your pursuit makes him run away....his loss...not yours...

The IrishKid

EMCAD, Mer and IrishKid... THANKS for the great advice. IrishKid, I can tell you have quite some insight into the male mind.
Hmmmm.... I can see this may take awhile. He's worth it, though.

SilverMermaid

there's a difference between nudging and tossing someone over a cliff.... i think Irish's idea of just coffee instead of a full fledged date is a good one, just that you can give him some time to get used to the idea... not everyone takes to the age difference in a short amount of time..... i'm sure it took a while for some of these guys on the boards even warmed up to the idea.... so wait it out, see if anything happens... if not, push a little harder and be a bit more assertive if you think it's still what you want... just be careful not to throw him overboard lol

Hi Silver - I met my guy through a mutual hobby we share. There was interest on both sides right away, but I think we were both a big concerned about the age gap. It slowly progressed into a friendship. After a time, when I became more curious about whether there might be "more" I sent him an email. (sound familiar?!) It took him a few days to respond, but he did. Then, we started doing small things related to our hobby.

The pace has been slow, but so far this relationship is everything I want it to be.

Keep us posted!

~Morgaine

Hey let us know what happened....... We are like enquiring minds ....hehehe.....I hope it went well

Well, I finally have some info for the enquiring minds (hehehe).
My OM (lets call him M.) never returned my e-mail, in which I suggested we talk someplace. I did see him today, though, and he didn't withdraw or run away. He acted like he wanted to be near me and connect non-verbally, but didn't say anything. True, there were a lot of people around. I could tell he got the e-mail from the way he looked at me. I guess he just isn't ready for a coffee date.

I try to put myself in M.'s shoes, and try to understand that he possibly wants to move very slowly given the 22-year age difference... maybe it makes him feel especially shy. Or maybe he's just been hurt before, like many of us have. I'll keep you all posted, and thanks for listening again.

SilverMermaid;)

Your story seems similiar to mine in the fact that your OM has showed interest yet nothing has been said. I asked everyone here a few posts ago for their advice and they suggested the coffee thing, which I did. Last week, I finally got the courage and I asked him if he wanted to get coffee after work and he told me "not today, but maybe another day?", which left me wondering if he meant it or not. I did not think of suggesting another time then, and since then he has been out sick. Which makes me think he really did mean another day, since he probably wasn't feel good when I asked. The thing I remember most was that he sort of looked suprised but good suprised when I asked. Well, hopefully everything works out for you.

Thanks for sharing your story with me, Irenathecat. I hope that things work out for you also. It sounds like we are in similar situations and the man you like is quite interested in you.

What I have found with those who seem a little shy with people they are attracted to (and this fits my case and maybe yours too) is that getting together with someone, even for coffee, takes a lot of effort. If your guy wasn't feeling well, it would be even more difficult, so asking him again soon might work. Sometimes it just takes time for them to adjust to you. Anyway, we can only keep trying. Best of luck!

;)

Thank you and best of luck to you, too! :)