just want to spiel everything out

If you remember my previous posts, H and I broke up. He told me that he wasn't sure if he still had feelings for me anymore and it broke my heart. I went to see him and get my stuff from his place and we ended up saying good nite for an hour where we just hugged (he ran his hands on my back and stuff but nothing sexual if you know what i mean). I was crying and he just looked at me so helplessly. I know that he still loves me and he is being strong to cut the string because he feels it is not really the right thing for me, to be with an "old man".

I really love him, but now I've realized that no matter how much we love each other or that I think we're meant to be, I can't force anything on him. If he thinks it isn't right to be with me cos I have "everything ahead of" me as he puts it, then it is wrong of me to be so clingy or so "in his face".

Today I feel better because I'm trying to see things through. I guess what was lacking is some sort of committment from him. I know that I'm not the clingy or the insecure type. But I guess everytime he said something about how I should be with guys my age I panic and think that he might dump me. I'm not talking about marriage- but I just lack that reassurance that he is committed to me. And I guess that although he's separated from his wife since his daughter was born (21 years ago), they just formally got a divorced last year (they didn't get one before because there was a child involved but now she's grown up). I know how hard things are for him, he almost went broke and he went through a depression and I don't blame him now that he's working on his finance. It's just that now he has decided to work on that in the process he's lost someone who really loves him.

Half of me thinks that I should give it time and keep my heart opened to him. Half of me just want to shut the gates. I'm scared to be hurt again but i miss him so much... ok i have to go cry now

littleme,

So sorry that your going through what you are right now (or anytime for that matter) its hard to fall out of love. And in my opinion even harder when the other half doesn't seem to feel the pain as deeply. So I'm glad for you that he at least still shows that he is hurt and that he did love you. It just seems to help ease the pain rather than to see them walk away as if it never happened. Misery loves company as the saying goes.

Don't play your feelings off. I have said in other posts here that breaking up can at times feel as bad as loosing a loved one to death. Maybe thats just my feelings. But to have someone so close then have them go out of our life (by way of breakup or by way of death) is hard. The difference I see in the breakup is that in time you will see them (shopping in the mall, eating at a resturant, and yes....on a date with someone else) again seeming even harder to me.

Wouldn't it be great at times if life worked like an 'Etch A Sketch'? just turn it upside down shake it and POOF! instant clean slate!
No old fears, No old pains....just smooth sailing into the next love.

I wish you all the best for when you do find love again. Or in re-kindling your love now. Age isn't really a factor in love as you already know from being there yourself. But do keep us posted when you can, and keep us posted along the way as well.

Don

P.S. Oh and if the next love happens to be your age, don't think we wouldn't love to hear about that as well!

I'm so sorry littleme........Listen keep your head up ... Never close your heart to anyone but DON'T stop your life for anyone either!!!!!! If he comes back and your available and You are willing to think about it and maybe work it out great!!! but Maybe he won't and you would of wasted such prescious time in your life........ If he doesn't come back than he wasn't worth it to you.... trust me ...you can't force people to love you they just do...... Littleme just sit back and live your life ...... If it was meant to be it would be...

hi thank you both of you... I feel today that i've been sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean... maybe i'm obssessed with him, i dont know...

i spoke with him online and it was normal chat between 2 friends, no love no nothing. was about to cry when he called my name and said that he had to get offline. disappointed because i wanted to hear him call me sweetheat sweetie and everything else he called me by. I just miss him like mad. i know he is being strong here but i'm the biggest coward i want him back so badly but i know unless he comes back to me with some sort of committment then i would be going through the whole cycle again. I feel so lost and depressed.

littleme.. I think it's time to move on hon....It hurts for awhile but it gets better.... believe me.....Although You need to sever ties.... don't make it look like you are there waiting for him..... make him want you back....Take time to heal... we are here for you anytime you need us.....

yes i know MerAlove i should move on. the thing is that I doubt he'll come after me. i wish he would. i still don't understand why he would just let me go like this :(

Little


Ah! Where to begin. I know exactly what you are going through...I wish you werent so far way so we could chat. I know it's hard because of the on again/off again romance. That's the same thing with D. Then when things die down again, you start to lose all hope...then he calls - everything is okay for a few weeks or months and then BAM...he's gone again. It's coming up on a month since the last time D and I spent some time together and I've had to gather myself multiple times. I've had to excuse myself from the dinner table to cry, or go home from the gym because D runs through my mind. It's hard...very hard...I wish Rolls 'Etch a Sketch' would come to life. I don't have much advice to offer you - seeing that you and I are in the same boat right now. But know that I am here for you when you need me :D

Best of Love
~EMCAD

hi em, yeah we're in the same boat, lol, it's not a good feeling huh. I saw him yesterday. He called me and asked me if I could pick up something for him while i was in the city. so i did and then he came over to pick them up. it was nothing spectcular, he just picked up the stuff, and said a very nice polite thank you like he always does and left. at the moment i feel so numb. i can't wait to get over this.

I'm still trying to hang in there...I haven't heard from him in a few days...but that's to be expected. It's just too bad that we live in a world where people live their lives only by what they see and hear people talking about - instead of following their hearts and intuitions.

My mom just started dating a new guy. I met him this past weekend and she asked me if I thought he was gross...because he wasn't her physical type. I think after she asked she realized how shallow the question was. I didn't answer her, nor do I think she expected me to. But he's everything she would want in a man...just not what she thought she would end up looks wise. But they have a blast together...all they did was talk to each other all weekend.

I think this made my mom see why I love D so much. Not that she doesn't approve, but she understands it a little better.

Little....

It's just going to take time... and if it's meant to be, then you will get back together... i know that anything anyone has to say at this point won't really mean much... the whole "other fish in the sea" saying IS true.... but at times like these, none of us want to hear that... so try your hardest to keep going through things and working them through... maybe minimal contact with him through this time will help you a bit... but then again, maybe not... as to the whole commitment issue... it's something i both need and crave as well... i was lucky, my love gave me his verbal commitment early on... i had given him my physical commitment long before this, but that's just me... i can't fathom being or thinking about being with another person when i have the potential for (and now actually have) love. So, i agree... commitment is essential in a relationship... and keeping that commitment, not just saying you have one.

Em....
I'm sorry... i'm not trying to be judgmental, but not hearing from him for a "few days" would disturb me greatly. I really don't like the sound of your situation. It hits me in a very strange way in that it's fine for him to call you when he wants you to pick plates up for him, but not to just say hello or he misses you or anything like that? i know, i'm not in the situation....and i even hesitate to call my love (something he tells me i NEED to get over and just call him whenever i want to) because i don't want to 'bother him' but we do talk at least once a day. I would just seriously think about your man's commitment :-(.... sorry, it's just been on my mind and i had to let it out... if i'm out of line, just slap me

~Lucky

littleme...hugs, first and foremost.

Breakups are he!!. No two ways about it.

I'm going to give you the best piece of advice that I know regarding breakups and moving on. Granted, its not foolproof. And it doesn't work instantly...but it can work, and will if you try it.

Get back to basics.

Get back to yourself, littleme. Do the things you like to do. Do the things you did BEFORE he came along. FORCE yourself to do it--and yes, it will take a bit of force at first. Ride your bike, go for a walk if you don't have a bike. Read a book, rent a bunch of videos. Surf the net. Write a journal...write it all out, and when you are done, write some more. Cook your favorite meals. AND eat them, enjoying every bite. Call up an old friend and just veg with them. Do your hair, your nails--do a friends hair and nails. Have a good old fashioned girls night/slumber party.

Too simple and obvious, right?

Try it. Remember what you did before he came into your life, and do it again.

Yes, you will still hurt. Yup, you'll still think about him way more than you ever thought about one person before. You'll still daydream, still cry...but each day you'll do this less, and the other activities more.

Breakups are hell. But you don't have to stay anywhere forever...even he11.

:)

Em....I'm sorry... i'm not trying to be judgmental, but not hearing from him for a "few days" would disturb me greatly. I really don't like the sound of your situation. It hits me in a very strange way in that it's fine for him to call you when he wants you to pick plates up for him, but not to just say hello or he misses you or anything like that? i know, i'm not in the situation....and i even hesitate to call my love (something he tells me i NEED to get over and just call him whenever i want to) because i don't want to 'bother him' but we do talk at least once a day. I would just seriously think about your man's commitment :-(.... sorry, it's just been on my mind and i had to let it out... if i'm out of line, just slap me


Lucky...

First I don't want anyone to think that he only calls when he wants something, because this isn't the case. I bought those plates on my own will. He did say if I was in the neighborhood of IKEA can I please pick some up. Then a week later, when I was in the the neighborhood, I did - because I wanted to, not because he asked. I would have without him asking because I know he needed some.

You're not out of line, and it's not that I don't want to see the truth - because it is really crappy that we don't talk everyday like we used to, but if you knew his son, I think it would be a little more clear. Funny, I think I was going through what his son goes through with me. Like I posted earlier, my Mom is seeing someone new. Now, this doesn't bother me at all, I'm happy to see her happy. But when I'm trying to spend some quality Mother/Daughter time with her, this new guy keeps calling and calling. I'm trying to tell her whats going on in my life and she cuts me off to talk to this guy for a half hour! I was a little hurt and upset. So yeah, I can see where L is coming from. Especially with D, because D's attention always in focused on me to the point where l feel bad for L. But your right, he could call....but I understand his situation as well.

hey lara, i totally agree with the receipe. the difficult thing is that i've been secretly in love with him since my 21st birthday (a few months before) and it is just hard to remember what i liked to think about before plus i'm over doing all those teenagers stuff. At the moment my plate is full, I have loads of work to do, deadlines to meet, which is great because it keeps me busy. but i just find it really difficult at times, especially when i am not working with other people i think about him. i can't help it. anyway, all these work is keeping me busy but at the same time i feel overloaded and stressed out. I'm trying to tell myself that i can't lose myself like I did last time plus that I have been through many breakups before (with this man and my other ex-bfs), so in a way it's not something totally new.

I think I will write in my journal again. I have neglected it since last year cos I was scared that my parents would find it and read it.

I'm thinking of cutting my hair too. Nails in not really my thing, I just keep them short. I've tried going shopping, but it looks like retail therapy doesn't work on me in this case...

I guess I just have to hang in there, my university exams will be over at the end of June so I will just have to plough my way through.

thanks everyone, i need your support so much.


Em: have you been speaking to D lately? sorry I haven't been able to read other posts, i'm usually on this board, just read my posts and answer and then log off cos i'm so overloaded with work at the moment.

Little:
thanks for the thought. No, I haven't talked to D yet. I'm in the process of writing a letter before we go out to dinner. Which we talked about a week ago. Lara_Steel has been helping me get that letter up and running.

I totally know what you are going through. Where ever song, every movie, every t.v. show reminds you of him. It sucks. You feel so lost and useless...how can you get through it.

I have more to write but I have to go...check back and I'll write again.

Best of love!!!

hi em, i'm still going up and down the roller coaster. sometimes i feel i'm fine and that i don't need him, but other times i just miss him so much. I want everything back!! I don't think it would be wise for me to do anymore talking/writing letters at this stage. Even though I haven't said everything-everything that i want to say, i reckon that it is only up to him now if he wants me back. His new toy is the stockmarket so I guess he would be busy with that and i can be easily forgotten. I do however, have a letter in the post for him (he used my address before) and I know there will be another bigger more important one coming for him soon.

My plan is to drop it to his place when he is not home. I don't want to make an appearance, but just want him to remember me in that way.

oh yeah i told you that he asked me to pick up those things from the city for him a few days ago. I want to think that he missed me and wanted to see me so he asked me to get them. but i'm not sure if that is the case.

i'm so scared that it was the last time that i would see him (at least for many years to come). I miss him so much.


Em- how are you doing? i wonder if you're on a roller coaster like me. i hope not cos it's not nice feelings.

Well, I am finally back to work, so I can finish my post!!!

What I was going to say is get yourself involved in new activities if you can't remember what you used to do. I have taken up the gym. There has been times where I'll be in my absolute abs class and I start to cry, then I have to get up and leave. It hard...I won't lie, but you have to force yourself to be strong. This was a while ago. The situation between D and are different now. But that's yet another thread.

Keep your head as level as you can!
Best of Love...
EM

i feel so awful, each night i have dreams about him although i don't remember them i remember him being in it and i wake up with this awful feeling.

i'm trying to move on. i doubt he'll come back to me. i just want to cry