What will you say?

Say someone comes to you and ask you why in the heck would you want to be with an old lady? And say there has been rumors about you and they are all grossed out. How will you stand up for what you believe in? What will be your defense? Be honest and tell the truth. I know some of you already have put people in their place , so how did you? And those who haven't how would you go about putting others in their place? Would you just laugh it off or what will you say?

How will you stand up for what you believe in? What will be your defense?

Lorena, nobody should feel a need to put up a "defense"
for who they love.

But, if you feel a need to, you can point out all the good
reasons for loving an older woman. She is :

* More mature

* More intelligent

* Sexy

* Finished having children....

etc.

There are all sorts of comebacks depending on what mood
you are in. :)

Sincere --- "Because that's what I like."

Angry --- "Why do you want to be married to an an ugly
woman??" (Or a stupid woman?)

Funny --- "Because we have a great sex life!" :D

Dismissive --- "None of your business, is it?"

Etc, etc.

For me the issue has never come up. I don't hang out with
people who are rude/ignorant enough to ask those questions.

I'd tell them I prefer the company of the OW I'm with because she doesn't nag , ask questions, or spread rumors about me for the company I keep....

Gosh Harrison and Jordan, you both really have good comeback answers........and Harrison unfortunatly there are so many OW who are experiancing cruel remarks, I know this is true. When I was dating my husband who is only eight plus years younger then me, a friend of his asked him how old I was and his remark was "oh so your with a old lady", in my case though my husband had him meet me , after meeting me for the first time, he had a change of heart. Now 12 years later he's still in disbelief that I'm older then my husband. But that is such a short age span so it doesn't show as much. But there is the wider spread couples who actually do experiance cruel stares and remarks. And Jordan you have great answers also, which really does amaze me because, that tells me that you both are responsible enough to stand up for what you want. And not only that but you know what you want (~_~) COOL!

Originally posted by Lorena
that tells me that you both are responsible enough to stand up for what you want. And not only that but you know what you want (~_~) COOL!


Well if they didn't, they wouldn't stand much chance of happiness would they? :)


Standing up for what you want is really standing up for what is necessary to obtain the happiness mentioned above.


I couldn't give a **** what other people think, worrying about me is a waste of their energy.


:)


mick

So I take it that none of you guys have had any problems with rude remarks? Do you suppose because more ym are going for ow, so it has become for acceptable. Also do you feel that ow are more sensitive then ym, and care more what others think?

Lorena, I have the impression that rude remarks are easier to make to women than to men. Especially because whenever it happened to me, it came from other women.
Sad when we think about...

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/yfou.gif

Originally posted by MJ69


I couldn't give a **** what other people think



mick

So true. Opinions are like a**holes...everybody has one. I just don't care about hearing it, because generally opinions like that seem to come from the fact that what you are doing doesn't fit their particular belief system.

in your experiance? How did you deal with those who were rude? And in your opinion how did you find the best way to put up with such rude remarks. Is it better to just ignore the person, or tell them a thing or two? You've been there please help others who may be hurting because of the cruelty of others, thankyou.

I know you say that you don't care about hearing other peoples opinions, but have you had someone come out and directly say something to you, or have someone spread rumors and make you look like something is wrong with you? If so what would youd do? Because lets face it there are some of our ageless people who are going through just that. What can we tell them to help them, because who knows you may face the very samething someday. Hopefully not, whether you don't give a dam or not.

So I take it that none of you guys have had any problems with rude remarks?

I recall a friend making a rude comment about my wife,
whom I was dating at the time. It wasn't a problem,
because I just ignored it and pretended I didn't hear it.

BTW, many young men (17-22) are having "woman
problems." They want a girlfriend but don't have one,
or if they have one, they will soon be breaking up with
her, and trying to find another. Insecure people, in my
opinion, are the ones who tend to make rude remarks.

Do you suppose because more ym are going for ow,
so it has become for acceptable. Also do you feel that
ow are more sensitive then ym, and care more what
others think?

Yes, definitely, for both questions.

When someone really sexy, glamourous and famous like
Madonna or Tina Turner chooses a ym for a mate, or even
has a baby by a ym, then this makes it easier for other
regular people to say "Oh, okay, maybe it's not such a
big deal."

About sensitivity: Yes, I feel ow are generally more
sensitive than ym, partly because that's how women
are raised in our society----to value looks and
beauty so much, and to be sensitive to how you
appear to other people, and to want other people to
like you, etc.

In my case one man said many things to me in a very blunt way, but he was interested in my ex-boyfriend, he was talking more out of jealousy than out of shock by our age gap.
Women were harder. They started as if they were worried about me, and then went on to be very rude saying things like my age would show one day (do they always forget that time passes for the men too?), that he would leave me, that people would talk (they were the only ones who did in almost 3 years). One said to me she was disgusted.
What I said? Well, I said the truth about them, too. One had been married to a man 30 years older than herself, he was very sick and died three years after the marriage; when they married many people certainly thought she was with him because of his money. I never judged her and always defended her when people made comments on that. The other one had lived with a married man for 5 years before he finally got his divorce. People had harshly criticized her and again money was taken as a reason for her decision, because the man was very rich and she came from an eastern european country. The disgusted one was easier: she was 35 and looked 45, and had always been jealous of me being with a 25 year man. It was too much for her, who was going out with an impotent married man (I always wondered why!).
I was cruel with them, and it was hard for me to be like that. But people have to learn that we are not allowed to say just whatever we want. If we do, we'll have to hear things we didn't want to hear.
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1poke.gif

Originally posted by Lorena
I know you say that you don't care about hearing other peoples opinions, but have you had someone come out and directly say something to you, or have someone spread rumors and make you look like something is wrong with you? If so what would youd do? Because lets face it there are some of our ageless people who are going through just that. What can we tell them to help them, because who knows you may face the very samething someday. Hopefully not, whether you don't give a dam or not.

Sorry if I came off as too flipant about that. I'm sure there are ageless people that are facing that problem and that's sad....as for me...I am unwilling to live my life based on, or totally around what other people think about who I choose to be with ....if I'm w/ my YM (and there is a fairly substantial agegap) chances are there may be comments --- but those comments won't be more important than being with him; maybe one way to deal with the comments is to just hold on to the thoughts of how special your relationship is with him. I thought Harrison had some excellent comebacks and given I'm a bit of a smart ***** I'd probably use one of the more sarcastic ones. The way I look at it also is .... geez.. I may be dating a YM but their life must be pretty small if that's all they have to do is pay attention to mine. I also live in a big, progressive city so I'm sure that helps. I have found that there is ALWAYS someone out there that's going to try and make you feel bad about something ---- you choose whether they do that or not. In short, if I had to do a reply/ omeback to someone it would be one of Harrisons.

What is your age differance with your wife. Just curious also about age, because you sure seem to know the woman in general speaking. And Maria, how gosh you had it from both sexes being jealous, from all the comments being made here, and breaking it down into a simple answer for those who are suffering from this kind of cruelty, just remember when others who are cruel and judgemental, it usually stems from their unhappiness, so they feel better directing it to others in finding fault with the next person. And true when liquid says, when we aren't living according to their belief system they find fault in others. Now most of you know that I'm a Christian, I don't find it to be sin to love someone that may not be in your age group, love is love......unless and this is another story, where I feel the line should be drawn is when your with a boy such as 14 and your a woman in your 30's or 40's now to me that is sick and not normal, why I feel this way, because the boy hasn't had a chance to grow to even become a man yet. Now that is odd. Some have suggested to ignore, and others have stated that they confronted the person by showing them what choices they made in life, which caused the person to be hyprocritical, by their judgement to them, and although it hurt them they were hurting the person by judging them in the first place. I hope I'm making sense here, if not somebody help me.:) But to the personjs who are suffering, if you are truely a happy couple, then this is all that should matter, don't let your happiness be taken by the comments of others who are not happy.

The disgusted one was easier: she was 35 and looked 45, and had always been jealous of me being with a 25 year man. It was too much for her, who was going out with an impotent married man (I always wondered why!)---Maria


LOL! This is so funny. I do believe jealousy is an important
part of why people are so unpleasant sometimes.

So, Lorena, next time someone gets rude with you, you
may have to get nasty right back.

Say: "Look, Leticia, we had sex four times last week!
I'm sorry if you're not getting that much, but that's not
my problem!" :D :p :D

You probably won't say that, but with some people you
have to get tough and in their face to get some respect.

ALSO, If people are spreading nasty rumors, you either
have to avoid them if they are family/friends, or, sue them
if they are people at your job whom you cannot avoid.

People in your circle of family and friends are easier to
deal with; just don't go to their house. Invite friends to
your house and let people know that so-and-so is
NOT invited. When they ask why, tell them.

People at work are much more difficult, but if they are
creating a harassing or discriminatory environment, the
law can deal with them.

P.S If you were asking me, my age and my wife's are 34/49.

But to the persons who are suffering, if you are truely a happy couple, then this is all that should matter, don't let your happiness be taken by the comments of others who are not happy.---Lorena

That's it exactly, Lorena! :) Very well said.

thanks for all your input, I have never seen you post before are you new to us? And does your wife ever post, I'd love to hear from her and all what she has to say, she is around my age, pretty close anyway, tell her to make her self known, of course unless she's like my hubby who doesn't care to post, I respect that, but there aren't very many married couples on here, and it's nice to come across more, if you know what I mean. Again you all had great input I hope this helps others to stand tall and be strong. And liquid I wasn't being cold or mean I think I didn't put it in the right way, so please I knew what you mean't, so sorry if I lead you to feel that I thought you were not sensitive that was far from my mind ok?

Will is 9 years younger than I, the only time we get strange looks is when we are with the my 19 year old son when he calls me mom.
because Will definately does not look old enough to be his father, and sometimes I do and do not look old enough to be his mother.
I think people become all confused. and to add to confusion lately we are taking care of a 1 year old boy.
I did have a comment made to me recently about Will being my "boy toy", I can't even remember who said it, shows how significant they are in my life :rolleyes:

Snow, How did it come about that you are caring for the baby? What does it feel like to have a baby in the house again?

btw..he is adorable!!!!

. . . if someone gave me a hard time about liking or being with an OW:

(WARNING: PLEASE VIEW AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA'!!!)



http://www.manifestation.org/~ill/images/funny/4276340602.jpg

Pic is on the my website, too big for here....
My son works with his father, a single 36 year old guy.
The mother left when Randy was born......
The dads been depressed, so we have been caring for Randy off and on for 6 nmonths......
Sadly to say they are moving to New York Friday :(
So he is here until than.
But it is good, they will be with the dads family...........
Randy is gold that came into our life....
He is also the reason we decided not to have children ;)
He is busy, busy busy!!!!
He wears us out......
Randys favorite web site is:
Splish Splash (http://www.cutestuf.com/flash_0203/splishsplashbaby.swf)
As posted by GYPSYHEART on her thread "Time to lighten up"
When he leaves I will cry when I see that funny little baby poohing:( :D
So thats the story

I just think that people are buying the old belief that if they have nothing else better to do then it is good to spread gossip about age gap relationships. Besides if they see age gap couples happy, they tend to get insecure about their relationships that they want to stroke their ego by starting something. You can't avoid gossip but you can take action and not let the majority keep you from your hapiness.

SNOW, FOR YOU AND YOUR SON'S SAFETY, I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU NOT POST HIS PICTURE ON THE NET. THAT'S WHAT CHILD MOLESTERS LOOK FOR AND PEOPLE CAN FIND OUT WHO AND WHERE YOU ARE WITH JUST A SIMPLE PIC AND DESCRIPTIONS, SUCH AS YOUR PROFILE. PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!! :eek:


joe :cool:

if they warant an answer to their question is this:

I tell them all the good things about my relationship, about how we both feel comfortable around each other, how we both pay attention to each other, how we both can communicate with each other (presuming i'm not posting to ageless at the time lol), how we just fell in love. And then sometimes I got into a speach about how "they tell us love is blind, and why should it see age when it can't see anything else?" Usually they get the idea. If not, then they can kiss my *** hehehe

Steve

Thanks for the warning Joe, :rolleyes:
I only temp post photos for my friends to see,
as far as worrying about weirdos, they will never get past me, unless they want a gun or sword rammed up their..........
I will never live in fear.:

older women are sometimes better because: more common sense, more experience, more understanding, more sexy, and much easier to talk to.;)

and Snow I can relate to you as far as having a older son, I get more weird looks when I hang with him , it was especially funny when I was all pregnant. God bless you guys for taking that baby into your care I hope all works out for his best in the long run. And Joe I think you may have a point about posting our children, thats one big reason why I didn't keep trying to put my kids back up, besides the fact it states I'm no longer a member which suits me find because that place has become a place to advertise porno, and if I could put my two cents in I would (irk). I think you made your point by what you would do Joe, rather then what you would say. And Tyger, Tallguy and young thankyou for your beautiful input about how you would handle ridicule, vey well put (wink).:)

I usually tell those stupid people that, "why would I want a younger girl that has been with the same amount of guys as an older woman has been with? By the time she gets to that age, she (the younger girl) will have been with twice as many." Another one I say is, "the older the better." Yet another one is, "I had sex with a woman old enough to be my mom."

I have dated a couple of older women and was married to one who was 18 years older. Only one time did anybody ever say anything to me about her age. That was a woman who was an old family friend who had known me since I was about 5 years old, and she said "She's too old for you". I just kind of ignored it. Obviously if I thought that her age should be a reason why I should not have been involved with her, I would not have been. I just ignore stuff like that.

I think if anything, she (my ex-wife) was so attractive and beautiful that any red-blooded male in his right mind would probably have decided, upon finding out about our ages, that maybe having a relationship with an older woman might be a pretty good idea.... Kind of like the reaction you would have when you find out that Joan Collins married a guy 32 years younger than her....

As far as her being "too old for me".... well, I got to thinking about that. Obviously the cutoff point between being "too old for me" and "not too old for me" is going to be totally, 100% subjective. But let us proceed to examine this question based on an assumption that she IS too old for me.... In that case I would say, "that is one of the things that makes being with her such a sexy experience, such a breathtakingly delicious thrill! Mmmmmm!! ". See what I mean?

it doesn't surprise me that your mistaken for sisters, as far as your daughter goes. Also I wouldn't concern myself about things changing as you grow older because with those looks ( and don't tell me you don't see it ) you have to learn to accept what is fact and how others see you. Anyway some people age really well and I think you would be one of them, with that face. Heck woman your only going to be in your 40's try going into your 50's, I'm not there yet but before I know it I will be there, so I'll trade places with you any day to be at your age (smile). But girl there are so many solutions to looking the best you can at any age, and if down the road you should get any slack from these jealous ow for you being with a ym then know this, you should only feel sorry for them because of their envy heart only makes them get and feel older.
And ms683, you know what you say is true about yw being around more, just don't understand why when there are so many STD out there. Gosh as a married woman the men I slept with I married, and don't laugh this is true, but my upbringing was very strict, so as an ow, I really haven't been out there much in that department anyway. I hope my daughter who will one day be a woman doesn't feel the need to be with everyone that she comes across, still don't understand why yw feel they have to take that path, I'm sure there are alot of yw who hasn't I have nieces who aren't married and still choose not to be with every Tom, Dick and Harry. Don't understand your last comment why would you say that you been with a ow that can be your mom? Are you bragging or what? Alittle confused there?

rain I have to admit you sure have a sexy way of putting it, d
ang she must of been a very special person. How beautiful!!!!!!!! If my husband said those things about me I don't know what I would say, I probably would be with my mouth opened , speechless, that is soooooo awesome!

Your husband is welcome to plaigarize those comments.... *G*

if my husband is going to say something he's going to say it meaning it from his heart. Come to think of it he has said some really hot stuff, but I never took him serious, I thought oh oh what does he want, LOL see what happens when you take love for granted? LOL, but hey you have away of bringing out the beauty in a woman so keep it up. And go win her heart.:)