Question for you ladies

What was your initial reaction when you first were asked out or something by a guy younger than you? How did you get adjusted to it (or did you need to get adjusted to it?)

The reason I am asking is that I saw a personal ad for a woman in her 70s (I am 53) who I felt a very strong attraction to. Like most women that age range, she listed the age she was looking for as something like 65-75, something like that. I am going to send her an email anyway. I would like to have some suggestions of what to say to her to overcome any misgivings she might have about hearing from a younger guy.

I don't know if women put that on there really don't want to hear from guys younger than they are, or maybe they don't even think about it, or don't think a younger guy might be interested in them, or what. I expect some of them might find the idea of being with a younger guy to be right pleasant after she gets to know him some.

Any help is greatly appreciated. :-)

Hello,

I have to be honest and say that the first time a younger man approached me, I was a bit taken aback, and wondered why in the world he would be attracted to someone almost twice his age. I was flattered, but did not take him seriously, something I now regret, for I have since re-evaluated the whole older woman/younger man thing, and now realize that this is what I want, and that I had been foolish to pass up what could have been a wonderful experience all because of someone's age. Oh well, we live and learn, do we not? Hopefully, she will also realize that what is important is the person, not the age. Go for it, and best of luck to you..
Gen

i dont think 53/70 is big a difference as is something like 18/35. I think it's when two people are different phases in their lives that may cause problems. As you get older, maturity level and way of thinking start to coincidence but younger ages, too many differences may exist (i.e. social, psychological)

so answer your initial question, haha, many women are taken back when a younger guy approaches them, a lot of times due to the fact that they are not taken seriously (like she said above) and others there is a maturity difference...

I was shocked the first time, I told him, "how old do you think I am"? . He said, hmm, 22? I said "29!". He was 18. We went out together, but I still remember how strange it seemed at that time.

Well, what I wouldn't like to hear from a younger man: (there's a list!http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/SignHereDevil.gif)

1. I want to learn from you since you have more experience. Often meaning sex. He should be looking for love, not for my supposed experience.

2. I have always been attracted to older women, I have so many fantasies about them. Meaning sex. I am not a fantasy.

3. I love older women. I internally hear the words "any would
do". I don't like men that have "fixations", like older women, younger women, latin women, blond women, left handed women, . I feel like an object among others. But this is me.

4. Younger women are stupid, I prefer older ones. Well, I was younger and I am still younger than many, and I don't feel stupid; but then again, if I am, I'll never know, will I?

If a guy avoid telling me these things, it's a good start.

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I think you should go ahead and answer her ad. You're such a sweet guy, and I'm sure she'd respond. If she rejects the idea, well, at least you tried. You could offer up friendship first, and see where it goes from there.

I met Robin in person, and I thought he was a lot older than he was, so when he asked me out, I didn't think too much of it. It's when I found out his REAL age that I kind of freaked out! But as you can see, it all turned out okay. :)

Some women might freak out a little at first, but if you're not too pushy, and you let them know that you're established, sane, and looking for a healthy friendship/relationship, I think they'll come around.

Rainbowstew....U GO GUY=) Definitely respond to her ad...I think she would be flattered esp. since u are an intelligent man and cared enough to ASK others of her possible response. It shows that u are a loving and kind man. Regardless of her 'response' we never lose by TRYING to offer others what it is that we could give.=) Perhaps respond by telling a LITTLE about yourself and ASKING her some of the things that she might be interested in.... what are some things that she likes to do, what type of relationship is she interested in at the present?? Show that u care from the beginning=) in what it is that she desires=) I wish u the best...goodluck!

Hi,
I agree with what youngguy914 said up there. That as two mature adults, your age differences wont be as dramatic as if you were each at different places in your lives. There wont be the hassles of "kids/no kids" etc to have to deal with plus, she'll probably be very flattered!!

So, dont wait another minute!!!!! By all means ANSWER HER AD ;) And good luck!!

Southerngal

My last relationship with a ym was larger than what you propose. What moves me to go forward with a ym is his perservance and willingness to, well, not take no for an answer. My ym chased me until I let him catch me ... how could I not ;)

I say definitely go for it and present yourself in a manner and way to let her know that she does turn you on. Tell her what it is that does turn you on about her ... be specific ... That's always a good thing for a woman to know :)

You do seem like a nice guy ... so show her you mean business ... I love it when that happes ... :p

Princessdy

I'd like to comment on what MariaLux has written. I've just joined this board because I'm intrigued by older women. This is not just some sexual fixation or sexual fetish.
I don't agree that simply because I am seeking an older woman to teach me and share her experiences with me that I'm necessarily talking about sexual experience. A younger man like myself can learn many things from an older woman such as how to treat a woman, how to be more sensitive and responsive to her feelings, and can learn many other things from her stories and experiences in life.
A younger man can have a fruitful relationship with a woman without it being a sexual one. I have a mother and I work and am acquainted with many older women; there is not a sexual attraction there.
I am only 26, which means I am young, but I'm also educated. I don't want to hang out with a silly sorority girl (no offense to those of you who were sorority girls in college). And I have never met a younger woman, who isn't already taken, who has any idea how to treat a man. When a woman pays me a compliment on my appearance, it boosts my ego and makes my day. And that's not necessarily an age issue but a maturity issue.
Finally (I know I'm going to take some flak for this, but I'll say it anyway), women's liberation has changed relationships between men and women and gender roles. Women (believe me, I have gone to school with many of them...in fact a majority of American law school students are now women) are just as selfish, goal-driven, and acquisitive as men.....at least until they grow up, get married, and have kids.
My point is that a man can say these things and mean them.
By joining this board and reading all of your posts, I am learning many things about relationship that I can apply to future relationships..that is my purpose. And if a meaningful intimate relationship develops because I have joined this board, that's a bonus...it's icing on the cake.
Well, hopefully I have not made this too much of a rant and I look forward to any reactions, criticisms, suggestions that you all may have.

What you wrote, Anthem, is very good. You wouldn't have problems with my list above, it seems not to apply to you.

You will surely learn from your partner. We all learn from each other, independently of our gaps, because a new relationship is always a new situation, a new person, and that person carries inside her a world of her own, always unique.

What bothers me is a younger man who thinks that older women equal sexual experience. These men consider older women as a fetish, not as a potential love partner. They look at them and they imagine that they are going to find a sex goddess that will teach them all the sexual tricks they have not yet seen. I don't want to have anything to do with this kind of man.

If I thought all men were like that, I would not keep on using my signature. But I believe, and more than that, I know that there are many many men that will see me simply as a woman. They look for love, not for teachings. They are like me.

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Ive got to say, its true about most men. Most of my mates when where out often say they would like an older woman, "they can teach me a thing or two" they say. Maybe they can, but its not always just about sex, for me anyway, i do find the older woman genuinely more attractive, and I find it a lot easier to talk to older woman than ones my own age. Not sure what it is, just older is better.

Originally posted by Jack240
. . . "they can teach me a thing or two". . .


". . . they can teach me a thing or 'screw'. . . !!!"


joe

I forgot to add that reading your ad on the personnal ads section, you say you are looking for a teacher, a woman for friendship, someone to tell you how to please a woman, what women desire, etc.

It's sincere, honest, you say exactly what you want and you say now, here, that it is not sexual.

The question in this thread was about things a woman wouldn't want to hear from a guy interested on her, I assume romantically interested, and not friendly as seems to be your case.

I could be friends with a man like you and actually, we've all been doing this here, if the younger men in this site come with a question, we'll tell them what we think. They also help us when we need to know something about younger men.

Again, what bothers me is the idea of being a "teacher" for the man I love and that loves me. Something with that word is not okay, but I don't know if I explained well. I might do better in Portuguese!

I would never date a man that tells me he wants a teacher, romantically speaking. Because being a fetish might be enough for some women, but I don't need that.

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Thank you for your kind words, MariaLux...I certainly did not intend my last post as a criticism of you, and I'm glad you did not interpret as so. Your feelings are valid; there certainly are too many guys who are just after one thing in a relationship, and certainly any guy that is just looking for an older woman to teach how to have sex is a guy to stay away from.
Unfortunately, I do not speak Portuguese, but I'd like to know what meaning you attach to the word "teacher".
Anyway, I appreciate everybody's promptness and willingness to tell me what they think. Free, open, and lively discussions are good.

One point I would like to add regarding younger men assuming that older woman = sexual experience. (Similar to what Maria had mentioned). Many older, available women are divorced, and had at some point been married for years. Now, usually married people don't go running around trying to gain sexual experience with a multitude of partners. (Although that is probably for another thread).. anyway.. What I mean to say is, a younger man may actually have more sexual experience than I do and could probably teach me a thing or two. The difference here is that because I am older, I know what I want, I am less inhibited sexually, and have more confidence in myself as a person, in all areas of life, including sex. And as I've heard many times over.. self-confidence, self-assuredness is sexy. Hope this all made some sense!

Gen

I sincerely appreciate the replies that have been put on here in response to this question. Especially Maria's, you seem to be able to think things through and know yourself very well.

But may I clarify this a bit. It is nice to know what to avoid saying. I always thought that operating on the theory of "I like older women" is asking for trouble (at least in your own mind, if not externally) because it would be absurd to think that I am going to get turned on by just anybody who comes along who happens to be older than me, or some age.

Maria, you made a very good list. I think we can all learn things from each other. I am not totally certain what it is that turns me on about a woman whom I am attracted to being older than me. I mean, re: my comments in the last paragraph, her being older than me will be a turn-on if she also has other qualities that make her attractive to me. Or in other words, would I be attracted to her if she was the same age or younger? If the answer is "yes", and she's older, that is the kind of response that I am looking for, the kind of partner I want. I regard the age difference as delicious icing on the romantic cake, especially when she is clear in her mind about it and it turns her on also.

But getting back to my original question - and thank you again, Maria, for the list - while it is very valuable to know what NOT to say, what I would like is suggestions of what I SHOULD say. That is, if the subject comes up. I personally think it would be ideal to not even discuss it until we have been seeing each other a while and become very comfortable and in love with each other. You cannot avoid knowing the person's age when you read these personals, because it is right on there, but a couple of times I have dated women who were older than me, for some time, and I did not know how old they were, and it was a pretty good thrill to NOT know!

I know we are not about only having thrills, there is more to love than that if 2 people are going to live together happily and successfully. But if we can have this thrill, and be OK with it, then why the hell not???!!!!

Actually, I think that if 2 people with a serious age difference can meet each other and like each other and enjoy being together and be seriously in love with each other, and enjoy the age difference, then the age difference in that case is a very special, beautiful gift from God, and they should be grateful for it.

Originally posted by anthem95
Unfortunately, I do not speak Portuguese, but I'd like to know what meaning you attach to the word "teacher".

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1037746867.gif Professor (teacher) is used for anyone that teaches you something, from piano to languages, from kindergarten to university. It's someone who guides you.

You don't teach anything to your teacher. You just receive his knowledge. That's what bothers me in the word. A couple exchanges experiences, there's not a teacher and a pupil. At least in my concept of couple. Of course if two people like a situation like this, well, they can do whatever they please, it's not for me to impose rules on anyone...

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1037746867.gif Now, to Rainbow. What to say to the woman you are interested in?

Maybe you are afraid she will refuse you because of the age difference. I would probably say something like "I know you may think I am much younger than you, but I really don't care about age, what I really care about is how two people get along and love each other and I would like to meet you and see whether you may be that person for me".

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1037746867.gif I know sometimes I give the impression that I am not particularly interested in younger men, that age is not a deciding factor when I look at a man. Well, it's true. I happen to like tall men, but I have no a prioris regarding age. That's why I keep saying that people should look for love.

But I don't mean either that having a preference as many of you have, is a fetish. It's not. Liking tall men would be a fetish if I only got pleasure, sexual pleasure even, with them. This is the medical definition of a fetish.

A man that only gets excited if his partner has red shoes on, for example. Everybody may like it, try it, but if someone cannot get sexually aroused without it, it has become a fetish, and it's not healthy. So now you know what I mean by that word too!
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Thank you, Maria, that suggestion was very good, I thought. I will definitely keep it in mind.

Actually, the woman who I thought about trying to contact seems to have removed her personal ad since the first time I looked at it. She lived out in Arizona, was a very attractive brunette in her 70s. Well, maybe she found a younger guy!!! ( I hope so!)

Let me not give the impression that I am oblivious to the delights and charms of women who are not older than me.... I think they are all wonderful. :-)

Thank you for the explanation, MariaLux...I agree with you.

Now I feel like your teacher!

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