Follow your instincts!!

This is more or less a boost to push the issue of following your instincts and feelings. Heaven knows I'm glad I did!!

I met a guy about 6 or 7 months ago. We officially went out about a month and a half ago. No, I didn't meet him online. He was a nice enough guy and...according to him...on the straight and narrow. His story to me..he just turned 44 and was a retired Navy Seal. He's from Mass, ladies..just so you know. To keep a long story short he told me he was well off, owned his own place, wanted to take care of me, offered to wipe away all my debt and bills..or at least help when I declined to leave me job and let him take care of me. On our second date he brought me gifts for Mother's day..very nice gifts which I know cost him a little bit of money. Anyhow, I had this really weird feeling about him. He was TOO nice and TOO much of a good thing. He was talking about moving here to be closer or me moving there..taking me to St. Thomas..again, paying my debts..etc, etc..all this after two dates!

I'm fortunate to have an extremely good friend on the police force. Now I know..and he knows..it's quite unethical but..I asked if he would just check this guy out for me cause I was like weirded out. The ex Navy Seal who retired about 4 years ago was sentenced in 1985 to 15-20 years in prison for aggravated rape! Retired or released from prison 4 years ago??? hmmm.. He also had weapons charges on him in NY. Needless to say I ran like the wind!

So please, please, please..anyone out there who has bad vibes about someone or something...follow your instincts! I shudder to think where I might be had I not!!

Yeah, according to some law enforcement types, women are especially bad about not following their gut feelings because we don't want to appear rude or stand offish. But when your gut is telling you to run, you should run.

Wow! That was a close call. That's so good that you were able to learn the truth about this guy before anything horrible happened. Some people are not that lucky, and get taken for a ride.

You are right, we all need to trust our instincts more.

I don't think you did anything unethical. I think you trusted your gut and checked yourself out and kept yourself safe. GOOD for you.

Trusting your gut is good. Usually we know what's right we just choose to ignore it.

but I want to point out that sometimes we trust our instincts and tough it out and can't tell you why we tough it out but we do and in the long run it works out.

so my suggestion is that trust your feelings but ESPECIALLY if you have negative feelings.

Good for you Kyrianne!

My sister had a similiar experience about 5 years ago. Seemed like a nice guy, but he wasn't ......

I'm glad you're safe and thanks for the reminder ...

Originally posted by kyrianne
This is more or less a boost to push the issue of following your instincts and feelings. Heaven knows I'm glad I did!!

I met a guy about 6 or 7 months ago. We officially went out about a month and a half ago. No, I didn't meet him online

Kyrianne, may I ask where you met him?


I am glad you are OK, I was wondering where you were.
I am glad you did your homework on him, it is very ethical to check someone out who may be involved in your life.....
Hugs

Thanks for the support, all! I met this guy, Snowy, at karoake. His bro-in-law...again..this is what he told me...owns a cabinet place in MA and a few times a month this guy comes down to a local manufacturer to pick up cabinets for his bro-in-law.

As for the unethical thing...it's unethical for a police officer to run a check then pass out the info without just legal cause. I've tried to find articles and other info via the net but without success. I even called their local law library and also their local police station. If I physically go into the station and fill out forms I can get a list of sex offenders in the area but considering he's in MA and I'm in PA that's not likely to happen.

I also roamed articles from the several news groups putting in info I had and still nothing. That's why I resorted to asking someone to check for me. Thank goodness for good friends!

So will all strangers be deemed psychopaths in the years to come? I understand the need for caution, but it seems like this hyper-sensitive mentality might actually destroy the whole notion of the sponteneous connection.

Gooch - - - back in the '70's we had great spontaneous connection, but then "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" came out and . . .

"So will all strangers be deemed psychopaths in the years to come?"

Gooch...absolutely not!! My lands, boy...sometimes we meet someone and there's that click and you just know it's right! Again..follow your instincts!!

In my case I was merely stating that I had bad vibes..and as nice as he was there were lil signals I was getting..and just odd feelings about this man.

Lord..don't I hope to one day meet a guy and know as soon as I look into his eyes that I'm gonna be rompin and rollin with him in some sort of relationship for a long time coming! ~laffs~ BTW, Gooch..what colour are your eyes?? ~laffs~smiles~

My eyes are blue, like small pools of finely cut sapphires.

I don't think you have much to worry about..what woman could refuse gems??

And sapphires at that ;)

Princessdy

PS Glad everything worked out Kyrianne.

OMG Kyrianne, how scary. Just goes to show you can meet a wacko in real life as well as online. A nice heads up for anyone whose dating to be careful. If we listen to our own selves carefully, we usually DO get those gut feelings. :) Sometimes you just know it's ok and right, and other times, you get "that weird feeling".

I had recently read a really, REALLY disturbing story in People Magazine...let me go get it real quick....hold on. OK, it was in the June 9th People Magazine. In Maryland recently, that psycho couple, Erika and Benjamin Sifrit lured another couple up to their apartment and murdered them just for fun. He is an ex Navy Seal too, that's what made me think of it. The whole story was upsetting because this couple for all appearances did NOT seem like nut cases. And they did this for fun, had tried it before. Killed this nice couple and chopped them all up. Really bothered me to read it.

Just be careful everyone. Be safe.

Hugzz
Kye

kye...I remember that well. They dumped the bodies less than five miles from where I vacation. I'm not positive but I do believe the couple was from PA. Ex Navy Seal...hmmm....and I thought marines were the ones to be leery of! ~lol~

LISTEN, every WOMAN AND MAN should read this book: THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin DeBecker...

Its about how every one has a gift of fear and it is there for a reason ...trusting instincts...using that gift and how to recognize it.

And no GOOCH, trusting your instincts does not make you afraid and leary of every person, learning to trust your instincts teaches you who is okay and who isnt...everybody has the ability to do that if they are in tune to their instincts...and it actually frees you to follow your heart. Animals have fear that keep them from getting hurt and yet humans just plunge through that warning of fear and get hurt and say to themselves, oh I will just ignore that feeling, Im just scared for no reason, when really their subconscious mind already knows better....

This book shows you how to know the difference in emotions and real fear and how to teach it to yourself and your children (his next book for parents is PROTECTING THE GIFT)

GAVIN DEBECKER is well known in the world of security and has worked with high profile murders, missing children, been on all the talk shows, dateline, 20/20 etc.... He was an abused child growing up and learned from an early age how to keep from being abused by the things that he teaches in this book....You will see yourself his books and they are hard to put down......

since Ive read it, I have never SECOND GUESSED myself since and I have been right 100 percent every time about the situation or person that I had the fear about.

well...I am so GLAD u DID follow your instincts...stuff like this gives me the 'creeps'...I agree that when we are 'quiet' enough to listen...that 'gut' feeling will let us know what is best for us. Thank God that you DID listen and ran' like the wind'....i wish u well K! Darla

Good job, Kyrianne, I wondered where you went. I always enjoyed your posts. :)

Navy Seals are to be respected for the job they do for our country, but as individuals, they are some bad mamma jamma's! They have to go through a lot of HELL to become a Navy Seal, so they're either really together or so full of anger and hate they don't allow themselves to fail the brutalities they face.

Every military guy I ever dated made me leary (I always got the divorcees, who were screwed over by their wives). They were into control. I'm one that really hates being controlled. The ones I know who are in successful marriages have really submissive wives. I may be making a generalization here, but that's been my experience. Again, no offense to the men who serve and protect our country, but unfortunately, some of them seem to have let their careers affect their relationships too much. Or maybe it's just that they have control issues which gets them into the military in the first place, and they meet women after that.

Trusting your gut instinct can definitely save your life. When I was casually dating, before I met Robin, I met a few fruitcakes that I recognized to be "off" early on in our meeting, and had an excuse to abort the date. Always have an excuse ready!

As far as internet dating, I've never done that, but I have friends who do, and one thing I can say is, it's definitely NOT unethical to have someone checked out. Hey, there are murderers, rapists, and child molestors on the internet all day long. They're not going to tell you who and what they are. They're looking for a victim, and they're going to make themselves sound as sweet as the day is long! They're good at it too. That's how they get their victims. If a man has nothing to hide, he won't care about being checked out. I'm a housecleaner, and I give customers my S.S.#, birthdate, and driver's license number so they can check me out before they hire me (they often have to give me a housekey or garage code). A potential relationship via internet should be the same way. Sometimes these people live far away, and there's no way information would be readily available to you about them. It's different than dating someone in your own hometown, who at least a few other people might know.

When it comes to internet dating, "Buyer beware"! :(

Polly - - - Please be careful giving out that SS#. Identity theft is really on the move now and the SS# is all they need to cause you a whole lot of grief. Just be careful who you give it to.

Remember how we aren't supposed to gang up on YW? We also shouldn't gang up on military people.

Lady Starlight, I hope I didn't come off like I was ganging up on military people. *sigh* Sometimes I'm not good at wording things. The experiences I had with the military men I dated were all the same, but I KNOW not all military people are like that. I'm sorry I generalized so much, because I have an infinite respect for what our military does for our country. My father was a prinsoner of WW2. I apologize to anyone I have offended.

Unfortunatly, like Peachy said, thats some super sensitive information. Especially the SS number. I wouldn't have any problem giving out any other piece of information about myself to anyone (just ask. . i'm serious), but the SS number is off limits. That is, unless you give good cyber head lmao.

FYI when you are an independant contractor, you give out either your 41 number or your SS to the people who pay you so they can 1099 you properly at the end of the year.
So therefor Polly is being safe, a SS or a 41 is required for most jobs.
I also clean peoples homes and have keys, I also give them my vehicle plate #, it is a huge trust issue, I trust them, they trust me to be in their sanctuarys (homes).

Don't worry Polly. Your post was fine, I just didn't want it to become a pig pile. I just wanted to say *something* because, well, lots of people get thin skinned around here, and I figured it was my turn :)

The fact is, there are dangerous people from all walks of life, and you have to keep your radar on for anyone.