wasn't wanting a younger man

I am finding it intriguing that many of you are actively searching for a younger man and/or old woman. My situation happened by accident. It certainly wasn't what I was looking for, and I would have prefered someone my own age (I'm 46 and he is 31). I don't really understand why someone would actively seek out this situation. Perhaps you can make me understand why?

Hmmmmmm . . . well, I'm not a "cougar" on the hunt and I don't think any of the ladies on this board fit that description, if that's what you mean.

A lot of the people on this board are here because they were already in agegap relationships and came here for a support group.

As far as seeking out younger men or older women, I suspect everyone has their own reasons for that. I prefer younger men because they are refreshing in their ideas, their spirit, their energy . . . not to mention their sex drive more closely matches mine than that of older men.

If you had a problem with the age gap, how did you end up in an OW/YM relationship? One of you obviously didn't have a problem with it or you wouldn't be together. What does your YM have to say about why he is with an OW? Who approached whom first?

Thanks for your reply. I have been with my ym for over 4 years, he and I feel like we are soul mates. But I can't help but worry about the future. And other people bring it up, the age difference. Just look at the flak over Demi Moore and her 15 year age gap romance with Ashton whatever his name his.

I guess I was just getting the impression that people were here to actively seek such a relationship, and not so much for the support. I need and want the support!!!!

Deb - - -

Go the second page of the chit chat index and there is a thread titled "What Will You Say." It should give you some pointers for when other people are rude enough to say something.

I feel that you should go for the here and now and worry about the future when it is the here and now. I spent 25 years in a marriage to a man my own age and when he went through midlife crisis and started running around on me, we divorced. So there are no guarantees in this life regardless of the age difference in the two people. If I end up married to a younger man, I plan to enjoy him while I can and if he decides somewhere down the road that he is still young and I am an "old" woman and too old for him, then I will have the wonderful memories of the time we had together. At my age, I could marry a man my own age and spend the same amount of time with him and he would die. So I think you have to live for the moment and grab every bit of happiness you can out of life. Don't spend your days worrying about what might come. Obviously your YM loves you if you have been together for 4 years.

Enjoy your lives together and screw what other people think. It's not their business nor their life. It's yours and your YM's and as long as the two of you are okay with it, then who cares?

Originally posted by debster
I guess I was just getting the impression that people were here to actively seek such a relationship, and not so much for the support. I need and want the support!!!!

Well then, Welcome to the Board and stick around - - - you will get plenty of support here from a great bunch of people!! :)

According to your profile you're 33, if I've done the math correctly.

Anyway... that's beside the point. I didn't actively seek out a relationship with a younger man. And the only thing that would make it easier if he were my age is my own insecurity. I have not been with him yet, not until after my divorce is final. I keep wondering, will I please him? Or will he think of me as too old.

In a way things would be much easier for me if he were my age. but he's so cute and funny and brings out the lively child in me. In fact he brings out somethings that I thought were dead and gone.

I'm off to drive 2 hours to Sunday river for a day of white water rafting tomorrow!!! WOOT!!! My first time! Wish me luck!!

K

Kalri - - -

She says in her post that she is 46 and he is 31.

You kinda hit the nail on the head: the YM are much more fun to be with!!!

Have fun and don't drown!!!!! :)

I have tried to change my birthday in my profile, but yes, I am really 46, born 020757...everytime I try to change it, it goes back to the Dec 1969 (I wish!)...sorry for the confusion, thanks for the imput! I really appreciate it!

And yes, you are right, he has given me back a lot of my life that I thought was dead...music for example....he had exposed me to so many different artists and music...there was a time in my life that I had no music in my life, and I never realized how much I missed it...

Deb ---

The profiles are all messed up . . . unless they have it fixed, all of us who were born before a certain year all show as having the birthday of December 31, 1969. Go figure.

I know what you mean about getting your life back. It has been two and a half years since my divorce and I am finally beginning to feel and act like the "old" me. And I like it!!!!!!!!:D

It's interesting that Debster addressed two of the problems people have pointed out lately regarding Ageless.
One being that all of us older than I don't know what age suddenly are all born in Dec 31 1969.
The other being that many people lately have said that this site looks like a dating place where members are looking for older or younger partners.

I don't care much for the moment if some people come here to look for a partner, if the site stays decent and agreable, and if the support aspect of it continues. And for the moment I find it a nice place to be with lots of good people.

By the way, Debster, the chit chat section of the boards are just for people to talk about things in general, the one for support is Relationship Support. You will see that if you go behind in time among the threads, almost all problems related to age-gap relationships have been addressed, including your own fears.

What disturbs me the most is being born in Dec 31 1969 with all the rest of you. We should have a big birthday party that day!

Welcome, Debster!

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/cryi.gif

As MariaLux stated, most if not all the women members were or are in an age differing relationship. If anyone has felt the age is somehow a abnormality, please know you are finding a friend in the man and he just happens to be younger.
Perhaps taking a objective approach may be in order. Do you find both sexes of a younger age as better suited to your lifestyle? Do you like to befriend women of the younger generation for "girl talk"? Does women of you same age seem too "out of touch" or they just do not have the same interests in clothes, music, cars, houses, vacation, etc?
These younger men may and so you have found someone with whom you like to share your life and love. If he is with you for sex, you will know. Any man that is dating for sex will show himself. Just post short thoughts and see what happens.
Yes, I do like women of a certain age. I likely will pass through that age and still find them "mature". It is just a little quirk not a flaw.

What you say is very interesting, quietlover. Even my girl friends are, for the most part, younger than me. All about 10 years younger!
http://smilies.networkessence.net/s/games/zelda/other/bigfairyz3.gif

Hadn't thought about it until now, but my friends a mostly younger than me too.

All my friends are older than me. :)

joe

Hey, Debster. Welcome to the boards. I, like you, and like a lot of ladies in relationships here, didn't actively seek out a younger man. It just happened! It freaked us out in the beginning, we had to do a lot of thinking before we decided to give it a try, but we did, and we're glad we did! :) Personally, I don't prefer one age over another, I look at the person. I thought my ym was a lot older than he was when I met him. I was really shocked to learn of his age. We have been together four years now, are engaged, and life is sweet!

Go to the "Relationship Support" section of the ow/ym forum, and you can post issues there that will receive proper attention. There are a lot of really great people here with effective advice.

Me neither.

Shocked the hell out of me when it happened .......

I didn't actively seek it, and awouldn't seek it again.

I just couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

And I will say that I'm awfully glad I didn't. :>

My YM/OW relationship was not sought by myself either. He came after me, which initially I thought was sort of sweet and cute. He was BARELY 20 and was 33. He brought love and laughter into my heart after a 14 year marriage with a manic depressive alcoholic. I will always thank him for that.

Now that I am in my 50's, I find it hard to meet guys in their 40's and 50's (even 60's!) who are not actively looking for 18 to 38 year old's OR they are so negative, alcoholic, couch potato, bad tempered, woman hater, bad hygeine and/or have a very closed mind. They think any woman over 45 or 50 should be incredibly grateful to them for a dinner at Denny's.

I am open (but not seeking) to any relationship possiblility with a guy where one affirms, supports emotionally, and have related interests together. For whatever reason, for me, I get that now days from guys under 40.

Debster,
I think what you were refering to is a certain someone who was having a "meet an older women party in DC" Thats not the typical thing here. Unless its a perosnal ad. Most of the people seem to just fall into a relationship. So, by reading that it seems like people are specificaly seeking that out. But thats not the case.

They don't wake up in the morning and say "I think I will meet a younger man today""Thats all I want" It just seems to happen. In my case I seem to only get asked out by guys that are in their twentys. I don't really know why. Actually it may be nice to be "Hit" on by someone thats my age but You got to go with what you have.

But Deb girl you know my situation any how cuz you were the one that introduced us so kudos to you and two thumbs up! I luv my Man hes fricken hot! Thanks bunches:)