broken up

i need some support. i dated a man for the last 6 months who is 12 yrs. older. never thought this would happen! he asked to move in and later talked about selling our houses and moving together. i thought our relationship was getting somewhat more serious when he told me 2 weeks ago he wasn't ready for a relationship. he has refused to talk to me. i need some ideas. thanks

pinky1,

Welcome, glad you found the site but sorry to hear your problem with your OM.

Not sure from your post exactly where the home situation is (did you follow through with the talking? and him sell his house...or were you both just considering it?) From what I understand he is living with you, right?

It sounds to me in any case that he has done a full about face on you. Growing closer and closer then WHAM turn tail and walk/run away. I wish I could give some great speech that would turn things back around for you as I know the pain of falling out of love can be so unbearable at times.

Talking things out is always a good thing, but you've said he doesn't even want to talk. Unless he decides to try working on the relationship then the only thing left is for you to work on yourself (picking up the pieces) and taking care of your personal needs.

You have found a great website here, and I'm sure there are alot of members here that will be just as glad as I am to give you our support and insights. Which you can take into consideration along the way.

Do keep us posted if you will. And for what its worth *hugs* from a stranger willing to be a friend.

Don

Sorry about your situation!!!!! Did he give you a reason?? a good reason???? Don't beg for him or try and force him to be with you because you'll ultimatly be hurt but you need closure at this time so you can m ove on...

Good Luck!!

thanks guys. no we did not move in together nor sell our homes. he did not give a reason other than he wasn't ready for a relationship. da, what does he think 6 months is? i am trying not to call and back off but it's killing me. what do you think. i thought about calling him for father's day only because he said his kids usually don't recognize him on holidays, just to let him know i remembered what he said when know one else does. by the way he is 62 me 48. don't you think he should have his act together?

Yeah, I definately think he should have his act together. Then again, I think I should have my act together at 25, and that ain't happening either. How many of us truly have our act together? Myself, I know what I show the world and what is the rest of the story. We're all struggling, we're all failable...but we all strive to be the best person that we can be.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's a sad but oft repeated tale around here...get close, pull away, back and forth...who knows why your guy did an about face? He might. MIGHT. Even he may hide the truth from himself though. Fear, self-doubt, dout in love, doubt in you...they all seem to go back to fear. He's gonna have to conquer that fear on his own, unfortunately.

As for you? I think you need to go about your business as best as you can, given the heartache you must have. Leave the door slightly open, but turn your back and walk away. If he wants to come back and knock on it, he will. But he has to be the one to walk through it.

The call on father's day sounds very sweet. Do it if you can do it right. By right I mean, right for you. If you can make that call and not become obsessed, or worried even more about what he is saying, thinking, doing...Make that call if you can do it and preserve your own peace.

You know what's best for you. Really, you do. It's just whether or not you want to hear the answer, and accept it, even if you don't like it.

Wishing you peace and hope (hugs)

pinky1,

Your reply has gotten me to another pondering now? I still do not know the whole situation but now I'm wondering what happened about his wanting to move in/sell the homes?

The reason I'm asking is this. [all assuming] that he asked/offered to commit himself enough to you that he was willing to sell off his place or yours to become owners of only one place. This to him MAY have been his way of showing you total commitment (yes some guys would think thats total) and not see that most women think commitment is marriage and feel that should come first!

All I'm thinking is maybe he got hurt by that not happening. (this may have been a major thing to him but a small thing to you) And now has decided that he needed to pull away since to him, his best effort was shot down. I'm just trying to give some thoughts here as to why he may have pulled away so suddenly.

Hope the thought gives you a bit to consider in your thinking. Or at the least, something you may be able to talk over with him to possibly get back to where the two of you were once at.

If it turns out that this WAS the root of his problem, then the two of you will need to address how to overcome it as it is a big life choice that 'both' need to be agreed on.


Best of luck.

Don

our conversations about moving i thought were that of sincerety, however, it appears as though maybe he spoke to fast. i truly enjoyed seeing and being w/him as i thought he felt the same way. circumstances are very different, than anyone that i know of.we both share many common interest. we both have raised our children, been w/out partners for a very long time and have been dedicated to our families. we met at a local establisment, when he asked me to be company for him. i thought was a hoot. we started dating, clicked, shared very deep life situations mainly on his part at first. i had to trust him alittle more to share my past. he related w/ my children i never met anyone in his family.
then all of a sudden, wham he is not ready. what do think about fathers day? by the way he showed up at the local establishment the other night. had a drink and left. he never hardly ever came in there. my friends are the owners and employees. i am not one to hang out at bars and neither is he. i believe i was falling in love and now this...

Hi Pinky....welcome!

As for your situation...sounds (like lara said) oh so familiar. You can be in pure bliss, walking on cloud nine, and it seems so on the other end. But what we don't know is that our OM sit and ponder the age gap, the fears of being left for someone younger, the fear of you having to take care of him in a few years. Most - if not all - of us have seen that from our OM. It drives you insane.

I agree with Lara...if you can make the call on Father's Day just to wish him well & a happy day then do it. Don't dwell on it, don't analyze the conversation, just do it and move on. It's VERY hard to make someone see how insignificant age is.

Instead of typing it all over again...read lara's post again...ditto on this end!

All the best
~Em