Why...?

Hello to All -

Lucky me. This looks like a great group. I joined for two reasons -- one personal, the other for enlightenment.

The personal one is easy. I'm an O/M in search of a Y/W. For me, it's the type of relationship which I find most stimulating on every level (emotionally, physically, and yes mentally too). I much prefer the company of a younger lady who's upbeat about herself and the future ahead than one who is angrily mired in the past; a younger lady who displays a spirit of adventure rather than a dullness about living because she's succumbed to the concept that life is one big routine which must be accepted; a younger woman who has enough pride in herself so as not allow her physical appearance or public personna to waste away to point that it becomes a billboard telling the world she doesn't give a damn even about herself (If you don't care about you, how can you expect anyone else too?).

Why my interest in enlightenment? I am an author. I am currently working on a sequel to my recently released novel, The Works of the Flesh. The sequel, more than likely entitled Miami Betrayal, will be another romantic suspense/mystery. The main female character in Miami Betrayal will be a 20's something lady who'll become the prime suspect in the murder of her former lover. Her former lover was also her former college instructor (a Hollywood screenwriter serving a term as a screenwriter in residence at the gal's college when they first met). Obviously, her ex- is an older man. Her love interest, which develops as the sequel unfolds, will also be an older man -- her defense lawyer who also happens to be a former colleague of her father.

I like to make my characters as real as possible -- male or female. Thus my questions for enlightenment. Why are some women attracted to older men when others are not? What, if anything, is in their background leading to that attraction? If you fall into this category, what resistance from family, friends, the world have you encountered in an attempt to dissuade you? Why did they attempt to dissuade you? Because of the age difference in general or because of the other individual specifically?

I know that I'm asking a lot of questions and perhaps some which are too personal. If there are any of you who care to respond, but wish to do so privately, feel free to email me direct at troy@rtroyankrause.com

Hopefully, too, out of this world (the message board) of as I recall some 4,000 members, there just might be a Miss Right for me. I'm pretty much an open book. My whole world (personal and professional) is laid bare on my author web site of several pages. Fell free to browse it and drop me a line from there if you feel some positive vibes: www.rtroyankrause.com

novelguy,

Welcome to the site. You may have done some reading here on the threads already. If not I'm sure you will find alot of insight as to the many aspects of an O/Y relationship. The threads themselves speak in volumes about how we've all dealt with many kinds of problems associated with this type of love. (or any kind of love for that matter)

Hope you find the site to be a great asset in both your quests.

Don

Welcome to the site. Do you have an age range in mind for your personal search?

Gillian

Gillian --

What a wonderful question! I won't bore the rest of the world with my answer. Instead, I sent you privately a rather lengthy email. I hope it all makes some sense. By this posting, though, at least the rest of the world knows I had enough sense to answer you.

I hope I hear back from you. I neglected you give you my email address in my email reply. It's troy@rtroyankrause.com

I've also been thinking, "Gee, someday when the ending is more clear and the lessons digested, this will make great fodder for a book!" I haven't yet decided how much truth to base this conceptual 'based on a true story' story though, if at all. A stab at non-fiction might be fun too. Let's all avoid writing a "Cougar" in reverse. (You know, the book about OW prowling for YM that the other board hates so much.) :)

I've always thought that men generally look best in their 40's, and was never attracted to the teen idol types of celebrities. I've also always gotten along better with people a bit older than myself (even to the point that I often preferred to talk to my parents' friends and friends' parents as I was growing up).

I've never been involved with anyone more than five years older than myself (except for briefly dating a 32yo man when I was 18 - not a real relationship though), but am beginning to become involved with a man 20 years older. My mom, with whom I am staying for the summer, knows about him and basically knows the situation, and has said that she wouldn't be as concerned if she thought it was just a fling.

She herself dated men in their 40's when she was a bit younger than I am now. BUT she admits that she was only really attracted to their money and that sort of thing. She knows that my values preclude using anyone in that way and that I tend toward serious relationships rather than "dating around". She has also said that she is concerned because we have so much in common. She usually follows this sort of talk with statements like "when you're 40 he'll be 60" or "you're going to have to be his nurse someday" and so on. But invariably she'll also bring up someone she knows who is happy in an age gap relationship, so she does see that it can work.

I know I rambled on quite a bit there, but I hope I helped in some way.

I wasn't purposely looking for someone 20 years older. I met my boyfriend via a mutual hobby. As I got to know him, I realized we had many things in common. We've been dating a few months now and have taken things very slow, and at times I start analyzing things too much and feelings of commitmentphobia rush in. Then, I recall how much we have in common, how the hours fly by when I'm talking to him, how he treats me with the manners I was raised to expect, how sensual he can be, and that he is scared too. So, I agree to go out again and try to prevent fear from controlling my life as well as societal stigmas (more on that in the other thread).

My friends have been more supportive than I expected and my family just wants me to be happy. Perhaps it is the fact that I'm 40 - have dated plenty - and they are just happy I've found someone who seems real. I've had two almost engagements which fell apart because in the end the guys weren't ready for marriage...at least not with me. This guy seems serious. He doesn't mind my independence or my success. He likes me whether I've just ran 5 miles and am dripping with sweat or am dressed to the nines. That's genuine affection. That's real.

~Morgaine

For rollsharley - Thank you for your reply and well wishes on both counts. I hope I am successful on both too. If I had to choose one or the other though.......ah heck, I'm not going to do that. I'll just be greedy and hope for both. ;) After all, I'm a typical male.

For Kimcun - You said, "Today, how I feel about OM is different from how I felt then. But one thing remains is I'll always date an OM." I'd really enjoy hearing you elaborate on this some more for me. I find the comment interesting, but you also have me guessing about how you feel differently and then why. As for waiting to read the sequel, when the Y/W comes into play, it'll really make the most sense if you read "The Works of the Flesh" first. It is in that book that the O/M comes to learning how to truly value women and why. You intrigue me with your post.

For datura81 - Can't say that I've read Cougar, nor have I really ventured into the O/W seeking Y/M postings. To do either, I fear that I might miss out on Miss Right here. :)

For PinkPanther_04 - Texas? :) Why do so many women, who have recently been coming into my life, or one, who is now long gone from life, have Texas connections? What are they putting in the water down there? At least the new connections are positive -- an author critque mate who makes sure my female characters are real; a filmmaker who likes my book cover, calling it sexy; and now you. The old one is an ex-wife so we won't talk about her. Thanks, PinkPanter, for your post. It sounds like your Mom is still on the fence, rightfully not wanting to see you hurt. I like what you've said though about the qualities which are drawing into this gentleman. Commonality on many levels, beyond simple sex and $'s, certainly bode well for a more lasting opportunity. I wish you the best. The only thing I can disagree with you on is your opening comment about men in the 40's. Men actually look best when they're in their 50's. :)

For Morgaine - Your post seems to confirm a couple things I've heard from other sources. Age difference makes much less of a difference provided the attraction is gounded in qualities beyond mere sexual and/or financial attraction. Also, family and friends seem more apt to support, or at least not discourage, the relationship provided they sense these same underlying qualities in the relationship. Congratulations, it sounds as though you're into a winning relationship.