Hello...I'm new here

I just found this site and am so glad to have others to share
thoughts, etc. with about ow/ym. I am 44 and my man is 31.
We are engaged. We are pretty crazy in love (and crazy). My issue is the age gap seems to bother me at times. I don't know why, but I guess because society places so much importance on youth and beauty that I feel I won't look good to him in ten years so there is a fear factor. He tells me all the time it doesn't matter...that he's in love with me the person. But, I tend to be such a realist and it just makes sense to me that he would eventually want someone that looks younger, especially in the bedroom. I stay as fit as possible (lift weights, run) and I have a very petite build so I don't look so bad now....I realize that this is my issue and I guess I'm asking for feedback (especially from the women) on how to get past that fear. I truly love him and I don't look at him age wise...just how we connect, how much we share in common. I know we are most critical of ourselves, but how can I get past this insecurity. He tells me the only way he is aware of our age difference is by my talking about it. I quit that, but it is still in my head...any opinions appreciated. Thanks.

It is hard I know but you have to keep putting up the roadblocks in your mind. Isn't it just rotten the way society has made us so "beauty" focused? I am guilty of these thoughts (went for a consultation about some plastic surgery) but you know, if someone truly loves us, it is our spirit they love. Can you imagine if your guy loses his hair or his teeth or gets a huge beer gut, would you leave him for some hunky guy? I bet not. You said I truly love him and I don't look at him age wise...just how we connect, how much we share in common. Keep remembering he feels the same way! I have a friend who's husband and she are the same age and he left her for a younger woman. Turns out, imho, that this guy was a selfish boob. That is not age restricted. So, him being younger than you or the same age is not the issue. It is the character of the person involved. As time goes by, a relationship evolves. Yes, some physical attraction may have been part of what brought you together in the beginning, but if you have a healthy relationship, a deeper connection is made and I feel, when you look at your partner, you don't see wrinkles or fat. You just see everything you love about them.
Now, having said all that, I must confess that I have to keep reminding myself of this. When I go to the mirror sometimes I think about the new wrinkle or the cellulite. (YUCK) So I just push those thoughts out and keep filling my mind with positive ones. It is a bit of a battle at first but I am finding as time go on, it actually gets easier even though I'm getting older. I am slowly reprogramming myself. IT WORKS!
Good luck in your relationship and keep coming here to get encouragement. It really helps me a lot.
I loved your comment "We are pretty crazy in love(and crazy)" LOL! Sounds like you already have a great, fun relationship and outlook!!!

Sorry to be so wordy!! I was just thinking (as I was looking at a "beauty" magazine) that I still care about how I look and there is nothing wrong with that. I mean, I like to have a cute hair cut and I cover my gray and add highlights, I love to play in make-up and I buy all sorts of face creams and scrubs (and have since I was a teen), I like to throw on a pair of sexy earings, and I love high spikey heels. I like to smell clean and be clean. LOL! I will consider plastic surgery if I can afford it and if I am sure I am doing it for me....not because I am afraid of losing a guy.

So, keep up your workouts as long as it makes ya feel good about you and not because of the fear factor. As a matter of fact...I am going to get on the treadmill in a few minutes! You inspired me! Thanks!

When people love each other and are together everyday, they do not notice the subtle changes of aging. The heart puts a veil over their eyes and and their ears get bigger so they can hear "I love you."

I love that reply Yellowrose. Their ears get bigger so they can hear "I love you" better. I have to confess I worry about my YM, should we EVER get together, losing his interest over the years. But, as everyone says on these boards, if there is really love there, then whether you're beautiful or not doesn't matter. It's more a case of mutual respect and love of the other person's personality, and even if they're beautiful, the "love" for that person will fade if the personalities don't match.
Anyway, that's just my two cents.

Hello ms sita;
This is from a man's point of view. I was 23 she was 40. We were married 25 years ago. We are still in love. All the "possible" problems you worry about, are the same problems you face whatever the age is. I was attracted to older women. I am still attracted to older women.The wife is still older than me, therefore she is an "older woman" and I am still attracted to her.
If he is two years older than you, ten years down the road he might want a younger woman. So you see age makes no difference. If you two are right for each other, go for it. Dont worry what society says. Society dont pay the bills. Society dont keep you warm and safe at night. Society dont bring you happiness.......etc.....etc.

Hey, don't worry :>

We ALL have felt and sometimes continue to feel exactly like you do. You're right. Society does a real good job at making older women feel a sexually invisible, so we all dread getting older and remain convinced despite plenty of evidence to the contrary that the men will wander off when the bloom is off the rose.

Some do. That's indisputable. But the good one's really don't. So stare at this guy that you love, remember why you love him and do try to give him a little credit for having a heart and a soul
and a little bit of emotional depth.

Really - what good people want is to have a partner, a best friend, a companion, someone to share intimacies and adventures and history and private jokes and fun. That's
what we all want. A perky pair of tits isn't a substitute for all of that. It just isn't.

People can and do grow apart and
change over time. You do have to pay
attention to keeping the connection
between the two of you vital and real
over time. There is always, in loving
anyone, older or younger or same age,
a real risk that you won't be able to do
that. All you can do is try, with an open
heart, as hard as you can and cross
your fingers.

I can't tell you how great it made me feel to receive so many supportive and positive responses!
It always helps having other perspectives and being able to
relate to someone else's feelings or thoughts on any given subject. It proves we are never alone in this world.
I can tell there are some very wonderful, open minded and
caring souls here. I'm glad I found this site.
Thank you. You all have given me a real mental boost!
Still smiling,
-sita

Hi ms sita and welcome to ageless!!

I can definitely identify with what you're saying, just like most of the women around here can. Man, sometimes I do SUCH a good job up there on my soap box telling women left and right to not worry about the age thing, that alot of us were in bad marriages before and to just enjoy this new found love and how our ym love us for who we are, not what we look like.

Then, I fall OFF my soap box and worry just like everyone else. I'm good at not practicing what I preach lol. I worry about getting older, looking older, younger women coming into the picture, the age gap is too big, what will people say, blah, blah, blah.

But, like Tru, I believe we have to keep pushing those negative thoughts right out of our minds!!!! We do have to believe these ym love us now and will continue to love us in the future. We have to continue believing that age doesnt matter!!! And we have to treat these age gap relationships just like any other relationship. I think the pros of an age gap relationship far outweigh the cons. So come on...lets not worry so much about what "might" happen in the future, and just enjoy the present and what it has in store for us :)

Southerngal