bumped into his young ex girlfriend...help!

My 20 year old YM and I, I am 31, were at the mall a few days ago. And he saw his young ex-girlfriend newly employed at one of the stores, so we went in there. He hasnt seen her for almost two years.

I didnt feel any jealousy cause they never had an intimate relationship, and he broke it off with her cause he admitted that she was never physically attractive to him, cause she is overweight. he just cared for her.

She liked him a lot though, and after he broke up with her, she imediatley slept with a guy she didnt care about and got pregnant, and had the child last year, doesnt want the Dad anymore.

Anyways, she is checking me out, (I'm a petite, wearing a tiny black tube top, looking Hot, I can outdo many younger women in the looks dept,} and through our small town grapevine she already knew about me, that I was older, been married before, etc.

My YM tells her that I am pregnant, and that we are getting married in a few months, she kinda looks at me funny than asks my YM "Is it YOUR baby?" and she chuckles.

That really pissed me off, she knows my YM and I have been together for a year, and she wants to imply that Since "ive BEEN AROUND." I must still be "going around!"

Do you all consider this an attack of jealousy? it really pissed me off, and insulted me.;) ;) ;)

an attack of bad manners, rude behavior, cattiness (sp?) and sour grapes. I think I would have had to say something to her. Something like "Oh! Watch out! Your background is showing" or at the very least "That was rude and uncalled for" Oh well, pity her. GRRRRR...makes me mad imagining someone saying something so rude. I just can't stand that kind of behavior.

What's the saying? "stupid is as stupid does"

When little naive girls get put into situations where they are intimidated, jealous, or uncomfortable, they do what she did.... no different than the bully on the block beating up the little kids, it's a front to look like you've got it together, when in reality you're an insecure little brat. What else could she do? She's up against someone cuter, wiser and she's acting like a cat in a corner.

Kill her with kindness... raise above and know that YOU are the hottie he's with, and you'll look all the more appealing to him in the process.

btw, what did he say/do during this attack?

first off, no puttin' down the younger sisters, mmkay? we were ALL younger women once, and one day THEY will be older women. and who's to say whether you can outdo most younger women in the looks department? do i sense some insecurity? :p

your YM sounds rather shallow if he copped out of sex with this young woman by claiming she was overweight. how's he gonna feel when you're hugely pregnant? and post-pregnancy too? do you want a future with someone that shallow, unless of course, you judge people on their appearance and body size, too? sexy is as sexy does, and plenty of men find big women most appealing and VERY sexually attractive.

you may have been pissed off, but i'm willing to bet she felt GOOD all day.

now if you'll excuse me, this here big, curvy, luscious woman is being swarmed by several naked tennis players and i shall have to fight them off with a stick...or a tennis racket...:D

I have wanted to answer this, but I wanted Mel to go first :)
Ok I will try to be a nice Princess
Originally posted by hunny
And he saw his young ex-girlfriend newly employed at one of the stores, so we went in there.


Anyways, she is checking me out, (I'm a petite, wearing a tiny black tube top, looking Hot, I can outdo many younger women in the looks dept,}

My YM tells her that I am pregnant, and that we are getting married in a few months, she kinda looks at me funny than asks my YM "Is it YOUR baby?" and she chuckles.

she knows my YM and I have been together for a year, and she wants to imply that Since "ive BEEN AROUND." I must still be "going around!"
Are you infact pregnant and getting married?


There was no reason for you two together to go into the store, where the Ex WORKED to flaunt your tube top and your pregnancy. If your BF needed to say hi, I am sure there is ample time when he is alone.
and YOU say you have been around? Maybe thats what she is thinking......
fat or skinny, a chick only looks bad if her attitude is.
I would be pissed too if I was her! Did you buy anything there?
I thnk you got what you deserved, next time don't delibrately go up to Ex's and expect a welcome party
:rolleyes:

Well, hunny, this young woman has very poor judgment since she got herself pregnant in reaction to your guy's rejection, so I would put no value on her rude remark. But, I do think that it was a mistake for you and your guy to approach her in the first place. That was immature behavior on your guy's part in light of her above-mentioned tragic mistake caused by him callously dumping her because of her overweight. I say tragic because the child conceived as a result of her seemingly vengeful and self-destructive behavior has turned out to be the innocent victim in this situation. Don't provoke that poor, sad young woman anymore.

Yeah, right, Mel, like I believe you are fighting them off. Let me know if you need any help, especially with the dark exotic foreign ones.

(Uh oh, Patricia is slapping her own hand as she retracts her offer of assistance made in a momentary lapse from the state of voluntary and much-savored Takenhood back into her long-forsaken single mentality.)

"we bumbed in to...... That is the name of the post. IT didn't say we went in to show what a hottie I am.

I think you guys are way off base. I personally would be insulted, shes obviously sarcastic and jealous. She may even wish that he fathered her baby. I dont know. I have felt that way before in fact we all have. No slam to her. She may be acting normal.

What I dont think is normal here is someones poor, rude, response to your post. I'm sorry that your being slamed for your post.

I feel you on the situation and understand what your trying to say. Don't worry about it young man or old man a unhappy ex is going to be trouble and find any flaw they can, its expected. Stay away from the mall (except after baby is born, its ok to show off baby). I'm sure your ym will love your pregnant body but, on the other hand Mel does have a point. YOu may want to look further into his feeling about big, little etc. If he as a problem with that than you may want to investigate further.

I had a similar situation with a girl who they never went out but now when she see us (and we run into her often) she gives me hard has hell looks. I know she thinks he should still want her. I'm not saying that its wrong. When I was 18-19 etc I felt if a man didn't worship me they must be gay or blind. I wanted everyone to want me. I had men that would do anything for me and I wouldnt even go out withthem but God forbid they like someone else. Oh no I would be mad about it. Its normal of her, just step over her. She has no bearing on your life with him. Rude people surround us no matter where we are, at home, mall on line everywhere, everyday. Screw the naysayers and rude people. To get away from them you would have to leave the planet or not be in contact with any humans.

Good luck to you and take care. Again sorry you have been slamed by one person (I hope no more)

When i first saw this thread i was going to reply but i thought, Nah!!,, she is not looking for advice, she came here to rub in the shock they gave to the poor overweight ex.
From the first time i saw this post i thought how arrogant to go in there to show off!!
I wouldnt do that at all....
I feel confident enough with myself and my relationship, no need to show off the ex.
Very inmature really
Adri

princess beg to differ here:
My 20 year old YM and I, I am 31, were at the mall a few days ago. And he saw his young ex-girlfriend newly employed at one of the stores, so we went in there.

Princess says:
"we bumbed in to...... That is the name of the post. IT didn't say we went in to show what a hottie I am.


They DID not BUMP into her, They went INTO HER PLACE OF WORK, when they SAW HER WORKING THERE.
She says:
SO WE WENT IN THERE.
Thats what I responded too!

:rolleyes:

I really am confused now. I read these somewhat judgemental replies and thought "whoa! what did I miss?" I went back and re-read the original post and I guess I kind of skimmed it the first time. Or I just did not take it that way. I guess I would have to ask hunny to answer some of the questions that were raised. I would like to know before I pass judgement.

!. Did you go in there with the "oh look, there is the ex...I am looking hot today. Let's go taunt her" attitude?

2. Did your BF want to go say hi in a friendly way and you were not really wanting to but you went to go be supportive and trying to be a mature woman?

3. Were you putting out "vibes" as you stood there in your tube top? Like ...giving her the once over and standing all clingy to the bf?

I guess I better read posts more carefully in the future. I hope you reply and clear this up. The more I think about it now, after reading the other views on it....the more I feel sorry for the ex GF
*smacks self on forehead and reminds self "READ SLOWLY NEXT TIME" *

The post says it's been TWO years since he broke up with the last girlfriend. Not two weeks or two months, but two YEARS.

They just went into a store and said hello.

Sounds to me like she should have been civil, no matter how cute the poster looked in her tube top.

It was just a nasty thing to say and I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

Just stay away from her in the future.

I took it has they were caught off guard when they or he saw her and wanted to say Hi. I piture her just standing there not saying anything. I took it has more of an inward thing. Not like she was flaunty publicly. It seemed to me the thoughts came later and or during but she didn't react. She was just thinking kind of has a defense "ok, I look good I dont have to worry"

Thats my mental piture of how things went down.

If they did go in there to show off and flaunt than that would be weird (but we all are a little weird sometimes anyway).

Yeah, that is how I took it at first. (see my first reply) but after reading all the replies I have to admit it made me wonder. I hope she replies.

I am sorry hunny if my questions offend you. I guess that your comments about how you were wearing the tube top etc made some people feel like you were going in the store to flaunt. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling us what you were thinking (like theprinsess said "ok, I look good I don't have to worry") and go you for looking good. It is hard on the computer to pick up voice tone etc. Sorry again for all the confusion.

Nothing more than a mix of jealousy and confusion. Jealous that he loves you, confused about the whole OW/YM relationship. Dont let her snide remarks bother you. She is just trying to make herself feel better about her own poor situation.

SC

I guess I don't really understand why anyone would jump all over the poster of this message... even if she did try to flaunt herself, that's her perogative. If you've got it, and all that rot.

The ex was rude to her, plain and simple. She has the right to look as hot as she wants to, and to feel proud of it.

Saying she shouldn't flaunt her hot body, to me, sounds a bit like a rape victim getting blamed for dressing too sexily.

Thats exactly how I feel pink cat.

Whats that saying "if you got it flaunt it if you dont than hide it"

Or if you dont got it but want to flaunt it thats ok to. The point is do what your comfortable with and feel good about it.

But, Ladies, if you've got it and decide to flaunt it, I think you can expect those who don't have it to be rude. Don't you think? No one likes having things thrown up in their face.

I think the original poster and her bf were just nosy (or at least the bf was) and went into the store to see what the ex was up to and show his gf off.

They did not bump into her if they went into a store where they saw her working and had not planned on visiting that store before they saw her in there.

You know the more you stir sh*t, the more it stinks. They were both somewhat in the wrong and should let it go.

Originally posted by PinkCat
The ex was rude to her, plain and simple. She has the right to look as hot as she wants to, and to feel proud of it.

Saying she shouldn't flaunt her hot body, to me, sounds a bit like a rape victim getting blamed for dressing too sexily.

My thoughts exactly.

Since two years have gone by, it's natural to assume that Ex will have gotten over the breakup by now, and moved on with her life. Even though this is apparently not the case, one can at least expect her to behave in a civilized manner!

Openly expressing doubt about the paternity of an unborn child is a blatant slur -- at best, Ex is tactless; at worst, she is downright rude. Depending on the size of their "small town" and social circles, they're probably going to have to get used to seeing one another in public.

I can't even see the YM in a bad light here. Hunny does say that he had a relationship with Ex because "he just cared for her" . And was unable to take the intimacy any further, recognized this shortcoming, and broke it off. Full marks from me for not just using her for sex, without any feelings! Granted, he didn't have the greatest rationale for his lack of sexual attraction, but the guy was only 18 at the time -- can't expect him to have all his sh*t together, can we? (Although I would have some concerns about his reaction to the end stages of pregnancy, unless he has matured considerably in 2 years......)

Its not to be called "Jumping all over the poster"
"I would call that... giving our own personal opinion", if that is different from others, doesnt mean is wrong or right or attacking the poster.
she came here for an opinion, not an advice.
What shes got is exactly that.
different opinions thats all
Adri

Originally posted by peachy51
You know the more you stir sh*t, the more it stinks.


Right. . . so let's go pay my soon-to-be, stinky, ex-wife a visit at her workplace! :D :D :D

Originally posted by peachy51
But, Ladies, if you've got it and decide to flaunt it, I think you can expect those who don't have it to be rude.

I have to respectfully disagree. Hey, I don't like running into really beautiful girls (or overtly sexy ones) in front of my young man. I hate it!! But I realize that it's my own insecurities that make me feel threatened by this sort of thing, and that doesn't give me the right to be rude to them for looking good.

I really don't think the poster went into the store and started dancing around a pole or anything. She was just reassuring herself that she looked good. Nobody likes running into the boyfriend's ex wearing a dirty sweatshirt, no makeup and having greasy hair!

Adri's right -- "jumping all over the poster" is a bit of an exaggeration. But I don't understand why it's necessary to focus on the one small detail of her feeling comfortable/happy with her looks. Isn't that how we should all strive to feel?

I still contend the bottom line here is that they did not just BUMP into the ex. They saw her at her place of employment (which hasn't been established to be a place they were going to shop anyway) and APPROACHED her. What good was to be accomplished there?

I still think it matters what hunny's attitude was when they went in. I asked her (she hasn't replied back yet) if, in all fairness here to the ex...did she go in acting all "I am so fine and you look fat" I mean, you know it is possible to act that way without saying anything. It was a rude comment made by the ex but if she felt like they came in there to do some "rubbing in" then she may have just blurted it out in a moment of feeling attacked.
I think the deliberately going in to say "hi" is ok as someone said...it has been two years. I just got the feeling after reading it that her attitude MIGHT have been a little threatening to the ex gf.

So, I guess my answer to her is that you know hunny, what your intentions and motivations were when going into the store. We don't. If you were sincerely going in to accompany your bf in to say "HI" and you were looking hot and were pleasant and friendly....then the girl was just (as pinkcat said) rude plain and simple. IF you went in with the "I look hot, haha she is a fat pig and I got the guy" attitude and you were giving her the once over and just stood there acting cold and giving off bad vibes...then I guess the rude comment was provoked. Yes, it was still rude, but if I provoke someone, I better be prepared for their response.

I am sorry we took your post and analyzed it to death. It was a good lesson though and the situation in general is a good one to discuss with others. I enjoyed reading all the different opinions.

I dont know what all the fuss is about my tube top, hehe, .I didnt want to go into the store, but my YM did. He had deep feelings of love for her in his heart, but he was never attracted to her.

He wanted to see her as one sees an old friend. I was scared to see her, cause of his past feelings for her, but I was showing my love for my YM and letting him say "Hello" to his past.

My point of my post was to show how I support my YM in seeing and feeling out his feelings he had as a young man, and seeing how the world sees us.

Our relationship does not fit in the norm, My point is that OW, YM will always be seen as the rebels, and she was the one that revealed her jealousy. Going in to meet her was my peace offering to show that I didnt want to be jealous.

My story about the tube top was such a minor point to tell all OW out there that they can feel good about themselves. Feel proud and confident, and not be threatened or jealous over rival young women that hover around in our YM's lives.

I am very confused by your responses, and feel you all didnt get my message.

I used the term, "bumped into her." cause seeing her at the mall was so UNEXPECTED.

I DID NOT GO IN THERE TO SHOW OFF, BUT TO LET MY YM SEE HIS FORMER GIRLFRIEND WITHOUT POSSESSIVENESS OR JEALOUSY.

It seems you are all in a attack mode against me when we get enough of that from the outside world.

Hunny

I am so glad you replied!!! I am sorry for questioning your post! It is just so hard on the computer to get all the nuances involved.
Please stick around and post more!

Hunny... I totall understand about being dragged in there. If you had not gone, he would have thought you petty. He probably should not have gone since she was the one that was left but men don't think that way sometimes.

The ex-girlfriend was petty and jealous. Don't give her another thought and don't give anyone here that read the post wrong another thought. Okay?

This is a take what you can use and screw 'er I mean forget the rest. Best wishes and don't give up on us yet.
Barbara


http://www.gifs.net/animate/yellowrose.gif

They saw her at her place of employment (which hasn't been established to be a place they were going to shop anyway) and APPROACHED her. Peachy.. "THEY" didn't approach her... this was someone that knew this lady more as a friend. He never slept with her. They just dated. Hunny did not want to go in there but what would you do? Would you just sit on a park mall seat while he goes in to say "How are you?" I would have done the same thing. Hunny did not have another motive so don't blame her. Blame the boyfriend if you like... I guess. :rolleyes:

Just because someone is not attracted initially to someone that may be overweight, DOES NOT mean when they find the one they love, that they will be grossed out when she is pregnant. That is so untrue for most men who love their woman.

Now again... go to the mouse Barbara, go to the mouse... ok...
SUBMIT! :D

is what bothers me...a man has to still care about a woman to want to get back at her with another woman...he has to still care about attempting to put a jab in to the ex gf at the store with you as the bait...in other words, "Please look at me, feel bad, and fight over me."
Some men set up situations so women will fight over them cause they love attention. I say don't play into his game anymore cause that is what it is.
Hadley

a man has to still care about a woman to want to get back at her with another woman Hadley, if you had said "some men....." okay, maybe some men. But to make that blanket statement about men... I don't buy it at all. I have know guys that were just caring and/or friendly. I don't think he cared in the least about "getting back" at her in the least. On his side there was nothing to get back for.

What else do we want to drum up to try to give this pregnant woman something to worry about? :rolleyes:

I admit I read it the same way as every one else.

Having said that, I think I would've stayed outside, only because if my y/m made a commet to me about being unattracted to her because she was overweight, he's proably made it to her too, that would've made me feel bad, seeing that pain in her face.

I can't imagine hurting someone's dignity by implying that you won't sleep with them because of their weight and then going into the store with me on his arm. I won't play those games with someone else's feelings, and yes, its been 2 years but whose to say what her feelings were for this boy, first love...2nd love...I'm sure plenty of us have guys we've broken up with and has taken us a long time to get over especially when you're young, once she saw him I'm willing to bet alot of bad feelings came to the surface hence the comment, so no, I would not consider it jealousy on her part, we just don't know what other comments he's made to her as we are only hearing heresy, which is proably why it can't be use in a court of law.

There would be no way, no how, no hell way would i have allowed my b/f to drag me in that store, I wouldn't care what he thoughts or intentions were, especially if i were pregnant.

Paris

Originally posted by HadleyManassas
is what bothers me...a man has to still care about a woman to want to get back at her with another woman...he has to still care about attempting to put a jab in to the ex gf at the store with you as the bait...in other words, "Please look at me, feel bad, and fight over me."
Some men set up situations so women will fight over them cause they love attention. I say don't play into his game anymore cause that is what it is.
Hadley

Huh? :confused:

We're talking about a teenage dating relationship here -- hardly the former grand passion of the YM's life! And let's not forget: a woman that he didn't even have a sexual relationship with! And he is still carrying a torch for her??

Hunny said that he wanted to go in to say "hi" as to an old friend. I DO NOT see how this constitutes a "game" or a "jab" -- with bait, no less!

Is there no male that does anything without a dark ulterior motive in this hostile world?? :rolleyes:

hurting someone's dignity by implying that you won't sleep with them because of their weight and then going into the store with me on his arm. But Paris it seems like to me.... :) you are assuming that he told her. I seriously doubt that. I have had some experiences where I was not attracted due to a big pot belly or something and I NEVER told the guy that. I don't think I have heard of someone telling someone that they are not going to bed with them because they are overweight during the dating period. Maybe it happens all the time. But I think that we have all assumed enough about this lady.... Come on everyone... let's let it be.. okay?:(

What the hell are we talking about here?

YOur in the mall shopping you see someone you know working in a store. You say let go in and say Hi. Off gaurd, maybe.

Like we all would have had that sinking feeling in our hearts "oh sheit, I dont want to meet her" I want to run. than it would have been like, oh screw it I have nothing to hide.

Is is summer, people do were tube tops, and shorts and mini skirts. It is no big deal. She didn't say "wait, let me run home first and put on a tube top or go in one of these store and buy one" gimmie a break.

And, why is he such a bad guy? Lets get real. He most likely feels a little sad knowing that she cared for him but he just didn't have romantic feeling for her. I think it was the respectfull thing to do for him to go in and say hi. It was two years ago. He was not "showing her off but being proud of his new woman.

Again the glass is half empty or half full depending on how you look at it.

I just can't beleive much to do about nothing.

It should have just been, "wow, hunny, I feel ya on this" or something encouraging.

We date younger men but, we hold on to the older ways of thinking and become way to analytical, sensative and blow things up.

If we want to run with the young dogs than we need to feel, think, look, listen to what they like, do say listen to. Music, food, clothes, Change is not a bad thing. NOw I know some may take this has Iam saying to not be yourself but that is not my point at all. I am just saying hopefully they by being with us maybe become a little wiser, mature a little and we become a little more hip, a little more in fashion a little more in tune with the year 2003.

We spark eachother in different ways, Iron sharpens iron. I help him he helps me.

I think there is a time to listen, a time to give advise, a time to give unsolisitated advise (the person didn't ask you for advise), a time to be silent, a time to vent our feeling right or wrong.

I think she was just venting.

I said in the original post, "Some men!" Now , where is my apology? Hadley

Hadley

Hadley

I know what you mean, yellowrose, but just the though that he told me would've been enough, it would've made me feel uncomfortable regardless of his intentions, but then again I would've overlook her comment and made a positive comment to her. Maybe its my sensitivity to weight as I am overweight myself and believe me, you can see it on guy's faces when its a weight issue.

We're all assuming all the feelings on her part were teenage...and she should get over it, I'm just saying that maybe SHE hasn't and considering her other bad choices, I can see where she's coming from.

And believe me, we all know that when a guy (or girl) doesn't like you, and you like him we take it inward...everything hinges on what's wrong with me. Unless it was an amicable split, its going to be ugly. Even if he didn't think anything of it, I would, just because I'm older and know that women can be catty at times. I'm not saying hunny did anything wrong, she didn't...couldn't care less of the tank top...if she's comfortable with it she has the right to dress anyway she wants...i don't know what that issue is...just for me, I would not have gone in.

Paris

Originally posted by katmeup7


It is getting real serious here:rolleyes:

Hadley your last paragraph had "some" in it. Your first one that I quoted in my post did not.

Jullianne says:
Snow, let's make sure when you post something important to you, that no one gets serious about it, ok?


Yeah Julieanne, whatever:rolleyes:

on a message board you get differant opinions/advice from differant people.
Not everyone is going to agree, and it really wouldn't be much help if we only heard what we wanted too
:rolleyes: