Hi - New here

I also posted in the regular chit-chat section first, but after reading through some of the posts here that deal more with relationship issues I figured this is where I'd probably be more often than the chit-chat board. Sorry about the double posting.

My name is Heather, I'm 37 and have been dating a guy who is 23 for about 4 months. We get along great. We have met most of each others friends, and they have been pretty supportive. Our families really don't know what is going on. They know that we are each seeing someone but not any details other than that.

In addition to the 14 year age difference I am White, he is Hispanic; I am Protestant, he is Catholic. Clearly not who our families would want (or expect) us to have chosen in a potential partner.

I go back and forth between thinking this is great and then thinking I am nuts for even starting a relationship with someone so much younger. For the most part we are fine with everything, the only semi-sticky issue is that of children. I have one 5 year old daughter. He is 23, and definitely wants his own children. (Not that he has any problem with my daughter.) I would love to have more kids, but at 37 I feel like that window gets smaller and smaller every day. We've talked about it a bit, but not in very much depth.

We are exclusive with each other and all of that, but not to the point where we're saying "the L word", so sometimes it seems ridiculous to get into a very detailed discussion about the children issue.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting to know you all. I'm sure I will have a lot of questions as this progresses.

Heather

Welcome to the Board. :)

And let us know how we can help . . . we ALL have differing opinions . . . I'm sure one of them will help! :D

Greetings and salutations!

We are exclusive with each other and all of that, but not to the point where we're saying "the L word", so sometimes it seems ridiculous to get into a very detailed discussion Bottom line... my suggestion is take at least a year to year and half before you decide to marry him or commit forever to him. Now if you yourself want a child NOW then that's another scenario. If you just want to be sure to be able to have his child... please please don't rush into it.

More than the detailed discussions, watch:
I. Is he on time, dependable?
2. Does he cuss a lot (esp. in front of your daughter)?
3. Does he have a positive attitude or is everything always others fault.
4. Does he have a drug or alcohol problem?
5. Does he have a temper?
6. Is he a womanizer?
7. How does he handle money?

These are things you absolutely will not know for sure until up to a year or more has passed. See for the first year, bad guys can do exactly the same as good guys... ACT GOOD.

Now I don't mean to put a blyte on your relationship.. it sounds wonderful to me. Just forget the baby talks & give it another 8 months. UNLESS YOU WANT A BABY REGARDLESS OF THE RELATIONSHIP....

Also.. this is not right or wrong but I never had a guy wait 4 months to tell me he loved me.... how about everyone else? Is 4 the norm when you are dating exclusively?

Hello and welcome :)

I would like to welcome you although I'm new here also. But let me tell you a story which I think is beautiful.

I have a friend who is 56 now. When she was 38 she met a very handsom man 15 years her junior. They lived a beautiful love story.
She already had a daughter from a previous marriage. One day she told him that if he wanted a child he should be asking her right away because it would be too difficult for her to have one after 40. She also gave him the option of becoming her daughter's second father on one codtion. NOT TO TELL HER 10 YEARS LATER THAT HE IS LEAVING HER IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHILD WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN.
He chose the second option and they are still togethre living as harmoniously and peacefully as the first day. Her daughter now has a child of her own, the little angel has wonderful grandparents.

good day to all of you

Thank you for sharing that Loucine. I worry about the children issue too. That reminds me there is more than on definition of a father.

Welcome. I think you will find a lot of good adivise on this board!

Yellowrose, what a great list of things to think about. You are so right bad guys can act good for a period of time, one year is a good guestiment. Koudos to you and your list, well said.