Birthday Today and How Do I Avoid the "AGE" topic?

Hi,

New member here, with 47th birthday upon me, venturing out to be with my fiancee's family today to celebrate (he's in Iraq, still serving). Without him around (he's 32) they are a little more daring to rattle my security by asking how old am I (they still guess), are we going to have kids (NO, I already have 3 from previous marriage). We've been dating almost 3 years. Anyway, just logged on to see if I could gain some very much needed support to go out there and face them. I don't know why I feel like I'm in defense mode with them, I think because they all are in "baby mode" and want to see their son/brother have kids, and I am SO not. Thanks for listening, and thanks for especially replying!

Clarise

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Wow! I have such respect fot the guys and gals in Iraq! I know that must be hard on you both.
I don't really know what to tell you about your situation. I can say what I would do given my personality. I would probably be prepared ahead of time so I would not be caught off guard first of all. I do not do good when caught off guard. (just me) I would think about how I feel and how important it was for me to make my point. Do I need to say something today? Is what I say going to start something? Do I want to spend my birthday getting into that kind of discussion? If not, could I wait till another day and bring up the subject and tell whomever it is that is causing me to feel defensive and uncomfortable how I feel and to stop with the comments already? I usually take a little, giving firm yet kind replies. Then, if they don't "get it" I have to have a serious talk. I can not be around someone who feels the need to regularly make "digs" or drop little comments. If they then don't stop, I stop dealing with them. That...is just me.
I don't know if you are a forward type person or a more quiet, endure the comments and let it go kind. I hope you get some good feedback here (I know you will!). There is such a variety of personalities, someone will say something that clicks with you I bet!
I hope you have an awesome birthday!

Welcome, Clarise -- and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Very brave of you to be celebrating with his family when you think you're going to be getting the Third Degree.

For the age question, I would just smile, and ask in a pleasant tone of voice, "Why is it so important to you?" or, "Does it matter?".

As for the baby one -- I was subjected to this in my young former marriage, so I had time on my side! -- it kinda depends on whether you do or don't want them to know that it's not happening.

You could probably prolong the suspense for several years with a coy, "Guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we........?" They can't expect anything imminent with him overseas!

Telling people that I had a hysterectomy at 33 (the truth) certainly puts an end to speculation -- are you up to inventing a tubal ligation right after your third child? ;)

Well, having the personality I do :), if someone was daring enough to ask straight out how old I was.... I would tell them :D. There is usually shock that I AM so old (49) and disbelief, because I am generally age-guessed in my early 40s.

If you're relationship is good with the family, my suggestion is why hold back?

Hey, be yourself. Thats who you are. If you two are going to get married, they will find out your age sooner or later. If you bust up, it wont matter to you if they know. Just be yourself. If you dont want to tell them your age just say you would rather not talk about it. Tell them a "lady" does not disclose that information.........

The more I think about this, the more I say be honest. If you don't provide the information (even though they are rude enough to ask -- or maybe just curious), you will put yourself in a worse light if you are not forthcoming. If you lie, hide the information or skirt the issue, you will give them reason to find fault with you, talk about how coniving you are, how you're 'using' their baby, etc.

So again I say... :) If they ask -- give them what they want -- say it loud, say it proud -- okay, well not loud :rolleyes:

I have to agree that in this case, honesty is the best policy.

When I first started dating my ym, I didn't want his friends and family to know how old I was. I was embarassed, I guess. I figured we could make up a lower number to tell people, and no one would ever have to know the difference. Well, before I told him how I felt, I found out that he had already told everyone my real age! I was a little upset by that, and it caused a bit of unwanted attention... but now I am so glad not to have to hide anything.

Good luck, and keep us posted! :)