kiss

I posted last week.
known for a year, 6 weeks as best-of-friends-pre-dating, every day seeing eachother. No physical contact until 2 days ago...
I'm 34, he's 23.
He and his former girlfriend broke up 6 weeks ago when she moved 3000 miles away.
We get along great and enjoy eachothers company. It would seem that we are truly compatible and working toward something...
Got hot and heavy last night...many deeds took place...but he would shy away from kissing. We did kiss, but he was physically hesitant.
We were having sex and I asked him if kissing didn't feel right...he said "kinda...I don't know"

How could we connect on every freaking level and be so compatible and he can't kiss me!

I am SOOOO torn this morning. I havn't cried. I feel frustrated and whorish.

We spent A LOT of time building this friendship, so there really is no walking away as far as I can see there....if it had been a fling, I would be gone and pissed.

But now I am just sad.

Please advise,
Kerri

:confused:

Well, at least my house will be clean by the end of the day....(when I am heartbroken...it channels into cleaning)

:(
kerri

Hey Kerri,


Try not to take this too much as a sign that he does not have feelings for you, 6 weeks isn't very long at all, my guess is he's perhaps still thinking about his ex, albeit not in a way of wanting to be with her, just one of "the last time I was in such a situation was with her".


Believe it or not, some guys are quite sensitive :eek: Yes, I know, bit of a shocker that one. But what I would do if I was you is talk with him, be forgiving and relaxed with him and be clear that you are not annoyed as such, more confused. People CAN have flashbacks.


I don't say that all of the above is necessarily the case, but a couple of questions in the direction of whether he's still a little hung over about his previous relationship. The other option is that he was just after a good night, sorry for being blunt. But you really do not know until you talk with him, as you say that you connected on every level. Talk, be open, be forgiving.


And if cleaning makes you happy, get round here, I could make you feel a million dollars :D ;)


Good luck anyway,


micky

He's emailing...
I think it may be the prior relationship flashback.
I will be understanding...and cool.
We are going camping this weekend...
It's likely I'll see him today.
He wanted to know if I feel "relaxed" this morning...
I don't know what to say.

Hey MJ - buy me the ticket and I'll clean your flat!
I lived in Finland as a teen and made it to many places...but somehow never the netherlands...

thanks
:cool:

Just tell him the truth, that you are not relaxed as such, but that you are also not annoyed or anything. You just need to communicate that and have him communicate his thoughts to you. He has to feel that he will be ok if sharing such details with you, and I'm sure you'll be able to let him feel that.


Either way, you'll know more after talking. :)


And you're welcome :cool:


Take care,


micky

This is his answer.

"I haven't kissed very many people, about 5 and a couple of those I was in a drunken stupor, in fact I have had sex with a total of 2 people. I think I have seen kissing as kind of intimate (different than just f***ing) and I haven't and don't really want to be intimate with anybody lately. I kind of want to feel free like a feminine products commercial. I guess that sounds kind of retarded, but that's the best I can put it into words."

I am broken. I don't want to clean. My son's father will be here to get my son in an hour, then I am going to inch myself slowly under the bed and go to sleep.

I couldn't think of anything to say to that email...so I didn't reply. just a moment ago (45 min. later) I got another email from him:

"So it's not that I didn't want you I just don't really feel like
kissing. You felt good... [a couple of descriptive sentences about last night]. So it's not that I don't want you.
Plus you are great to hang out with... :-)"

I still don't know what to say. Havn't replied. I keep picturing the toilets of Australia. We're flushing in opposite directions, but I want to avoid referencing a toilet, ......even though he refrenced feminine hygiene products.....

:rolleyes:

Ok, I have to go out but a quick word, will try and think about a better answer shortly.


If he really does have a problem with being that intimate, is this an unworkable problem? Or are you ok with the role of showing this person who has hardly any experience the way a little. If what he says is true, there is every chance that he is unable to see kissing and sex as things which go together, however ridiculous that may sound or seem. These 2 people he had sex with may not have had the same ideas about it as you do.



I'll have a look here in a bit. :)



micky

micky, I think I was one of the two...

Hi Kerri

My impression is that he likes you much but he`s not ready to commit with you in a relationship just yet. Like MJ69 says; some guys are sensitive. If he is sensitive, then 6 weeks is maybe too short time to get the other person "out of his system". He needs to be on his own for a while and get a sense of who and where he is now in his life. I`d try to give it some time.

Good luck to you and take care.

Sounds to me like this man has intimacy problems in the first place...nothing to do with you. Maybe that explains his girlfriend not having sex with him for the past 9 mo and her ability to just leave this relationship behind her without any regrets...

Some guys are just that......good friends but can't handle more than that. :rolleyes: So it's not that I don't want you.
Plus you are great to hang out with... :-) he doesn't want to lose his Bud...

I think your not responding to him is a good thing....make him think about what he just said....maybe he'll realize what he said...and maybe he won't....

Good luck to you....sorry for the pessimistic attitude

~*foxyeyes*~

I got a third email from him:

"Now I feel bad like I mislead you or something. If I did I
didn't mean to."

So I responded:

"okay.
I guess I connect kissing and sex as together.
Something rather as, I wouldn't really have sex with someone who didn't want to kiss me...that would generally come first.
And I do feel affection for you.
I'm just trying to understand.
really I am.

I have been alone for a long time and long to feel close to someone. I really like being with you and have grown fond of you too...
I feel silly.
what do I think?
It's my impulse to kiss you, but I don't want to feel turned away."



Thank you all for being here, I think it has calmed my sadness to a controlable level...

kerri

Hi Kerri,

If I may, I'd like to offer a few words in defense
of the younger male, and that may help you be a
little less stressed.

You're a young woman yourself really, and you've
made a decision to sleep with a man eleven
years your junior. This means your relationship
takes a hit in the maturity department, because
many 23-year-olds are skating real close to high
school, emotionally speaking. :(

The way he's acting sounds like some crap I might
have pulled at his age. Also, he could be sensitive
about what he fears is bad breath, or something
else "oral" (like sores on the cheek), that makes
him uncomfortable. (You did do STD tests before
starting the relationship, right?? If not, watch out!!)

I would just give him "space" about the kissing
issue. It's a very woman-oriented issue,
and he probably just doesn't "get it" yet.

For us men, tactile hands-on fondling and groping
is often much more satisfying. A good example
would be rear-entry sexual intercourse, aka
"doggy-style." I could do this for weeks in a
row with my wife, and love it, even though it
makes kissing next to impossible. The
fondling of hips and breasts gives me the same
erotic charge that she probably gets from kissing
tongue-to-tongue. Men and women are just
different! :p

So, try to give your honey a break. He's not a
kissing kind of guy, but that shouldn't kill a
relationship. I do hope you are able to be
aggressive and kiss him on your own without
always waiting for him to initiate things......

After all, this is the new millenia. Toss out that
coy, demure stuff.....and take charge!! :D

Good luck!

P.S. I think your photo is fabulous. The
shading and the black-and-white compostion is
very classy.

Originally posted by Harrison
[B]Hi Kerri,
I would just give him "space" about the kissing
issue. It's a very woman-oriented issue,
and he probably just doesn't "get it" yet.<BR>
yeah...one of the downsides...<P>

I do hope you are able to be
aggressive and kiss him on your own without
always waiting for him to initiate things......<BR>
I guess that would feel forceful to me...<P>

P.S. I think your photo is fabulous. The
shading and the black-and-white compostion is
very classy. <BR>
thanks. one of my faves...<P>

I havn't heard back from him. I feel tied to the computer. I'm teetering on the edge of "DROP THE EMOTION!" If I let go of the lover status...I could retain the friend.

perhaps.

Originally posted by Kerri
micky, I think I was one of the two...

Do you know this for sure?


Either way, I do not really see a person who is wanting to upset anybody on purpose. He's said he has difficulty with intimacy, which is not really the coolest thing a 23 year old guy could say. And even if you were one of those 2 people, and even greater chance that all other sexual experience he's had has not been as happy as it could've been. Christine agrees with me, and I agree with her. Try and retain the friend status if he has this problem. Who knows, after a couple of months with this and a little understanding from you, this guy might not be so afraid to be intimate with you.


I too like your photo, very nice. I also like the Roy Harper quote, 'One Of Those Days In England' by him is a fave of mine. :)


You have feelings for this guy but the best you can do for him right now is just be his friend. He clearly has a few issues, but he'll get by with a little help from his friends.


Christ, I feel a song comin' on. ;)


Keep looking here though Kerri. :)


micky

This reminds me of the movie "Pretty Woman." She tells him the first night she never kisses "them" (the johns) because that brings too much emotion and intimacy into "it" (the sex).

Maybe he is ready to be your friend and sleep with you, but not ready to bring any emotion or intimacy into the relationship yet.

If you are amenable, then perhaps you should consider a FWB relationship for the moment and see if anything further develops.

Speaking for myself though, I like to kiss to much to give that up and would back away from the sexual side of that relationship and keep him as a friend.

Oh Kerri, Kerri, Kerri.
You couldnt wait could you?
I told you last week to suss it up a bit more, and dont hurry into anything yet. Dont spoil it yet, enjoy what you have at the moment. Its obvious to me and Micky and everyone else that this young man of yours is not ready yet to commit himself emotionally.
its too soon ....he will probably still be thinking of his ex. there is a time for everything, and maybe he doesnt love her but its mourning the relationship.
If one of the party doesnt want to kiss especially at the start of the relationship, that itself is ringing a bell.
dont put pressure on him on this issue.. let him be for a while.
but i wouldnt keep having sex with him either until he is ready.
dont rush...take it easy....you have time, enjoy his company.
and take care of yourself,
Adri:)
P.S. When i went to USA a couple of years ago, i also noticed that the toilets run in a different way from ours in Australia.
You have funny toilets there guys.!!;)

I feel much better. I napped in the disgusting heat which engulfs my home town.
I dreamed about the situation, and rest brought me to center.

I really like his companionship a lot. I'm kind of an introvert, so to have become close to someone on any level is pretty great. He is also an computer-nerd-type-introvert. (I hope he doesn't somehow google this....and I used my name!)

After hours had passed, this was the email response I received to the one I posted above:

"Well we could keep hanging out... :-)
I am at my mom's now, picked her up from the airport."

So. Yes, we will. I do know the brain-chaos of the breakup. I do. I can afford space, even if to retain a great friend and not a boyfriend.

I'll be good adri.
I won't worry so much about the kiss, everyone!

And the pic thing...I'm blushing...here is a link to the larger pic.
http://images.andale.com/f2/127/103/10523684/1055769928778_kerriaboutme.jpg

The story is, for you graphic geeks:<BR>
Originally a color photo negative printed by me on B/W film
Scanned into photoshop as BW, converted to monotone then to duotone.
It's grainy, but I like grainy.

You are the most helpful group I have EVER met on the net. This is amazing.

Thank you -- and I WILL keep turning here Micky!

xoxo kerri
;)

I dont know if this helps but...I think kissing is diffinitely overrated.. My YM and I love eachother VERY MUCH, but wet kisses in eachothers mouth, we do occasionally. We prefer to touch, and caress, and hold eachother.

I dont know what the big deal is on kissing, and people look too much into it and try to analyze what it means. There are cultures that dont kiss at all, and it doesnt mean that their adults dont love eachother.

We enjoy the french kissing, but my YM and I dont do it everyday. So dont freak out about it yet. Too much is analyzed and interpreted into it .

there are cultures that dont kiss.
but our culture does very much. and kisses are essential in any relationship, even the type that is only sexual,
when you are aroused you kiss even more, especially if the relationship is new.
a kiss is important, doesnt have to be wet or very long.
Adri

(((adri)))

yeah

ummm......my YM and I dont kiss much, our tongues, but we kiss every other part, and we make love up to five times a day. Once or twice every day..

We are always giving eachother a peck on the lips with a "I love you" ten times a day or more.

Are we talking about the wet, open mouth kissing here? Cause I think longer term couples like my YM and I dont do it that much, we still do, but not everyday. We've progressed beyond the teenage, steam up the car and make out sessions cause we can do ALOT more now.;) :D

I dont know what the big deal is on kissing, and people look too much into it and try to analyze what it means. There are cultures that dont kiss at all, and it doesnt mean that their adults dont love eachother."
---hunny

Amen!! I'm with you here. I think that movies
play a big role in promoting the whole kissing
mania. Looooong, slurping, lip-locking smooches
are played over and over in romantic movies as
well as TV so that women just know this is
how a guy expresses intimacy. :rolleyes: It is
waaaaaay over-rated.

If you grew up in a household like mine where
you never saw your Ma and Pa doing all that
kissy-poo stuff.....well, maybe it doesn't seem
too big a deal.

What I like personally are pecks and nibbles, not
deep kisses. A peck on the cheek or lips, or a nice
nibble on the ear is a very intimate gesture to me.

Following that, caresses, fondling and grinding
are totally sexual expressions of intimacy. :p
This is probably why both men and women like
slow-dancing.

About bad breath: I met at least 3 different
girls in college who were gorgeous to look at and
had breath that could almost knock you on your
***. :( For some of us, it's an issue.

Not everyone's comfortable saying "Honey, your
breath needs some help." I told my wife that
on the first date, and she was NOT a happy
camper. But if I hadn't told her that, she wouldn't
have fixed it, and I would not have been able
to enjoy kissing her at all. Just thought I'd toss
that in.

My breath rocks!

"My breath rocks!"
--- Kerri

LOL! Awesome! Now, all you need to do is totally
attack that young man next time you two are alone.

This is the way guys think; to us, being forceful
and aggressive is sexy or romantic.

You might enjoy it someday. It's a blast when you
push yourself on someone and their response is
"Well...okay!!" :D :p

Thanks Harrison!!

See You all need to hear it from a guy, and this is the second guy with these thoughts,..

Guys are into the pecking, nibbling and grinding, the swallowing eachothers tongue stuff is funn occasionally, but guys want to explore ALL parts of our bodies!!!

My YM is the most passionate loving man on earth, and I enjoy his lips EVERYWHERE!!

Hunny.

welll........
I don't get his lips everywhere...
the lip-to-body contact is minimal...

but perhaps we'll resolve that in the future.

night.

Difficult to add anything new here.. very interesting posts.

He equates being intimate by kissing as risking being hurt again. That might have been the reason for the freedom comment. He probably does like you a lot and needs to be close as a friend. It may take longer than 6 weeks for him to be willing to trust again.

You know one thing I have learned the hard way, is to talk about sex before you have sex. Discuss what it is going to mean to each other. If it does mean two different things to people, then one would have the option of not participating.

You were probably more aware of where the relationship was going. He may not have realized that until after the sex.

I would be light and friendly with him and spend time with him but not every day. You need to have some other people to hang out with and not put all your eggs in his basket. Sorry it feels so rotten. :(

Originally posted by Adri
there are cultures that dont kiss.
but our culture does very much. and kisses are essential in any relationship, even the type that is only sexual,
when you are aroused you kiss even more, especially if the relationship is new.
a kiss is important, doesnt have to be wet or very long.

I agree with you 100% Adri. http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/Kiss.gif

Originally posted by Harrison
[Now, all you need to do is totally
attack that young man next time you two are alone.
This is the way guys think; to us, being forceful
and aggressive is sexy or romantic.
You might enjoy it someday. It's a blast when you
push yourself on someone and their response is
"Well...okay!!" :D :p
Well, being aggressive never got me anywhere. I have waited a long time to connect with someone, and this just doesn't seem the way to go.

He has said that he doesn't feel like kissing. I don't have the right to force myself upon someone. (no one has this right. It is not a blast for the receiver...) I don't think he is just teasing me. He either needs time, or he really just won't want to even with time...but I can't make that descision for him.


Good Morning All!
I have moderate daily-life chaos to attend to. I think we are getting togather later today to plan out this weekend's camping Itenerary. We're going to the coast from Friday morn to Sunday morn.
This is my first time ever away from my son overnight. He'll be with his dad and gramma (here at my house to feel more secure). He's got a lot planned, so it shouldn't be an issue.

This has been a great thread. I look forward to hearing more...

xoxokerri

Where on the coast? New Brighton State Park is nice and Capitola is one of the most romantic towns around. But for fun, there is the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. If it's like they used to do, they had free concerts on the beach every Friday and Saturday night. Jan and Dean put on the best concert there one year...it was awesome.

We're going with about 20 or so which are unknown to us...we were invited by one of his neighbors.
2 places were mentioned to me by the ym, so I am not clear as to where...he is checking on that, and the reservations have been made...
so it's either Salt Point or Bodega.
We are tent camping...gourmet style.
I think we are going to prepare a bunch of yummy storable food Thursday night that can hold over in a cooler.
And then of course bring all the regular camping gear and plenty of water....
and a pocket knife...wouldn't want to get wedged behind a boulder empty-handed!
:D
kerri

used to plan things for the kids as well. Skits and talent shows for weekend nights. It was fun. Although I never camped there, it was jsut outside my back fence and they used to inivite my nephew over to the bonfire to participate in the kids activities. (He was only there for a few weeks every summer).

Enjoy the coast and the camping.

It always puzzles me when people make statements to the effect that women like kissing more than men, or that any particular group has some monopoly on one behavior or another. To me, kissing is a very INDIVIDUAL thing. My boyfriend and I are more like Nessa and Bri, we kiss a LOT and that's in every category. Our kisses are not overrated in the least! We both love it, so we are a good match that way. There are times when a differential between members of a couple means there's some emotional blockage, or it could just mean different love styles. I know I wouldn't be happy without a kisser like my honey, that's just me. Making statements about how much kissing is enough for whom is like those things about how much sex the "average" couple has. It's really all about what's right for -you-, in the end.

In this case, though, it appears that there are some emotional reasons for the non-kissing. I agree with those here who say to take a wait-and-see position. This YM seems to need some time. When we were of very little experience, we did things differently from how we do them now, and he will come into his own eventually. Sometimes we meet people whose paths are just not caught up to ours and we have to let them go, as I've had to in the past, or we can afford to wait for them catch up. You'll know which it is after a bit and don't have to decide right this second.

-G-

He has said that he doesn't feel like kissing. I don't have the right to force myself upon someone. (no one has this right. It is not a blast for the receiver...) I don't think he is just teasing me. He either needs time, or he really just won't want to even with time...but I can't make that descision for him.
--- Kerri

Hmmmm......I don't know about the phrase "force
myself upon someone"--- that almost sounds criminal.

I would prefer "push myself on someone," since it's
never a crime to be pushy. In fact, teenage guys
are notorious about being pushy when they want
sex from teenage girls. :D

I think it's slightly hilarious (from a guy's perspective)
to hear "...but I can't make that decision for him."
We guys think precisely the opposite: "How can I
make this happen even though she is telling me that
it can't?"

:p :D Sorry if it sounds mean; that's just guy-think.

I do think you're getting the short end of the stick
if he gets sex from you, but for you to kiss him is
verboten. Is he reciprocal in any serious way, or is
it basically your unofficial job to cater to his sexual
needs, and that's where it ends?

Is it possible that he's a selfish person? To me that
is an instant and total turn-off in a relationship!
Yuck! :(

IMO kissing is a very sensual act and a natural precluder to the ultimate sexual experience.

It is true that everyone has to decide for themself what they will accept in a relationship. This kissing issue is something important enough to Kerri for her to post it here, so I think she should decide if it is important enough to be a "deal breaker."

For me it would be . . . no kisses = no anything else in the sexual department. (But then, I'm a licker and sometimes biter too :p )

Well, I was married to a man for a long time that did not enjoy kissing (any kind of kisses) and for me it was torture! He'd have sex all night long, but kissing was never a part of our lives. Looking back I see where it was a control thing for him. He knew I liked it and it made him feel more vunerable I think. He didn't like feeling vunerable, and probably liked spiting me too. :\

In this situation, I'd say it sounds like he's trying to hold back emotionally for now. If the relationship grows to something solid and he's still not kissing, I'd have to question if it's a "deal breaker" for you. I personally feel it can represent a selfish person (like my ex) and something I could not live without in a future relationship. On a side note, my ex was not a warm affectionate person period...... seems to coincide at times.

It's a personal preference and only you can decide (later) how important it is to you. Take it slow and only GIVE what you GETTING from this relationship and see where it goes is my .02 cents. :-)

I totally agree Peachy... she should not settle for second best!!! ;)

Originally posted by Gypsyheart
...only GIVE what you GETTING from this relationship and see where it goes ...
Yep.

He's coming over for dinner tonight.
He's going to teach me how to play chess!
I'm cool. So much better...I am hoping that he will have thought about my predicament a bit...in any case, I told him how I felt and we'll know in time how he handles the info.

I'm match for match now. ...I don't think I can make a move again without kissing.
Not kissing but still being physical is like eating straight cake batter...
tastes good, but you know it's not good for you...
(I love metaphors...that was goofy..)
I love being his friend...I'm so glad we built that first
(I have known him a year)...
Okay, off to get my son bathed!

xoxokerri

Originally posted by peachy51
(But then, I'm a licker and sometimes biter too :p )


Uh. . . think again!!!

I think it's an intimacy issue. I think he still feels a connection to his ex-girlfriend and therefore feels somewhat guilty when being intimate with you. It happened too fast for him. His little head may have wanted it, but his big head wasn't ready. Remember, men are notorious for being able to have sex without having an emotional connection to it. A lot of women cannot. It's all about emotion and intimacy for them.

I'd back off for awhile, no matter how painful it might be. If he's going to have a relationship with you, he needs to pursue you. It needs to matter to HIM. Make yourself scarce. Don't be rude or cold, just elusive. When you DO talk to him, just be happy and busy. Tell him you think sex was a mistake, that it was too soon, but you don't want to lose his friendship either. Then just be too busy to see him. Make him think about you, miss you, wonder what you're doing. It'll take up so much of his time he'll start to forget what's-her-name. Good luck. It sounds like you're a nice lady and you two could hit it off under the right circumstances.

"Tell him you think sex was a mistake, that it was
too soon, but you don't want to lose his friendship
either. Then just be too busy to see him. Make him
think about you, miss you, wonder what you're
doing."
--- Polly

:( That is such chicken****, female, game-playing
bull****!!! :(

I can't think of a worse thing to do. Awful.

Any time spent talking, communicating, working
together, reading poetry, discussing literature, etc.
is a vehicle for building intimacy.

On the other hand, any cheap hooker or gigolo can
whip out a wet, luscious, deep-throated tongue
kiss. So, where does that get you??

It's unreal how superficial male-female relations can get.

OMG Harrison! And having sex with a woman but refusing to kiss her ISN'T awful??? Isn't game-playing??? He's playing a game alright! It's called, "Who controls the emotions in this relationship"!

OMG Harrison! And having sex with a woman but refusing to kiss her ISN'T awful??? Isn't game-playing??? He's playing a game alright! It's called, "Who controls the emotions in this relationship"!

Is it possible to care for a woman without smooching,
Polly?

I don't know the guy and everything else he does.
What if he spent 5 hours working on her car and fixed
it for her?

What if he re-wired her phone system, or fixed her
furnace? Or helped her with her college homework?

Does that count for caring about somebody, or does it
have to be some magical kiss just like Tom Cruise
does in some stupid Hollywood flick???

Come on, already! This is junior-high crap: "OMG, Melissa,
Brad is like, so hot! Did you guys kiss?? Did ya, huh?"
:rolleyes:

It's true: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...
or however the phrase goes. :)

Harrison, sure, guys display affection in other ways, and I'm not talking about some "movie-scene" kiss here, but no kiss at all is pretty strange. Even a gentle smooch here and there during lovemaking suffices. Nothing at all is just plain distant. I don't care HOW much a guy works on my car, or my kitchen sink, or my washer and dryer, if he can't give that little bit of himself, that little smooch that says, "I'm in this emotionally", then forget it! That's not high school, honey, that's having feelings and consideration for your woman.

I don't care HOW much a guy works on my car, or my kitchen sink, or my washer and dryer, if he can't give that little bit of himself, that little smooch that says, "I'm in this emotionally", then forget it!"

Oh my.....

Well, that's one way to look at things, Polly. For me,
actions speak louder than smooches.

My wife's cooking impressed me just as much as
her kisses. I'll taking a cooking, non-kissing wife over
a wife who's a hot kisser but a disaster in the kitchen,
anytime!

See how different men & women are?? Crazy, huh? :)

By the way, food and eating are very erotic
expressions of caring, sharing and intimacy. Just
thought I'd toss that in there. ;)

Well gee, Harrison, I'm not exactly "Roadkill Helper" over here! Just last night, I made grilled beef tenderloin, new potatoes with garlic and dill sauteed in olive oil, and California-style veggies for dinner. I still expect a kiss, and not a robotic stare, during lovemaking (ESPECIALLY after all that)!!!

"I still expect a kiss, and not a robotic stare, during lovemaking"
--- Polly

Gotcha!

Personally, I have no problem doing that for my wife,
and I like kissing.

But there are times when kisses aren't practical; they
don't go too well with doggy-style sex (DSS), for
example...and yet some women like DSS because of
the extra deep penetration....

And other women need DSS for reasons like obesity
or pregnancy.

What's my point? Just that men and women can do
quite a bit of highly satisfying lovemaking that doesn't
involve kissing.

I guess we've beat the subject to death now, huh?

I concede your point that sex without kissing is kinda
weird, but I also want to say that there are many
times where sex with no kissing happens, and it's not
a crisis. :)

Fair enough?

I'm sure Kerri and her sweetie will be just fine. :D

"No, no, no.......you arent listening to what i said....
if you wanna know if he loves you so.,...ITS IN HIS KISS"
Yeah....is in his kiss";)
Adri

Excuse me, didn't mean to interrupt.

This thread is surpassing my life.
Very interesting to watch that happen, and at times humorous.

I like kissing, it goes hand in hand with sex for me. But, I also like not-kissing......It's the STORY behind WHY no kiss.
If I was at all being kissed affectionately, on any part of my body, I wouldn't count the times, I'd feel secure.

He just left, we had a really nice evening. We made BLTs for dinner (my panini grill is excellent for bacon). Hung out on the couch and talked about the camping trip.

At one point he just said to me
"I'd like to keep having sex, but not if it will hurt our friendship"

I just nodded my head. So...I plan to stay friends, go camping and let something grow. Whether it be a great, deep friendship or something that opens up over time.
I dunno.
I love hanging out with him, but he is not my boyfriend.

THE KISS WINS!!!!


xoxokerri

Kerri, I am happy you found out the truth about his feelings. And you see, the truth is that behind that "non-kissing" attitude was a real inability to go more intimate with you, to a "lover's" level of intimacy. He wants to be friends.

Always trust your instinct. If the not-kissing thing bothered you, it was for one reason, and now you have it. Sometimes in life the gesture is just as clear as clear water, no need to go search for reasons in "men/women"'s differences, we all like tenderness.

You seem to be all ready to love, and you don't have to settle for less.

http://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/newpage25/6.gif

One thing that strikes me as sad, but I would never verbalize to him...it's just too out there:

We have a GREAT friendship. I feel like I can talk to him about anything. He is receptive and honest. Even if I don't like his opinion (rare) I respect that he has an opinion and will share with me.
What he doesn't realize is that what we have is really special...you could only dream that this kind of bond is ubiquitous.
I know it is not.
It is rare to find this, and when we are young, we pass things up just "knowing" that a similar chance will come again in the future.

Many a wonderful man I knew when I was younger are now married, and these were amazing people whom I should have grabbed on to when they gave me the chance.

Fear is so ugly.
I hope for our future, but I'll tell you what...
I don't dig drama. Not in my life, anyway. I have tried to eliminate this kind of chaos from my life.

I have been lonely for years. Beauty is not everything, it doesn't just magnetize people, you have to want to invite someone in. I am thankful I invited this friend into my world. It's a tough combo to crack, I'm not always too receptive and it takes a unique person to get over my rough edges and see the kind me.
(I am one of those folk who is introspective and quiet...giving the impression of being too intense...looks like I'm not smiling when I am...but when I laugh or <I>really</i> smile, it'll light up a palace...)

This ym has found a lifelong friend, and he doesn't even know it yet...

I am content. Still dig him, but really, there is nothing in the way of our friendship. There is no tension nor games. It's just so easy being us together....wow.
Let me find this <b>with kissing</b>.

off to lunch...

xoxokerri

Camping freaking camping!

Would you want to go here?

http://www.lawsonslanding.com/

I want to cop out, but the I will look like an a**.

Now, after all of this, I am crying.
I want trees!

I dont want to sleep in a tent with no privacy among a bunch of RVs and other tents...(it'll be like a grateful dead concert..)

On top of that, there won't be 20 people going (like was stated prev.) but just ym, his friend and another friend, neither of whom I have met.

This is my FIRST time away overnight...and this is 2 nights!

TO ME... camping is to be done within trees...or on dunes with trees....not this....

I need to find a good book and bring my cd walkman...and my journal...
loks like I have to make this just for me and try to find the vacation in it.

THis just looks like the site of a waste plant to me...

oh kerri...negative, negative...

(This is where I WANT to go...:
http://cal-parks.ca.gov/default.asp?page_id=536)

please help me visualize so as not to be so rigid....


:mad: :mad: :(

First off, may I say I like your avatar, Kerri, I think you're cute and I'm sure your ym does too! Secondly, geez Louise, that first campground looks absolutely AWESOME to me!!! Of course, I'm in OHIO, your public dump probably looks lovely to me. But hey, you've got the ocean, it looks so awesome, I'm surrounded by trees all the time. I mean, I'm hangin' out with my CHICKENS, need I say more??? I'd go to that campground in a heartbeat, especially with a cute ym who was a close friend. Don't be such a negative Nancy! Your other place looks nice too (the one with the trees) so maybe you two can camp there next time. Count your lucky stars, sister. You get to go to a sandy beach on a beautiful bay and RELAX (apparently without kids, again, I could relax in your public dump if it meant I didn't have to bring my kids!!!) so just go with it. Be open to the friends (they're not girls, are they?). I wouldn't be particularly thrilled myself if they were girls, but chances are they're guys, and they'll like you as much as your ym does. Ask him a little more about them, just to be sure. If they sound like creeps, or they're girls, maybe you can suddenly come down with a stomach flu and not go.

Originally posted by Joe
Uh. . . think again!!!


Hmmmmmmm . . . well, I'M the one sporting bite marks!!!!!!!