Friend vs. Lover

Dear Everybody,

I'm looking for some insight on the issue of winding up "friends" versus something deeper. I find that I gather OW friends very readily--easier even than catching cold. On the other hand, I don't get nearly as many dates as I would like.

From my observations, when a man and woman meet and some type of relations develop, the relationship will very quickly go onto either the "friends" track or the "romance" track, starting even with the first major conversation. Once a relationship is on one of those tracks, I've observed that it's very difficult if not impossible to change it from one to the other, particularly friends to lovers.

I'm wondering if any of you have had experiences in which a platonic friendship has blossomed into romance. If so, are there any particular things that can be said or done to move a friendship to a higher level? Or is it strictly a matter of fate?

Any insights or advice you have would be much appreciated! I'd love to be able to start DATING and LOVING OW a lot more, rather than just being FRIENDS!

Dave:D

Easy, when you do have romantic feelings toward a female friend, don't just sit there and wait. Make a move.
My friendship developped into a love affair after playing it friends for quite a while. Both him and I are Cancers and we could have still be sitting next to each other without one or the other making the first move. Notice, you and I were born the same day. june 30 :)

Hehe, I'll tell you what LADave, if you figure out how to move things from a friendship into a relationship PLEASE let me know. I've been trying to get my YM friend to kiss me for 4 months, and it aint happening.
I know he's attracted to me, I've asked him if our age difference bothers him and he's said no. But he's never tried to TOUCH me, much less kiss me. I've touched him and he's jumped like he was shocked. He's never been in a serious relationship, so I know he's a bit nervous about it. I also know he's not gay, but it just seems a bit weird that a 25 yr old guy would be so afraid to kiss a woman. I'm 36, so I'm not THAT much older.
Anyway, I know I've told this story, ad nausem, so I'll shut up now. But, since you're the guy, PLEASE, make the first move if you're interested in an OW, or any woman, for that matter. I know as a girl I'm clueless as to how to do it.
Good luck to you sweetie :)

Loucine and Loy, thanks for posting! I guess when there's a friendship I want to try moving to a higher, loving level, I'll just ask my female friend for a date! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

There you go Dave . . . If nobody drives the train ain't goin' nowhere!!! :D

Dave
My YM and I met in class in a 10 months course, 2 1/2 years ago, after six months getting to know each other and the rest of the group, we became friends and he moved seats next to me. then we started to exchange vibes that we were attracted to each other, after a while he asked me for a drink after class and i said Yes.
We went from friends to lovers.... but in our case we both knew that we wanted more than being friends, so we weren't afraid to make the move.
Before you spoil a great friendship forever. suss your friend a bit more....look for signs that she feels the same as you.
Adri

Well, my gut reaction is to say "just frigging talk about it!" but I know most people can't do that. I think it's the fear of things not going the way they want them to.

My YM and I have been very good friends since September. I mean the kind of inseparable friends, as in, spending like all weekend every weekend in each other's company online, and sending like 6 emails a day on the times when our schedules don't jive. (Yes, we have spent a few weekends together in person, don't worry.) Problem is, he is a shy one, and I have to DRAG everything out of him. I mean, everything. From his thoughts on lasagne to hammocks to dog training. Now that he knows me, though, he's not afraid to say what he feels. To me, that's the basis of every friendship (and more), but again, I don't expect everyone to be like me.

To make a long story short, we are still just talking about making this friendship into something else. Obviously we're both feeling more deeply about each other, but it feels more of a growing of the same kind of feelings, not something completely different. We're both kind of unsure of the whole thing, though, so that's why we're still talking and not doing. :D It's not fear of losing the friendship, I think it's more a fear of disappointing the other person.

Honestly, it has happened to me, and it happened because one of the two friends tapped the other on the shoulder and suggested sleeping together.

Period.

And then the other person said yes, and then they were friends with benefits for a while, and then they told each other they were in love with each other.

Just make a suggestion.

That losing the friendship thing is overrrated. If the friendship can't stand up to an embarassing moment now and then, then it wasn't really that strong a friendship in the first place.

Proposition her .... and let things fly as they will.

I'm wondering if any of you have had experiences in which a platonic friendship has blossomed into romance. If so, are there any particular things that can be said or done to move a friendship to a higher level? Or is it strictly a matter of fate?


that's exactly what happened with my husband and me.....just "friends" for quite a few years.I always thought he was so cute and sweet,but just never thought of anything more then friends.
when we first met we both were in LT relationships with other people.we ended those around the same time,still just friends,both of us started seeing other people,still just friends,both of those relationships turned out short term,we were still friends and always enjoyed seeing eachother and talking....after awhile I realized that the person who had been in front of me all along was the one I should have noticed all along more then just a friend....It was just like the movies,it just sorta "hit" us and we fell in love,moved in together and got married about a year and 4 months after we started going out.

what can be said for it???/we had been friends for so long that we REALLY knew eachother.we knew all about eachother,there were no secrets,no lies,no games....just 2 friends that fell in love.we weren't strangers to eachother....worked for us,just "perfect":) oh yea we're still friends,only now were "best friends":)

oh yea,we still even like to "hang out" with each other too:eek:

thanks kat,.....yea I had the"other" thing happen with friends too...always felt a little "strange" after in the relationship...

but this time things worked out just fine,as I said....just like "the movies".I'm thankful every day for how lucky we are to have eachother and be such good friends.:)

Yes, the friends thing first works........
Me and King were friends on these boards last year, I was giving him advice on women he was interested in, he was giving me back the same, than POOF one day we fell for each other, well its been almost 1 year since we met and we have lived together since Nov 18 2002!!

We do have it real good, I took the summer off to be with the kids, he is providing, but I do get huge Child support so I can support myself too, we have NEVER fought, I have NO jealousy about his life nor does he about mine.....

I talk to Naf and Light on the phone and they are such a real cute couple :)

Now I gotta get back to being a Pirate har har har
Damn I loved that movie!!!!!

LADAVE,
check your PM.

Snow,your one of the lucky ones,doesn't it feel good???and after all you or I went through,we deserve it:) :) :)

that's why I try and tell people when they think it will never get any better ,that when their not even expecting, it is when it seems to happen .