Separation anxiety?

Anyone feel like this when they are away from their partners for a few days?

and a few MONTHS gets really bad. :(

Internet meeting/good thing :)

Internet meeting/bad thing too :(

Here's the situation: next week I have to spend 6 days away from my boyfriend. It's not a big deal, I realize. But I am just dreading it, for some reason. I'm not good at being alone! I hate being alone! We don't live together or anything, we just see each other (on average) around 5 days a week.

I am a grown woman! What is wrong with me? I feel really anxious about this. I even have house guests coming, so I won't be bored while he's gone.

I am too embarassed to admit the anxiety I feel about this. I told him I was going to miss him and he said he'd miss me too... in a normal, being away from your girlfriend for 6 days kind of way, but he's of course looking forward to his little trip (he's going with a couple friends, really nice guys).

I don't like feeling this dependent on someone! Eek! Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.............

Sounds like your in love.

Nessa, I know how you feel about him needing a break and all that... usually when I choose to spend a night at home without him, it's because i feel like he needs a break from me! :)

wow, glad I'm not the only one who feels like that sometimes!

Heehee, Cowboy -- and how!

But... does that mean he isn't in love with me? I know this sounds crazy... but why would he want to go on a trip w/o me like this? He has the summer off and I have to work everyday, plus we are going on a two-week trip together at the end of August, so I know I'm being silly. But seriously.... does it? Damn, I'm so insecure sometimes.

Pink you are in love, and thats way you feel like this.
but please dont cling on him... that could be the worst thing you can do. i know by experience....but learned from it.
You are the only person you can rely on.... you dont depend on other to feel happy ..... remember always that and you will see the difference.
Adri

Tru, do you have to go months before seeing him? I'm sorry, that must be really hard!

Nessa, I totally hear you.. my sweetie laughs at my insecurities sometimes (but then other times he is puzzled and upset by them). He's just like, "But you know I want to be with you forever, so why are you worried???" and he it totally sincere.

I totally agree with this statement Nessa made:

"I guess we want them to want to be with us ALL the TIME. but then if we were with them all the time then we would probably feel crowded."

Yes, it's kind of hard sometimes. I am really hoping that after we've been together a little longer, I will feel a lot less insecure. Sheesh!

Adri, you are right. The last thing I need is to start clinging to him. Neither one of us would like that!

without seeing each other. He is in England and I am USA.

I totally understand the seperation anxiety. I hate to admit it though, as mine stems from lack of trust as a result of my past but now I have a guy who is so special, I am actually healing. I have such silly feelings sometimes I don't think I can even post them here from feeling so dumb.

Are your feelings more from missing him or the fact that he WANTS to go and be away from you? I so understand that question you asked about why he would want to go on a trip without you. I would be saying the same thing. In my mind I would be thinking that it is healthy for him to go, that I need to trust he loves me and he just wants some time with his friends, but WHY wouldn't he prefer to spend every moment with me?

It is hard huh? To know one thing intellectually but feel another way in your heart. I too was wondering how long you have been together. I know from experience how happy you will be to see each other after the 6 days. I bet it will seem like it drags by some of the time but others it will fly. Especially if you are having some guests.

I am going to see my BF in 10 days now!! I am already sad thinking of the day I have to get on the plane to come back.

Hi!

We've been together nine months now. Not that long. I am hoping it'll get better.

LadyInGreen817-- I'm so sorry... that must be sooo hard!

Tru, you hit the nail right on the head. I think it's a combination of being afraid to miss him, and wondering why he wants to go away from me.

He is a very emotionally healthy person. Very secure, good self-esteem... so he's able to say, OK, I want to go on a little trip with a couple friends, I will miss my girlfriend but it'll be okay.

I'm jealous! I am not secure like that. Tru, I also have issues with trust, and these stem from my past as well. He's never let me down, but it's still so hard for me...

It will be a good opportunity for growth for you personally and for your relationship. Sounds funny coming from me..miss insecure. However, I now do look at these moments that way. I want to grow and become more like my YM...and the way you described yours...healthy, secure, good self-esteem. So now, when things like this come up for us, I keep chanting to myself "this is good for you" or "use this as a chance to grow". etc...

Not that it is easy. YUCK! Quite the contrary, but I feel so much better after. The good thing about my guy is (one of the MANY good things) I can share TOTALLY my TRUE feelings and he listens and understands but does not cave in and say "Oh ok then I won't go" He tells me he understands how I feel (and he does, he states it back to me in his words and I am like "YES! THAT IS HOW I FEEL!") then he tells me how he feels and helps me work through my feelings.

Have you told your guy totally how you feel? What did he say? I bet he is just as understanding. If so, we are very lucky. Those kind of guys are not a dime a dozen. :)

Oh Pinkcat, I can soooo relate! :)

Sometimes guys just have to go off and be, well, GUYS! My fiance, Robin, goes to a semi-annual campout where they burp, fart, drink, fish, go swimming in a scummy pond, and (God forbid) smoke a joint here and there and play card games. He has invited me along, but the last one I went to was so boring (to me, not to him) that I thought "Geez Louise, let him HAVE his friggin' campout, I could be doing a gazillion other more important things than THIS!!!" I like his friends, and I appreciated being around them, but I just didn't see the glamour in it that he saw. I think guys appreciate the opportunity to "be themselves" around their guy friends, you know, be really silly, gross and ridiculous, things they wouldn't DARE to around us. I don't think (in my guy's situatiation anyway) that they would be the least bit interested in other girls, just getting away from the grindstone, hanging out with their best buds, and just being GUYS!

YOU should take that time away from him to be all about YOU! I know you'll miss him terribly, but try very hard not to think about him every minute, and focus on YOU instead. Wanna know a secret? That'll make you SO MUCH SEXIER to him! A guy LOVES a woman who can focus on herself and have her own fun time. It'll make HIM wonder what YOU'RE doing while he's gone. Plan some fun things with your out-of-town guests, things that he doesn't like but you and your guests would. Then it'll be more of a treat. DON'T call him while he's gone. Tell him you won't be calling because you don't want to spoil his fun, but if he wants to call you it's fine. Then, don't ANSWER all the time. Leave a cheerful message, and answer maybe every other time he calls, but let it ring 2 times first. People will say I'm telling you to "game-play", but what I'm telling you is giving your bf an opportunity to miss you. Guys NEED that. Imagine how crazy for you he'll be when he comes back! :)

Tru -- you are right, it could be a good opportunity to grow. I'm looking it as a sort of challenge. If I can get through this without somehow making myself look/feel bad (doing something that makes me appear silly/needy), then I'll feel pretty good about myself. I can tell him how I feel about most things. I haven't really told him that I'm all worried about this, though, because I feel embarassed to be so concerned. I think I might try to talk to him a little tonight, but I REALLY don't want to come across as too needy, so I have to be really careful!

Polly -- you are right also... I want him to MISS me, I don't want to be all wahh, talk to me all the time. It helps me to think that sometimes guys just need to be guys... because to be honest, I don't really understand why he needs to get away from me for 6 whole days! Boohoo!

I know, you are right Nessa. That's just the way it goes. But right now I feel like, why does he want to abandon me? It hurts. I am thinking about this WAY TOO MUCH! :confused:

You know - I may be just the notable exception to the rule but ummm... nope I don't.

I indulge myself, do selfish and silly things like movies only I would like and stinky candles in scents he hates and so on - really enjoy myself - and then enjoy him when he comes back.

I like my fake single days :>

Well put, Nessa. If it was just a question of filling time until he came home, that would be fine. I do have insecurities still, and probably will for a while. I guess I need to just accept that it's okay to feel insecure for now.

Argh! Two weeks until this is all over. Blah, I can't believe I've started counting down already!

Hi Pinkcat. Just checking in to see how you're doing. When is he leaving, anyway? When will he return? I hope you are hanging in there and feeling alright. Keep us posted.

Hey whisper! Thank you, that's really nice of you! He doesn't leave for another week, although I am not seeing him tonight or tomorrow, so it's sort of like a dress rehearsal, haha. He comes back 6 days later.

I am sort of calming down about the whole thing now, but I am a little anxious about it. Eeeek!!!!

Stupid insecurities...

:)

Awwwww Pinkcat...You sure are not alone. My y/m went home today after staying with me for six days (he lives within 40 miles of my house), and I didn't want to let him leave!!!!
I think I am dealing with insecurity issues, which just drives me crazy because I know how destructive insecurities and jealousy can be. I know this, but sometimes I just can't seem to control it. And you know, I don't even think it is an age-gap issue with me, I think I would be like this if he was the same age or older. Its from all my past experience, and, unfortunately, he gets to pay part of the price.

I don't think you gals are weird. My guy is leaving tomorrow for a week, and I thought I was gonna cry. Pretty wussy, huh? But this is the longest we'll have been apart in over 10 months. I don't think I'll quite know what to do with myself for the first three days, if he's not calling all the time or we're not going on some little silly excursion. I'd even be willing to clean his bathroom again just to see him! And of course you're wondering- is he thinking about me like I'm thinking about him? Why do the littlest things become so important just because someone goes away for a bit? I guess that's a good thing though, because the reunion will be that much sweeter. :D

I am going to see my BF in 7 days after months of being apart. I am already crying when I think of the day I have to leave him to come back here. :( Silly me.

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/cry001.gif

http://www.gifs.net/animate/lin-papillon.gif

Thanks everyone, for being so supportive!

Joannalee, I definitely know what you mean about insecurities. I have tons of baggage from my past, and the insecurities to prove it. I'm not worried that he's going to mess around or anything, but I'm still jealous of his friends for getting him for 6 days. :(

Datura, I'm afraid I might cry when he leaves, too. :( Keeping busy is the most important thing. When I am by myself and don't have anything to do, I get depressed. Thank goodness I have houseguests to keep me entertained while he's gone.

Nessa, I get like that too... if he doesn't answer his cell, I am sure he's out doing something bad. Not with another girl, but getting drunk or something (which he doesn't really do). Then when he tells me where he was I usually feel silly for worrying. (And he usually phones me within an hour of my freaking out as he's pretty reliable). It's not him that I don't trust, it's my baggage... he's trustworthy, guys I've been with in the past were not.

Tru, I'm so sorry. I don't know how people do the long-distance thing... I really respect those who can make it work. But try to focus on the good things -- you will be spending an amazing time with him!

Here's something cute... guys get like this too, but I think they usually don't like to admit it.

A couple times my boyfriend has told me stuff like, on his way home from seeing me his heart starts to beat really fast and he feels sick and he knows that means that he misses me a lot.

No one I have ever dated has told me that before. They've said, "I miss you" and stuff, but not that they physically felt weird or whatever.

Seperation anxiety?Anyone feel like this when they are away from their partners for a few days?


oh yea....when my husband(boyfriend at the time) ,first started going out.he was an over the road truck driver,delivering race horses .he would be gone for long periods of time.we had been friends for years and I knew what his job was,but once we moved in together and he had to go away,it was awful..I hated it.we would call each other all the time,but phone calls were just not what we wanted in a relationship.so 5 months after we moved in together,when the company told him he would be going out and be gone for about 4 months,he told them he wanted to work local......they said they wanted him over the road,he asked me would I mind if he left that job that he had been at for the past 5 years,as always I said the choice was his and of course didn't mind him leaving the job....we hated being apart.
things worked out great,my friend owned a restraunt and we were having dinner his first night unemployed ,when he was offered a job...he said ok he would give it a try...he's been there ever since...he LOVES working there,he get's to come home every night.he just went back to work today after a 2 week vacation,he won't be home until about 11 or 12(Fri's are late nights) and I miss him already.

we are one of those couples that prefer to hang out with eachother...we love doing things together and miss eachother so much when we are apart.

it was worth him giving up his old job,so that we could be together.I guess we're "in love" :)

Again, Pinkcat, don't listen to any b.s. It's HEALTHY for a man to get away with his buddies and be a GUY, and do GUY things. It would be really WEIRD if he didn't want to do it. Our men love us, Hell, my man works a second job nights because my ex-husband stopped paying child support. He hates it, he wishes he was here, but he is also ready to be a real father to my children and has stepped up to the plate to take the financial responsibility. That was so selfless, so giving of him! There aren't many men who would do that, at any age. Anyway, men who are hardworking and devoted NEED some MAN time. I know I need some "GAL" time with my girlfriends. I look forward to it and relish it. Robin and I work together every day and live together. It is refreshing to get out with my girlfriends now and then and just be silly and goofy. The same for him. We appreciate the fact that eachother can understand that. It makes us love eachother so much more. :)

I understand your missing him already, but experiences away from the relationship (as long as they're not sexual) enhance your couplehood. You have more to talk about. You can learn and enjoy his experiences, and he can, yours. You don't give up being an individual just because you're in love. There will still be things that you like that he doesn't and he likes that you don't, and friends that you both have apart. That's not only OKAY, it's HEALTHY! There won't be any resentment in the relationship because you get to retain who you are, and he doesn't hinder it, he enhances it! :)

p.s. I will say, Robin and I have "date night" faithfully every week. That is a real relationship booster. We don't let anything come in the way of our "date night".

Pink Cat,

You're not weird at all, but trust me, you'll get to a point in your relationship where you don't suffer insecurity and separation anxiety every time you're apart for a week

And it's a nice place to be when you get there.....

Nessa, the physical part of it is the worst, isn't it? Blah. My stomach goes crazy and I feel awful. I hate that!

Tru and Lonestar, you are both about to have the times of your lives. I'm sorry it seems so bittersweet due to the dread over returning home after. This may be a little premature, but are either of you thinking about moving to be near your boy/girlfriend?

Oh, and Lonestar, when you said you needed to learn to enjoy the moment, that hit home with me. That is something I am simply unable to do, most of the time. I think people who can do that are much happier in general. But easier said than done, right? How does someone do that? I wish I knew.

Nafadda, you are very fortunate that he was able to switch jobs. Four months at a stretch would be TORTURE! I would hate that. :)

Polly, you are right, it is healthy. I'm afraid I am not yet in the healthy space... I need to get to a point where I am a little less insecure and I can enjoy my time away from him. I don't have many friends here and I hate being alone for long periods of time, so it's hard but I am definitely working on it. I have decided to join a bowling league (oops, I originally typed "blowing league" ... talk about Freudian, haha) this September as a way to try and meet more people.

Desert Spring, you are right. THat is where I want to be! I'm working really hard everyday now to get to a place where I feel more happy and comfortable. Soooo insecure sometimes, it's feels horrible.

Everyone, you are so great. You make me feel like I'm normal, when I've always thought there was something inherently wrong with me in this regard (which made me feel worse).

Thanks for saying I'm normal, Nessa.

The day he leaves is drawing near. He's going Thursday AM, really early, so I will see him Wednesday night. Then I won't see him until the following Wednesday, because he's coming back late Tuesday night.

WAHHH! :(

Heehee, Nessa... obsessing is something I am quite proficient at. Sounds good to me.

Boohoo, now my stupid hurt feelings and crap made me go pick a fight with my boyfriend, and then he had to go out and I feel horrible. Waaahhhh!

Oops, edit -- yep, Nessa, he says he is going to call me everyday.

Nessa, you are sooo sweet! (((Nessa))) That's so nice! Thank you so much for understanding, you don't know how much that helps me! You help me feel so much better.

I know it won't be too bad, since I will be busy with my houseguests, and he wants to call me everyday, and all that.

The fight was stupid and ended quickly and he's such a sweetheart, everything is fine.

You are right, I will survive... still, I can't wait until next Wednesday!!

Julianne, I like your pic! I know, no more picking fights... makes both of us feel so bad. Blah! Nobody likes that. You are right, I need to send him off in some sort of memorable way...hmmm, the possibilities... :)

Nessa, that's nice that you guys get to spend the weekends together like that. I hate being alone on the weekends. My baby is a bartender, but doesn't have regular hours, so sometimes I get to see him and sometimes I don't. I would like it if we always spent the weekends together. We generally try to, but it doesn't always work out.

Oh Nessa, I'm sorry... that won't be fun for you. But you get to see him for part of it, right? That's good. I know I have difficulty focusing on the positive sometimes. :( Baggage is the worst. I need a steam trunk myself.

Julianne, don't worry, I know it's a joke -- it's cute -- "Whatever!" Heehee! When I saw that I started thinking that maybe in the future instead of using generic smilies, people will insert pics of themselves with different expressions and stuff... I don't know. I'm at work and therefore have a lot of time to think about such things... ;) (see, here I could insert a photo of myself winking)

Maria would have to take a zillion photos of herself, since she is so proficient with the smilies!!! :)

My baby's off on his trip. :( I know I will be okay, just gotta stay busy. I'm kinda proud of myself... I didn't cry when he left (I DID get tears in my eyes, though... but didn't cry!).

He's SO sweet! I will see him a week from now, Wednesday night.

I've been dreading it so much all summer, I've built it up into something bigger than it is... it will be so nice to move past this!

:)

Yes, stay busy! Do things that YOU like that HE doesn't. For instance, when Robin won't be home for dinner, I always cook something that I like that he doesn't. When he goes to a buddy's house to hang out and I don't feel like going (they play video games and watch slasher movies...just not my thing) I plan time out with my girlfriends.

When he goes to his Labor Day Weekend campout this year (which I'm invited to) I'm going instead to visit my dear friend JULIANNE! :D Get ready sister, I'm going to inspect your house with a microscope, housecleaner that I am! :D j/k!

My point is: You have a WHOLE WEEK to do stuff that just YOU like to do, so go out and make yourself do it. You know, if you sit home this whole week and brood about him, you'll hate yourself a month from now for wasting that time that could have been better spent. He's going to miss you the whole time he's gone (even more so if you don't answer the phone a whole lot...AND DON'T CALL HIM!!!) When he comes back, everything will be fine and you'll get back to normal. In the meantime, FORCE yourself to go out and do things you really, really enjoy but either don't take the time to do or don't do when he's around. You'll be so glad you did! It'll make you a happier person when he calls and you DO answer, as well as diminish your resentment of his leaving you to go have fun.

Remember, the phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." is really true, especially for men. They NEED to miss us in order for them to figure out how much we mean to them. Give him that chance to miss you. In the meantime, reconnect with yourself, and take the opportunity to become your own best friend again! :)

Heehee! That'd be cool if it makes him realize he loves me more. He's already really sweet and caring... but I can never get enough doting! Yeah! hehe

Yeah, I could use some of that housekeeping stuff out here. Man, I'm bad at that sort of thing.

Hey Nessa, I'm in Vancouver. Kind of a commute, I think. ;)

Julianne, thanks for the positive words! Yep, hopefully the week will go by quickly. I have house guests now (this is good... don't have to sit and brood) so I should stay pretty busy!

Pinkcat! Just wanted to say one last thing about this:

DON'T make him feel guilty for going off and having some fun. He'll resent it and you'll regret it later. Instead, try very hard to imagine yourself in his shoes, and how much fun you'd be having with your friends. You wouldn't cheat on him, you wouldn't do anything to sabatage the relationship, so you have to assume that he wouldn't do the same.

You know, I totally went NUTS last Labor Day when Robin went on a campout. I imagined him with ten girls at one time, I was upset because he didn't call me (he didn't call me because he knew I was so whacked!) and I almost broke things off. What I learned from it was:

It's okay to have a blast with your buddies and your s/o not be there.

I would certainly want the same privilege with my friends.

TRUST is everything. If someone is going to cheat on you when having a blast with buddies, then it's not someone you want anyway.

Treat others as you would have them treat you. Pinkcat, if your best friend won the lottery and had an all-female Carribean cruise, would you not go??? You'd be crazy not to! Try to imagine how much fun you'd have just being crazy and goofy, wearing whatever, doing whatever, and not having to worry about anyone else. Doesn't that sound great?

In that context, if you are in love with your man, and I think you are, be happy for him that he got some time off to enjoy himself and relax. The cooler you are about this, the more he is going to love you for it. If he was going to cheat, he'd have already been doing that kind of thing. Guys who go off with their buds now and then are just being goofy, silly guys, and relaxing. Girls are the farthest thing from their minds (significant others ARE on their minds though, they just don't talk about it to eachother)!

Polly, you are so right. I know he is totally trustworthy and he's just having fun, and I want him to have fun. I want him to be happy, and I am not going to make him feel guilty. It's all okay.

I just feel... weird. It's not his fault.

I like what you said: " Guys who go off with their buds now and then are just being goofy, silly guys, and relaxing. Girls are the farthest thing from their minds (significant others ARE on their minds though, they just don't talk about it to eachother)!"

That's probably 100% true! Thank you for that... I needed to hear it.

:)

Pink, I feel you want us to take away some doubts here by a lot of reinforcing and qualifying and validation of behavior going on here...Pink, as I mentioned before to you, if I ever have to worry about a guy I am dating, and I have worried about tons, then there is a problem...that is why we have our instincts...I agree with all that Polly has said, but then again, she is not worrying about what her man does....in the past, my ex hubby was a worry-free man...he still is...never late on child-support payments or tuition for college or alimony, never a worry on a business trip, no fooling around problems, we just grew apart...but my ex bf of 4 yrs on the other hand was not worry-free....I worried about him from '96-'00...he chased skirts, flirted with everyone at the party, called 'women friends on the phone', tried to start fights, loved to go places all the time minus me, had an alibi for breathing...each time I worried there was something up...and I learned from it...if I have to worry about a guy, there is something up generally...maybe you are worried cause you are more into him than he is into you possibly...I tend to feel that way about your relationship...it certainly is not a fling thing for you, you consider him your boyfriend, but then again, you aren't living together right nor are you married to him? So you can't see how he is doing 24/7 and does he consider you his girlfriend or just a friend with benefits? What I am driving at is that plenty of women have worry-free relationships with guys who are not living with them, and they don't have these panic attacks or weepy feelings because they know they are the girlfriend. Some how here, I feel like you might not be the girlfriend but a lover...and a lover holds a different status than a girlfriend I have learned. You are a girlfriend if he makes plans with you to do things in the future like vacations, meals out, trips, helping you paint your spare rooms, helping you with groceries, meeting his friends, going to parties. You are a lover if he only comes over for some heated passion on his terms and not yours. Don't want to rain on the parade, but just making some observations, and you can shoot them to pieces if you like. Hadley
P.S. Southern Bell, reread your thoughts, and got rid of Michael the lover on the side who had another plus me. He was getting arrogant in his behavior. Thanks for the past observations, SB.

Hadley, I appreciate your concern, really... but that is not the case here.

According to your definition, I am a girlfriend. We have tons of future plans together. He had to go away because he made these plans last year, before he knew me. He was very sad that he had to go. I was very sad that he had to go. He is totally committed.

He tells me almost every day that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. He's introduced me to all of his family in the area. At the end of August we are going on a two-week road trip to meet more family members.

I don't have casual sex. Period. Neither does he. We aren't like that. We were together for months before we got totally physical.

When I said that I needed to hear what Polly said, I wasn't referring to the thing about there being no girls there... I was referring to the part about significant others being on his mind. I know that I am on his mind because he's already called me to tell me he missed me. But I still like to hear that.

I'm sad because I miss him. My best friend is gone for a week. I have never really spent this much time away from him before (except once, right after we started seeing each other, and it was horrible). That's it. I'm not even the TINIEST bit afraid that he is cheating on me! Seriously. That is NOT my concern here. For a while, I was hurt that he wanted to go away from me, but I had to realize that he has had these plans since before he met me, and he didn't want to let these guys down because they are great guys. He was excited about going, but very upset about leaving me. (If we are apart for a day, we both get upset... and this is six days. ) He is staying with his family friends, whom I have met. This older couple.

I understand your view point, but I think you are coming from a different place. I can't blame you for that at all, as everyone is different... but suffice it to say that I would never be a "friend with benefits", I would never be more into someone than they are into me, I would never allow myself and my body to be used by someone with the potential to do that to me. So thanks for the concern, seriously! As I mentioned in my response to your PM, I had a boyfriend who cheated on me like that years ago, when I was a teenager. I knew the whole time, but didn't care because I didn't love him. But it taught me that I can't do that sort of thing. I am not made for that sort of relationship.

Maybe you would consider my boyfriend a nerd (albeit a cute one)! But he's perfect for me. And NOT a player at all.

Anyway, that was me in defensive mode, haha. I feel really low and I miss him a lot. He's just so sweet, a day without him in it is just a pale comparison. I'm not used to being away from him... it isn't enjoyable. I know that's pathetic, and that's why I came here with this thread.

Pinkcat, it's not pathetic at all, it's called "being in love"!

I read what Hadley said, and I have to disagree with her on something. I was living together with Robin three years already, when he went on that campout last year. I worried. I came here for advice about it, because I was a basket case. Robin had never, ever done anything of a kind to make me think he'd ever cheat on me, but what I figured out when it was all said and done was, some of my other relationships with guys I was really in love with DID cheat on me, and that's a pain I never, ever wanted to feel again. Therefore, it was hard for me to watch Robin go into a situation where something like that could happen. What I should have known was, Robin went into that situation loving me with with all of his heart, and was not going to allow anything to happen. Period! He resented my not trusting him, because he deserved to be trusted. The problem was all mine, not his. He also knew he had the right to hang out with his friends and have a good time. He doesn't party very often, so these are campouts where he gets to party hard, not worry about my kids seeing him like that, pass out, sleep late, go fishing, play cards, smoke cigars, party some more, and just let loose with no worries. He works very hard, he's a dedicated fiance, he is devoted to my kids, he has never once done anything to hurt or disrespect any of us, he's PERFECT if you ask me, so yeah, I'd say the guy deserves to go off and party one or two weekends out of the year with no worries.

Consequently, there was another campout on Memorial Weekend. Same place, same people. I went, but it just wasn't my thing. I liked the place, I liked the people, but I feel sick when I party too much. Plus, it was too laid back for me, I got pretty bored. I finally left and came home, but this time was different. I totally trusted Robin, and when I was leaving, do you know what he said to me? He looked straight into my eyes, and said, "Thank you." Very heartfelt. Then he kissed me very passionately. He was so grateful that I was being cool and letting him have his "guy time". I felt really good about myself and about us. When I came back to pick him up on Sunday, he was waiting for me eagerly, like a puppy in the pound! :D He was filthy, dirty and disgusting from 3 days of partying, but we were so happy to see eachother and you know what? Absence did make our hearts grow fonder. Ever since that weekend, we've been extremely close. We were already, but something about that weekend bonded us even more. :)

Polly, that's so cute -- he was all dirty and happy, like a puppy! I'm glad that made you two feel even closer.

My boyfriend doesn't party much at all either, beyond sitting around and having a few beers with his friends while he watches a movie or a hockey game or something. That's probably what they are going to do up there (minus the hockey, heehee). That'll make him happy, and I'm glad he's having fun. I still feel really sad, though. I miss him. I don't have very many friends here so I have sort of come to depend on him for my social life, which I am working on.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Robin sounds like a sweetheart.

:) :) :)

and if you have mentioned it in other posts, forgive me for not seeing it...curious how Polly and Pink met their ym? Any meeting is good net or real time, but wanted to know...Thx....
Hadley...

My boyfriend and I met through a mutual friend. That's pretty much the only way I've ever met anyone. It wasn't a set-up or anything, and I think our mutual friend was a little put-out by the fact that we got along so well, because he doesn't talk to either one of us anymore! Haha! Well, it was totally worth it!

Well, it's Day 4 and he's coming back the day after tomorrow (although I may not see him until the following evening). Anyway, I'm hanging in there. It's not as bad as I feared it would be, but I feel kind of depressed, even though I'm keeping busy.

I can't remember if I wrote all this earlier or not (and I'm too down to go back and read, haha), but ever since I started having troubles with my ex-husband a couple years ago (and eventually separated), I've been dealing with a depression... well, my ym has brought the sun back into my life. He's made me see that it is better to be positive and that I am able to be happy. Anyway, I feel weird and sort of pathetic to have become a little emotionally dependent on him, but I have (he's one of my only sources of support as I don't really know a lot of people here). I guess when you get down to it, that's why I have been dreading his going away. If I'm apart from him for a long period, the pain sort of comes back a little (although it's less and less now than it was even 6 months ago). I'm working on it, believe me...

Anyway, that's enough feeling sorry for myself. Gotta get moving here today! Thanks for reading.

It's okay, we've all gone through depression! I don't think there's a person here who hasn't.

Hadley, Robin and I met at a local bar, introduced by a mutual friend. Actually, the friend wasn't mine, but my girlfriend's friend. It's funny to hear that Pinkcat met hers through a mutual friend also. Anyway, in my case, we met, we talked nonstop for EIGHT hours after our first meeting which included our time spent together after the bar closed, my kids were gone for the weekend, people who saw us leave knew him and told me I was safe (we live in a small township outside of Cincinnati, sort of a rural area where everyone knows everyone), and we just hit it off really well! We dated from that night on, moved in together five months later, and here we are four years later, happier and more in love than I would have ever dreamed! I think Pinkcat's relationship has that same potential. It's totally natural to miss them and want to be with them every minute, especially in the beginning of the relationship (Hell, I'm still that way after four years) but not everyone is the same, and guys especially like to go out and goof off doing guy stuff. I didn't really understand it until I actually went along, and saw firsthand why only guys would want to be there!!! :D No female strippers or the like for miles! Just GOOFY guys doing GOOFY guy stuff! Guys can be kind of GROSS actually. :D