A quick intro & a depressing tale

Hi all,

Never thought I'm the kind who posts but some of the posts here touched me so I decide today I'm dipping my toe in. A little background. I'm a newbie so it's fair. Okay, here it goes.

My girlfriend, D., who is 36, and I broke up earlier this year after nearly two years of living together. Said she needed more "stability" but she moved in with her twice-divorced boss the same week !!?! I haven’t seen her since because she said she didn’t want to confuse her son, who bonded with me as the only “dad” he really knew. That one ripped my heart out.

She was my third LTR, and I really felt she was the one. Things were going great so after the initial shock, confusion, and yes, some groveling (shouldn’t have done it.), I went through the "what's wrong with me stage." Picked my ego off the floor, got back to the dating circuit for a few months, enough to validate that I can attract women, and no complaints the sex department (thanks to D., I’m well-schooled there).

My ex-college buddies kept dragging me out to hang out and meet people but I’m almost ready to give up on that scene—it’s depressing when I’m still trying to figure things out. And I’m done with the college drinking scene so it’s even more depressing (alcoholic family background—long story). So hitting the gym and burying myself in work are the things that bring me comfort these days. Career is a wonderful excuse.

I’d give my right arm to have D. back and she knew I’d marry her in a heartbeat.

Yes, I’m 20, and I’ve heard a million “go out and experience the world” speech. All I would say is if you know where I came from, you wouldn’t say that.

JH

From your post, it would seem that to her, it's over. That said, if I knew the cure for a broken heart, I'd gladly give it to everyone. We have all been there at some point. We grieve the loss. It takes time. Diving into your work and other interests may help. Think about yourself now, do things for you, take care of you. Better your life. I think by coming here, you came to the right place. There are many wonderful people here, who have varying opinions and ideas, as I'm sure you've seen if you've read some of the posts. I have no magic words or answers. Be patient with yourself, pamper yourself. Convince yourself that it is truly over, ended, done with.... only then can you begin to heal, and hopefully come out of it stronger and better than you were.

I wish I had greater words of wisdom, and each person must deal with what they have in their own way and time. Welcome to the Agelesslove boards, you may find a few friends here, so please jump in on threads you find interesting. This place can be a haven for some, and it is a great community. Hopefully it can be a small part of your healing.

Gen

Life sucks sometimes huh? I think you are headed on the right path. Your are doing things that help you get through and productive things at that! I just love hearing posts from mature sounding YM. I am sorry for the pain she put you through. I just think you sound like you have a good grasp on your life and even though it is just making it day by day at this point, you are doing it. Time is the great healer of these emotional hurts and I feel that we can maximize that time or waste it, thus expediting the healing or slowing it down. You are using that time wisely and it won't be so long before you are feeling like you can say "hey, I am doing great"
I agree with Gen about coming here. She said it so well. I think this is one more thing you can do to facilitate healing. Talking to others is such therapy. It feels like giant warm hugs. Keep posting and hang in there.

JH, I went through a very painful separation exactly 3 months ago. I thought I would never be able to love someone the way I had loved. That if it happened one day, it would take long.
I am in love now. I don't even think about the other anymore, and when I do, I feel I was so lucky to have been set free.
People here helped me through that difficult time, and it was here that I found someone without have looked for. It just happened!

Welcome, you'll make friends here.

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I feel so bad for you. I think it really sucks. I would be very hurt to if that happened to me. I think what your feeling and going through is very normal. I think you are on stand up guy to be able to share this with us. I wish I could push a button for you and make everything the way it was or the way you want it to be.

I know your going through a sad time right now and theres no point in saying "cheer up" "its for the best" (I hate when I'm down and people tell me that). But I know I can say with confidance that I'm sure you are a much better person for being with her and her son than you may have been with out. I'm sure you have learned something out of this that eventually will come to light. It may be just that you will be able to have more compassion for someone that the same thing happens to than someone who has never had anything bad, or it maybe just that it will mature you in someway. Who knows but I know I grow from every experiance good and bad.

I wish you luck and much happines, it sound like you are starting to move on. Again I wish I could provide more confort for you. Hugs, more hugs, big hugs you are a sweetie!

Welcome to Ageless. Being dragged out to party when you are still in the grieving stage is pointless, isn't it? While it doesn't sound like you are ready to date, this might be a good time to explore new things. Things that have nothing to do with finding a girlfriend. Whether it is art, music, philosophy, you might want to connect to your inner self rather than focusing on the world. Does that make sense? You will know when you are ready to get out there and mix it up. Good luck and be good to yourself.

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