people

my dad is a real mans man i am also a man but i feel like i am letting him and my mom down with the girl i have she is 43 i am 23. we have just returned from our first holiday together, we went backpacking to cambodia for three weeks. it was really a make or brake time for her i think. we had an amazing time. she got pissed off all the time with local people asking me was she my mother????? i said no wife and i think i got more respect for some reason.

anyone get really upfront people asking personal questions i know americans dont really hide what they are thinking or am i generalizing?

thanks

ronan

why you feel like you are letting your mom and dad down? (Sorry if that is too personal. Feel free not to answer)

http://www.gifs.net/animate/flower.gif

If your parents cannot support the idea that you are in a healthy, loving relationship then it is they who are letting you down.

you know when you are younger you want your parents to like you as a person. well
they want you to have a pretty girlfiend . and anyone that does not fir is is either wrong or they disaprove.
my parents are cool they have had to put up with alot from there kids.

i just want them to be prowd of me you know.

older women might seem good on paper but in reality alot more work i think

ronan

older women might seem good on paper but in reality alot more work i think

Hmmm...... an OW could say the same thing about dating younger men buddy!! Young men can bring lots of "work" to a relationship with things like......

-lack of maturity, coupled with lack of life experiences
-indecisiveness and lack of committment sometimes
-lack of financial security and career's in their infancy
-being self-centered and not knowing what they want in life

Don't make general statements like that here, or the members will hang you out to dry. ALL RELATIONSHIPS are 'work' and I suggest you focus the positive aspects of your relationship with your OW and what wonderful things come from it, and quit being so negative. Your parents don't live your life, and you should learn to live it for what makes YOU happy! Yes, it's nice to have that "approval" but living life to gain it will bring you misery.

If you feel that OW are so much "work"......try a high maintenance YW and take your chances. Life is what you make of it and relationships with OW or YW will always be "work" to be successful and flourish.

Good luck to you
Gypsy~

i was not trying to be taken down by anyone i have been going out with my ow for 4 years. good time to judge i think. all women and men are work but some work is more rewarding than others.
i agree high mantanance women are not worth it only for the looks and shallowness.

younger men and older women do work but i have been thrown into suitations that other guys my age dont have to deal with.

ronan

Sweetie, are you MARRIED to this lady? You said something about her being your wife. I would hope that these insecurities would be ironed out before you put a ring on someone's finger.
Have you talked to your parents about how they feel, and explained to them how YOU feel?
It sounds by your posts that you are letting society determine your feelings. Don't let that happen. If she's who you want to spend the rest of your life with, it doesn't matter what age she is. The people in your life will realize after a while that it's a good relationship.
Good luck to you both. :)

i was not trying to be taken down by anyone

Was just saying that I've seen a thread spin into chaos over "blanket statements" and "stereotyping".... it rubs some people the wrong way.

i have been going out with my ow for 4 years. good time to judge i think. all women and men are work but some work is more rewarding than others.

I guess it's a matter of perspective then. Do you feel that "the work" with all it's uniqueness is rewarding enough to fulfill your life? What is rewarding for one man, may not be for another. I would think after 4yrs, you'd know if the rewards outweighed the work.

i agree high mantanance women are not worth it only for the looks and shallowness.

for the record, my statement on YW was not meant to be a blanket statement.......would hate to seem hypocritical. :\

younger men and older women do work but i have been thrown into suitations that other guys my age dont have to deal with.

Yes, your relationship puts you into unique situations I'm sure. My point is, life is full of challenges and situations to overcome. You could be with someone your own age, and have your younger partner suddenly come down with a terminal illness or become disabled in an accident. That would also be a situation that "other guys your age" might not have dealth with.

Sorry if my post seemed harsh, but I hate when people start looking for reasons to leave a relationship, and sabotaging it....thinking the grass is greener on the side --and then realize later they had a good thing...but it's too late then. The key is to live life for you and what makes you happy...... not your parents.... not to stay in the norm....... just my .02 cents.

Best wishes
Gypsy~

it is all cool. i am not married to her but we might as well be for all the time we spend together. i know i let alot of people get to me but in a small society like ireland it is different i think( saying that i dont know how we would be percieved in the states0 but it seems to happin alot ovet there.

we have just come back from 3 wweks together in cambodia and she says i am the one for her. does her saying she loves me all the timew make it any less for her? just wondering

ronan

we have just come back from 3 wweks together in cambodia and she says i am the one for her. does her saying she loves me all the timew make it any less for her? just wondering


I don't understand the question. Does her saying that you are the one for her and that she loves you make what less for her?

you know when you are younger you want your parents to like you as a person. well they want you to have a pretty girlfiend .


HUH??????:confused:


she's 43 so she can't be pretty?????I'm not sure I understand:confused: :confused:


for 23 you are a little too concerned about what your parents think,maybe you should do your girlfriend a favor and find someone else.I know if my BF had ever said something like this about me I would have ended it right then.good luck,your gonna need it.

Your parents will be proud of you and respect you if you stick to your guns about who you are, what's important to you and who you love and why.

If they don't, then their respect isn't worth having.

I don't think anyone is proud of someone who bases their decision on who to love on what other people think. I hope not, anyway .....

And yes, of course being with an older woman throws a younger guy into some different situations at different times than he might face with someone his own age. It has too. You know that after four years, don't you?

I can't tell you whether or not it's worth it. It is to some people, isn't to others. It's your decision and you'll have to make it. Just think about what you want, and then honor any commitment that you decide to make with your full being, honestly and straightforwardly....

You mentioned that OW relationships take a lot of work... maybe it is just YOUR older woman relationship that is taking a lot of work. Older women are just like younger women, some of us take more work than others.

How do you feel when you are with your girlfriend, happy, nervous, peaceful, anxious, bored, sad, angry, frustrated, sensual etc.? I think you need to forget about what your parents think for awhile and get clear on what you think now about your girlfriend. Do you really love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her?

The best way to honor one's parents is to be all that you were meant to be. We dishonor our parents who gave us life by, second guessing and living their life for you, rather than YOUR Life for YOU. To thy ownself be true...

I have a 21 year old BF and I also have a 23 year old son. I don't care if my son's GF has a third eye in the middle of her forehead and is as ugly as sin. I think I would be more proud of him if he could love someone who did not fit the norm in the "beauty department". It would show me he was not shallow and superficial. I would only want to know if he were happy. I would like to think that external beauty is not what makes him happy.
Btw...my son has a GF and she is cute. She is no beauty but her personality makes her even prettier the more I am around her. I guess that is why he is dating her. :) I have a good son!

I think if your parents are hung up on you having a pretty GF...well, I guess I can understand where you get your own doubts from. Try to move past that! Even if you have a young, pretty GF now (and I agree with nafadda, you can be very pretty at 43) at some point we all lose that youthful beauty. Is the "pretty gf" what they want or are they more hung up on the age issue?

Have your parents told you they feel you are letting them down?

My parents weren't thrilled with my new relationship, due to the facts that he is younger and also, they really love my ex-husband and want me to stay with him. But it didn't matter... that just seemed like a little obstacle I needed to overcome with them and then move on. Nothing can keep me from doing something I really want to do!!

Is it possible you are looking for an excuse to break up with her? You feel guilty, so you want to blame your parents?

23 is too old to let them control your life.

Ronan, sweetie...
Older women is not for everybody.
Older women is only for special men
Can you take that?
Adri

[Tru](and I agree with nafadda, you can be very pretty at 43) [/QUOTE]

thanks tru,I was starting to worry thinking my "pretty" days were over:confused:

there should be alot more to a relationshiop then just what someone looks like anyway.:)

i think i can handle it but people are such ****s sometimes. on holidays all i got from locals was is she your mother. it upset her more than me.

i do love her i really do and we have gotten through some really bad times
but we are still here in our 4th year together something has to be said about that.

i agress my ow has a better body than alot of younger women and i did not mean that older women cant be pretty it is what i was trying to say frommy parents side.
my parents are cool by the way about most , my brother is a recovering addict with a kid, so they have gone through alot