The Girls At Work and I Were Talking

Hey All.....
I was talking with a few friends recently, and we were wondering how others would feel/what they would do if any of the following happened to them, seeing as it has ALL happened to one (if not all) of us (in no particular order):
1) your BF takes every chance you're not home or not hanging out together to look at porn
2) your BF talks suggestively and flirtaciously with women online
3) your BF talks openly and in an explicitly sexual manner with women online
4) your BF does both of the above in person
5) your BF only calls you by "pet names" and never your real one
6) When your BF does try to use your real name (especially in bed) it gets garbled and is more of a mumble... and not because he's in a moment of ecstacy
7) your BF will tell you one thing and when you ask about a detail, it's a whole different story
8) you find panties that are not yours in your BF's room
9) your BF would rather give up parental rights than pay child support
10) your BF hits you for no apparent reason, so you don't know what set him off
11) When you talk, then stop suddenly or pause for a long time your BF doesn't even notice
12) your BF seems to be giving you good reason he's interested in someone else/not acting the same as he once did
13) you get sick (too sick to drive) and your BF won't take you to the doctor
14) your BF underestimates your intelligence on several issues and levels
OK i think that's all i can remember.... it's been a long couple of days at work... seems everyone (the women working there range from around 21-31 that i've been talking to) has had or is having pretty significant man troubles (both age gap and similar age relationships) so i thought i'd hop back on here after taking some time off and see what you all thought..... hope everyone is well.
~Lucky

Where do I begin......

Using pet names is the oldest trick in the "players" handbook...By training oneself to always call the woman you are with "Baby", you never have to worry about calling them someone elses name.

Watching porno all the time is whacked (no pun intended). Watching to add a little "spice" is no problem.

In my humble opinion, cheating is cheating. Whether its online or in the flesh.

Hitting is never OK. Any man that hits my daughter will find himself being chased by myself, my son and the police.

Men not listening to a woman who is droning on and on about some inane subject is normal (sometimes we just cant help it). Shutting their partner completely out is a problem.

Not driving a truly sick person to the Dr is just wrong.

Questioning a woman's intelligence is an effective tactic to stop a disagrement before it becomes a debate....everyone knows we always lose the debate. ;-)

These girls in your office are running with the wrong men...they need to come to this site :-)

How is that for some shameless self-promotion.

GF

I couldn't agree more Danika......

To turn your back on your own child for a few bucks is truly disgusting.

GF

Kick him in the nuts and run.

I was waiting for Lucky to say that IrishKid does ALL 14 of those!

:eek:

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/20.gif

(My new toy...)

ROFLMBO!

datura81's reply sums this post up as perfectly and completely as it could be done, In 7 simple words!

You go dat!

liberté, égalité..........and ils dans les écrous! (freedom, equality..........and kick them in the nuts!):D

I agree with all of that but the pet names I think. There could be a pet name that may have special meaning. Other than that, at least half of those would indicate a person who may well be an abuser either emotionally or even physically were they to end up married. Kick to the nuts twice and walk calmly away. No need to run if the kick is applied correctly. lol.

If my BF did any ONE of those things (except #s 5 and 6 in certain circumstances), I would be out the door without explanation. All of those things are disrespectful, and some are just completely immoral/illegal. I may be young, and I may not understand men, but my theory is that if a man needs/wants porn and/or to flirt with other women, then that man needs to be with someone other than me. Yeah, I would tell him to go out and find himself a nice doormat instead.

Hey all.....

Thanks for responding.... your input (as always) is very welcome and very received.... truth be told... those 14 things have actually happened to me (well, except for the child support thing because i don't have a kid) at one point in my life, either in the past or more recently.... it's always nice to know you're not crazy and other people can and do think the same way....

Hope everyone's well!
~Lucky

A lot of these apply to the ex...but not so much D....

1) your BF takes every chance you're not home or not hanging out together to look at porn

The ex: watched porn to get off while I was gone
D: makes sure I am there with him to share the experience :D

2) your BF talks suggestively and flirtaciously with women online

The ex: Never
D: Never

3) your BF talks openly and in an explicitly sexual manner with women online
4) your BF does both of the above in person

The ex: Never
D: Never


5) your BF only calls you by "pet names" and never your real one

They both had/have pet names for me, but I had/have pet names for them too...I love it :)

6) When your BF does try to use your real name (especially in bed) it gets garbled and is more of a mumble... and not because he's in a moment of ecstacy
7) your BF will tell you one thing and when you ask about a detail, it's a whole different story
8) you find panties that are not yours in your BF's room
9) your BF would rather give up parental rights than pay child support

Nope

10) your BF hits you for no apparent reason, so you don't know what set him off

Any guy who thinks it's okay to hit females is a dirty dirty bastard!

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/doghouse.gif

11) When you talk, then stop suddenly or pause for a long time your BF doesn't even notice
12) your BF seems to be giving you good reason he's interested in someone else/not acting the same as he once did

Nope


13) you get sick (too sick to drive) and your BF won't take you to the doctor
Obviously my health isn't an issue to this person...I'd be pissed!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/pee1.gif I'd give him a piece of my mind if that ever happen...jerk!

I guess overall my relationships are pretty normal...but there's my info....grrr

my boyfriend has never hit me either. roflmao

I should hope not...there's a special web site for men like you

Sheesh, you weren't supposed to believe me! lol. As I said before though most of these things can be considered abuse since often times the mental abuse can be far worse than the physical abuse. anyone finding themselves subject to those things should search on the internet for sites which will help them deal with that, including the site where I am a virtual angel, nbcf.org

If I believed you I'd be sitting in a corner rocking back and forth :)

BTW...saw the site...that is so sad...but thanks for posting it.

well, it is sad in one way and yet when you see some of the other sites that I have seen, some of the other stories, it is more a beacon of hope that something is being done to fight the violence.

It makes me all warm and fuzzie inside knowing that people here have such wonderful hearts :)

perhaps we have indeed brought each other together here.

Perhaps.

Ummmm Abacon....

The things i enumerated in my previous and original post were really serious... the fact that you'd make light of them in your post offends me in many ways... specifically because my last ex boyfriend did do most of that stuff to me... so i don't take it lightly to say that my boyfriend hit me.....

but then again, thanks for your input.

Luckylass, I didn't mean at all to make light of them and you have my apology if I gave that impression. I have spent many nights and many hours looking for resources to fight domestic violence, address and phone numbers which could be useful to victims, and things such as that, so I would never make light of anyone who suffered any abuse. I have found though that sometime I have to laugh a little in order to not let some of that get to me, like the 16 year old who hanged himself for fear that he would grow to be an abuser like his father, who had killed his natural mother. The worst condemnation I feel against this country is that we are spending all the money it takes to put a piece of metal into space and yet not enough to give an abused person the knowledge to prevent the abuse in the first place when possible or how to escape it when necessary, where shelters are available, or even making more shelters available. again, I apologize if I gave the impression of making light of them and congradulate you for getting beyond that.

when you really think about it, we have become everything our forfathers came here to escape from. they were not allowed to have the religion of their choice in their schools and churches and we are not allowed to have the religion of choice, or non religions as well, in ours. They were taxed without any representation to support a war with Spain, and we Had Viet Nam and now the most recent military efforts to invade countries we may not have even been able to find on a map. We are supposed to be the number one power of the world but in fact when you take into account medical care, education and adjusted real income, we are down to 7th in the world and I believe sinking lower rather than rising as we help other nations gain those things we are surrendering in the name of their freedoms. Certianly I believe there are those areas in the world which need our help but I believe it is a moral choice to be made by us and not something mandated upon us by our government at the cost of our own freedoms. The events of 9-11 were tragic and shocking to us all, but to many like myself who saw that we can not interfere in the affairs of other countries with out them attacking us, the only surprize was the success and not at all that it happened.
I would rather see money spent in schools for such things as the atrium program which teaches self esteem, how to deal with bullies in school, and fighting abuse, for programs as early as perhaps the first and second year of school to teach that abuse is wrong, programs which teach rather than simply provide jobs for educators, programs that ensure that every american has a bed to sleep in whether in a shelter or a home, and so on. If we continue to try to enforce our form of government elswhere in the world without solving these problems, we are not necessarily improving their lives as much as spreading our faults and playing a slight of hand game where those who need help are not getting it. As long as one or two people, like lucky lass, can say I was hit or I was abused, I feel that we have as a society have failed them and we need to admit that and then do something about it. And now I will step down from the soapbox. lol

I wouldn't get *too* upset at AbaCon's post. What is it we say? We laugh when we don't want to cry? I only say that because I'm always making jokes about serious issues. What can I say? It's a coping mechanisim.

Well, my EX did quite a few of those things on the list. Soooo, what I did when I was good and darn ready was. . . .

kick him in the nutz and run. LOL

Actually, what I really did was divorce him. Leave him (read - leave his EGO) in a quaking mass of tears begging me for another chance. But by that time, I'd felt I'd given him enough chances and I was definitely in "Fack you" mode. I walked. He got over it and is now in a relationship with a woman 8 years younger than me. (Which is fiiine by me. LOL.)

B, however, does absolutely none of those things. He isn't even into porn. He has this theory about porn and men whacking off to it that sounds pretty dead-on. And personally, I'm glad he feels that way. I am *still* not over all the crap my ex put me through in regards to porn (Not actual sexual abuse, but quite often demeaning comparisons, using it's existence as "proof" to override my feelings about certain positions or sexual acts [you know...the "Well THEY are doing it thing...."] or just simply MAKING me watch it.) That's not to say that B has never looked at it in his life or that he hasn't used it with the ex to "spice things up." Moreover, he respects the ill feelings I have towards porn in magazines or movies and therefore I get to feel confident and part of our sex life rather than someone who is having what I call "Sex at" their partner. LOL. I never had sex with my ex husband. He usually just had sex at me. ROFLMAO.

As for hitting, the ex hit me once. Actually, he hit me and then choked me into near unconciousness. But all was well! My dog attacked him and I almost ran over him with the car when I was running away. :rolleyes:

As for B, he hits me all the time. As a matter of fact, we beat the living crap out of each other. But we are wearing pads, gloves, masks, etc. It's for sport. LOL. Actually, the worst thing he has ever done was yell at me (which he still feels bad about), made me feel bad (which he still apologizes for) and irritate me to the point where I WANTED to hit him. LOL.

But...yeah....I'd probably kick him in the nuts and run....

ROFLMAO.

Happy

Might As Well Go For The Male Side Of This Thread,

1) your GF takes every chance you're not home or not hanging out together to look at porn
(My sons mother)
Was addicted to porn

2) your GF talks suggestively and flirtaciously with men online
Was before internet....so she just did it in person with them and on the CB radio

3) your GF talks openly and in an explicitly sexual manner with men online
Same as above

4) your GF does both of the above in person
Yep she sure did

5) your GF only calls you by "pet names" and never your real one
Hmm....is A**hole a pet name?

6) When your GF does try to use your real name (especially in bed) it gets garbled and is more of a mumble... and not because she's in a moment of ecstacy
Um..I'm not Steve, Kevin or Fred!

7) your GF will tell you one thing and when you ask about a detail, it's a whole different story
She couldn't get the same story right twice in a row

8) you find panties that are not yours in your GF's room
Yes....and mens underwear as well! (sadly NOT a joke)

9) your GF would rather give up parental rights than pay child support
Actually gave up the child to keep from it (not my son, a daughter to her ex)

10) your GF hits you for no apparent reason, so you don't know what set her off
Repeatedly

11) When you talk, then stop suddenly or pause for a long time your GF doesn't even notice
Never got much talking in with her...but yes

12) your GF seems to be giving you good reason she's interested in someone else/not acting the same as she once did
Just assumed it was all my fault back then, yes she had many reasons ALL of them not her fault

13) you get sick (too sick to drive) and your GF won't take you to the doctor
Broke my hand and she refused to take me to hospital (squeezed it as hard as she could and called me a pu**y! instead)

14) your GF underestimates your intelligence on several issues and levels
*See pet name 'a**hole' above!

Yeah abusive relationships can be a two way street! Its a bit harder for a man to be the one being abused ONLY because back then there were no programs setup for men.
From experience, I can understand the humiliation of being a man in that type of relationship.

There is no easy way to 'just walk away' as so many outsiders tell you to do. If I had not moved 1500 miles away and severed all contacts with friends and family (for the better part) She WOULD have found me! Even then it took 4 1/2 years to be brave enough to return home.

The week I returned she was there the second day to see me. To try and re-kindle our 'love' To this day she swears I'm the 'one' and will be there for me if ever I need her.

This abusive, manipulative, monster! was in fact a very loving very sweet person when she wanted to be. Thats what abusers are like. I only had to realize that I cared 'about' her not 'for' her to finally be able to stay in the same place as her for any given time. Raising a child together means I do need to do that.

But I've rambled on here with only a bit of insight.

Don

Rolls....sorry you had to go through that....but sometimes you have to endure the crappy days to reach the days of bliss.

Happy...I'm sooo happy to see you posting more...miss you!

Thanks EM,

On the up side, I did get a fantastic Son out of it all! And relationships like those in my past just make this one I'm in with C seem so 'romance book' perfect!:)

Don

Now that we have changed this string to include guy complaints...

Have you ever gone to the gym and found your gf working out with a young guy (while she was supposed to be at work)?

Have you ever found out that your gf was buying stuff for her lover with credit cards that you pay?

Have you ever been embarrassed to find that your gf has told every detail of your relationship to all her friends?

Wow, this is depressing...I am stopping now...

GF

That sux pretty badly. OUCH!!!

That's o.k. She wasn't worth of your worry anyway!!!

Still stings, though...

Hmmmm...and you can't really kick her in the nuts and run, either. You *could* however, tell people the *real* reason you broke up was because, as much as you loved her, you just could NOT get over the fact that she passes HORRIBLE gas every time she swallowed a bit of food and that due to the poor hygene habits regarding her toenails that you...just...well you just couldn't carry on. ;) :p

I know. I'm horrible. LOL.

Happy

LOL @ Happy :D

Gray....WTF?!!! Good thing she's not in your life any more...fooey on her!

Rolls: See! I'm glad you have such a positive outlook on the whole thing...that makes you super ;)

How about when your online gf sends you a pic of when she was 27...but she is 45...and fails to tell you it was an old pic...that is...until she is about to meet you and has to explain the extra 50 pounds....

Amazing how the memory slips... ;-)

Or...when she needs to borrow money for Christmas for her kids...just a few thousand...and then seems to forget about it. Good thing it is only money...true love is worth soooo much more.

The IrishKid!

Whatta money grubbing *****....

but we're glad to see you posting!

What about when you spend $500 on your boyfriend on a desk that he did the 'please get me that for Christmas' dance...and in return he gives you sweats...WTF! :mad: grrr

OH my gosh! I'm feel so lucky to have my man. We both have morals and belive in God. I have dated men in the past who liked to look through dirty mags, and watch porn. That of course is unacceptable to me, they didn't last long. Hitting, cursing, flirting with others,,, never. Thank God!!!!

sounds like you've snagged yourself a good one :D

danika,

Thanks!
it really impresses me that you don't seem to have a resentful bone in your body, even though she put you through so much.

I wish I could say I've always been like that, But there was a period in my life after I got away from her when I very resentful about it. It took alot of inner turmoil, and work on my own self esteem to learn to accept that theres going to be good people and bad people in life.

I think the main thing to learn (for myself at least) is that when your dealing with a person that tries to drag you down to their level (eg: verbal abuse, physical abuse, empowerment) is if you cannot bring them 'up' to your level or help them change. NEVER stoop to their level as a form of compromise! And as hard as it may be, Get Out Somehow!

Sadly so many people get drug down to that level together and then we either read about the results in the news or in the obituaries (or watch it on Jerry Springer)!

Abaconw sees so much more of this I'm guessing with his many ways of trying to help these type of cases! So a big tip of the hat to Ab!

Don