Update

I apologize if it seems like I'm using this as a get advice, leave forum... but things pop up and down in my life so frequently, heh.

Anyway, since this: http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3230 in late February:

I've gotten a job (in my 10th week, overnight stocking, heh), and I'm finalizing going to college in New Jersey in six weeks. My darling and I are really happy about this, being together, and me finally going back to school, after 15 months away.

My reason for going to school in NY/NJ area was actually ready even before Caroline and I were even friends, and my parents knew it then, but now they're opposed to me going; and their problem is with her. I am going to live in a dorm, and yes, I will see her.

And, I finally got the dreaded: "Us or her" (and this includes my two younger brothers, who I love dearly.

I am prepared to take them to court to be able to see my brothers if absolutely necessary, and I will tell them this when I speak to them next. However, if they truly will not see past everything, and show at least one ounce of care for me and my decisions, I am fully prepared to cut them from my life if need be.

My primary problem with dealing with them is their excuses of 'it's sick', 'she's disgusting', etc. ring quite remarkable of excuses that used to be used in regards to interracial couples. That they consider to be a pedophile shows how much they respect my own maturity.

That I haven't broken down displays how much that scenario in January-March aged me.


Anyway, any advice on how to handle this would be much appreciated, but, I have told Caroline, and am prepared to tell my parents, that no matter what, I am going through as planned (and I believe this will be settled once plane ticket is bought; finishing up financial aid/class registration asap).

Good to hear from you -- I was wondering what had been happening.

Not good to hear that your parents are still being rigid in their bias against Caroline! But I'm glad that you're following through with your plans in spite of their ultimatum.

A court challenge will be expensive, and may result in every sordid detail of your and Caroline's lives being put on public display. It's a rare person who can stand that kind of scrutiny, and not come out of it looking "disgusting" -- the most benign and innocent events turn sinister under the microscope. And it would be your parents' lawyer's job to make the two of you appear so depraved and immoral that you shouldn't have access to your brothers.

I've forgotten how old your brothers are, so I'm not sure if there will be times when they go out unaccompanied by your parents, when you could arrange to see them. Old enough to use a hotmail account to exchange email with you (probably not from the home computer)? Old enough to argue with the parents when they try to enforce the ban?

The court thing is something I just through in, and I'd be willing to go into debt for life for the chance to possibly just see them in the courtroom. I'd be willing to die for them. I'd be willing to go to hell for them. But I can not, and will not, give up my darling.

My parents asking me to choose one or the other is much like asking me to choose which of my dogs to drown. I can not do such a thing.

I am going to purchase a phone card for each of my brothers (coming on 16 and 14 soon), and give them my cell phone number once I get one, and give them my email address. My father has stated the only contact I shall have with them is through his work email, but I'll be damned if I abided by that. I want to see my brothers grow up, and I'd rather not wait until they are 18 to do so.

My father said he's fine with my going to school, but does not want Caroline in my life at all. It hurts me to do so, but I am fully prepared to lie through my teeth for as long as it takes if need be (although I doubt I will be believed).

Furthermore, if my parents do go through with this threat, they will find that they will have lost my love. I'm a very forgiving person... but even that has limits.

I read again your previous thread.
You are brave standing up for what you want. And I know that you would never forgive yourself if you went against your beliefs, you may be wrong, but you are not hurting anyone else but you with this decision, the others get hurt because of their own need to control you.
Parents have a limited role in our lives. My mother has always been against my moving abroad. I understand her, she's my mother, she wants me close to her. She didn't like one of my ex, she was right, but when I went into the pain of realising it, she didn't say "I told you", she said you're not alone, I am here.
A parent should be there to give you advice, but if you stick to your idea and it's nothing illegal or that is really going to hurt someone without need, they should be there for you.
So, if it doesn't work, what is the problem? Many relationships don't work, not only age-gap ones, or divorced people ones. We can only try, since none of us know the outcome for sure.
Keep in mind that your obligation is to be honest, sincere, loving. How people treat you is not of your responsability. We can only direct our own life and this should be repeated over and over again to parents of young adults.
All my best wishes for you!
http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/contrib/fk/hearts.gif

I have only one more question to add...

How do you deal with 'It's just sick'?

Sick is something that implies a disease, so in your case a mental disease. I guess if you are sick, this site should be considered a hospital. And we don't want to be treated...:)
If you are sick, tell them to send you to a psychiatrist. Take them to the consultation. You'll have the best laugh of your life.

Have you two met in person yet? How did it go? Was it romantic? Comfortable? Passionate? Please share! Thanks!
Barbara :D

Not yet, and will share. Should be the day I arrive for school (Aug. 29th).

Had to go back to your previous thread for this, but I really don't understand how your parents think they can police your social activities in New Jersey when they live in Missouri? Admittedly my US geography isn't what it should be, but won't that be kind of difficult? Or are they relying entirely on your honour in this?

Did nobody ever tell them that young adult children who go away to college do all kinds of things which would meet with parental disapproval, and the vast majority survive quite well? A substantial dose of "what I can't see won't hurt me" would do them good right about now.

I'm not a parent, but the Ideal Parent in my head (the one I would have been, LOL) tells me that there comes a time when parents just have to let their offspring start to make their own decisions in life, for good or for bad, hoping that they have managed to instill enough values/morals/common sense that the child will make the right choices.

Provided that the degree you get in New Jersey will put you on the road to the career that you want -- and that your social activities don't interfere with your academic achievement -- what's the problem?

You are absolutely correct about parenting young people. If you have done a good job, most kids will pull through ok. At this point it is too late to shut the barn door so to speak.

You know, I did not share with my folks who I was dating like a lot of YM say they do here at ageless. I wasn't trying to keep anything from them, just didn't want them worrying about something needlessly. See if I were in a YM shoes, I wouldn't mention much until I met the woman and knew it was a go.