"May-Dec. Love With a Twist," Washington Post

If you happen to get THE WASHINGTON POST, Fri. June25, 2003, look on page A18 at the story about the African couple that are making waves in their country of Nairobi. They fell in love and married this week. She is 67, and he is 25. He fell for her fisty political views , and she fell for his helpfulness and willingness to aid her in household chores. They talked, they held hands, they discussed life, they married--now the African press and fellow countrymen and women are ripping them to shreds. Read it, relish in it.
.:~*~:. Viva la differance~!!!!!.:~*~:.
Hadley

Just read it on the Post's website! Too bad Kenyan society is so uptight about their wedding, but every society has to have its pioneers.

BRAVO!

ill second the bravo=) and wish them many years of happiness!

Hmmmmmmmm, yes Al ... something to consider to be sure ... Always the mathematician :cool:

Princessdy :D

Glad you got a chance to see the article...yes, they deserve out kudos for having the b*lls to do what was in their hearts...am still fighting for explanations to male friends much more than female friends who don't understand me going on blind dates with 25 yr olds and anyone younger than myself for that matter...tonight met for happy hour a platonic male single friend and his buddies just to talk...we hang out as friends only about 3x a month...he is 40 and was going on and on about how I was wasting my time believing any male who is 25 -33 regarding sincerity of purpose in dating an older woman...he just went on and one about how awful it was and how 'stupid' I was for even giving a 20 something the time of day, that I was in such a minority...no argument or defense I could come up with could muster to his loud outcry...there was one guy at the table who was a bit appalled that my friend would be so vehement about the topic...but apparently it is still a very sore subject...much more I feel than whites and blacks dating or very old guys with very young women or gays even...it was more a shame, shame thing...any way to make a long story short, I came home and am sitting here now with a splitting headache...I know others here have gone thru the same situation...
Hadley

I'm proof that this is not always true, so:

Hadley : 1

platonic male single friend : 0

Damn, what a turn on!!! ;)

.......is so vehemently against her dating younger men because it makes HIM feel rejected and undesirable. He does not necessarily have an interest in Hadley per ce. It's just that in his deep-down perception, she and most women prefer a younger male age group, which by definition excludes him. Inside, he feels that younger men ARE more attractive and more POTENT than him, he is upset that he is aging, and he is angry and envious of them.

Because voicing this would make him sound ridiculous, he covers up the reasons for his gut-level reaction to her dating, by ridiculing her, "looking after her best interest-which is to date older men", and disparaging his younger men competitors.

His behavior is just thinly disguised sour grapes. I admire Hadley's patience with him!

Almeiraz
www.YourLoveAdvice.com

Almeirez, that makes me feel a lot better...H.

I have ALWAYS had a bad reaction about dating younger men from men my age. When I was 34 and dating a 20 year old, guys that age went nuts. It is the same at 40, 50 and older. Most cannot stand it. Funny how they can nudge the cronies elbow in approval when it is one of THEM that is dating a much younger woman. Oh well, it is not my problem. :D

Gang,
I just want to thank you for being here, for this board being here, so I don't feel so much like a misfit in life...cause I know we all feel at times like misfits...I had never felt so badly over this age gap thing as this weekend with my small minded friend...even my sons, 26, 24, 17 and my old parents in their 80's don't give me flack, they accept me as I am...but this weekend I felt on the verge of crying two times...I told you about the Friday experience...tonight I stupidly took my same male friend to a birthday party of an old friend who just turned 40...Rich, my birthday friend, had told all of us to bring anyone along that we wanted to...the guy who can't handle age gaps (Gary is also 40 and is critical of me) I took him to do him a favor. Well, the minute he and I hit the club, cause the party was held at a club, Gary showed his jealousies...and I have learned that his is just sheer envy, jealousies over anyone having a normal or budding loving relationship that he has not had yet or is not in...Rich was there with his new found month old relationship with a beautiful girl who is 25...Rich is 40...it is the happiest that I have seen Rich in 3 yrs...he was so unhappy last year over being dumped by someone, but tonight he was glowing...you can tell when a man and a woman are falling in love and it is so nice to see and watch...she had long flowing silky brown hair down her back...Gary was just miffed about all that...so obvious...they were being very sweet and endearing to each other like people do who are falling in love with each other...Gary turns to me and says to me as they are going off to get drinks..."If you think that any 25 yr old male that asks you out is going to stay with you by the time you are 60 when you will look a lot worse than you do now, you are just fooling yourself...when he looks at you at 60, I guarantee, he will be gone...stop dating 25 yr olds or any man even in his 30's...it won't work...you might look ok now, but believe me, you won't later...now just think about it would you..."he went on and on...
at first I felt intimidated, then I felt like crawling into a hole, then I felt like crying, that I was worthless...he had done a good job of putting me down...The topper was that after saying all that, he gets up, pretends to hit the restroom, but actually leaves the party...and we didn't realize it until about an hour into the party...the doorman filled me in that he had dissed us at the door and booked...I got into my car, left early, felt so alone, was literally seething...about to cry...drove and drove trying to decide what to do...then I said, this time I am not being Miss Calm...I have learned as a teacher not to ignore bad behavior in kids or they never learn from it...it won't go away...so I decided when I got home, that I would block his phone number...never pick it up again and block his im's and mail...then I dialed his cel phone and said as angrily as I felt, "Listen you little piece of sh*t, I will never ever get you a date with any of my girlfriends ever again [I have gotten him 4 so far] as long as I live...never again ask me to take you any place or to hook you up with my girlfriends cause I won't...you are just a piece of sh*t and you don't know how to act!!! Take me off your list cause you sure are off mine!!!" Then I got on the phone and called one of his work friends who also knows me...and he confirmed that this behavior of Gary's has been going along for a while...that this behavior has earned him angry reactions from women, that it has been around a while and to not let myself worry over it...that he didn't know how to act...I was relieved to know that it was a pattern...but I will say that it was the first time I had ever felt any irrational prejudice that was directed at me...I had been reading what many had written but having friendly family members I couldn't really relate cause all of my girlfriends as well accepted me for who I am...but this male reaction was just mind boggling...and reminded me of what the Nairobi lady must be feeling or Demi Moore for that matter...trying to reason with the man and tell him that I read each day success stories didn't matter to him, it was all a blind anger, misguided prejudice that he had already built into his head that I was some freak and misfit of society to be laughed at, and I was like the king without any clothes...what is with this man's reaction to older women...it is like women are not supposed to be loveable over the age of 39 or something...I hope I never see this friend again who is now an ex friend, and will go out of my way to avoid him...sometimes you just have to cut your losses...irrational hatred just because of age gap differences is so foreign to me...I feel like it is the last holdout in taboos that need to be knocked down and that haven't been really attacked yet. Hadley

in there for everyone to read...I have learned one thing about males/sorry guys/ some males can be worse than women in being catty...they can do just as much damage with their tongues...We are studying what psych's call 'weenie parents' in an ed workshop I have to take this summer...'weenie parents' raise brats...brats can't handle 'no', or 'not now', or 'it is none of your business'...'weenie parents' never say such things to their kids, and the kids grow up to be brats who can't handle the above statements from teachers, mates, or peers or office workers...I think my buddy Gary was reared a brat...his mom reared a brat cause he sure acts like one...if we hang around brats long enough, they turn on us, yell at us, drag us down, too...negativity around you does two things to you: a) it makes you become negative or b) it makes you want to leave the negative person...I decided to leave the negative person...
Trish, you found the magic word, 'toxic'...that he is.

It is true that some men that age think we are terrible for wanting younger men. Brings and Winter says that men that age are often going through mid life crises and of course want someone younger who will reaffirm their virility, so they do not want somone their age or close to it. BUT oddly enough, not only do they not want us, they think that no one should want/have us and that we should just sit on a self somewhere and whither away. WELL, that may have been the norm awhile ago, but now WE know differently, don't we ladies? ;) Often times we have a lot more to offer a ym than our male peers do a yw. So just why did Hadley's "friend" bolt? Perhaps he felt threatened.... as ANOTHER woman's movement is on the horizon....

I've had positions with immigration and am aware of how the culture is 'different' (wacked) from other countries. If he were a King and decided he wanted this woman for political reason there would be a lot of admiration for him. There is always peer pressure among the 'poorer' men who must take several wives to work the farms and make more babies to marry younger women for their strenght. Bravo for him! He is going to help his country blend with the Western World Society!

Many men outside the US do quite well marrying older women and they are the ones bringin home the bacon. I lost my fortune in the 9/11 disaster (God loves me because I was supposed to be in the WTC). Since then the younger men that I meet are steppin to the plate for my attention as MEN. Not gold diggers as some think and can only see my beauty, charm, intelligence, and most of all love that O/M are not looking for.

I am constantly asked by younger men from Africa on the internet to give them my attention in exchange for their love. Not a way to get into this country but asked if I could come to their country to live. The old country is dying out and we will see a new Africa very soon! Bring it on Ma Brothas!!

...if I may:

"I remember when I was 25, and could have sex 3 times a night....now, one time is all I can muster....I hate it...and women can't stand it either...that's why Hadley likes these young studs...who are like I used to be. Why can't she be more limited in her choices? It would make me feel better knowing she has the same problems satisfying a mate as I do---apparently though she doesn't...I hate it that she can have these virile guys, leaving men like me in the dust, worrying if I'll be able to even have an erection a few years from now....The fact that she likes these YOUNG guys tells me that she thinks very little of men like me...with my softer, shorter erections, my lower stamina...the love handles I didn't use to have...and if she thinks little of me, then other women do too....Why do they have to care so much about their sexual pleasure? If they didn't want all that satisfaction, I'd be able to look good ih their eyes, but nooooo....they want long love sessions! They want rock-hard erections....If she were less demanding, like "good women" are...she'd be happy with someone like me...but I can't call her a "****" 'cause she won't talk to me again...
What I can say though is that all she gets is just sex for the moment.....not for the long term....I can make her miserable when I make her picture herself at 60, unwanted by her younger men...plus, I can make her her younger men look less attractive to her when she thinks long-term. Gee, I just hate getting old...I hate not being a young stud....will I need Viagra soon? And I hate the women who agree with me that I'm getting old...and want to bed younger guys....I can't stand them!!!!!!"

As an aside, I'd venture to say that he is doing very poorly in the sex department, otherwise he would have a much nicer attitude about who you choose to date!
Hard to believe that you had so much patience with him....:)

Almeiraz
www.YourLoveAdvice.com

Hadley, I had the same thing happen to me one time. He was horrible. At the time I did not have all you great women to help me make sense of it. Don't let creeps like that get you down.

It really hurts when I see my best female friend look at me like I need a shrink. She doesn't come out and say it but the look on her face... I have just learned not to talk about it with her. But so sad as we used to share everything. So what is she thinking Almeiraz? She has been married to the same guy for 28 years, and she used to love to hear about my escapades... but not this time.

And have provided some fabulous insights...I love them...just now got a chance to read them...but you are so on target here...love the indepth examinations of the personality of Gary, Alv...I am better off without talking to him and won't...one of my best gf's asked me why I hadn't made up w/ Gary...I am like, Kathy...one doesn't give in to brats, one gives up negativity for being around postive folks...one doesn't choose to be near negative guys and serve as their therapists...sorry...I think frankly God has given OW the upper hand...I would rather be an OW than an OM...I know I will take heat for that one.... Hadley

ah yes, i remember the one time i had an older male ( in his 40's) who i barely knew, practically start yelling at me, giving me a lecture that went something like this:

* AND YOU. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THESE YOUNG GUYS? YOU HAVE TO H AVE A MOTHER COMPLEX OR SOMETHING? YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!YOU NEED A MAN YOUR OWN AGE OR OLDER*

i just ignored that lecture.

then my bosses husband, who is 40, gave me a lecture on that a older woman can get nothing from a younger man, that if she likes that, she must have something wrong with her. but a woman needs an older man, to teach her, and to take care of her and support her and such. ( he has a 24 year old wife, and thats perfectly fine, but let me have a 23 year old husband, and one ( or both) of two things is implied:

1) i must have severe mental problems , a mommy complex.

2) that, as a woman, i must need to have a man in charge of me, that i cannot take care of myself. and dammit, it must be an older (or same age male) to show me the error of my ways.

and of course, this is the funniest lecture i ever heard in my life, from a 27 year old male friend, ( who wanted to date me) * oh yea julie, going for those young guys * and here he proceeds to sing, rock the cradle of love by billy idol. i went home and told my (at the time) fiancee....you know, he had the nerve to imply i was a cradle robber, but he's only 3 years older than you, making him 9 years younger than me. he has room to talk!

which proves, ladies and gentlemen, its not only older men.

:p joolz

It really hurts when I see my best female friend look at me like I need a shrink. She doesn't come out and say it but the look on her face... I have just learned not to talk about it with her. But so sad as we used to share everything. So what is she thinking Almeiraz? She has been married to the same guy for 28 years, and she used to love to hear about my escapades... but not this time.
--- Yellowrose

Yellowrose, you may not agree with me when I go this far, but I will say it anyway: Americans are a profoundly repressed people, sexually speaking. There is just no way to get around that.

I suspect it is worse in the rural and Southern areas due to a generally more conservative and traditional mindset.

No matter what, there will always be people whose sexuality somehow threatens other people, whether due to jealousy, intolerance, ignorance, etc. And like it or not, people will react according to what their "feelings" tell them.

P.S. Did you see the movie, "Monster's Ball" which touched on this from an interracial angle? :) Funny!