talking to your kids and his parents

Is there any "good" way to do this? I am concerned mainly about my 2 older kids...ages 17 (girl) and 15 (boy). I have 2 young children too, but not concerned at all about upsetting them. My worries there are more that my y.m. (18) will be too stressed and overburdened. I know my teens will be upset, embarrassed, confused, and maybe even angry. Not sure how to approach them when the time comes...(has not arrived yet, by any stretch). I am also concerned about his parents and how to talk with them. I am really interested in how others have broken this news to children, family, and friends. How those informed reacted and any advice that might make it as easy (I know it is not "easy") as possible for my own children. Very interested also in how y.m. and children interact...Thanks all!

I wish I could help but I really can't. My only advise would be, maybe to not try to guide the relationships--just let them develop and relate to each other naturally, however they decide to, without interference from you. Your kids are old enough that they will decide how to respond to him, just respect those feelings and let him and your kids develop whatever type of relationship they will naturally develop. The only type of "guidance" in it that I would interject would be, to make sure that they are respectful toward him (as I am sure you require of them with any other person they meet). Other than that, when you introduce them, and in the days that follow, let their relationship with him develop naturally and in its own time and way. He will have to be willing to nurture that and put a little extra effort into it, and be understand if in the beginning they are not real receptive to him. Once they see that he makes mom happy, I'm sure they will be very open to him. That was the case with me anyway. Though with the ages of him and your 17 year old, that might be a while coming and a lot to ask. What did you mean by your YM being too "stressed and overburdened"? If dealing with your children (in this or any other situation that might arise) would be too stressful or overburden him, I think I'd reconsider the relationship---if he is going to be with you he will need to be able to deal. If he can't (or if you think he can't) that would be something to really look at. Whoever you bring into your children's lives shouldn't consider it a burden. Just my .02. Sorry if I'm preachy or misinterpreting the statment you made. I didnt' know any other way to say it.

I meant...its a big responsibility to hang out and deal with a 5 and 6 year old. They are very little and if you haven't had any experience with small children...(not to mention very limited life experience) Thats all I meant ;)

This is always a toughie.
I was really lucky that my older three were in their twenties. Not at all sure how they'd have handled it as teens.
They don't always approve of much you do then, it seems. You could win the Nobel Peace Prize, and it would embarass the heck out of them.
David was more terrified of meeting my kids than he was of anything. He was sure my sons were going to want to torture and mutilate him, or something. They get along fine, no blood. My kids and I have always been close, and they're glad to see me happy and cared for. Besides, one of my kids said, its kind of nice to know it won't be them who will be expected to change my Depends when I'm old. :rolleyes:
I have a feeling your toughest will be your 17 year old. That has been the hardest for accepting Mom with a guy her age!
For what its worth, here's what I'd tell them. That you met a guy, he makes you really happy, you are considering meeting him in real life. That he's young, and you know that's out of the ordinary, but you expect them to respect your choices, just as you plan to respect their choice of mates when they are adults. Plain and simple, not a negotiable subject.
My dad, I finally wrote a letter to. Told him that I didn't ask for his approval, I didn't require it, but I did expect his acceptance, if he expected me to be at family functions. That David would be included as much as any of my siblings mates, or we wouldn't be there anymore. That worked. He actually speaks to him now.
His parents are odd souls. We don't hear from them only every two or three months. At first his mother bawled every time he talked about me, and when he moved here, she told me she felt like I'd stolen a couple of the fun years she'd been looking forward to. He was 18, she'd never paid much attention to him yet, I don't know when she expected the fun to start, but whatever.
I've always made it very clear to them, that David is my first priority. That I'd always do my best to see to it that he didn't get hurt. When her father was sick, and dying, she called me several times to explain what the doctor had said to her, and actually told David she was really grateful to have me around during that time.
We've never met in person, and I don't know if we will. He's only been home twice since he's been here, and has little desire to go back. I push him to stay in touch.
One clue, the more matter of fact you are, the less people will feel free to criticize. With your kids, you can calmly let them know they have a right to their opinions, but they do not have a right to be rude about it. And stick to it.
Best wishes, and welcome aboard!