older woman sees no future

hi there,
i am currently dating an older woman who is doubting if there is a future with a younger man. we have been seeing each other six months and just lately things have been rocky. she is divorced after twenty years of marriage and her kids and ex do not approve of our relationship(no suprise). i love her company and most things about her. her excuse of not wanting to further this relationship is that it does not make sense in her mind. i tell her she needs to also listen to her heart. this is not just a fling for me. i would like to know what i need to say so she knows its okay to date i guy 12 yrs. younger. p.s. her kids are influencing her alot.

12 years is nothing.

This is just a suggestion.. why not refer her to this site, and have her read some of the stories and posts here?? There are many relationships with age gaps larger than yours.

Gen

Hi wallst,

I agree with katmeup7; she is looking for an excuse
to hold back.

Maybe she would be convinced if you were to assemble
a neat computer printout of celebrities with age-gap
marriages.

Madonna is probably the most sensational one that
comes to mind. Then there's Susan Sarandon, and
a few others whose names escape me at the moment.

However, if she's the type who relies on other family
members to determine who she will or will not have
a relationship with, I think you have other problems
to deal with. :rolleyes:

well i dont know all....depends....12 yrs could be a problem for her IF she still has kids at home...recently divorced...still parenting with the ex....wallst, could you give more information as to your ages, the age of the kids involved, if they are still living at home, who has custody of the kids, and how long she has been divorced? Those might help in determining just where her 'thoughts' are at the moment. Thanks=)

My y/m & I encountered problems with my kids, my family and his - our age gap was much further apart than 12 years (22). But we never really looked past each day that we were living (I guess I should have been more aware of what the future would be like, but I was too in love) and the longer we stayed together, the less everyone had to say (been 3 years now). Your lady does need to take a look at this site and be encouraged! It will take courage and persistence on both your parts to withstand all the negative comments from those so close to her, but if you two are in love, it is nothing, if one is less than convinced . . . good luck! Bring her to this site!!!

Well, let's see, she's been married for 20 years and has kids......maybe for the past 20 years, the kids and husband have been the main influence in her life. Maybe for the past 20 years, her decisions were made based on their welfare, their feelings, their opinions. Hell maybe she didn't make any major decisions at all, maybe he/they did. Maybe it is hard now for her to just say 'forget what you all think, I'm doing this". That might just be unfamiliar ground, and maybe it isn't that easy. As for making a decision based on her kids feelings, that's her business. If she feels a relationship is going to be detrimental to her kids happiness, she has every right to assess the situation and make a decision accordingly. Everyone says "do what makes you happy".....well, maybe making/keeping her kids happy IS what makes her happy. And i hate to be the one to say this, but if you have been married to someone for 20 years, what they think is probably going to be something you at least consider. I could be wrong I guess, I was only married for 10 years, but I am definitely that way. I ask for his advise alot. I dont always follow it, but I do consider what he thinks. I wouldn't have spent 10 years with someone that I thought was an idiot or who's judgment I didn't trust. Give her some time but if it appears that this isn't a relationship she can do, accept it and move on. Maybe she just isn't ready yet. No crime in that.

Hey there wallst
I can kind of identify with your ow. Its hard, as a mom, to not care what your kids think. And I'm realizing (with Dr. Phil's help lol) that moms deserve to be loved and to have someone good in their lives as much as anyone else. I do have to agree with katmeup - kids dont like anyone new in their divorced parent's lives. But on the other hand, parents dont get to pick who our children fall in love with either.

BUT I COULD CARE LESS WHAT MY EX THINKS!!!! I'm not married to him anymore and certainly dont have to get his approval on anything!!

As far as the age gap thing goes, I think some people can deal with it fairly easily and some people just never can get past it. But I do think its a good idea to bring her here and let her read the posts, the success stories and how others deal with their age differences. If people would just stop asking each other how old they are everything would be fine:p So lets just outlaw ages right here and now!!!!

Southerngal

SG, what a cutie you are in this picture!!!! I love it!

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1053173763.gif

Awwwww, thanks Maria!!:) Its only here because of my good and faithful friend Julianne, who resized it for me because I'd made it TOO small lol.

So thank you Maria and thank you Juie!!

SG