I gathered the courage to stick up for myself..

Hello All. I hope this find you all of happy heart this day!

This is a new thread to go with a new situation. Ill start by thanking all of you who responded to the "cheating" thread. Reading your posts let me know that someone cared enough to share their kindness.... on to the update

At our last therapy session some interesting facts came to the surface. I wont bore you all with details. But lets say to sum it up hes a lying cheat and always has been.

I have the car, the furniture, the clothes, the electronics, and even the undies!. I bought them as a way to share what I have with someone else. And that someone took advanatge of my generosity and caring. He did pay for some of it... But financial loss compared to what I have lost isnt much. I had packed most of his original belongings in a rubbermaid box and kept it in the attic. On Saturday August 2, 2003 I drug that box out and put it in my car. I drove to the computer company he works at, I dropped the rubbermaid storage chest on the sidewalk at the front door and I drove away.
I stopped at Ace Hardware and purchased two new door locks and phoned a friend to help me put them on.
He got a ride here from a friend. I opened the bedroom window on the second floor and ask what he wanted? He demanded I let him in the house. I laughed. It felt good and it wasnt phony. I laughed because he was pathetic. Sure he has a prety face, and great body... but.... hahaha thats all ya got buddy! I said " I made you what you are now. I gave you the means to do it. I can take it away. Just like you took from me. Go get your bimbos. and your sleezes... and any one else you think is soooo much greater than me....Ill be damed if I help you run around on me... yes.. you used me... but the gig is up! .let them take ya to work.. or buy your own car... or buy your own clothes... cook your own dinner.. and all the stuff I maintained.. I quit... I resign... leave... or I will call the police ....no questions ask. He looked at me like I was the one crazy....
Do you know what is happening here? He looked up and said No I dont what happened? why are you doing this? I love you!...
I said.." You my dear are being "Kicked to the curb!... I dont want you any more....just thought I would clear that one up for ya... you are kinda dence..Love? you dont know what it is.. and the next time you get in a relationship... try someone your own age because older women are far to much for you to deal with. You dont have what it takes..!
I know I know.. That is not how I felt... well temporarily.. and I didnt feel that way that evening after I calmed down..I was sad,,, and hurt.. I cried for about two hours. took a bubble bath and cried some more.. and then i got up and cleaned anything and everthing out of my house that was his.. or used by him. Its in the attic now.. and there are three boxes wating for me to carry them up there.. If he wants his things he will have to take legal measures to obtain them. His loss

I will heal... I will live... and I will go on.. Yes I love him.. and some day that will not hurt... nor matter to much...
To any one who has been through this... or hurt to this level... there is light at the end of the tunnel... you are still who you have always been...you are still hopeful..... I am viable... I am real...
and he is nothing.... because he .....lost .... himself first... he became a phony... and then he lost again.. he lost me....
how sad to be him.... that superficial.. and shallow...How sad to be a loser no one really cares about...

I can do this! I quit smoking cold turkey over a year ago.... Ill treat him like an addiction.. mY will power with gods help can be amazing! I have always been a strong person.. but with him I was week.. he didnt bring out the best in me I guess..

Thanks to all of you for going through this with me....
god bless....

Hi,
I'm sorry you had to go through this...like I said before, only you can determine when you've had enough, not us.

I know its going to hurt for a while, but the sun does come out again I promise. Yes, you will cry and hurt for awhile, but that's the process of grieving and losing someone you love. Once its over, there will be no more heartache, no more tears, but a much stronger person whose gone through hell and back and emerged a woman of power and character. You're worth so much more, keep telling yourself that...the power you have is to remember that you are someone worth loving, living and being with and whoever doesn't see that can go hang.

I wish you the best and that the next guy you get involve with will recognize that strength in character and know he must be a part of it.

Paris

I am so glad that you kept your eyes open and got the goods on this guy. It does hurt though, doesn't it? I would give him back anything that is his that you did not buy. I would not want his "karma" in my house or attic. Good luck...
Barbara

I agree, get rid of anything that's his and be glad you are rid of him. He's a loser and you will definitely be better off without him. What is there to miss? Being lied to? Cheated on? Celebrate --you are no longer in the dark wasting any more time with this idiot. Congrats!

Me, too, I wouldn't want to keep anything from my ex. Otherwise, your attitude is very healthy, you have to treat him as an addiction, I did that and got rid of my own ex three months ago and after one of those magic things in this life, I found someone that fills my heart with joy.
You will be okay, and we are here for you.


http://www.julia-evers.de/smileys2/s467.gif

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!:)

Good for you, Willow! You did the best thing! I know it was hard, and I know you are hurting, but every day the hurt will get easier. I would give his stuff to a mutual friend so you definitely do not have to see or talk to him anymore. If you talk to him, he could tug at your heartstrings and try to worm his way back in! Don't do it! Stand strong, and just remove all of his things from your house. Take them to the counselor if you have to.

Next, PAMPER yourself! Call your girlfriends, and have a girls' night out. Go to see movies he wouldn't want to see, eat food he didn't like, go to a bookstore and read some empowerment books. Find who you are INSIDE and what you want from this day forward in life. Every time you start to miss him, remind yourself of how much it hurt to find out he was cheating! He's beautiful on the outside, but UGLY on the inside! Not at all worthy of you, and life is too short to let some guy make it unhappy!

Identify what makes you happy, and then go out and do it. Take a new class, take up a new hobby, something you've ALWAYS wanted to do. Keep busy. Make new friends. Make your life more enjoyable than it was with him.

Come HERE every time you want to call him. We'll talk you out of it! :)

Good for you!!! My ex-wife cheated on me, so I know how you feel. It sounds like you handled it the right way!

- Jesse

Well,

Just remember that it's not necessarily the pace you want for your grief to go away...it's the pace your body decides it needs. I think it's as physical as it is emotional. Allow yourself to grieve. There's nothing wrong with grief. Grief isn't fun and it isn't a very popular emotion, but it is part of the continuum of healing and is necessary to growth and development.

So, let your body do it, don't fight it, you'll feel better in the long run....

Thank you again for all the support... took me long enough eh?

I will allow myself time to develope at the rate dictated... hahahah By who or what??? I have no clue... hahahaha But it will happen....

I am not giving him his things... only what he brought into this.. thats it! Nothing I worked for at all. I do know a friend who has a son who will to graduate from college in May 2004. I think his wardrobe consists of baggy jeans and ripped up T shirts.. I am sure he will need some things to enter the job market. So.. I will ask him to stop by and have a look see.. maybe he can use them.. most are new and some still with tags. They will go to good use. hahahaha if grad kid dont want them? maybe a yard sale? I think that might even be better...some weird type of therapy.. selling all his things off?

speaking of therapy... ummm. i quit going.. I went to one last session.. explained what I had done.. and also stated that I needed to do this myself.. he wanst thrilled about it... tooooo bad! I cant afford him.... LoL I lost an income..


OOOOO! I like the pamper myself advice! tytytytytyt. I think ILl take that.. I phoned a GF from work and ask if she would like to splurge and go check out Pirates of the Carribean too.

I think staying busy will be the best for me... active with my mind occupied.. I so think you once again for your support... if any of you are ever in Waco Texas... this missplaced Yankee will by ya a move ticket and a bag of pop corn... and I can teach ya how to stick up for yourself.!

Have a good one..I am off for a couple days and thinking about a long drive to the coast. at least for the weekend. Need some time to think and clear my head...
me and the dog that is...


god bless...
willow

You can take the clothes with tags back to the store. Even if you do not have a receipt, they will give you a store credit. You can use it to buy yourself something in the future... like clothes for your planned trips.
I like your spunk! You may be a Yankee but you fight just like a Texan! Way to go!
Barbara

Thanks..... But I dont fight like a Texan. With all due respect I dont do anything like a texan. I think... you see I have been made fun of by most Texans since I have been here. They seem to still fight cival the war some how... The south will rise again kind of crap? "Were yall frouum?" I knowed it taint round her." Yall talk like a yank." Yankee go home... damn Yankee because I live here. (Not by choice work brought me here) I have gotten used to it. Yankee is no longer a derogatory term for me.to hear...It is in sence.....so I use it. similar to some other people (groups) refering to themselves with racial, ethnic, and social slurs.


willow willow? why two? Ill bet that was accompanied by head shaking? hmmmm well... I will make sure they dont go to ruin... someone will enjoy them... as for buying myself something well I suppose I am not that self centered. I would rather see someone else bennifit from them. Buy myself something? naaa... I have tons of stuff.. lord knows i dont need any more... But thats the way I am. I enjoy it when others enjoy themselves.. when they realize what they have.. and who they are... similar to what I just came to know..about myself..maybe I did get burned this time.. But if I let someone as self centered and petty as he is ruin myself as a person...I let him change my way of thinking... then he wins.. and I will not allow that...

He tried and he almost accomplished it. But this tough ole scot isnt gonna take it setting down. I learned the age has bennies... and youth... well.. um.... your suppose to look better.. youth looks better than age as a rule..... hahahah who had to do the make over? hahahahahahaha
sorry if the part about Texas sounds bitter.... But... I cant wait to move back to yankee hell.... not a wrong..... just a difference.. thats all... and a difference I welcome...

Thanks again for your support
willow willow