Post 'Womans Lib' mysteries...

Hey-lo. New member here.
I will not visit too often, but once in a while, since I keep returning to these issues with myself anyway.
A few years ago I was swept away by a beutiful 45 yo woman. Now I was 31 at the time and so the age difference was not that much BUT..
I sensed huge differences in expectations of each other. I guessed a great deal had to do with the before and after our society experienced re the Womans Liberation movement during the 70s. This is the period our age gap straddled.
Well, she broke up with me for an older man with, as I viewed it, more 'old fashioned' expectations. It was not a terrible upheaval in our lives, and I do still go out and play with her occasionally, but I still miss the intimacy and the possibilities we shared as lovers.
Now a couple years later, and living in a new home, I have discovered a deepening love for an even OLDER woman, who is my neighbor. She is wonderful in every way, we have so very much in common, but at 56 her body is taking her through those 'usual changes' and I am left wondering if she would be even interested in me at this stage in her life.
Not being a woman, and new to the thoughts of intimacy with someone my mothers age, I really don't know how much age and/or menopause can effect a womans attitude towards intimacy with another man (esp a younger one).
But beyond that, I wonder about the world she lived in before I was born, and what she might expect. She is much less 1960's 'good-girl' than the last girlfriend was. She was a rock and roll 'seamstress' with big name bands like Zepplin etc. Treated Nam Vets at a hospital right after school, loves going nude and barefoot whenever possible, Travels abroad adventurously, and wears the wildest and craziest patterns and colors that she makes herself. I love her!
But given her long and interesting history though periods I can only read about in books, what could she possibly be thinking of me? What could I say to put her at ease, for I DO believe winning her heart is within my grasp (at 6'3" 185lbs I'm not half bad looking either.)
If I aproach her and flub it, I'll cause a problem with a close neighbor, and possibly even ruin a building friendship.

Sculptor:confused:

Interesting points and thoughts you make here. I remember sometimes out-thinking myself on a few of these issues. I was born in 1970, and my wife was born in 1951 - so she lived through some of the things that I could only dream about. So there would be times when I wondered just how we would be able to relate on a few issues.
And, frankly, there were some things that I was jealous about. The whole "free-love" attitude that permeated the sixties sounded like a fantasy run rampant. Granted, usually nostalgia tends to only remember the good points, but I sure would have at least experienced it!
However, in the end, I realized that I was just driving myself crazy with "what if's" and "did she's?". The only thing that mattered was now, and how we felt. All of the things she experienced, good and bad, has made her what she is today. And I love her just the way she is.
So before you worry yourself to death about a generation gap, and whether you can relate, think more about how you feel, and what she means to you.
That first approach is always risky - and only you can decide if it is worth the risk. But think hard and decide what is more important to you: to take the chance and change the relationship, or to always wonder what could have been.
Good luck, and keep us posted!

There was a lot more "free love" in the 80's than the 60's. The sixties in most of the country was still pretty tame.

Women all vary tremendously during their change (menopause).
Some feel very liberated about no longer fearing pregnancy. Some go through a time when they do not like being touched as much, depressed.

So far, for me. I feel fine. Still in what is called peri-menopause. But, I finally have begun missing a period here and there. Must take after my grandmother. I remember my Mom telling me how miserable she was and explaining this to her mother-in-law who just said, "the change, what's that?" LOL

I personally feel sexy and am open to a warm loving relationship with a good-hearted person of any age. I am dating now.

I think we women can only speak for ourselves, but her attitude sure sounds like me in a way,an ex-free spirited hippie chick even though I am abit younger, who was able to do what she wanted because women's lib had just begun... and still continues to "do her own thing" The other woman would not have been on the forefront of that movement, if that makes a difference. BUT from what I saw in your profile and what you had written about her, you both seem to have a highly artsy/creative connection, and what can more sensual than that? Personally, my sex drive went up as kids and life's stress eased out of the picture and having a younger man interested in me would definitely "perk" up my life. However, I was not clear as to if you are seeing each other or does she date others, and if she does, have you noticed what age? And with all the Demi and Ashton hoopla, I am sure she is aware of ow/ym pairings. BUt as far as the 60's go, I also agree with Yellowrose that I think drugs and sex were more rampant in the 80's, but add the 70's too as that is whent he divorce rate skyrocketed. Free love in the 60's was more like: yes we are in love but do not have to get married...and not really orgies. And true hippies worked for causes like ending the VN War and civil rights , ERA with many of us still "thinking outside the box", which would then be in your favor.... and make her a very lucky woman!

And if you broach the subject and she has some problems with it, send her to US!!!! :D

Well, she broke up with me for an older man with, as I viewed it, more 'old fashioned' expectations.

It is exactly those 'old fashioned' expectations, that make alot of men of my generation unappealing to me.

Many OW have moved forward and remain progressive, possibly due to raising children (often alone) through the 80's & 90's. They are more career oriented and independent. I can tell you who's playing at Lollapollooza (although I can't spell it) and who played at Woodstock! Many older men are in a time warp and still searching for June Cleaver. Ok, now you'll have to figure out who that is!

Maybe just bring it up as a topic of conversation and get a feel for her thoughts on the subject. You might be pleasantly surprised .. I know I would be.

Wow, Lovemyow.. your age difference is almost exactly the same as ours. Can't help but wonder; how's the sex? (But of course that is all that is on my mind right?)
I honestly don't know about here experience with the forgotton mysteries of 'free love'. She certainly exercised her 'free spirit' and engaged in the 'free enterprise'. She IS hetero but largely avoided marriage, more as a matter of self assertion than anything else.
And when she finally DID choose to marry (briefly thankfully), it was to an old fashioned, controlling, jerk. So now I think she might feel burned on top of independent.
When we found ourselves here, we were both honestly swearing a total lack of interest in dating anybody. Now I'm feeling a little different, but she still shuts herself inside at night, and politely turns down many (not all) of my friendly invitations to play.

Its not so much the liberation aspect of her history that mystifies me. I can't help but feel I am getting a backlash of the ancient anti-male-chauvanistic-domination thing. Y'know? Like the guys Playboy magazine was originally sold to; sexist dinosaurs. Like the old jerks in Hollywood we had to wait to die off; the ones who couldnt understand or imagine what a 'liberated woman' was about so they wrote in the craziest characters, or simply made their movies without women in them at all!
I think it has been one thing, to be an independent, self empowered woman vs. adversity. But to be stuck in that cycle as she moves into her second half of life (with all of us post 70's kids all grown up) is not nessasary and possibly harmful IMO.

What could I say to put her at ease,


just be her friend first,get to know her well,let her get to know you,enjoy each other's company,share some laughs and good conversations and by all means...just be your self and have patience.....what's the worse that can happen????you will gain a good friend and maybe more.good luck:)

Like a fish needs a bicycle.
Bono sang that line and someone else wrote it, but I can't remember who. It came to my mind, Sculptor, because from what you write, your lovely OW seems completely self-possessed. It's probably something that attracts you. The only way to penetrate that is to respect it. Regardless of why or how she became this way, it's important to understand that it's who she is. Go slowly...but also keep in mind that your level of engagement may simply be completely different than hers. What she chooses to offer you is all that you can have--don't try to pry her open.
SB

SkyBlue, I think it was Gloria Steinhem! :)

Thanks guys.
Well I've got her going out with me to a drive in theater this weekend. I wont try anything fresh, but I hope we have a good time together.

Yes, I think you're right, Pink Cat...and she also said one of my other favorite things:
"We've become the men we wanted to marry." Ha!

Sculptor: Have a great time. We want a report!