Flirting how-tos???

This question is not restricted to OW/YM only.

There are tons of flirting tutorials that teach you how to flirt with the opposite sex. The so called "signals" normally include "eye contacts, smile, brush arms, foot pointing to the target" and the most basic "friendly HI", etc. Maybe I misunderstand something here, but these are supposed to be used when you spot someone whom you don't know at all, right?

What if you already passed that stage - two people have already talked lightly a few times. How would you keep flirting so that the target know you are interested in relating but not just being friendly? :rolleyes: Male and female perspectives are welcomed.

Hm, I think if you already know each other it kinda develops in the talks you talk and the things you do together ;) - but then, personally speaking, I tend to be totally clueless if someone flirts with me and only ever "get" it when they tell me point blank that they are interested in more or initiate some kissing etc. I tend to be taken totally by surprise mosly, as I generally always assume we are "just" friends ... :p

However, I have noticed other girls assuming at the slightest indication (i.e. guys just TALKING to them) that these guys are interested to pursuiing a relationship (even when I as a witness would have just thought they are having a polite conversation etc). So, I guess it's not only about clues but also about attitudes and there might be no one for all working method.

Just my 2 ct's ofc, and as I said above, I might just not get it ;)

Hi, mqt...

You can go all over the place with this. I will give a little more male perspective.

1) The wink is an old-fashioned one that is very rarely used---at least in my neck of the woods. A wink of the eye between man and woman is definitely a good way to go, even after the two already know each other. It should be accompanied by a smile.

2) Clothing/hairstyle/cologne/perfume compliments are almost always appreciated as long as you are being sincere. Most people like to be told they smell nice or look nice, or have a nice "do."

3) A regular/frequent invitation to lunch also indicates that you like the other person.

However, if one person always seeks to bring in a 3rd or 4th party to the lunch ("Let's see if Jim wants to come too"), I would interpret that as meaning "Look, I don't want you to get the idea that this could be romantic."

4) Close up (in-your-face) contact would be a BIG signal in my opinion. I refer to talking to someone when your nose is like 3 inches from their own. :D If you're a busty female when you do this to a guy, then your bosom will probably also be brushing against him---yet another little signal.

Some cultures (such as Brazilian) might do #4 normally between
platonic friends, but in America we call this "invading my space," and it is generally unwelcome----unless, of course, the perpetuator is a hottie and you WANT him/her to "invade your space." :)


Well, this is just for starters, and I'm sure others can chip in as well.

Hope it helps! ;)

We have had entire threads on flirting. In fact, Nessa was giving lessons :) But she is on vacation and you will have to wait until she gets back.

However, Maria is also quite an accomplished flirter . . . Maria??? Where are you here???

For my two cents . . . body language is a big giveaway as is a certain look in the eye (along with the wink, as Harrison said), if you are flirting face-to-face. If you are flirting via e-mail, private messages or on the net, it's all in the words and the way you project them.

Interesting question . . . hmmmmmm . . . guess I've never thought about it before . . . guess I'm just a natural flirt . . . wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing . . . :confused:

"There are tons of flirting tutorials that teach you how to flirt with the opposite sex. The so called "signals" normally include "eye contacts, smile, brush arms, foot pointing to the target" and the most basic "friendly HI", etc. Maybe I misunderstand something here, but these are supposed to be used when you spot someone whom you don't know at all, right?"

Ugh - I HATE "signals." If you're interested in me, come up and talk to me - don't use crap that I'm unlikely to notice. This is probably the number one complaint that my male friends have about dating today - the tendency of people to try to play a "signals" game instead of just being direct and honest.

- Jesse

Originally posted by peachy51
. . . guess I'm just a natural flirt . . .

you're a natural.

Originally posted by Jesse
Ugh - I HATE "signals." If you're interested in me, come up and talk to me - don't use crap that I'm unlikely to notice. This is probably the number one complaint that my male friends have about dating today - the tendency of people to try to play a "signals" game instead of just being direct and honest.


Thanks for the feedback. I noticed you hate signals as you expressed that in different places on the board. :)

In fact I have been going up to talk to my interest whenever there are chances. However, I start to feel that he does not understand that I am more than being friendly. It is impossible for me and some ladies to just declare "I like you" face to face. So, my original question was: **given you have already passed that introduction stage**, how do you flirt?

"It is impossible for me and some ladies to just declare "I like you" face to face."

Why, though? It's just as difficult for men as it is for women. We feel the same pain from rejection, so why should men have to bear the burden?

- Jesse

One of my flirting techniques is quit simple: look and stare them in the eye!

Originally posted by Jesse
Why, though? It's just as difficult for men as it is for women. We feel the same pain from rejection, so why should men have to bear the burden?


:rolleyes:

Actually, I think Jesse asked a good question. :D

Originally posted by Jesse
"It is impossible for me and some ladies to just declare "I like you" face to face."

Why, though? It's just as difficult for men as it is for women. We feel the same pain from rejection, so why should men have to bear the burden?

- Jesse

Hm, just my personal idea on this - might be way off mark, but still: I think it might be an age thing, actually - I found younger women (for me that is teens and twenty-somethings ;) ) - are much more inclined to make a first move than "older" women, me included.

Might just be a change in attitudes, which in my days had something to do with social stereotypes (i.e. that it's seen as being "cheap" for a girl to do an - like you are desperate or something ;) ). But that might just be my conditioning :p , anyway, I think that might be an explanation why it's not only about the fear of rejection but of social stigmatising for women in a limited social setting ;) - a guy would never get that kind of label, at least I have never ever seen/heard anything like that, unless he's like regularly hitting on anything wearing a skirt ;)

As usual, my 2 ct's worth of babble :p

Originally posted by Jesse
"It is impossible for me and some ladies to just declare "I like you" face to face."

Why, though? It's just as difficult for men as it is for women. We feel the same pain from rejection, so why should men have to bear the burden?

- Jesse

Although I can confidently hold my own in a range of very intimidating professional settings, my confidence evaporates in a social setting -- even more rapidly if I'm attracted to someone.

This is partly because I am so dense when it comes to realizing that a guy is attracted to me, but I'm fairly shy and reserved by nature anyway.

It took several months of reading the boards here to even come around to accepting the possibility of a YM's attraction to an OW --but for me to "just declare 'I like you' face to face"??? Nope, couldn't do it!