Need Advise

Hello all im new to this anyway i was chatting on yahoo and one day found the most perfect perfect women i could ever imagine she was a little hard to crack at first she sort of was sceptical of me trying the nice guy act .

Well after 2 days we hit it off real good we had a chat for about 3 hours and we talked about each others likes and dislikes and well i fell in love straight away and all night after that i couldnt sleep thinking of our conversation and hope'd she would feel the same anyway she did fall for my charm and we openly admit the way we feel but its no problem with me but she is 32 im 21 it doesnt bother me in the slightest i just want to know and have advise about older women and younger man relationships i hope to meet her very soon and i just want to say i love her very much anyway can anyone give me advise please thank you.:)

Haweye,

You love her??? You've never met her?? Never seen her sick...tired scared.....but you love her? She's never been with you when your hungry...tired...sad....but you love her???

You've never traveled together...haggled over money together....fought over the remote....but you love her?????

You never kissed her...touched her...smelled her....but you love her???

You've never done laundry together...seen her when she's down...she's never seen you angry or anxious......but you love her????

Ya gotta be kidding me....

Everyone is entitled to their version of love <g>
God knows what a boring world it would be if we all saw it the same way!!

I say go for it, let her know how you feel and arrange a meeting.

Good luck!!

Heatherlynn,

?? Do you mean to suggest that love has nothing to do with seeing...touching...comforting...consoling...suppo rting... tolerating..annoying....seducing.....feeding...nur sing.... pampering a real life person?? Love is completely in one's head with a person you have never met?

You can be " completely in love" with a person you have never had to deal with in any of life's issues or struggles? Compromise personal space-time? Compromise on finances, sexuality? Hug...kiss and lay in their lap?

This is the kind of thing that gets many young females to completely screw their lives...giving up career and families.. because "oooo I'm so in love...he's my soulmate" kinda thinking...despite the fact they don't even know each other.

Just MHO :)

Tom

I think you can grow to really like someone online, after all I have made some of my best friends that way, and you can grow fond of them and find out how much you have in common and even grow close emotionally, but until you have seen or touched them you cannot really be in love with the whole them. What we see online is just one of many sides a character can have.

I'm not meaning to belittle online relationships in any way, they can be a wonderful start to something real and there can be no denying that some of them work out very well. But having met many, many people that I have originally gotten to know this way (not in a romantic way but through a common interest message board) I know only too well how very different they can be from what you expect. Not from any kind of deceit but just because you fill in the gaps that are enevitable from a virtual relationship yourself and not always in a way that is true to them.


But sorry to get off topic Hawkeye :) In your case I would say take your time and get to know as much as you can about this person. By all means do meet up with her, I'm not for a moment suggesting you shouldn't but do be prepared for some wee surprises that you didn't expect :)

Your age difference is not all that great compared to some others here and I'm glad that it doesn't make a difference to you, but it tends to be us older women who do feel doubts about it (we are such an insecure bunch ;)) so do be prepared to reassure her as much as it takes.

Good luck and I hope you get on well :)

Well, Tom, I was totally in love with my guy before we met in person. We had had phone conversations, hours worth, we had consoled each other, fought, made up, made love, all before meeting in person.
Hard as it may be to believe, if you haven't experienced it, it can happen.
Always has in fact. How about the war brides, who fell madly in love, married men they knew for a few days, and spent the next several months or years separated? And they only had letters. Yeah, they had had the physical contact initially, but they certainly hadn't had the chronological time together that my partner and I had online, and phone.
We did have compromises financially. You buy the phone card this time, I'll buy it next time. We were spending about $300 a month on phone time, it took some planning. We did have to work out other things, my work hours were opposite of his, so we had that to deal with. Talk about compromising personal space time.
We did comfort each other, I was going through a divorce from hell, his elderly dog died, his dad was sick, we helped each other through. We had lay in the lap and kiss time, it was on the phone though. We'd talk when both of us were in bed, watch tv together, rent movies and watch them together. Many nights one or the other of us would have to wake up the person who'd fallen asleep on the phone. We'd talk and talk. It was amazing how much we could talk, without ever having met.
We'd talked a lot of sex stuff out before we ever met. Sex isn't always needed before the relationship is complete y'know, strangely enough, some people still do marry as virgins.
And yeah, we annoyed each other, tolerated each other, tested each other, pampered, and seduced each other, all without having physically met. If we hadn't done all that, and if I hadn't been so damn sure I totally loved him, I'd probably never have wasted the time and energy of going 1200 miles to meet him, and he'd never have wasted the time and energy of leaving his whole family and life and moving 1200 miles to live with me for 2 1/2 years now.
I get annoyed with people who act condescending about LDRs, if you haven't tasted chocolate, you can't understand what people are talking about, same thing here. Please don't come here and act all judgemental, we deal with your type of person enough in life, we really don't need it on our support site. If you don't want your relationship with your YW knocked, please give others the same respect for what they're going through, k?

Bella,
That's the best post I've seen you write. Thanks. I have alot of faith in LDR as well and know quite a few that do and have work just as you have gone through it. all of the ones I know of are married and have been for a good 5 years or more.

People don't realize that sometimes, just sometimes, you're lucky enough to emotionally click with someone and the physicality (if that's a word) of the relationship takes care of itself basically because there are two people willing to work real hard at the relationship to make up for not being physically there and it seems to me that's what you did. It takes maturity, respect, sacrifrice and conscious effort on both people involve to develop the relationship as if physically there. Some people just have a great gift of doing that. Cheers,

Paris

So, Tom, are you basically saying that when one communicates via the internet we are to take whatever is said with a grain of salt? That the conversations or messages are filled with fabrications, deceptions and half-truths at best? That considering we are "talking" to virtual strangers, anything that is stated is to be questioned and doubted?

Hmmm .. it's very interesting then, that you chose this medium to communicate your ideas (to a bunch of total strangers) about the pitfalls of the internet.

And to Hawkeye, go with your gut and keep your "hawkeyes" opened.

Hawkeye - as you plainly read from Bella, you can definitely fall in love with someone online. Personally, I think its a great way to get to know someone. Really get to know them. Its kind of like being without one of your senses - the others take up the slack. So since you cant be with her in person, you do alot of real communicating, real listening, talking about things you might not get around to for months if you were dating in real life. In a way, it speeds up the "getting to know each other " phase of a relationship. That way, when you do meet in person, you arent total strangers. But when you've met someone you click with online, I do think you need to meet in person as soon as possible. There are still the physical aspects to deal with. Pictures sent over the internet are just one dimensional and eventhough you love this person, there might be something physically that just wont work for the two of you. But by all means, keep talking to her, chatting with her and getting to know her. She may be the woman of your dreams and you cant let a few miles or a few negative comments get in your way!!;)

Southerngal

Of course relationships can sour either online or face-to-face. Dating a person and being married to a person can be two entirely different things. And both of those things occur in RL.
If attracted to someone conventionally or online, go with your instincts. Continue to get to know them. You may find the most wonderful relationship, or you may find sand. But finding out is worth it and by avoiding either an online attraction or a RL attraction you could really miss out!

Since I am an intense person via words, I can reveal myself more completely and come to know another who is also good with communicating via words. I find that I know someone better that way than being in a noisy club.

The love of my life was with my YM and we met online. We wrote in two months thousands of emails reflecting on our childhoods, what we thought of the world, religious beliefs and hopes and dreams. Yeah, we didn't have to share space, so that can be an adjustment. However, I loved him and he loved me completely.

It lasted for three years and when we met in person, all that we sensed through our letters was only that much better.

Our age gap was 29 years, and not a problem in the present moment. But we ran into other problems that eventually ended our relationship with intent to marry. But we still have a lot of love between us and probably always will.

He is happily engaged now, and I am dating. One thing I am cetain is that we loved each other and it happened on the net.

I'd advise anyone who feels a click with someone online to give it a chance. Life hands no guarantees, but better to go down the road than to wonder.

XmasBaby and All,

I am not saying that you should discount everything some says online...but rather that should should not deceive yourself into thinking that you have a relationship that mimics a 3d one...and yes I have read some very heartfelt descriptions of your online relationships. There is so so so much that comes into play face to face...that online is a mere approximation to the real thing. A powerful approximation at times...but a simulation still.

As far as myself using this medium to communicate...well heck yes!! But I am NOT attempting to develop intimacy with the group nor would I ever hope that you all could know me as well as my 3d family and friends. There is way too much of who I am that has to be experienced in person to really know what I am about. In fact. I assume that this is true of all of you!!!

This is not a negative take on things....it is a positive one! I think human beings are so gloriously complex and intricate that I am confident that lots of real-time 3d interactions are needed to "unweave" the mystery of human behavior!!

Of course I wish nothing but the best to all of you of are pursuing online love!

T

oh hockey puck.
I've been living with my guy for 2 1/2 years now.
And YES, it was a real, live, thriving relationship before we met.
It was not, never ever a simulation, but a totally real relationship.
Like I said, if you haven't experienced it, I can understand how you don't understand it, but if you have, then you know.
All due respect to you, but in this instance you don't know what you're talking about.

Well, no actually Tom I wasnt saying that was MY belief, I was saying let Hawkeye have his.

Ill say it again, what a boring world it would be if we all had the same take on love and life.

And the guy Im involved with online and via phone is a helluva better friend to me than any other man Ive ever been with. Go figure.

Now when I finally and if i meet him I can tell you more about my feelings on him in person. I am basing what I feel now on what I know now.

Also, you keep saying young women throw their life away etc. but so do young men. Its not a sex specific thing right?

Heather

u know it is so interesting to me.....how online relationships CAN and DO have some aspects that are more real than any 'real life' relationship has ever had. I have been with a man much younger than I am ONLINE for almost 2 years....we have fought, cried, parented together, discussed the broadest range of topics Ive ever had the pleasure of doing with another man, broke up, mended hearts, challenged each other to grow....did meet once....we will again.....but even yesterday....ive been in a physically/emotionally draining week and in an online conversation which i was SO trying to be upbeat about....he says....u seem 'fragile' today...can I just hug u first...then we can talk....i just cried. Typed back...it it amazing how even through TYPE u just KNOW....guess we've had enough experience at that to know even how emotions play out through type that sometimes we can cover better in person. Long distance, online relationships....along with a significant age-gap has challenged each of us to grow in ways we might not have ever experienced were we have to first met in person. It IS real...the comfort no less than the 'body' being here....the joy no less than IF he were sitting next to me...the 'pain' of being separated...no less demanding of our 'attention' to the relationship and the other partner when it might be easier to just 'not show' than it would be in person. It takes a tremendous amount of dedication to the relationship to have it survive.....because u do not have the luxury of dealing with problems face to face....parenting in person instead of 'talking through type to the kids'....they in return can build a relationship without the stress that often accompanies getting to know someone in person....that part is already behind us. I do not know wut the future holds for either of us...but we both have put an enormous amount of time and energy into building the best one we can....and it is as real for both of us as if we had done the last two years together in 'bodily form'.

That I agree with, Nessa, you do have to meet face to face before you say it's a permanant commitment. We'd discussed that as well. I told him that sometimes, no matter how much you like a person, there is some little element, a smell, or a mannerism, that drives you nuts, and is a relationship killer.
He thought I was crazy, and I'm glad it didn't happen, but I do know it can.
I have to say, it was much much harder doing the long distance thing after we'd met. But it was also easier in a way. I knew how it really felt to have his arms around me, so those internet hugs were more real.
Sometimes, although it isn't the best thing to be apart, it really can't be helped, and rather than not be with the person at all, you make do with what you can.

Kudos to Bella!

You have described everything that my YM and I went through before we ever met face to face...we had developed a REAL relationship. There was a year and a half of online emails, chat, and long hours on the phone getting to know each other before that wonderful meeting. We had fought and made up, we discussed politics, religion, sex, children, finances, everything under the sun and built a solid foundation of communication to carry us through a lifetime. I bet there are people who have been in a "3d" relationship that don't spend enough time talking intimately and the relationship disintegrates because they don't know how to open up to each other.

But you are right in your metaphor...you can't describe the taste of sugar to someone who hasn't tasted it...

~smile~