reality check

hello everyone, i just wanted to see if i could run this by you .. see what you think about it. i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (y/m) for 2 1/2 years. he is 29 years younger than me and a university student. there is no doubt in my mind that he and i love each other and are very much in love with each other. we met online, but have met 3 times even though he is 7000 miles away.
recently he told me he wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, that he wanted to marry me as soon as possible, that i am the love of his life and there will never be another woman in his life but me. he said that even if something happens and we never marry, he will always be waiting for that day when we can marry. yesterday he said he would never leave me.
over the past year or so he has been actively communicating with the university near me so he can attend in september, 2004 for his masters degree. the local university is very good, offers exactly the program he is looking for, and the research opportunities are also what he wants. not only that, but they said if he is accepted he will receive a stipend to cover all educational costs plus a living allowance. free education !! wooohooo.
however, he has let me know that there are a few other universities that are better and that he needs to consider those so that he can get the best education he can. these universities are located at least 1000 miles away from where i live. the prices of these other universities are anywhere from $25,000 to $40,000 a year, so 2 years would be really expensive.
maybe i am being thick headed here.. please help me. but it seems very obvious to me that if he were sincere, that he would be jumping at the chance to come here, and be very willing to say that if he is accepted here he will definitely choose to come here.
however he says he is not able to say that at this time.
meanwhile, he is a wonderful sweet guy, and we are very happy together. but im not sure how to take this?? i have always taken him at his word but i cant figure this out. i would love to hear your opinions.. :) thanks

I would want to think that he would have to be near me! I would get my feelings hurt if he would not sacrifice a little to be near me. However, having said that, I can not say that it does not mean he loves you any less than the guy who would go to the school near you. He may just be very pragmatic and super focused on his education at this time, knowing that he has an entire lifetime with you. It is really all about what feels right to you and how you and he talk it out. I don't think his checking out all his options means anything inherently bad as far as his love for you goes. Talk to him about how it makes you feel and see how his response makes you feel. :) Good luck!

hello tru,
thanks a lot for your message. yes, i've been feeling hurtful that he didn't seem to want to make this sacrifice to be here. but the truth be known, he is a scientist and everything he does is thoroughly investigated. when we went to the uk last summer for three weeks, we spent so many hours checking out practically every country in europe via the net. its really his nature to do it. also, i know that he needs to make sure he makes good choices and i respect him enough to give him lots of input but leave the final decision to him. the universities he is applying to are the closest ones to me he can find, so that is some sacrifice in itself. he has said that he would love me to move if by chance he does attend another university, so that we can be together. after all if he can move 7000 miles, maybe i can move 1000. we have been talking about this a lot this past week so that we now have a better idea of where each other stands on this issue. sometimes we are so close, it's almost as if we were talking to ourselves.
so thanks for your input, i can stop overreacting to my hurt feelings and trust him. he says that one of two things will happen: 1. he will attend university here and we will be together; 2. he will attend university somewhere else and we can at least be together for every school break.
he's always been trustworthy and always sweet to me and he deserves the same in return.

Originally posted by ladylove
2. he will attend university somewhere else and we can at least be together for every school break.


Not to be rude or demeaning here, but this one doesn't sound like a deal to me.


joe

hello joe, perhaps its not your idea of a deal but we each have our own idea of happiness. in the past 3 years we have met just 3 times, the first time after knowing each other for 16 months for 8 days. that visit was really just a few hours a day while we got to know each other. the second time we met, we went to the united kingdom together for 3 weeks and most recently we went to goa, india for a two week holiday. we really need to spend some more time together in person, so whether i move there or whether we travel back and forth to be together, in that chance that he will not be attending university here, at least we can be close. we usually talk everyday online with a voice chat program for about 1 or maybe 4 hours a day for the past 3 years, but we truly miss each other and long to be together.

hello katmeup7, thanks for your reply. you didnt discourage me at all. i absolutely want him to make his own decisions about his future. i refuse to play games or try manipulations to get him to do something he could regret later. he has a lot of living ahead of him. i remind him of the things i have learned ... for example i always made decisions with my head. now my integrity is so much stronger and therefore i make decisions with my head, heart, body and soul. actually it was by his example that i learned how to do that.
we just spent another 3 hours together talking and this is what it boils down to .. i trust him to be the happiest he can just as he trusts me. god willing, we will be together. .. but if not then we will be 6000 miles closer and deeper in love than ever.

You and your guy have it and that is so important! 1000 miles is so much better than 7000!! LOL! That in itself will be a blessing for you. I am glad you are getting it all talked out. Good luck!

Yea id take 1000 over my current 3000 any day!! (thats 1/3 less time to get there yay)

Good luck, sounds like your both very intelligent and mature :)