How to tell ur parents...

First im sorry if its another post on this...

i am 19, my OW is 35. she lives in germany, i live in Norway. this wednesday im coming down to see her.... ofc i had to tell my parents this.... but my mom.... she would probarly throw me out if i told her my gf is 6yrs younger than her :( so i kinda lied a tad about her age ... know this will make it harder later, but atm it's eaiser. my mom is depressed often, and she gets really upset and stuff. she actually got really really angry when i told her i was going to germany...... im sure she will throw me out if i tell her this

i need help guys .... i KNOW i love my OW... but i don't think this will be enough for my mother :/ and i'd prefer to have a place to live ;)

please, i really need help :(

How does your OW feel about lying about her age?

Just curious.........

CASE CLOSED !

I just told them

and Heather, she understand, we both have experience with "non understanding" parents...

I am happy for you. My ex had lied to his mother about my age (he was 27, and I was 41, I am 42 now) and she used that later, when she found out the truth, to accuse ME of lying.

The ironic thing is that I had always been against that lie.

What was their reaction?

http://sky2.cool.ne.jp/pl/littlestory/oldtale2.gif

i'll be honest here - i wasn't planning on tellin them yet... but

we had a HUGE argument ( as usual ) and i kinda dropped it on them in the middle of it :rolleyes:

like - "she's 35 not 25" ( same day so not a "real" lie )

so who said arguments aint good for anything ? :P

I can well imagine things can get messy if you try living on a lie, I think you've done the best thing :)

For me. I would feel more hurt in the long run if my son (who is 23) lied to me. The lie would almost hurt more than the fact he was hiding. (If it was as innocent as age related) The disagreements and tears etc. from your Mom will come whether you tell her now or later. This way you don't also have her saying "You lied to me!!" I hope it all will work out smoothly. Maybe your Mom could come here and read how normal (LOL...Well....mostly normal) we all are!

If you have to get your parent's approval,chances are your not ready for a relationship,esp.with someone older....

does your mom have that much control over you,I mean to hope for someone's approval is one thing...to say she will throw you out and you have to live there is another thing...have you ever thought of getting a roomate and getting your own place???

:confused:

I know age can be a difficult thing to discuss. I am 53 my YM is 22 I had a very hard time telling my brothers and sisters, I did it in stages and they all reacted different. I may be older but I
needed their approval, some of them accepted it, some didnt. I am glad u told ur mom I am sure she may have a difficult time understanding. My ym's mother thinks" it is a fling" and "stupid", that he will grow out of it. Well time will tell. I am so happy you 2 are meeting again so soon, wish it were me and my ym. Take care, love and best wishes to u both. Gil

Well that solves that!!

So what did your parents do/say now?

Thats what Im curious about (yes im nosy!).

I asked my mom what she would feel if my brother (18 almost 19) were to date someone my age (38) she just looked at me blankly and said "I dont know" then thought and said "If she made him happy I think Id be ok with it" (she is 59.)

She knows about my YM situation and is fine with it. She just worries for me more than about him being younger, worries about it being ldr and online.

My boyfriends when I was 17/18 always thought my mom was hot lol. I had one who used to drool all over her to the point it pissed me off!!
Literally he would make comments like "Man your mom is hot, wow". Over and over !! So my mom is fine with the whole YM thing because she was used to having them attracted to her when she was my age too.

Heather

nafadda - i don't need their aproval, i didn't say that did I ? :p
but as they are my parents and i live in their house they have the right to know. i don't care what they think about it to be honest, i love my OW and nothing will come between that

and I am glad i told em :)

Originally posted by nafadda
If you have to get your parent's approval,chances are your not ready for a relationship,esp.with someone older....



Hm, just curious: how do you come to that conclusion? and how would you define "being ready for a relationship"?

Not having a go, just honestly wondering on your views there ;)

And hope I won't be hijacking the thread :p

oh, and ...

Originally posted by NordicGuy
... i love my OW and nothing will come between that

and I am glad i told em :)

:D :D :D

Originally posted by NordicGuy
i don't care what they think about it to be honest, i love my OW and nothing will come between that

and I am glad i told em :)

I am glad you are glad!

http://www.gifs.net/animate/orgbut.gif

If you have to get your parent's approval,chances are your not ready for a relationship,esp.with someone older....



Hm, just curious: how do you come to that conclusion? and how would you define "being ready for a relationship"?

I come to that conclusion by seeing that people who have the need to have someone else accept their relationship and worry about that,that they may be too concerned about what others think then the relationship itself.and.....there comes a time in one's life when they make their own choices and do not have the need to have others "accept" it.It's nice if they do,but oh well if they don't:( that's what makes it OUR LIFE,,,because it's OUR'S,not someone elses to decide for us.

when we are 10 years old we are not allowed to make our own choices,then we become adults and we can.......that's what I mean,hope that made it clearer.:)

at 19 YO a person is an adult able to make his or her own choices.I mean at 19 people are and have been for years off fighting wars...I would think at 19 someone can make a choice who to date without the fear off being thrown out and if that becomes the case,maybe it's time to move out!

I worry more about my older children's reaction than I do his parents reaction. It would never stop me from doing what I thought was best but one does not want to alienate the relationships that mean the most to us. True that would be THEIR decision. They have to accept me like I have accepted certain things they did, so no it would not stop me. Still I would like people to be HAPPY for me. I wonder about his parents. But that's truly his problem.

nafadda i am getting a bit annoyed now, from WHERE do u get that i need approval or it to be accepted!??!?! they are my PARENTS i live in THEIR house, they have the RIGHT to know..

PLEASE dont make silly asumptions? and fair enough to say it once but i already told u it was WRONG

thank you.

Originally posted by nafadda
.... I come to that conclusion by seeing that people who have the need to have someone else accept their relationship and worry about that,...

Nafadda, I think Nordic wasn't so much concerned about "acceptance" but about causing an emotional earthquake ;) As he said, I doubt it's an "approval" issue - it's about how to deal with an emotionally unstable environment, afaics ;)

Carazy asked Hm, just curious: how do you come to that conclusion? and how would you define "being ready for a relationship"?


I replied to that question the second time I posted...reread it.

all it was ,was an answer to a question posted by someone else who replied to this thread,nothing more ,nothing less.my reply was re: people making their own choices in life when they reach a certain age .it is MHO that's all.

Nordic,
I for one am glad that you told your family. I know you didn't do it for approval, as much as you would prefer their support even if they don't approve and not telling them on the onset does not consitute immaturity, but a respect for the people who love and raise you. the ultimate decision is yours, but as you said, you live in their house and still live under the rules of their house. The immaturity would've come in if you didn't care what family and friends said and drop them for a SO. When we're young we tend to do that, we don't have time for those other people and this girl/guy becomes our whole world. Maybe your parents are more worried that you won't make time for them and an older woman who will be their equal will have more control over you which also happens. You're just going to have to dispel them of that myth.

Another reason you don't want to alienate them is that any relationship that you undertake is base on risk...and if that risk doesn't work out, (whether it was mutual, one sided or a partner dies) its nice to know that although your parents may not had been keen on the idea...they will support you in whatever grief you are experiencing. I don't believe in burning our bridges behind us...these are your parents, they will love you no matter what I'm sure. All you have to do is show them that you have the maturity to undertake this kind of relationship and still be the loving and kind son they know you to be.

Paris

Originally posted by Raven Magdalene
...

So, what has transpired....enquiring minds want to know.

Hm, Nordic might want to reply himself, but somehow he's been a bit busy lately, so I will just sum up from what I consider relevant: His mum sent me some chocolates and asked me to stay at their place next time I am coming to Norway ....

So, I wouldn't necessarily say "all problems solved" (for all I know, they are just starting ;) ), but at least they are starting on a civil platform - at least in my direction, which is good :D

I guess the rest will show when he will be back home ;)

I don't have a mother, I fear my daughter :) and Kelley, you and Tim look better in the little pictures than you do in that big one, must be the resolution :)