5, 10 years from now..how do you plan the future?

I notice that I get sad whenever my YM and I plan the future. We would look at cars and homes and our finances, or talk about vacations.

He would get excited and say, "well in five years we can do this, or in ten years, do that."

At only twenty one, it must be exciting to him, but I kinda freeze up. I love him with my whole heart, that isn't the problem, it just gets scary thinking of myself, and how I'll change. Ten years for me, when I was his age was nothing, now it seems like a lot.

How do you all handle the future? Where do you all see yourself and your OW or YM in the future? What do you all think will be the same or different?

I cant handle the fear that I would be wanting to slow down, and he would always be rip, roaring, ready to go, also, I would be having a few wrinkles, anyways, those are my fears, esp what my YM would think of me.

I cant believe you worry that much with only 30 years of age!!
i noticed that you have too many insecurities... it may be your pregnancy and that is normal too. but not healthy at all. Please, stop that nonsense and enjoy what you have today.
because "hunny", you dont know if you will be alive tomorrow, let alone in 10 years time.!!
:eek: :) ;)

I now find that I have a new zest for life. I am the mother of 3 children. One is 23 and has lived on his own for 3 years. The other two are growing up too fast and I have had those "empty nest" feelings already. Now, I have a new life to look forward to and not the just the "grandma" days or retirement! ( I will be thrilled to be a grandma!) When my BF talks of when he finishes college and gets out to start his professional life, I kind of feel like mine will start too. I feel just as excited as when I was 20 and looking forward to all that. I look forward to saving money and buying a home with him, traveling all over the world with him, making a new life together. I may be in major denial and I guess I am optimistic about how I will be in 20 years. We have talked of opening a B&B together one day and that is a good dream/goal for us to pursue. I am not dead yet!
I find his enthusiasm something that renews my spirit. I do sometimes forget my age. (Love those days!)
The few times I feel worried about the age difference and the future he calms me and assures me all will be fine. I listen to him and go back into denial. :)

P.S. I was married to a kind of boring "lets always be logical" guy for a long time. He was not nearly as full of life at 21 as my BF is. I was always feeling "stiffled" or like I had to hold my energy down. I guess I never got to live those times to the fullest.

I guess my insecurties come a little from being young and having parents on the older side, and as I was growing up, they became increasingly tired to do much, or some health problem would come up.

Yeah, I am 31, but I think of myself at 40, I have some rheumatoid condition now that slows me somewhat, but how much worse will it get?

How many times did my parents lay in front of the tube, aching from something, and telling me to go off and do something by myself?

My YM will not change much at all, I might change alot, well, more than he will.

Well, I'm more interested in how you all see yourself and your partner in 5 or ten years.

thanks TRU on bringing up the mental stimulation with your YM, when I was so preoccupied with the physical aspects of the future.

Mentally, yes, I feel renewed too, and always hope I will be young at heart, if not the body. :)

You meant physical? Oops sorry I missed that in your first post! I just don't think about it. :P I told you I am in denial! hehe...really, I just try to eat right and exercise and go get my mamograms and paps etc and no one knows will happen. I just pray we both stay active and healthy for years to come. I do think the mental state of mind has a huge affect on the physical state. So, I will stay young forever!

Hey, I am 44 and you are only 31? I am jealous! (J/k J/k)

To tell you the truth ? i dont know if i will have a partner or not in 5 or 10 years time. Nobody knows hunny.

Sorry i have no answers for you with this one, and although i can fantisize like any other woman in this world and hope many wonderful things for my future, i am realistic and only live one day at time, I honestly dont know where Im seeing myself in 5 or 10 yrs time. Im 47 yrs old, happy and healthy, love life, my daughter, sex, friends, food and music, oh and my YM as well:D

I will deal with tomorrow when it comes, thats my motto anyway;)

I'll be an Olympic gold medalist in Powerlifting, a doctor of Psychology, and an accomplished mixed martial arts submission expert!

joe

Originally posted by Adri
To tell you the truth ? i dont know if i will have a partner or not in 5 or 10 years time. Nobody knows hunny.

Sorry i have no answers for you with this one, and although i can fantisize like any other woman in this world and hope many wonderful things for my future, i am realistic and only live one day at time, I honestly dont know where Im seeing myself in 5 or 10 yrs time. Im 47 yrs old, happy and healthy, love life, my daughter, sex, friends, food and music, oh and my YM as well:D

I will deal with tomorrow when it comes, thats my motto anyway;)


I agree with Adri on that ;) Well, most of the time that's how I am feeling at least - yes, there are moments of insecurities about the future, but they have always been popping up at some stage (will I lose my job, will it get harder to get a new one, where will I live, how will I live etc .).

But all in all, I believe life is a journey - every now and then there's a cross-road - follow this road or that .. - and whatever you do, you are never quite sure what you find at the other end of it, which pit falls lie on the way and who do you find (or lose) for company .... - all you got to do is to keep your eyes open ´... :D

along those same lines, except in reverse.............

What do you tell a ym struggling with the same questions?

This guy is a thinker, a planner....quietly, silently.... he worries
more than I do (although I think if you really care about someone, I have to admit what this will do to his future I question
as well!) He says he wants to make me happy, but because of being so close to the family (my son) it will have to be secretive at least for now. I know he wants to be around me more. I thought it was just me. I thought i was the only one who felt that way! We have had to rely on close encounters of the third kind to see each other. It has been a slow, torturous (totally sweet though!) process! What would you tell him? What can I say to ease and take the edge off things?

I mean to be honest.... i want more...i want it all....and eventually
I think it will happen, but I don't want us and I mean us both....
to get too frustrated that it becomes painful. I want him to know that I am there for him...but I dont want him to take me for granted either!!!!

HELP.... :)

Why Not... you brought more things to consider. I think it deserves a separate thread. I suggest you copy and post your concerns under a thread just for you. That way we can focus on your thoughts and questions, separate from hunny's. Many times after someone posts an answer, they do not come back and read follow ups. By opening a new thread... you will get more responces... okay?

Hunny, we can spend so much time in the future that we miss today. The what if's are infinite but only one of them will happen. Planning good things in one's life is smart. To stay grounded in today, I will focus on the good I have RIGHT NOW (on paper) and let go of the negative projections.

As far as your "rheumatoid condition", I have rheumatoid arthiritis. There are miracle drugs available and more new ones are coming out everyday. I will be 57 next month. I fewer worries about the future and my looks & wrinkles than I did at 40. Stay spiritually grounded, do positive affirmations, and live in today-not tomorrow.

We discuss the future all the time-even before we got married, but we don't necessarily "plan" for it-just talk about what we'd like to be doing and where.

Funny story about futures...

DH is 61, I'm 31-we were just married in May and closed on our home yesterday. The interest rates were great and we locked in a really low, fixed 15 year mortgage. Now, most people get 30 year mortgages and DH and I discussed the difference in $ between them. His reason for the shorter mortgage (other than we can afford it) was "I want to own this home before I die." :lol: "Let's get the shorter term so I can own it while I'm still alive."

This is a good subject. I think it's a very good sign when a man speaks often of the future. It shows where his dedication is, and that is with YOU! :)

Robin talks about the future every day, and it's a comfort to me. After four years, I've realized, amonth other things, that he's not leaving! Sags, bags, wrinkles, whatever, he's not leaving! Mostly, Robin talks about what he's going to do to the house, how he's going to landscape the yard, where he'd like to travel with me when the kids are in college, what our financial goals need to be to achieve what we want out of life. It's essential for both parties in a relationship to PLAN, because otherwise, you're just living week to week, not accomplishing anything, not reaching any goals, getting from point A to point B.

BTW, Joan Lunden just had twins at 52!!! Of course, she has more money than God and can afford nannies and such, but still, I think it's great, and her hubby is 10 years younger.

Hunny, you're only 31? I had my Shelby at 30. The 30's are a perfect age to have kids. You're wise enough to be a good parent, but you still have enough physical stamina to care for a newborn after not sleeping for two months, or run after an active toddler.

Good luck to you! What will you name the baby?

Originally posted by Nessa
didn't Joan use a surrogate?


Yes she did. And she won't comment if it was her eggs or not. She did say it was her hubby's sperm.

Wow, I didn't even know she used a surrogate! I just saw the mag while standing in the grocery store line, and leafed through it briefly before my turn to check out, so I didn't get to read the whole article. Hey, I guess when you've got money, you don't have to get pregnant either! :D