ok so

How do you plan your future 5-10 years from now????
I posted this on that thread and it was suggested that I put it
out as a new one so.......
along those same lines, except in reverse.............

What do you tell a ym struggling with the same questions?

This guy is a thinker, a planner....quietly, silently.... he worries
more than I do (although I think if you really care about someone, I have to admit what this will do to his future I question
as well!) He says he wants to make me happy, but because of being so close to the family (my son) it will have to be secretive at least for now. I know he wants to be around me more. I thought it was just me. I thought i was the only one who felt that way! We have had to rely on close encounters of the third kind to see each other. It has been a slow, torturous (totally sweet though!) process! What would you tell him? What can I say to ease and take the edge off things?

I mean to be honest.... i want more...i want it all....and eventually
I think it will happen, but I don't want us and I mean us both....
to get too frustrated that it becomes painful. I want him to know that I am there for him...but I dont want him to take me for granted either!!!!

HELP....

Can you elaborate on "him taking me for granted either"? I don't think in your case I would do relationship planning 5 to 10 years out. I would plan the next 6 months to 2 years. Then based on the positive outcome of that scenario, as a couple, plan the next 3-5 years etc.
There is a difference in planning & worrying. What exactly is he worrying about right now? Why is HE saying it has to be secretive because of your son? I would think that this is something the MOM would decide. Is your divorce over? If it is, then I think you two should openly date. If he won't do that, then I question HIS plans for the future.

I told MY SWEETHEART that Id like to fly under the radar for a while where both sides of our families/friends are concerned .
He agrees but said he thought if he said that it would have bothered me. I said not at all.....for now.

Because of well meaning or non well meaning advice and questions it might complicate things. Once we have met and it actually becomes serious and viable I'd like to tell the whole world. He said that if we got serious of course hed tell everyone .

My mom and sister actually already know but Id rather not have too much input on either side yet.

Maybe give it time to grow , baby it, nurture it and when it seems strong enough then put it to the test and put it out there for all the people who may disagree or give you two a hard time.

Heather

[QUOTE]Originally posted by yellowrose
[B]Can you elaborate on "him taking me for granted either"?

I don't know really. I want him to know how much i really feel for him and yet I think at his age.... can he handle that? Then again,
I've told my friends that he knows exactly what he is doing and
has thought about all this even longer than I.... and that has proven true, just as of late!

QUOTE]Originally posted by yellowrose
IThere is a difference in planning & worrying. What exactly is he worrying about right now?
I guess he is worrying about the future too and what it can be
and how that compares to what he wants??? I don't know but somehow, I have the same questions and I guess it is natural
given the circumstances. He is probably wondering, what would his friends think? (Although honestly MOST OF THEM KNOW ME
and LIKE ME...but not as his g/f!!!! People already know that we
have a quote "special relationship" but not to what degree!
Maybe its just us....thinking too much...dunno???

QUOTE]Originally posted by yellowrose
Why is HE saying it has to be secretive because of your son? I would think that this is something the MOM would decide.

I agree with him for right now on that...for sure.

Is your divorce over? If it is, then I think you two should openly date. If he won't do that, then I question HIS plans for the future.

The papers are filed, will be delivered tomorrow and we have been living seperately for over 18mos! In the same house but totally seperate! I have not done anything outside of my marriage physically with this YM but it is getting harder and harder
to resist it. He understands that though and respects me for that and is willing to wait maybe longer than me... ;( but I must!

As far as the dating goes..... we would see probably someone we know almost any where we would go locally.... gotta figure something out on that one!