Well, it's official. . .

. . . my divorce was granted today and I am being forced to give up my parental rights to my one and only son.

The dike judge basically overuled both attorneys' plea for a solution. My now ex-wife wanted to keep fighting for me to never see my son again. She wouldn't cooperate with her attorney and everyone was getting frustrated. So there was a trial at the last minute, which I wasn't prepared for, so neither party was ready. But, the judged ordered it. The beotch wife gave her testimony and I gave mine. I thought for sure I was going to get my son back at least for a visitation, but that didn't happen. The ex put on a sympathy act and tons of false allegations. Her mother falsely testified against me and my family with no evidence or proof of anything. To make a long story short, the judge ordered that I pay almost double for child support, and that I can only visit my son for a few hours every saturday at a supervised facility almost 30 miles away. All this until he is 18 years old. I can't afford the child support, the drive back and forth to the facility, and the price of the facilty. My attorney objected the cost of child support, and the cost of everything else ordered to pay. The judge stated verbatim, "He has the ability to make more money!"

So now, I have no pictures, or anything to remind me of my son. All I wanted was to hold my little 2 year old champ in my arms and tell him I love him once more. So I am waiting to file the papers to release my rights. I can't fight anymore because this was the 3rd appeal to the district, my fourth trial, and no attorney wants to go above judge's decision at this level.

Reality hasn't set in yet, as the shock has begun its course. Sooner or later, I know that I will literally flip out of my mind, but I feel that is going to happen unexpectedly. A lot more things happened in the courtroom but I just gave the jist of the nightmare.

I've learned many lessons from this 11 month trial, but one important thing I learned was simple:

Love your kids with all your heart and tell them you love them every chance you get. One day they're in your arms and that day could be the last.


joe

Dear dear Joe
lots of hugs for you, from the bottom of my heart!!
The judge and the mother must be 2 stupid *****es that dont care of the importance of a child growing up with his/her father.
Of course your boy needs you very much, and they should have made the situation easier for you to be part of his life.

cheer up a bit little boy, things will be better soon, I hope:)
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/smileyhug.gif

Joe, you are such a delight on this site, I'm sure you deserved better. I don't even know what to say, nothing I could say will make you feel better now. I am surprised with father's rights groups you couldn't have gotten a better deal, yes some judges don't realize how important a father is to their child. So many father's gladly run off, like my adopted son's father, and here we have one that was willing to fight for his son. That alone should say something. If there is any condolence I can offer it is that your son will live for 80 yrs or so. A lot can happen in that time. He won't be a child forever and he will come to learn the truth. I hope it doesn't take that long. But at least that is something.

My heart breaks for you.

I am so sorry Joe, I absolutely hate it when women do this to their children...its one of the many instances that makes me ashame to be a women. What gets to me is that this serves no purpose, by the time this wonderful little boy grows into his teens and possibly starts getting into trouble, she will beg for you to take him, all because he's grown up without a father.

I sit here absolutely angry that someone who claims to be a parent could be so cold hearted, when so many men gladly are dead beat dads.

I would not sign over any parental rights, why should you sign over parental rights and still pay child support for a child you don't have any rights to...that's like saying you're going to support the kid next door, who isn't yours biologically.

find another lawyer who is willing to fight for better terms, I could not give up on my kid ever. Not without some kind of reasonable terms. I would go and look for some fathers' rights advocates and request another trial, if you can afford it, I know its emotionally and financially burdensome, but is there no way, you can hang in there and find some other lawyer, anyone?

Paris

what is it... the MARS thing?....everyone i know has had a SHITE for month....Joe..im so sorry...im with paris...i dont know of anyone who would limit parental rights to just supervised sat. ....even in some child abuse cases parents receive MORE rights than that...unfortunately...:( Without knowing WHAT they brought to the table....WHY did he rule that way? That is just insane....why would they even think of limiting your child's right to have his father involved in his life...DID they ever stop to really THINK about HIM??? Will your ex-wife not reconsider....she cant really think it's best for him....does she? When the 'anger' subsides...do u ever see her making a different choice concerning your involvement with your son. In our county, most judges will require that both parents seek mediation IF they cannot resolve visitation problems even when court ordered....you may have to endure a while...i THINK in IL judges require two years in the court 'ordered' living arrangement before they will order mediation...but that is definitely something to find out in your state and is much less financially straining than an attorney... which it sounds like u have exhausted all possibilities there...at least for NOW.... do some research on a good mediator and request that she be present due to a 'conflict' concerning visitation/support...it just sounds like that is the 'ace' in hand she is playing....to hurt u....with your son? Document everything she does/says and actually the more she fights u now the better for u in a mediation scenario. I hate situations like these....adults when angry can be ruthless to their children....all it boils down to is manipulation done in the name of love for the child...our prayers from here be with u...your son, and, ESPECIALLY, your ex-wife....think some divine intervention definitely necessary here. For now...u be as good to u as u possibly can....write your son letters even if u cannot mail them NOW....tell him how u feel...how u wish to hold him....someday u ARE going to be able to give ALL of them to him....and he will KNOW this is NOT your desire....even if u have to read to him on your 'supervised' sat's....the time will come when he can 'listen' to them....and kids LONG before age 18...can choose different living arrangements now and be HEARD in the courtroom....hugs and much love to u, Darla

Joe, I am really sorry about what is happening to you. I hope that you will spend the most time you possibly can with your son, and I hope that you will consider finding another attorney who may be able to better help you with your situation. I am really sorry about what you're going through. I thought I'd die when my ex tried to turn my kids against me when we were going through a divorce. It hurt so badly. Now, the kids spend most of their time with me, and I know that they have finally seen the truth about what was going on in that disgusting custody situation. I found out after the divorce that the judge was best friends with the mother of my ex-husband's divorce attorney! She really had it out for me, and no one could figure out why at the time. My ex had been earning $180,000 - $244,000 per year during many of the 17 years of our marriage, and I wasn't awarded one cent of child support! Imagaine that!! He told the judge that he couldn't find a job any longer. I had given up my career and had stayed home and homeschooled my children. I had devoted many years of my life to them. Well, now I have my children five days a week and they hug and kiss me constantly. Stay close to your son, as close as you can; he will know how much you love him, and one day you and he will be able to spend more time together. He will know that you spent all the time you possibly could with him. Write to him, draw pictures to him, and never bad-mouth his mother in front of him. You'll see; one day he'll be there close to you. Don't give up, no matter what.

I, too, am very sorry for what you have gone through! This court system just is not fair! I don't understand why the judge would rule that way. Even tho I can't stand my ex, I have never kept him from seeing his sons, he did that on his own. Some women are so ruthless and I am also ashamed to be of the same gender.

Joe, my heart goes out to you. I agree with the idea of saving the paper trail. So many women tell their children that their Dad never cared. It's good to have it on hand when one day they question what they've been told and want answers.

But hopefully, all is not yet lost. Maybe a men's advocacy group would be able to help.

(((((((((((((((((Joe)))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((Joe))))))))))))))))))))

Words fail me, I cannot understand how the court could have made such a ruling, it is just blatently unfair.............


As other's have said here, don't give up, keep a paper trail for ur son, no matter what happens he will want to know the whole story one day......................

As aweful as my children's biological father was to me -he was responsible for the damage to my eyes- I never prevented them seeing him and knowing him, even tho it cost me dearly emotionally to do so. .............

Just as a side note.......... My children were 30 months old an 18 months old when I divorced him

Joe, I know exactly how you feel! Robin and I were in a 2-year very bitter custody battle against his ex-gf for the custody of his son. She's the worst excuse for a mother in the whole world. She can't even keep a job, a roof over his head, or food on the table. We had everything for him, we have a lovely home, an excellent school district, we coached his soccer team, had him in swimming lessons, were teaching him social skills and behavioral responsibility, and just like with your case, some stupid, dyke magistrate, total feminist, chose to listen to the ex's lies, which were many, and didn't even listen to a word Robin said. She awarded custody to her. We appealed it, and a judge had a "pre-hearing" to determine whether or not she'd hear the case. Apparently, judges don't like to overturn a magistrate's decision, so this judge (female also) decided to give the mother one more chance. We've been going through Hell with her ever since. She uses Robin's son as a pawn to get at Robin, to try to control Robin. It's sick and disgusting. Robin would love to kill her, but obviously won't.

Anyway Joe, DON'T GIVE UP! Not yet. Try to find a lawyer who will work with you financially, and stand up to the judge. What happened to you sounds ridiculous and unfair. Document everything about your ex that you can, and gather your witnesses. Write everything down. Don't stop seeing your son. You have to maintain contact to have a chance at getting him. I think your lawyer was inept. You need one who's really experienced at this, and has won many cases for the father. My heart goes out to you. If Robin had read this (he doesn't come here) his would too. He'd tell you to hire a private investigator if you could. Good luck to you!

I know that you have mentioned your son on here many times before this, and how much you love him. I'm so sorry it has turned out like this (for now) and my heart goes out to you.

I have no advice to offer, as I'm not familiar with US family law. (And I've certainly seen bad custody decisions made here, and folks who don't take the idea of testifying under oath seriously.) But make sure that you never miss a minute of your visits, and are never overheard making the slightest negative remark about your ex -- coz you can bet somebody is taking notes.

Oh God, everytime I heard about another head up a!@ decision, I truly wonder what is wrong with the judicil system...I have probably gotten the worst sh@@ deal a woman has ever gotten in my divorce, and some of that same stuff pulled on me, as you mentioned happened to you, including drug testing my HAIR to find out that I don't do drugs so I can see my Granddaughter, maybe! I am so sick of always hearing that things are not "just" in the system, I have just about lost all respect for the laws, regulations, whatever, that have been written down somewhere, but that common sense tells everyone with a brain located on their shoulders, that the rules need to be FAIR. I am so saddened by the fact that adults use children, no matter who, for a barter, battering club to beat up on the people they once "loved" ?? It feels like the biggest "sigh" that all this goes on, and that the people getting to make the decisions for us are neither God or anything like. I have a friend who's ex is still a judge, had 3 kids with her, and walked off for another women. My friend was so destitute that she took a (grab this!) paper route for $$ God Almighty, things are sick. All that aside, I sincerely wish you well, and hope that someone can see that having a child miss his father is not the best thing in the world for THE CHILD!! Good luck to you, hope things improve.
Marie

Joe, I'm sorry........
Don't give up! Kids NEED their dads, and dads NEED their kids.
It just pisses me off when moms keep the kids from the dads, they do not realize how important it is for the dads to be a part of their lives.
My 14 yr old this year decided to live with his dad and go to school there 400+ miles away..........I am sad but it is the sons choice and he is happy with it. I call him everyday and send packages at least 2 times a week.
The 10 yr old doesn't want to visit his dad, GF and new sister....but I encourage it, me and the ex work together.
I will pray that your ex gets her head straight.

Joe, Im sorry :( My ex husband is coming up for 4 days this weekend. The ONLY Reason he is still allowed around me at all (because he really makes me feel badly about myself) is my little girl and I want them to have a relationship and we live 3 hours away from each other.

So I tolerate it for her. On occasion, not often or Id go nutty. We never went to court for our divorce. We did it ourselves. It has been hard doing it that way but I think it was worth it, i hope . I gave up a good chunk of change to have peace.

Your ex sounds incredibly selfish from your post.

:( So sorry.