EMCAD80
10-09-2003, 03:31 PM
Before I start my latest episode of my drama series, I would like to send a HUGE thank you to Larasteele and Emmiegirl. Both of these people have been like rocks and are incredibly amazing women.
Well, let me fill the rest of you in on what Lara and Emmie already know. Well I was a BAAAAD girl and did some research about D. I found out that he was seeing someone the day after he broke things off with me. Now, this wasn't the best thing for me to do....but I did it. I would put it more in to detail, but in fear of who might be reading....I'm not going to.
So I let my mind get the best of me. There were several different women that I suspected him to be seeing. I was crushed. It made me feel like I was being used and lied to. I hate that. I went through that with my ex...and I didn't need it again. I've talked to D a few times and it was awkward. We agreed to remain friends, but it's hard. I've been crying a lot and all that stuff. It's funny because I know if I were someone else posting this...I know exactly what I would say to this person, isn't it funny that we can't take our own advice. *sigh*
So that's pretty much what's led up to last night.
So Monday I called D to let him know that I had my DVD player cables still hooked up to the back of his t.v. Eventually, he asked when I could go and get them. We planned for Wednesday and then he invited me to drinks after. Well...as stupid as it was to accept....I accepted. Uh...a moment of weakness. But keep in mind I had already known about these other women. So I was already hurting and I wanted to corner him.
So all day yesterday was crappy. I felt terrible. I had butterflies just thinking about how the night would go.
I was sitting at the computer playing LINGO on gsn.com (fun, fun game BTW) and D called. He was upset and in a tiff. He told me that he thought he broke L's foot! He accidentally opened the door (with force) and the door stopper hit L's foot really hard. So he said that we may or may not go out.
While I was sitting around waiting (as I tend to do) I started doing my hair... just in case. He called and we ended up going out. We met at our usual Carl's Jr./strip mall spot. He got out of the car and gave me a hug. He said he would have given me a kiss, but he had a cold sore...good, because I DID NOT want a kiss. I wasn't sure on how the night was going, so to get a kiss could set off innuendos that would have confused me more.
It was like normal. Like any other day. He held my hand (I know, I know) we laughed and had drinks. He said he was concerned about my weight. It hasn't even been two weeks since the last time I saw him and he said he's noticed that I've lost a lot of weight. I had to explain to him that I have no appetite...that this wasn't a crash diet I was taking...it comes with depression. I sat and told him how my depression worked. That I don't have to get up till 5:45, but I will wake up at 4:15 every morning thinking about things and trying to solve my life problems....but then when it's time to get up, I want to pull the covers over my head and shut the entire world out. He was sad to hear all this information. I told him that I was going to start seeing someone else (therapist) because I simply didn't like the advice the last therapist gave me. Lara and Emmie know that the advice was just silly.
So we started off the night at THE GRAPE. We had a couple of glasses of wine, a cheese spread and some chit chat conversation. I had one glass of wine and three little cheese things...keep in mind I can eat the whole platter by myself. He pointed out my eating habit and he got sad again. I picked up the check and he got all huffy puffy on me...but I felt that I can do something for him because he's done so much for me.
Anyway, we started walking downtown...trying to figure out a place for dinner. At 9:00pm I don't really want to eat. I wasn't hungry, no appetite. So I let him choose. After standing on a corner for about five minutes...he finally made up his mind. We went to Sammy's....and here's where everything gets good.
Another glass of wine for the both of us and another cheese appetizer....which I loved more than the first one....but I only ate a half of one. I spilled everything. I spilled all my emotions. Amazingly, I didn't cry. I told him how I felt. He - which this isn't new - told me that I needed to be dating someone my own age. ahhhhhh -does this never end! So I told him that I couldn't right now. It wouldn't be fair to the other person. I would be on a date and thinking about D the whole time. Eventually, I snuck in..."aren't you dating people?" He stopped and stared at me. I don't think he was prepared to answer that question. But he did. He said he has been talking to his ex...he said that there was a lot of history with her. Understandable, but that's not the answer I was looking for. So I pushed a little more..."that's it? I know your an eligible bachelor in (city name), I'm sure there are more women calling you." And yes, the answer came out. Totally unexpected and was pleased to hear. He said he had been getting calls from other women that were basically throwing themselves at him, telling him that they love him. He said he went out with one girl a few times, but she was too much for him. He said most of these women think he's rich just because he has his own business and has a nice car. He said he was tired of being taken advantage of. At that point I let him know that my intentions were to never take advantage of him. I know I was over his house more often than I should have been, but I was greedy and wanted all time I could. I can go on and on about the things we talked about. But it ended up with a life long friendship...and that one day - if he ever gets over the age gap, we can be together.
Today has been my best day. I ended up over sleeping, I wanted to get up and I did cry...but because I was happy. I'm happy that I got to tell him all the things I should have said a long time ago. He knows how I feel and I won't have any regrets, ifs, ands or buts. We were honest with each other and ourselves. I'm still sad that I can't have him the way I want, but more grateful to have such a wonderful friend.I'll miss dearly, and I'll always love him, but it's time to move on.
Thanks everyone for reading.
EM
Well, let me fill the rest of you in on what Lara and Emmie already know. Well I was a BAAAAD girl and did some research about D. I found out that he was seeing someone the day after he broke things off with me. Now, this wasn't the best thing for me to do....but I did it. I would put it more in to detail, but in fear of who might be reading....I'm not going to.
So I let my mind get the best of me. There were several different women that I suspected him to be seeing. I was crushed. It made me feel like I was being used and lied to. I hate that. I went through that with my ex...and I didn't need it again. I've talked to D a few times and it was awkward. We agreed to remain friends, but it's hard. I've been crying a lot and all that stuff. It's funny because I know if I were someone else posting this...I know exactly what I would say to this person, isn't it funny that we can't take our own advice. *sigh*
So that's pretty much what's led up to last night.
So Monday I called D to let him know that I had my DVD player cables still hooked up to the back of his t.v. Eventually, he asked when I could go and get them. We planned for Wednesday and then he invited me to drinks after. Well...as stupid as it was to accept....I accepted. Uh...a moment of weakness. But keep in mind I had already known about these other women. So I was already hurting and I wanted to corner him.
So all day yesterday was crappy. I felt terrible. I had butterflies just thinking about how the night would go.
I was sitting at the computer playing LINGO on gsn.com (fun, fun game BTW) and D called. He was upset and in a tiff. He told me that he thought he broke L's foot! He accidentally opened the door (with force) and the door stopper hit L's foot really hard. So he said that we may or may not go out.
While I was sitting around waiting (as I tend to do) I started doing my hair... just in case. He called and we ended up going out. We met at our usual Carl's Jr./strip mall spot. He got out of the car and gave me a hug. He said he would have given me a kiss, but he had a cold sore...good, because I DID NOT want a kiss. I wasn't sure on how the night was going, so to get a kiss could set off innuendos that would have confused me more.
It was like normal. Like any other day. He held my hand (I know, I know) we laughed and had drinks. He said he was concerned about my weight. It hasn't even been two weeks since the last time I saw him and he said he's noticed that I've lost a lot of weight. I had to explain to him that I have no appetite...that this wasn't a crash diet I was taking...it comes with depression. I sat and told him how my depression worked. That I don't have to get up till 5:45, but I will wake up at 4:15 every morning thinking about things and trying to solve my life problems....but then when it's time to get up, I want to pull the covers over my head and shut the entire world out. He was sad to hear all this information. I told him that I was going to start seeing someone else (therapist) because I simply didn't like the advice the last therapist gave me. Lara and Emmie know that the advice was just silly.
So we started off the night at THE GRAPE. We had a couple of glasses of wine, a cheese spread and some chit chat conversation. I had one glass of wine and three little cheese things...keep in mind I can eat the whole platter by myself. He pointed out my eating habit and he got sad again. I picked up the check and he got all huffy puffy on me...but I felt that I can do something for him because he's done so much for me.
Anyway, we started walking downtown...trying to figure out a place for dinner. At 9:00pm I don't really want to eat. I wasn't hungry, no appetite. So I let him choose. After standing on a corner for about five minutes...he finally made up his mind. We went to Sammy's....and here's where everything gets good.
Another glass of wine for the both of us and another cheese appetizer....which I loved more than the first one....but I only ate a half of one. I spilled everything. I spilled all my emotions. Amazingly, I didn't cry. I told him how I felt. He - which this isn't new - told me that I needed to be dating someone my own age. ahhhhhh -does this never end! So I told him that I couldn't right now. It wouldn't be fair to the other person. I would be on a date and thinking about D the whole time. Eventually, I snuck in..."aren't you dating people?" He stopped and stared at me. I don't think he was prepared to answer that question. But he did. He said he has been talking to his ex...he said that there was a lot of history with her. Understandable, but that's not the answer I was looking for. So I pushed a little more..."that's it? I know your an eligible bachelor in (city name), I'm sure there are more women calling you." And yes, the answer came out. Totally unexpected and was pleased to hear. He said he had been getting calls from other women that were basically throwing themselves at him, telling him that they love him. He said he went out with one girl a few times, but she was too much for him. He said most of these women think he's rich just because he has his own business and has a nice car. He said he was tired of being taken advantage of. At that point I let him know that my intentions were to never take advantage of him. I know I was over his house more often than I should have been, but I was greedy and wanted all time I could. I can go on and on about the things we talked about. But it ended up with a life long friendship...and that one day - if he ever gets over the age gap, we can be together.
Today has been my best day. I ended up over sleeping, I wanted to get up and I did cry...but because I was happy. I'm happy that I got to tell him all the things I should have said a long time ago. He knows how I feel and I won't have any regrets, ifs, ands or buts. We were honest with each other and ourselves. I'm still sad that I can't have him the way I want, but more grateful to have such a wonderful friend.I'll miss dearly, and I'll always love him, but it's time to move on.
Thanks everyone for reading.
EM