Stupid Stupid Me!!!!!

I don't know what is wrong with me! Lately I have been soo freakin moody I can barely control it. I am not particularly pissed off at anyone in general, but I snap like crazy.... and my OM has been working late for the last 2 weeks. I have been using him as my vent... and I shouldn't he isn't really doing anything. And to make things even BETTER! i had this weird urge to call someone from his phone, then when a girl answered I hung up.... then erased his outgoing call history to cover up that I was snooping......?!?!?!?! Turns out that is Jan one of his brothers friends. WHAT THE F*C! WHAT I THINKING.... now he is totoally pissed at me, and I know he probably wont break up with me, but it's going to be really awkward for a while, I know it. I crossed the line I know I did, and I have no right to do what I did... I don't know what to do... I just want to take it back. My birthday is in three days, and I don't want this stupidity of mine to linger on to that... it's supposed to be a Happy day! I don't expect any responses really... I just need to vent!!!! I am at work right now, so I can't just scream like I feel like I want to.

I am an idiot!

We all have our moments. I've snooped around in D's life. I never got caught so I only know what I've dug up...not knowing his side of the story. So it's worse. I get like that too. I've written it off as a side effect of my depression. Everything ticked me off...everyone ticked me off. I couldn't get happy. I was jealous when I wasn't able to see D. I wonder if I was possessive? I dunno, I can't explain it either because I'm in the middle of it. But I feel for you.

All the best,
EM

Ohhhh, CrazyinLove I can relate. I have times where I am soooo pissed at everything and everyone. I don't know where the heck it comes from.
I am definitally guilty for snooping in 'C.'s stuff way back when. The worst part is I would snoop through boxes that he specifically told me not to look through because he hasn't thrown away any of the junk from his 'past' yet, so of course I just HAD to go snooping. So, I would find old pictures of his wife or cards from his girlfriends and i would just be furious. I couldn't possibally hide it from him because I was so jealous. So, he would find out and basically I really had to 'earn' his trust back; I was lucky he didn't dump my a**. The pathetic thing is now I have all these things in my head. Probably a week later he ended up sitting down and emptying out his boxes and basically threw everything away... which made me happy. I should have been more trusting.
So, you are not the only one here gal ;-)

:rolleyes: Well, yeah... I have done worse. I still feel totally stupid. He is taking it well though. When I got home, he didn't talk to me at all... he usually welcomes me with a big hug and then says how was your day? But nothing. I felt empty, and I could barely breath. So I just went into our room and layed on the bed and read a magazine. Him and his friend came in the room to grab something, and he still didn't say anything. I looked at him, but he just walked out of the room, didn't even glance at me. So I know this has bothered him! So I try to make my self noticable... I do out on the balcony to have a cig, (walking right in front of the TV) then when I am done take my keys and go check the mail. During this time... he called my cell phone to see where I was going, but I didn't have it on me. I get back like 3 mins later and walk in hand him his mail... and he says nothing. Inside I am about to explode!!!! So, I put the mail down, and go back into the bedroom and shut off the light and try to go to sleep. Then he walks in and I was in tears... venting my frustration that way instead of being a *****. He comes by me and rubs my back and says "babe, what's the matter....?" I look at him in confusion.... what do you think? Then he was like "i dunno" So I told him, I feel really bad for what I did, I am so stupid!"
then he says "Babe, I never said you were stupid! It's ok, you are making this more than what it is, you made a mistake, now we are going to work through it." Then he kissed my forehead.
I responded. "Well, obviously you are still effected by it, you haven't spoken to me all night!?" He explained" well, i have been thinking about it, and I was really upset about it, but I see that you are genuinely sorry, and that is all that matters... "

Then he slapped my butt :cool: and said... get some shoes on, lets go get some dinner.....



So I am releived a little now. It doesn't take away my depression though. I still don't feel "up to par" I am thinking about going on some meds... but I don't know... i am still confused. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday and I am not even excited for it. :( That kind of scares me....

That was a great vent and a good story. I'm glad it all worked out.

In my experience, every girl snoops. It goes with the territory.