Lucky in Love

It seems that most, if not all relationships for the people on this board just “happened.” You were lucky to meet a great person, you connected, and you fell in love.

Who says that is the best way to have a relationship? If you depend on luck, why complain when it doesn’t work out? How do you explain the next time? Are you just “unlucky?” If you don’t want to depend on luck, what alternatives do you have?

Like most of my threads, I have an opinion but I’d rather hear yours. I learn a lot more from reading your posts than I do from spouting my own ideas.

This seems important to me though, because as people move from time to time in their lives, very often their opportunities for a lucky encounter dwindle. In a college atmosphere for instance, you’re surrounded by people of the opposite sex. It’s easy to be lucky, especially when you know you have plenty of time if it doesn't work our.

When you graduate to the working world, very often those opportunities dry up. Once you’ve eliminated the choices in your working environment, what then? Go to bars? Hang around the produce section? Go online? Rely on friends? How many of you have ever been set up on a date by a friend? Sucks, doesn’t it?

We spend countless hours and unbelievable dollars to set ourselves up on some type of career for the sole purpose of making a living. Yet we trust the most significant part of our lives, our romantic lives, to luck. Does that make sense?

What do you think?

There's no other way to do it. This isn't A Brave New World. There aren't any genetic markers for who is going to fall in love and who isn't. Even if there were, love isn't enough. Many people fall in love mutually and the relationship doesn't work out for one reason or another.

I don't believe in the concept of luck as most people use it. There is no luck, only probability, or chance. When chance goes in someone's favor they call it good luck. When chance goes against someone's wishes they call it bad luck. I think the term is often misused. You can't *be* lucky. The best any of us can do is seize opportunity when it strikes and try to make decisions that might sway the probability of our favored outcome.

We prepare ourselves for our romantic lives by figuring out what kind of person we desire and deserve. Then we try to grow into the kind of person someone else would love. It's the same as preparing for a career, where you decide what kind of career you want and then prepare yourself to meet the demands of that career and become a desirable candidate for the position you seek.

People that use dating services that attempt to match clients according to specific criteria are certainly not a guaranteed success. No matter how closely matched two people might look on paper, chemistry and attraction seal the deal. There are plenty of places to meet people besides bars, anyways. If you're involved in a hobby or sport there is sure to be a group for it somewhere. Volunteering is another great way to meet caring, generous people (don't I know it). Regardless of where you meet them, though, the same probability exists. Either they are the one for you or they are not. You could meet the love of your life walking across the street tomorrow. But will you notice and seize the opportunity or will you let it slip by?

Very well said Pink,

I agree, theres no set ways to narrow the search by just writing your wants and likes/dislikes in some ad. You just have to get to know the person firsthand.

As for hanging out in bars as an option, well thats not....no correction NEVER been for me. Bar room life to me just seems like a feeding grounds for animal like behavior (sorry to those that enjoy that lifestyle) and I'd rather get to know a person sober long before I see what kind of animal they become when their drunk.

I don't think opportunities for a 'lucky' encounter dwindle either. I meet people all the time and I live in the boonies so far in the middle of nowhere its almost scarey! If I were single (very happy that I'm not by the way) I'd have no problems dating and meeting people once again.

I think its a matter of ones personality in its self, some people just aren't outgoing enough to speak their minds. From the simplest...hello....to the more complicated.....wow you seem like an interesting person...would you mind telling me about yourself? And this applies to even same sex friends, where some people are just too shy to make any friends and only stumble into the ones they do have, or those friends made the first moves.

I guess for those type I do understand bar rooms as they just don't have any openess until they are half drunk.

Msc,

You keep saying you have your opinion but want ours first, mind if I ask why? Just seems awfully reserved that you keep wanting to hear everybodys point of view 'before' you want to give yours, and yet it is your question in the first place.

You know if you just say.....heres my point of view whats yours? Its not going to change the outcome any differently, other than the people will see you as alot more open and equal to us.

Just my opinion, but if thats how you work your dating life it may just be one of the problems you might want to work on. Your questions have all been good ones. Its just that this reserve you have for needing our data 'before' you give your data tends to come off as we're taking a test for the teacher, instead of we're talking with a friend or trying to support another member here.

Don

Great thread, msc. I have loved Lucky for some time now...and I think the Devine had a hand in it.

As for Rolls, you are right on. It sure does feel condescending to have the 'teacher' always asking as if we being gleaned for a thesis of his.

MSC...time to act as equals...just my opinion...

I AM looking forward to you becoming as transparent as you would like us to be.

The IrishKid

I had a thought earlier (scary, I know) and wanted to add to my previous comments. If we did not rely on chance to meet the people we love none of the couples in this community would exist. No dating service on earth would match up two people with a 15 or 20 year age difference. They would just assume it wouldn't work. Obviously they would be wrong.

Okay, I think that's all I had to say. I'm still laughing over a comment about deviled eggs I just got in an email, so forgive me for not being terribly astute at the moment.

Originally posted by PinkPanther_04
I'm still laughing over a comment about deviled eggs I just got in an email, so forgive me for not being terribly astute at the moment.

Sure sure Pink!
Enjoy your laugh about Deviled Eggs and don't let US in on the joke!:p

Ya know we all might just like a good egg joke here today?:D

Don

Sorry guys - I'm trying to work through this. I'm not trying to be a teacher, but I am trying to get some discussion going on some different issues.

I suppose part of my approach stems from my idea of relationship support. I think support can be as simple as a listening ear and a hug, but I also think support can take the form of giving new ideas that one can chew on. That's why I love the responses to my threads - people are digging into their own lives and sharing the lessons they've learned.

I have a good heart and my motives are pure; it's my style that needs work (not only here, but in the real world). I'm working on it, and I ask for a little indulgence.

Ciao

All understood Msc,

But I hope you understand what I'm saying, in the fact that the same input/opinions/views will be the outcome from other members no matter if you wait or just give your two cents right from the begining of your questions. With any question theres going to be ones that agree and ones that don't, being reserved won't change that.

I'm sure you already see from this way that theres ones that share your views as well as ones that look at things differently. And even if somebodys point of view changes the way you see it, its always ok to just say...hey I see your point and have changed my mind now.

Like I said though if you try that style with dating, well it just may scare the best one for you away! Best of luck though in any event.

Don

Ya know we all might just like a good egg joke here today?

Aw, you are a good egg Rolls. :D (egg roll - ha!)

Really, it was not so much a joke as a comment about my eggs having too much paprika. Kind of an inside thing.

Originally posted by PinkPanther_04
Aw, you are a good egg Rolls. :D (egg roll - ha!)

Eggrolls???? :mad: Hey! I thought it was a good joke!

Whats that saying now??......gonna beat you like a redheaded deviled egg?:p

Don

::: shaking head::::::

That's all I can do...

I agree with Rolls and Irish here!! but still just shaking head... LOL

Welcome back, Irish! Long time no see!

Ok, back to the topic at hand. I took some time before responding to this one, because I wanted to think about it a little bit first.

As I see it, there are two basic schools of thought about relationships. One side, the romantics, talk about soulmates and finding "the" one. The other side tends to view all of that as hogwash, and thinks that for any given person there are a number of people out there that they could be perfectly happy with, if they put forth the effort and worked at it and all.

Personally, I think they're both right, in more ways than one. For one, I really don't believe that everybody has a soulmate out there. This is based on my own observations of human behavior. I see a lot of couples that are as happy together as they're ever likely to be, but I don't think their relationship has the same depth as a soulmate relationship. And I think that these couples basically work out because of, as msc calls them, "relationship skills".

On the other hand, soulmate relationships aren't all bubbly and perfect, either. They have their ups and downs, and even though the "soulmate" aspect of it might hold the couple together, relationship skills can still smooth out the bumps and make the relationship a lot easier.

So, I partially agree with msc. Developing relationship skills is very, very important, and it's largely not taught by our society - anywhere. It's not taught at school, in universities, in our pop culture, and largely not taught in our families, either (with exceptions). And for those people out there who aren't really destined for soulmate like relationships, learning the skills to seek out and find somebody to pair with is useful, too.

But for those of us who do have soulmates (and I've counted myself among that number all my life, even since long before I met the YW), going out and developing "dating skills" (which, it should be noted, are markedly different from "relationship skills") may, in fact, be a complete waste of time and energy. I know for myself and the YW, we more or less completely skipped the initial "getting to know you" parts of dating, largely because we'd already been good friends for over two years. But even if we hadn't been, we probably would have rushed through that pretty quickly, and gotten straight to a very committed stage.

The thing is, when you're out looking for the person, in a world of 6 billion people, you largely have to rely on luck, even after you develop all those skills you talk about. That's one tiny needle in one collossal haystack.