Confused and need some advice...

Hey everyone

I've met a girl 19 years old - I am 26.

We have been on a date, kissed etc, got on really well but then she blew me out as she said I was too old! I've seen her a few times since (playing the usual games) but without spending too much time talking too her until the other nite.

She confirmed she did fancy me after I asked her if the age thing was an excuse and that she just had a hang up on it. Thing is we get on really well and both fancy each other. I asked her if she fancied going to Moscow (I'm going soon) and she said she'd have to think about it (She thought it was such a mad idea that it took her by suprise a bit LOL)

So the question is how do I get her out again (if she says no to russia - which I guess she will)? Its incredibly frustrating as I'm 100% sure as can be that if I spend time with her she'll realise her fears are unfounded?

Really need help as this is driving me mad.

Cheers

JJJ

J - Is there a problem with just asking her out again? If she accepts, then great. If not, well maybe you'll have figured out you can't be 100% about anything, really. I think it's a bit soon to invite someone on a trip to another country after just one date, but maybe that's just me?

Seriously though, take it slow and don't put any pressure on her. She'll do what she needs to do. Even if you just ask her out sort of casually, like you're just friends more or less, it will give her a chance to get to know you and whether you're compatible besides the age difference.

cheers

I know what you mean but I'm stood there talking to a girl who has stated she fancies me (about 2 secs earlier) - knows I like her too, is displaying all the body language, her friends are comfortable to leave her - and yet when I say 'Is there anything I can say to get you to come out again?' - she says no!

Aghhhhhhhh!

The only reason I mentioned Moscow was to test her resolve - wasn't done in a full on type of way (nothing more unattractive!)

I just cant work her out - or more accurately cant seem to get her out!

HELP!

Either she's playing games (and you've got to decide whether you'll put up with that) or she digs you but still doesn't want to get involved with you. Keep in mind I only know a bit of the story, but if I were the betting sort I might put my money on the first option.

I would have agreed with you until the last time I talked to her when I got the impression that she would have been well up for it if I was 23 and not 26!

Now I find this incredibly frustrating as I am only just 26 (look much younger) and are not old in any sense of the imagination.

Maybe what I should have said is how do I change her attitude to 26 year olds as oppose to 23 year olds as I cant really see there being much of a problem?

Who the heck knows what the real deal is.

You can only know and control one side of the equation. Your side.

If I were you I'd just set her free and see if she comes back. If she's into you she will.

If you pursue her too soon she might get more used to the reasons she doesn't want to be with you. Don't remind her!

Good luck and don't stress so much.

19 and 26? that's not a big gap. Tell her age is only a number, it is what inside that counts!

yeah 7 years is nothing compared to some of our age differences.. My husband is 17 years older than me...... Although at 19 years old most girls aren't ready for there long time Future.... so you can't force someone to be with you but if it is meant to be then it will be... good Luck!!! and Welcome to the site!!!

Originally posted by JJJ
Maybe what I should have said is how do I change her attitude to 26 year olds as oppose to 23 year olds as I cant really see there being much of a problem?

Welcome to the board, Triple J.

Now, the question: No offense but, who are you to want to change her attitude? I don't get it. If this is her decision, deal with it. There is no changing it. She's going to be stuck on that choice, regardless what you say or do.

The fact is that she's still a teen. She have alot of growing up to do and from what you've explained, it hasn't taken place in your previous conversations with her and it don't look like it's going to be done anytime soon.

And to my surprise, no one else pointed out something else of importance. You mentioned that you asked her to go to Moscow with you. But nowhere do you mention where you are going to Moscow from (profile clear). Moving from one place to another takes alot of responsibility. It's also a very big move. One that you can't put on a 19 yr. old who may not have established her own life and future yet.

What does she do for a living? Is it worth leaving to begin a life with you? Dude, you're doing more than asking her to come to Moscow with you. You asking her to leave her life behind to spend it with you.

Chosen, I could be wrong, but I got the impression it was just a short trip, not a move...

As for the rest of it, I think I do have to mostly agree with Chosen here. If she doesn't want to date you, there's not really much to do for it. You can hang out and ask her a few more times, but if you take it too far you run a very real risk of crossing over into stalker territory. So I have to side with what seems to be the general consensus around here: ask her a couple more times, and then if she still says no, you've got to respect her decision, even if you don't agree with it.

As much as it sucks, that's life, dude.

Thanks for explaining that to me, Rhad.

But as I see it, unless Moscow is just a few miles away from where she and Triple J are residing, it's still a big jump. Or rather, a big decision to make. If she have to pack for a trip that will last more than 2 days, then that's a big decision to make. And there is nothing you can do, Triple J, to alter her decisions.

I can't speak for everyone here, Triple J, but I won't be one to sugar coat my replies. It's easy to say, "Go 4 it". But, Rhad mentioned advancing from a guy who is interested in this girl to a major stalker, and with that kind of advice a true stalker would take it just like that. Advice to stalk the victim. But instead of that, I'm going to keep it real.

If she have any doubts about dating or going to Moscow with you, GET UP, GET GOING, AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Don't worry about it.

Originally posted by TheChosen1
But, Rhad mentioned advancing from a guy who is interested in this girl to a major stalker, and with that kind of advice a true stalker would take it just like that. Advice to stalk the victim. But instead of that, I'm going to keep it real.

Er, yeah, I can kind of see how a stalker might take it that way, so let me make it perfectly, 100%, absolutely clear right now that I was advising against stalking her!

Originally posted by Rhadamanthus
Er, yeah, I can kind of see how a stalker might take it that way, so let me make it perfectly, 100%, absolutely clear right now that I was advising against stalking her!

Oh no Rhadamanthus, I agree with you. I'm sorry if my post appeared that I accused you of agreeing with stalking, but that's not what I meant.

What I meant is that, considering the screwed up mind and thoughts of a stalker, some would advise JJJ to make all attempts to persuade her to date him and/or make that trip with him. And they (the stalker) would take that as a "go ahead" from us to stalk his/her victim.

Again, sorry for the misunderstanding.

Nah, no misunderstanding. I knew you didn't take it that way, I just wanted to make sure none of those screwed up stalkers out there took it that way.