The hardest part

The hardest part of long distance relationships is after a visit. I think of something else I want to say to him and turn around, but he's not there any more. I've only just gotten used to sharing a bed with someone else again, to where I can sleep through all the little bumps and snores. Now I'm back in my own bed, and it just feels empty. I roll over to touch him, but it's only the wall. I remember all the things we wanted to do but didn't and wonder whether we'll recall them next time. I try to tell myself two months isn't very long, but it's a lie.

Anyone else in a long distance relationship have tips for how to get over the after-visit blues?

Tips for long distance relationships? Heck, I have trouble dealing with the YW being involved in other activities such that I'll just see less of her for two weeks (the state of my life for the next two weeks, as it happens). I go for a day or two without seeing her and miss her terribly, even though we're chatting online even on those days.

Neurotic, aren't I? I don't know how those of you in long distance relationships do it. I have all kinds of respect for you.

My husband and I endured a 3 1/2 hour separation for almost 5 years before we married and moved our lives together. Just take it a day at a time and enjoy the precious time you have together. Also, I would never recommend waiting 5 years to close the distance! My husband and I look back now (after over two years of being together/together) and wonder why the heck we waited so long. I value his presence in my life and believe a small part of that is because we endured a long separation for so long.

Hang in there and spend lots of time on the phone!!

Best wishes.

OR does absence make the heart go wander???

Waiting...I know what you mean. I really don't have any words of wisdom here...just commiseration. When Lucky and I have to leave...she (and I) never want to go...no matter the cost to us. Ultimately we return to our worlds and it takes time to adjust to the world without her.

I don't think I could ever spent 5 years apart from her. It is our hope and prayer that we are truly united before a year is up. Hopefully this summer for good.

We spent too many hours on the phone...and it is not enough. Fortunately she has a cell phone plan based in NYC that has unlimited minutes after 9 pm (EDT) which is 6 pm out here. We sure do take advantage of that.

I would be nice to see how others have handled this 'challenge' of being away from the one they love.

Looking forward to that day when I will be with Lucky on a every moment basis...IN PERSON!!!!!

The IrishKid

I know exactly how your feeling - I have been in a long distance relationship for three and a half years now, and the dreaded goodbyes dont get any easier, Im afraid.

I think the worst thing in the world are the 'airport scenes'..I literally cannot stop tear after tear falling from the second we are in my car and driving to the terminal. Just knowing that I will return to my car in a little while and the seat that was just occupied will be empty is enough to rip my heart OUT! And as for the bedroom, or the kitchen, the bathroom, the corner store, the little presents he leaves for me - everywhere I look and everything I do torments me with a memory and a permanent lump remains in my throat for weeks and weeks before I gradually swing back into the routine. Until then, though, the sight of an international calling card and the thought of email makes me sick - i dont WANT a damn cheap calling rate, and I dont CARE about the convenience of email and messenger and I dont even want to look forward to the next trip...I just want to be together already :(


So, my dear Waiting, honestly the only thing that I can advise is to keep yourself as occupied as possible, as hard as that may be. You need plenty of girlfriends at this time, plenty of frozen marguerita's, hair treatments, facials - a good one is get a manicure done!

The last time B left, I wandered around aimlessly crying my eyes out until I found myself at the "Powder Room" (LOL) getting a full set of acrylic nails and a french manicure. NEVER done that before (and havent since!!) but it was a good thing for me to do at the time - all of a sudden, I wasnt crying, I was explaining to this little Korean woman that I didnt like long nails, and everytime she would file them down I'd tell her they were still too long. Her reaction was hilarious - she was looking at me like I had three heads, and screaming what Im sure were very colourful obsenities at me in Korean, because as far as her english was concerned all she could get out was "Why yu pu' nail on if yu do' wan' long?? It no look goo'!!". I walked out of there feeling a little better....

I know it almost feels like youre going through a breakup - one minute he's here and the next his gone and this overwhelming sense of emptiness just washes over you.....Eventually, however, the long nights will subside and hugging your pillow will start to be somewhat of a 'comfort' again, rather than a blatant reminder of the fact that its not HIM....and you'll just get back into breathing in and out and going back to what people like you and me do best - WAIT! LOL

This is something that has been tormenting me inside for a little while now and I havent spoken to anyone about, but lately I have been feeling like I really cant go through with another airport scene :( B may come to Oz in December, but I really dont think I could take it - this year has been eventful enough and another goodbye would hurt too much this time. So much so, that even though I want nothing more than to see him again, I would forfeit seeing him until such time as we can be together, and I dont have to do another heart wrenching goodbye....

Somebody shoot me before this becomes a Danielle Steel novel.....!!

- Munchkin

Lucky and Irish - have you guys been in LDR for 5 years??? OMG, I thought 3.5 years is bad enough! How far from each other are you?

Waiting - how far is he from you and how often do you see each other??

Anyone else in LDR's?

Kimcun,

Thanks for the kind words, and Im glad for your happiness after what you endured :)

As for my relationship, the goodbyes are hard but were both holding out for a better set of circumstances, which he is working so hard to make happen. In the meantime, its not that Im considering leaving him at all, its just that I love and miss him so much that if I see him, I really dont think I could let him go....I may just be tempted to accidently 'misplace' his passport, or something!! ~cheeky grin~ :D :D :D

What I *am* considering is not seeing him until such time as he is ready to move here, or I there - which both of us see as being sometime mid next year. As he is currently studying, we are looking into his completing a semester in Oz in '04. The truth is, though, that I would relish the opportunity to see him again in the meantime, so I either have to swallow hard and keep a stiff upper lip when he leaves, or just decide delay our seeing each other again until next year..... I just cant imagine Christmas and NYE without him, though...I think the stiff upper lip will have to happen :rolleyes:

- Munchi

The airport scenes are terrible, I agree -- so maybe it's a good thing that we rarely are actually in the airport together. It lets us get our crying done in private, where my OM is more comfortable, but I do sometimes wish for those last few minutes, even if I know they won't make things easier.


Eventually, however, the long nights will subside and hugging your pillow will start to be somewhat of a 'comfort' again, rather than a blatant reminder of the fact that its not HIM


That's beautifully worded, enough that I wanted to repeat it.

I am keeping myself busy -- more than busy. Schoolwork piles up when you ignore it for a few days, alas. Especially when even now I'd rather spend the time talking to him and ignoring my work, trying to let the disconnect of the end of our visit happen gradually rather than abruptly.

My OM is in New York, at least for the next few months, and I'm in California. We see each other every two or three months, on average.

Thank you all for the kind words, especially Munchkin and kimcun. They helped, a lot :smile:.

Munchie....

My "5 years" was a reference to the post immediately before mine of dmbdmo's where she had been in the 3.5 hour distance for 'almost 5 years'.


My comment

'I don't think I could ever spent 5 years apart from her. It is our hope and prayer that we are truly united before a year is up. Hopefully this summer for good.'

is still the way I feel. Hopefully we will be united be a YEAR is up. Whewwww...may it never be 5 years. :-) I am not sure I could take that one. I would be crawling to OK.

The IrishKid

i just found this thread down the page and wanted to talk... :) i just got back 3 days ago from my first visit to my LD boyfriend. it was weird to be back here and sometimes it feels like i imagined the whole thing. we were talking the other night about how it seems harder when you are the one who is left than when you leave. like this time it is harder on him, i was at his house and now i am gone. whereas the time before when we saw each other it was a little easier for him because of the massive drive home, it was more of a "clean break" for him but i was home moping around missing him.

it is hard on a daily basis and i don't know exactly how to deal. we talk every day on our cell phones so it's not too expensive with our mobile to mobile minutes, email a few times a week, send letters and cards. but still, this is not something i want to do forever. it has only been 3 months but we have a tentative "2 year plan" as we call it. we want to spend the next 18 months (until i graduate) doing what we are doing, being in frequent communication and seeing each other every couple of months, building a strong foundation for our relationship. after that, well, that is really our only issue right now and it's not a big deal yet, that we don't have an actual plan for what to do after that. where are we going to live, etc. but it's okay, we talk about everything and it is not a sore point or anything. we agree that we don't want to keep each other from doing anything that is important to each of us so i think that is where his reluctance to make concrete plans at this point is coming from.

ok, that was kind of long about me...waiting, munchkin, i feel for you and i hope you don't have to wait too much longer.

I think things happen for a reason... if you're separated from your s/o now, it might well be in the bigger plan for you. Irish and i have taken to looking at is as a good thing... we get to realize how much we miss each other and want each other when we're apart... something not a lot of couples are afforded when they get to live 10 mins from each other or live together.

5 years?!? sheeeesh... these last 2.5-3 months have been long enough for me! i just can't imagine spending the 2 years i have left in law school (after this one) away from Irish... and i'm really thinking i won't have to... so i say to all in LDR's.... hang in there... you're apart for a reason and your pain now will turn into something wonderful in the (hopefully near) future!
~Lucky
PS~ Irish... absence makes the heart WANDER?!?!?!?!?!? something you're not telling me?!?