Building a child's healthy relationship with food

This is an article I wrote for another site which I thought I'd bring here too.

I'd like to start with my credentials. I'm a parent, and I am a Daycare cook with years of experience trained by the USDA to administer their food program for young children. I've also take college and other professional courses dealing with child care and specifically child welfare and nutrition.

A lot of us are here because somewhere our relationship with food got off track and lead to weight problems. Perhaps we tried several diets before this one that further damaged our relationship with food. We, as adults, are trying correct our weight problem which is good. But how about our emotional problem?

And, the main focus of what I'm going to write, how are we affecting our children's relationship with food?

"Let's celebrate your good grade, pizza!"
"No dessert for you if that's your attitude!"
"You don't look very happy, would some ice cream cheer you up?"
"If your good at daycare all week, I'll take you to McDonald's on Friday!"
"Finish your plate!"

We train children from an early age to equate emotional punishments and rewards with food. It's an easy reward system, the results are immediate, and it doesn't really require much participation on our part to administer. It's especially easy to "bribe" children into certain behaviors with treats.

But in a country where more and more children are obese and food related psychological disorders such as bulimia and anorexia are occurring younger and younger for BOTH sexes (male eating disorders are on the rise)it behooves us a child care givers (be it parents, teachers, other family, etc) not to continue to give so much emotional weight to something that can adversely affect our children's LIFE, both mental and physical.

Please don't label your children's bodies or other peoples negatively. I actually heard a mother tell her five year old daughter that she would look like her (and she pointed to a morbidly obese woman) if she didn't stay away from sweets. Then she noticed me and apologized. I flat out told her "Don't apology to me, apology to your daughter who's going to be anorexic to try to earn your acceptance and love when she's older." She was less than pleased.

Your goal should be that your child be happy and healthy.

So, the best thing you can do for your children is to defuse the food issue. Food is for fuel for our bodies, and it tastes good. It's a good thing to enjoy it, and it's a good thing to be moderate about it.


*Serving sizes*

Hold up your fist. That's your tummy size. If your servings add up more than the size of your fist then your are stretching it out to accommodate the food. Remember the last time you were really ill and how little it took to fill you up after? Now look at your child's fist. Much smaller.

Child's portions should be child-like. A table spoon of this, a slice of that, some of those. To fill a child's plate and then expect them to eat it is encouraging them to eat beyond their satiation point, stretch their bellies, and teaching them to gorge. Child-like portions for children. And if they are still hungry...they will ask for more. The USDA recommends children serving themselves as much as possible to teach them serving limits.

True story: At Thanksgiving I get some of this, some of that, rarely do two foods even touch each other. My parents FILL their plates heaping. If I am still hungry, I go back and my mother will say: You know, you don't really NEED seconds. Even though it would take me fourths to have the same amount of food she had on her first pass!


*Rare Treats*

Instead of making a special outing to a fast food place a reward or punishment make it as "Just because" or part of the regular program. "On the first day of the month, we go to ___________ and get a treat." No emotional ties this way to performance or behavior.

*If it's not in the house, they can't have it.*

What a simple concept! Children will not willing starve themselves. They will chose things they like, however. But if there are no cookies or cake, they will prob eat a cheesestix or apple.

*If they didn't finished their taters but want more green beans, let them.*

Adults could learn a thing about eating from children in this department. The younger the child the more intuitively a child will want foods that fill requirements of their bodies. They may not require what is in the taters, but DO still need what's in the green beans.

*It takes a new food approx ten "appearances" before a child will accept a new food.*

Or so the USDA says, but I found it usually takes three. Time one: No! It's yucky, I don't want it! Time two: Oh, we had that before. Time Three is usually when they will try it and actually see if they will eat it. I've also found that if you let kids help prepare a new food they will be so darn proud of their work they will eat the product.

*Beware of allergies*

Younger children may not be able to tell you why they don't like a food. A child in my care (12 months) had a cold that lasted four about five months before I could get the parents interested in allergy testing. Every day they sent her food with her, and the ones she didn't like I didn't give her; such as her rice cereal. Her cold would start to clear up, but be back on Monday. Her parents suspected milk and stopped using it. It made no difference. Came to pass that she was allergic to eggs and rice. Within a week of not using those products her wheezing etc was gone.

*Rewards and punishments*

Never use food as a reward or a punishment. It's as simple as that.

If dessert is being served at dinner, everyone gets dessert. If one person at dinner needs to be punished make it a separate issue. "When your done eating, I want you to go to your room and clean it. No TV for you til it's done." Is a much more appropriate action than socially outcasting someone while others eat something yummy.

Rewards are the same way. It teaches someone to feel good about themselves by feeding themselves. This is how "comfort food syndrome" begins. The person mistakenly believes that by eating they will feel better because in the past when they were feeling good about something, proud even, they were fed.



*Picky eaters and flat out refusers*

Unless there is a medical reason why someone shouldn't have what everyone else is having at the table, don't make something different for that one person. Depending on the age they can make their own sandwich if they don't like what there is out. You are a parent, not a short order cook.

*Bear in mind*

Children go through natural stages of growth. They will honestly sometimes NOT BE HUNGRY. Amazing as that sounds. And it's OK for them not to eat much. It's the dormant phase of their growth cycle. Usually it goes like this:

Ravenous: Can't keep enough food in the house for this kid. Moves quickly, snacks often, sleeps hard.
Awkward: Loses balance a lot, trips over feet, is tired.
Growth spurt: ZIP! Overnight the kid grows
Dormant: If you got used to buying a lot of food...Well, you have a lot of extra now, coz the kid isn't eating.
Return to Ravenous just when you got used to buying less food.

WARNING: New mom's and dad's...if your kid is in the awkward stage, don't buy any new shoes or clothes for just a bit longer...or you'll be wasting money!

*Alternatives*

This works better with younger children than older ones the way I'm going to explain it, but I'm sure it can be modified for older ones:

The Ladder of Success.

Buy something you know your child will enjoy (if you have more than one child I suggest getting something for each one instead of them competing, since one kid will almost always be the winner, and one almost always be the loser).

Wrap it, so they can't see what it is. If they know what it is it takes the mystery and thrill out of it, and they may decide they can live without it.

Make a "Ladder" chart of thirty slots. For each good day they have, they get a sticker in a slot. When they have 30 stickers, they get the prize.

The great thing about the ladder is...if they have a bad day they aren't penalized for it. Face it, everyone has bad days. If your child is told "If you are good til Friday then we will ________" and he messes up on Tuesday, what motivation does he have for the rest of the week!

With my daughter I usually bought art supplies, and it usually took her six weeks to complete the ladder. After each bad day I'd kiss her and tell her "That's OK, you can try again tomorrow to have a good day."


"Let's celebrate your good grade, let's go camping this weekend!"
"No TV for you if that's your attitude!"
"You don't look very happy, would a hug and funny movie cheer you up?"
"If your good at daycare all week, I'll take you to the zoo on Friday!"

I also wrote this for the same site

Halloween Candy and Your Children

Here and there you have seen me (or will soon, bahahahah!) post about children and food.

Because it's only about a week away I thought I'd get this out of the way.

Food should never be used as a punishment or a reward.

That out of the way the question of the upcoming loot-fest arises.

What I did with my daughter was this: She was allowed to pick 3 pieces of her loot after school each day. And that was it.

Usually her candy lasted until at least April.

It wasn't taken away if she was bad, it wasn't doubled if she was good. It was the rule, THE END. To this day she's not a big sweet eater and she has fewer issues with gorging herself etc that some of the girls and boys she runs with.

In fact, if she eats too many sweets she gets a bit ill.

This fosters a a early understanding with children that sweets are OK sometimes, but not all the time. That they should be (and can be) moderated.

I used to let her pick her pieces after school, so she'd have time to run it off before dinner. If she had friends over they could pick three pieces also. THE END.

lol.

Hope this helps at least one person.

And remember, while it may look unsightly, temper fits are good aerobic work outs!
:rolleyes:

That is the sanest thing I have read in a long time. Good for you and your daughter can count herself lucky having you for a mother.

C.C.

Very good Polite. :)

Mothers run to the pediatrician because their child is not eating (and there are phases, especially from 2 to 5 years old, when the child will not eat well, it's normal) and no matter how many times we reassure them, they'll try to force the doctor to "do something about it".

They rarely come to the doctor to say I'm afraid I'm not feeding my child correctly because he's putting too much weight...

Thanks guys! :)

Maria, I forgot you are in the profession. At one of the lectures I went to we discussed how weight was given a moral slant, and thus if you or your children have a weight problem it is a shameful failure on your part. This burden of shame stops people for asking for help since they then transfer it to others by trying to shame or guilt the children into changing behaviors.

Actually weight has been associated with health for so long that it's very difficult to find mothers that realise, when it's still time to do something, that their children are obese.

Some mothers are conscious of that and they come very early to the pediatrician, and usually these are the most difficult cases, because they deal with real endocrinological problems.

In Brazil a part of the population doesn't have enough money for milk, so they add water, sugar and some kind of flour that I don't know the name in English, used to thicken the mixture. With so much carbohydrates, little protein, children quickly put on weight, but are malnourished. One little virus and they are severely sick. So sometimes it's not lack of knowledge, but lack of money that is causing obesity.

Poor families have less possibilities of cooking healthy meals. They often don't have enough money to buy fresh vegetables, fruits, meat. It's sad but this is also a reality in the US. It's not a coincidence that the largest percentages of obesity are found in poor minorities. :(

Poor families have less possibilities of cooking healthy meals. They often don't have enough money to buy fresh vegetables, fruits, meat. It's sad but this is also a reality in the US. It's not a coincidence that the largest percentages of obesity are found in poor minorities

Actually, now that I am an adult, I can trace back some of my own weight problems to our being poor when I younger. My relationship with food still isn't what it should be, but my daughter's is much healthier.

There are other factors too, and so for me, as I am sure it is for many others, it isn't simply a question of eating less as much as a question of eating the right things, hormones, etc.

The mechanisms of obesity are many and are different, but without the food you can't put on weight, that's a question of logic. Matter comes from matter...you need the matter to build a structure.

So how come some people eating the same amount will develop obesity and others won't? It's a question of metabolising this matter. Some will use energy in a different way, faster, and until next meal they'll have burnt most of it and nothing will be left to stock - hormones are the guilty ones.

Some will retain salt and water because of hormonal imbalance again, others will retain energy, calories, not because the metabolism is slow or fast, but because their cells are hungry, avid, and stock more. I'm not a specialist in endocrinology, but whatever mechanism is present, food is there, too.

The problem is, with children you have to be very careful, because you have to find a way to give the child material to grow up, and at the same time you know she will use this material badly, because she has hormonal problems (the origin may even be purely genetic). So food is her need and her problem.

So much research is being done, and we've already come up with some new drugs, I hope in near future we'll have safe ways to treat children, because it's clear that only diet won't solve some of obesity problems.