Dilema!!

Ok... I am in a situation. Well, not really a situation per say... but just very strange.

My OM's best friend has been practically living with us for about 2 months now. His friend has parent issues; he still lets his parents control him when he is 25 years old. So he is slowly but surely finally moving out of his dad's house. But for the last 2 months he has been staying for free. And we told him that he will have to start to pay rent... and pull his weight. So he said that he would talk to his daddy about it.

Anyway... so last Sat night, we (my OM, me and the best friend) were hanging out just talking about stuff, life... what's going on, "shootin the shit." Then the best friend (i am going to call him BFF) got really quiet, and started staring at the wall. My OM and I were like "HEY BFF ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Then he responds "Yeah, I am ok, I am just depressed." So we were like ok well we are gunna go to bed now, if you need us you know where we will be. He didn't say anything.

And a little back ground on BFF, he lives with his dad, and goes to his mom's house every other weekend. He is affraid to move out on his own because his parents will be really upset. He doesn't get the fact that he is 25 and do whatever he wants with his parents. My OM met him in a college class, and they have been good friends for about 6 years now. Once I met BFF when I started dating my OM, I thought he was a little strange, but once I got know him, he grew on me, and now he is like one of my best friends or a brother. That is why my OM and I have decided to give him the option to live with us so it's not on his own, and he has some one to talk to and stuff... and learn the responsibilities of being an adult, which BFF has very little of....

Anyways, Sunday morning my OM and I were going to a sports bar to watch the Cowboy game. And BFF was going to take the boy (OM's son) to go get a halloween costume. So I told BFF to stop by the sports bar so we can give him some money to buy the costume. BFF and the boy get there... and then I take my OM's ATM card and go to the bank; and I tell BFF to come along. So on the way over to the bank I ask BFF if he feels like talking because he looks really down, and sometimes he likes talking to me better than my OM because I am more sencere (obviously :rolleyes: ) and he says he doesn't really want to talk about it. So I say, ok.. when you feel like talking I will be here to listen. So I go get the money he stays in the car... when I get back he is fidgetting with his hands and his eyes are real watery. Then I was like what's going on... and he says

"I think I need to tell you something, it will make me feel better, but I don't know if I should say anything..."

So things are running through my mind like, shit does he know something about my OM, and is scared to tell me... what the??? So I try not to freak out in front of him, and said

"Well, if you think it would make you feel better, why don't you tell me, I wont bite."

Tears start flowing now... and he takes a deep breath and says

"I've fallen in love with you and I can't control it. I don't know what to do, but it's been bottled up for so long, and that is why I get so depressed so much, is because I know I can't have you. And anytime I think of another girl I can't, because I measure everyone up to you. I love you so much it hurts."

:eek: :confused: :rolleyes: :mad: :D :) :rolleyes: :confused: :eek:

After scraping my chin from the floor, I composed myself just enough to ask

"How long have you felt this way?"

He replys "As long you and "OM" have been together, almost 2 years."

I didn't know what to say but somehow I said "Well, thank you for telling me how you feel, I bet you feel a whole lot better now. However for me it's not going to change the way I feel about you. I love you too, but as a brother or a really close friend. And I am in love with my OM. But I hope this doesn't change everything that is going on. I still want us to be friends and I would hate to lose you over something like this."


He looked totally releived. I am still trying to adjust, but I am kinda weirded. What did I do to make him fall in love with me, I didn't do anything. And now I may seem like I am the same, but one the inside I am a little shaky, like I don't really know what to do. Should I tell my OM, should I not? Personally, I would think that it would only cause chaos, so I have tenatively decided not to say anything.

Any thoughts?? What would you do if this happened to you???

well I can't say I have ever had this happen...but... Be careful.. tell your OM.. dont' keep secrets... Secrets only damage relationships..... Maybe he does need to move....... He really shouldnt' be living with you!!!!You need to concentrate on you and your OM and your BFF needs to detach himself.. he's a big boy and an adult and needs to break away... Be gentle thoughwith you om when you tell him..... Make him understand that he did it unintentionally and you understand but You can't live withhim.... Good Luck....

Let us know what you decide...

The absolute first thing you need to do is tell the OM. I can't tell you what his reaction is going to be - that's going to depend a lot upon his temperament, but he needs to know, because the decision of what to do about it is partly his.

My recommendation is that you and he need to tell the friend that you both still want to be his friend very much, but it's time to move out. There's a very real chance that you and the OM can keep your relationship as it is and still be friends with this guy, but your odds of success go way down if he's living with you. Trust me - I've seen it happen.

I hate to tell you this, but there's also a very real chance that you will not be able to salvage all of the relationships. In other words, there might come a time when one or more of the three of you forces a choice. It sounds like the choice would be a no brainer for you (choosing the OM over his friend), but if that's the OM's best friend, then it may not be so easy for him. All I can say is that you don't want to be the one who forces the choice. And again, I'm not saying that this will happen, but it's very possible, perhaps even likely, so you need to keep an eye out for it, and do what you can to prevent it, if you really want to salvage the situation.

Lastly... The friend didn't tell you all of this just to get something off of his chest, or to clear the air, or to make things right, or even to make himself feel better. He may have told you all or some of those things, and some part of him may even believe that, but it's total BS. He told you because he wants something to come of it. You need to make absolutely clear to him that you don't want anything to come of it. This may entail being "mean" to him. By mean, I don't want to say that you should be rude, but you do need to be clear and definite.

Good luck in a tough situation.

I remember in April of 2000, my former coworker, K, asked me to come to see her at my former job because she was going to be leaving for maternity leave and never returning to the job. So on one of my off-days of my present job, I decided to take that 65 mile drive to my former job, a department store, to see her one last time. As I was driving to the store, I kept wondering if she had gained alot of weight and somehow lost that great shape of hers. I kept remembering her as I last saw her before leaving that job. She had long, beautiful dark hair down to the center of her back, beautiful dark brown eyes, the most beautiful smile that I've ever seen. All and all, she was the epitome of a younger version of Salma Heyek, my favorite latina actress and woman of my dream.

Well, to my surprise, the only noticable weight gain on K was maybe 5 or 10 pounds and it was only noticable in her hands and her butt (something she had little of before....LOL). But I was there for about an hour until I had the heart to sit down and tell K that while we were coworkers, I think I had fallen in love with her. I would come to work many days and do whatever I needed to do but when K would get there a couple hours or so later, I had a warm feeling in my heart everytime I saw here walking up those stairs to our department. I didn't expect K to jump up into my arms or even break out with a big smile when I told her that of course. But she had this look of fear and I quickly comforted her by explaining, "Please, don't get me wrong, babe. I didn't have that - if I can't have you nobody will- kind of love for you. I am well aware that (A) you have a boyfriend, (B) you guys have been together since you were 16 and (C) you have kids for this guy." With that being said, she looked more relieved. I further explained, "Sure, I can only dream that you would one day come to work and tell me that you two broke up and that you would like for us to take it slow. But hey, it was only a dream.......LOL" She smiled and said, "Yeah, right." And we laughed about it. Of course, I wish the best for her, her boyfriend, and thier kids before I left.

It's been told to me that I used to talk more about K then I did about Ms. A or another coworker/girlfriend after I left that department store. But once I got that off of my chest, I pretty much hardly talk about her or anything else about the store anymore. Even Ms. A says little about our times there. But she knew how I felt about K long before I left the store though.
************************************************** *
CIL, I agree with the others. BFF will have to move out and move on. It may be threatening (not physically) for him to remain there. That is, it may hurt him more.