I'm thinking about calling him and I don't know if it's okay.

Tomorrow will make six weeks since I've heard from J. I figured that if I hadn't heard from him in this long I would at least start to feel better about it and let it go, but I don't feel better. I feel awful. I'm really glad we can all joke around and have fun on the other boards, because without some kind of distraction I have time to realize just how bad this hurts. There hasn't been a day that I haven't cried at least a little over this. It seems silly, because we didn't even really have a relationship. I don't know what I miss more: the promise of something great between us that seemed so close, or the great friendship we had. I've sent a few emails his way, just telling him I hope we can work this out and letting him know I care about him and so forth, but haven't gotten any response. I'm not that surprised, really. He seems to get kind of thrown off by emotional openness sometimes and clams up. I don't know if it would be okay to call him or not. At this point I don't know which is worse: continuing to hope things will change or giving up.

I hope I don't sound like a total idiot here. I'm usually not an emotional wreck. In fact I'm usually not very emotional at all. But this is killing me.

Will you stop this!?

DO


NOT


I


REPEAT


DO


NOT


CALL


HIM.


I think the operative sentence you wrote was that you've sent a few emails and he hasn't responded.

You are extremely willful - but you HAVE TO allow him purchase in this and respect his decision not to reply to you. That's not to say he won't at some point. That's no to say he will. But you have to fully respect that it's a two way street - you have CLEARLY said to him what you want to say and you will have to (at some point) deal with the fact that you can not write the script for him as well.

Chin up. The good news is you really were honest and vulnerable. Wonderful qualities and very hard for most people. :)

I know all that, Spunk. And I was really just wanting to get this off my chest. I keep thinking that I should call, but there's a reason I haven't. I mean, what would I even say if I did? It just really bothers me that I'm not getting over this. Hell, I'm even going out with a guy this weekend, and I don't even care. I just said I'd go because I need to get out of the house more and he seems like a nice guy.

I really do hate that bit about vulnerability, you know. I know that's supposed to be such an admirable thing, but it seems like the second you make yourself vulnerable someone comes along and takes the opportunity to kick you in the teeth.

Hello PP,

Here's my 2 cents worth...

Sometimes it's a huge mistake to call and sometimes it's a huge mistake not to.

You have to do what's right for you.

Give yourself the very same advice you would give to your best friend if she were in your situation.

However it turns out, thank yourself for doing the right thing for you.

SNSW

Being vulnerable is admirable because it's being STRONG. It should be different to being needy or clingy or weak or needing validation - it's being able to expose your feelings from a secure base. It's a subtle shift of perspective, but a significant one.
From one angle, yes, they CAN kick you in the teeth and it hurts, but from the proper perspective they CAN'T - because all you are revealing is an HONEST YOU.

Then, all that is left... is them.

How to get on with things could be a thread in itself. Many people advise to stop doing so much thinking and spend more time DOING - doing other things and certainly going out and enjoying yourself, keeping yourself active, going on a date - all that's definitely positive.

well maybe he hasn't read his emai-? Can you check the status of your sent emaiL??? I wouldn't think it would be a bad thing to call ... You probably even if just need closure.... let him know it's not all about the relationship even if its just on a friends level you just want to make sure he's ok...Even if you get the closure you need and to me this is WHAT you need because I would if I was You...Just do what your heart feels right either way it will be the best decision!!!

Gosh, it's so funny, because I was sitting here reading your post and thinking that I'd really like to call up the guy who asked me out last friday night. But I have a tendency to obsess and it's best for me not to act on it. But thats just me. Do what you need to do. It's juts funny, because I'm totally right with you...

Thanks for all your responses you guys.

Mer, he's a programmer, so yeah, he checks his email pretty regularly since he's on the computer all day. Yahoo doesn't offer read receipts but I know that's not the problem anyways.

I just heard back from a mutual friend who volunteered with us and found out that she was also asked to leave by the sanctuary's board of directors, and with no explanation, (if you're confused, go back and read my previous thread...sorry, I can't remember what it was called.) and she and J are volunteering together at another sanctuary in the area. I wrote back and mentioned to her what J said to me, so I'll see if she says anything about it. I'm sure she doesn't know about this or she would've kicked his *** by now.



BTW, frontrose, welcome to the board - I'm not sure I said that in your thread. And just give the guy a call and go out with him. You know you want to. :p