Drinking

I've always been fairly uncomfortable around alcohol. I avoid parties where it's being served, don't drink except on rare occasions (a half glass of champagne at New Year's, and a few sips of wine at religious ceremonies), and even as a child used to get upset at my parents for having a drink with dinner. I don't have any traumatic childhood incidents related to alcohol or anything, so I'm not sure why I have such a hard time dealing with it, but it's always been an issue.

My OM doesn't drink heavily, but he does drink at times. I have a difficult time accepting it, and have to work hard not to flip out over him having a beer with dinner or going out for a drink with a co-worker. I know this is unreasonable on my part, and I wish I could find a way to get past it. Does anyone have any ideas? We've talked about it together in the past, and he's lowered his consumption, especially when I'm around, but I've made it clear that I don't want him to avoid drinking entirely just because I have irrational issues about it.

Most issues are based on something extremely rational, for that specific individual.

The goal is to separate facts from fiction.

a. Is the problem related to the way people act when they drink?
b. Is the problem related to the way you feel when you drink?
c. Is the problem related to the way someone close to you acts or
acted when drinking?

d. Is the smell the problem?

Alcohol is in hundreds of household items.

Alcohol, in moderation, is medicinal and increases health.

Alcohol was discovered by prehistoric people as a consequence of observation of the responses of animals and birds who fed on fermented fruits.

There are culture that have extremely low rates of alcohol abuse.

Do some research!

The key to the success of a relationship is "truly listening and allowing full expression of your feelings, as well the feelings of your significant other".

Hmm...I'm probably not much of help...I love wine with dinner. I love ****tails. What bothers you about it? Is it health related? When you see your parents or you honey drink...what's goin' through your head?

Is he the type who doesn't drink that often but when he does, he has a problem not knowing when to stop?

Personally, I started drinking at age 15 and only had more of a problem about the time my Dad passed away. Currently, I don't drink too much and don't remember the last time I was ever drunk.

Waiting,

Well for whatever its worth, your not standing on your island all alone!

I have never had any desire for drinking at all. For one thing I never understood what people see in it?
Q: Why do you get drunk?
A: Because it makes me feel good and have fun!

My personal thinking on it....
What is fun about a drug that makes my legs feel so weak and wobbley that I can barely walk........and then makes my bladder want to explode so that I have to constantly run for a restroom?

Typical Beer Commercial: Drink our beer and you will be attacked by the swedish bikini team!!

Realistic Beer Commercial: Its 3:00 AM You've just pissed on a dumpster!.........Its Miller Time!!

I'm not trying to turn anybody to my views or anything, but has anybody ever gone into a bar completely sober and watched the people there for 2 or 4 hours while sober? Its like instant asshole....just add alcohol! (ok so maybe it takes a few hours for some folks)

Being a non-drinker really does give a whole new outlook on drinking. A drinker wakes up the next day and says wasn't that fun lastnight? OMG I laughed the whole night!! While the non-drinker says....yes I really liked the part where I carried you to the car....oh and when I held your hair back while you threw up in that flower pot outside. Oh and I think the azalea's are dead, When can we do that again?

People automatically go right to defense and say......hey I'm not like that! That only ever happened to me one time! That sounds like somebody with a drinking problem! Well I guess if thats happening even once a week then it is a drinking problem. But to us non-drinkers...well its disgusting to go through that once every 5 years!

Don

I agree with you one hundred percent, Rolls.

Drinking to excess isn't really any fun for anyone. You might think that people who drink a lot are having a great time, but if you ask them how many times they have sworn they would never drink again, and they are honest, you might be surprised. And I'm not only talking about the nauseous, room-spinning regret you get at the end of the night. It's just very hard to live with yourself when you are out of control.

However, the impression I got from Waiting's post was that she has a problem with someone even having ONE drink. I don't think even Gary Coleman gets drunk off one drink. (he's small, see.) So this isn't a case of someone drinking too much at all. I think it's perfectly normal to drink socially, say a beer or glass of wine with dinner or something like that.

That said, there are people who just don't have any tolerance for alcohol at all. That's okay, as long as they are happy and comfortable with their stance on the subject. From her post, though, I don't think Waiting fits into that category.

I'm wondering, Waiting, if you have any alcoholism in your family. You said you hadn't ever had any traumatic experiences related to alcohol, but maybe there is something you are overlooking that doesn't exactly qualify as traumatic but affected you just the same. If you had this feeling even as a child it would seem like there must have been something external that affected your perception of alcohol, but perhaps you can't remember it. Maybe you could talk to your parents about it. They probably knew more about you as a child than even you did. I think it would help, as Orpheus said, if you could figure out exactly what it is about it that you find so disagreeable. Other than that, the only thing I can say is to try to keep an open mind about your guy's drinking as long as it really is moderate.

I don't know, guys. For the first time I'm getting a pouch of fat on my stomach, and I suspect its name is "top shelf whiskey".

Mmmmmm. Anyways.....Rolls, we're not all problem drinkers, although your critique of beer commericials was hilarious. Some people are fun when they're drunk. Some people (like me) even quit before they're to the point of puking. I've never puked, I just pass out, but never until I'm in a safe place to pass out. I don't drink like I'm trying to kill myself. Yes there have been times when I tell myself "note to self: eat more before going out" or "note to self: ease up on the shots and stick to the mixed drinks next time". But I've never sworn off drinking, because a once or twice a week thing (at most) doesn't make me concerned of having a problem. I've never killed anyone's azaleas or put my car in the front yard. I've never been an obnoxious asshole in a bar. The bad drunks give drinking a bad name. Almost anything is ok in moderation. Drinking too.

Waiting.....do you have this view like drinking is for losers or lower-class people? Do you have a fear of being common if you drink? Well, I guess you'd have a point there, but you could take up drinking something haughty like Cabernet Sauvignon or an old-people drink like a brandy alexander. Educated people drink too, but generally they're better with the PR. Their ashtrays are made of crystal, and the drinks cost as much as a meal and are highly decorated. They have their beer bellies shorn off by plastic surgeons.

Screw Santa and his elves.....I'll be visiting the Three Wisemen this year.

Not sure if that offers any insights, but drinking alcohol is an "acquired" taste, it doesn't really come natural.
That's why teens often tend to start off on mixed drinks etc.

Personally, for example, I have never acquired a taste for beer, even though every man and his dog seems to love it ... Beats me, really, but people just get used to the taste I guess ;)

So, if Waiting's case was just a personal dislike of alcohol (smell, taste or something like that), I wouldn't think it's that unusual - but it seems to me that her discomfort really arises around others in her comfort zone drinking even minimum amounts of alcohol - and yes, that DOES suggest to me that there might be some negative association / trauma involved in this, even though it's nothing she remembers ...

Unless she might suffering from some general anxiety disorders (sorry, I have no idea if you do, Waiting, this is purely hypothetical ;) ), then it might just be one of the ways the anxieties materialize ...

But my point Wasn't just about the worse kind of drunks!
I wasn't saying about the kind that drink only on two occasions....{when their thirsty & when their not}

I really do feel the way Waiting describes more or less. When someone close to me drinks even one drink I feel something inside about it. Not like I need to express it or anything, but I do find myself thinking...why do they want to drink?

And its not that every time I see people drinking it turns into trailer trash hurling in the yard/parking lot. I went to a New Years eve party a few years ago that my one friend held. He is a Latin Professor and my then wife and I were the only ones there without a masters in something or other.

Still from a non-drinkers view it was quite interesting to watch them getting drunk. The drunker they got still no one turned to the point of.....heyyy buddy I'm gonna kik yer azz!! It was the most civil party I'd ever gone to.

With the exception of one large chested woman who decided she was going to hit on me the whole night. The drunker she got the more obvious she became to me (took my wife forever to finally notice) Which also showed me about my wife, who usually extended her claws when a cashier would ask me.....Paper or Plastic?

I don't think I need to see a counsler about my distaste for drinking though. To me its not a problem its just a personal choice. If somebody asks me, I tell them I don't care for it. I rarely voice my opinion about it openly because well......
Most people Do enjoy it.
I seriously doubt I would get anywhere to start an anti-alcohol rally or to even make my point to anyone that just doesn't see my point of view.

Don

I see your point, Rolls, and it's obvious that you're comfortable with your position on the subject. But Waiting isn't, or so it seems. That's the only reason I think she needs to address this. If she becomes comfortable with her aversion to drinking, then fine. But I don't see that she's at that point.

As to why people drink, well...

I have alcoholism in my family and should have known better than to start. But I did. I was drinking and smoking and doing all sorts of things that weren't good for me as early as Junior High. I didn't deal with my drinking, although I have always known it was a problem, until I was almost 21. Since then I don't drink that much. I've never been able to take shots - they make me sick - and it's hard to find a bartender that makes a decent drink anymore, but I love beer. I'm kind of a beer snob, if you will, and actually do a little bit of homebrewing. Learning about the history of beer and learning to brew it myself actually helped me overcome my drinking problem. I started seeing it in a different way. I think about it like this: I certainly wouldn't drink 10 Pepsi's in a row, so why would I drink that much beer? Soda has caffeine in it, which some people are intolerant to, and beer has alcohol. They're both drugs in the strict sense of the term, so I don't see that one is any worse than the other, as long as everything is used in moderation.

Originally posted by PinkPanther_04
I certainly wouldn't drink 10 Pepsi's in a row, so why would I drink that much beer?

Hey Now!! I CAN drink 10 Pepsi's in a row!!:mad:

But then I was thrilled when they made Mountain Dew Live Wire this summer! Was the first time I could ever enjoy an orange drink for breakfast!! :D

Things got busy and I vanished for few weeks. Oops.

Thanks, everyone. You've given me a lot of think about. danika, your thoughts especially resonated with me. I have a hard time distinguishing between, say, drinking because you enjoy the taste and drinking to get tipsy or drunk. The latter bothers me a lot. . .the mind is such a beautiful thing, and I can't understand wanting to alter how it perceives the world in any way.

Waiting.....do you have this view like drinking is for losers or lower-class people? Do you have a fear of being common if you drink?

No, it's more of a genuine bewilderment thing. Why would anyone want to do that to their mind? People say it makes them relax, more sociable, makes things seem funnier. . .I don't understand why they're not content with themselves as they are, or, if they aren't, why they don't want to try to change themselves from within rather than with the help of something external.

PinkPanther, you mentioned trying to view alcohol similarly to caffeine (good in moderation). . .I have similar objections to caffeine and try not to touch it myself. On the other hand, I don't get particularly upset when other people drink it, though there was a time when I did. So maybe I ought to spend more time examining how my feelings on caffeine changed and see if I can extend that.

I don't think even Gary Coleman gets drunk off one drink.

Most of the women in my family (who tend to be very small. ..at 5'4", I'm something of an amazon by comparison) -do- end up over the legal limit for driving after one glass of wine. My mother gets noticeably tipsy on half a bottle of beer (yes, really!). Perhaps growing up with this is part of why I have a hard time thinking of drinking as something you can do in degrees; my experiences with alcohol are limited to my family, who really can't hold their liquor, and my fellow students, who, well. . .great people, but most college kids aren't known for using moderation and alcohol in the same paragraph.

Not like I need to express it or anything, but I do find myself thinking...why do they want to drink?

rolls, thanks for the company on this island :smile:. Yeah, that about sums it up, though you seem to be able to be more relaxed about it than I am, which is a place I'd like to be.

Again, thanks!