Emotionally Exhausted :(

The last few days have been rock bottom for me. I am going to aploigize in advance if this post jumps around alot, my mind is quite frazled and I'm emotionally exhausted....

T came home from a buisness on the 28th, and the moment he walked through the door I knew something was wrong. We sat down over dinner and he tried to explain to me what was going on in his life....

Job wise He's not happy anymore... He wants something different, something new..... Well that something new turns out to be on the fricken east coast! He's depressed over his DUI he got back in June, and he needs a complete change of scenery. As I sat there listening to him, I kept thinkining in my mind when the best time to tell him about the pregancy would be.

The subject didn't come up untill after dinner.... He asked me how my week had gone, and I cleared my throat and looked him in the eyes "I said honee there is something We need to talk about." I then proceeded to tell him about the pregnancy.

At first he just stared at me in shock, the first words out of his mouth was *Oh great what are you gonna do about it*... I was like EXCUSE ME? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?, SHOULDEN'T IT BE WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?And well lets just say that started a 20 minnute yelling match that had me walking out the door and staying in a hotel room that night....

The next day he called and apologized and explained he was just stressed out and that this changes everrything, his life, us. He proceeded to say he would support "my" (keyword MY) desicion on this, but he personally would like to have this baby.... He also asked me to come back home....

Well to say the least I havent gone back home yet. I'm still angry over his remark and maybe I'm being harsh on him, but hell this also changes MY whole life. Im also pissed that in his mind it should be my sole desicion when it took 2 to make this baby! His life isen't the only one that is going to change! So is mine! If not more, for I am the one that is going to hold the fate of this baby in my hands. And I don't like this feeling!

I don't know what the right answer is! I don't know what the right choice is! All I know my time is ticking... And the thing that pisses me off the most is that I don't really think I'm Angry at T anymore, but more like myself... For getting into a situation like this....

I haven't slept the last few nights, T's been trying to get in contact w/me constantly... But its like I don't want to talk to him.. I dont want to deal with this, but I have to... I just don't know what to do anymore...

I thought I would be all cried out by now, but there always seems to be those extra tears.....

I don't know where to start sorting this out... All I know is that I can't go on like this anymore.....
:(

My sister just went through the whole, "well what do you want me to do?" reaction from a guy.... and he was constantly calling and stressing her out... and she delivered the child 5 months too early.. her body was too stressed and she lost it... My advice to you?

If you plan on keeping the child, tell T you don't want him in your life unless he's gonna be supportive cause you really care about the health of the child... and stress will make it worse...

If you DOn't plan on keeping it.. I really don't know much about these alternatives.. so ya might wanna talk to a few of the girls here... and do some research...

I'm about your same age.. and have a bright future just like you do.. so I can KINDA understand what's going through your brain... it went through my brain every time I was late on my period... and M's totally sterile and there's NO way for a baby to be made...


Just good luck.. and know you have lotsa people here with vast amounts of comfort and information available for you....

Originally posted by Softiee19
He's depressed over his DUI he got back in June.

The next day he called and apologized and explained he was just stressed out and that this changes everrything, his life, us. He proceeded to say he would support "my" (keyword MY) desicion on this, but he personally would like to have this baby.... He also asked me to come back home....

I am the one that is going to hold the fate of this baby in my hands.

I don't really think I'm Angry at T anymore

T's been trying to get in contact w/me constantly....

Edited: to say the main bottom lines of the post:)

Softiee,

You LOVE this man.....He LOVES you! If you need us to tell you what to do then ok! Re-read your post with all the un-important parts thrown out. Yes I know arguments and hurt feelings ARE important.......but I mean the BIG picture...The long run!

Again You LOVE this man.....He LOVES you.....and now the two of you are going to have a child together! It will be life changing for you both! But so many times in life change CAN be good!

Don

Softie,
I am so sorry you aren't getting any more support than this. I think ultimately this *is* your decision, because if the two of you decide different things you should have veto power because it *does* affect you more, essentially. It sounds like you need to have a real talk about this without it turning into a yelling match. Right now he just wants you back, so I don't consider what he says to be logically based either. I am confused as to why he exploded like he did if he actually does want the baby and isn't just saying that to get you back. Think about this: the moment before you told him you were pregnant he was about to run off to the other side of the country without you. What is his state of mind right now?

My biggest concern would be this: if you decide to have the baby, what else is going to be *your* decision? Parenting is a cooperative process. If he leaves all the decisions up to you and doesnt help and support you, how is that going to affect you and the child? I grew up in a household where mom did everything - made and enforced all the rules, ran all our errands, and basically made all the decisions in the household because dad already had two grown kids and didn't want to make any decisions. I'm NOT saying that would happen to you. Not at all, but this guy doesn't sound like he wants to be an equal partner in this. If I read that wrong, then I take it back, but that's my impression.

I know how much you just want this to go away and not have to deal with it. As hard as it is, though, you do have to figure this one out. Hopefully you can talk with him and he will realize how important it is that he supports you in this. Either way, you have to be strong right now. You may not have ever made a decision this hard before, but I assure you that you'll be stronger for having gone through this. Don't ever be angry at yourself, sweetie. You didn't do anything wrong.

Originally posted by EllieMae
I'm about your same age.. and have a bright future just like you do.. so I can KINDA understand what's going through your brain... it went through my brain every time I was late on my period... and M's totally sterile and there's NO way for a baby to be made...

Excuse me as I direct this thread away from the subject for just a moment but.....

Don't bet on your OM's sterilability too much, EllieMae. I was told the same thing once. In fact, I was told that by 2 differenent doctors and was even tested thoroughly for fertility. Yet about 2 months after I was told that I could not have kids, my girlfriend at the time told me that she was pregnant for me. Unfortunately, she had to get an abortion later. All I can say is that miracles do happen sometimes.

Softie... well this is a shock to some people and he probably didn't react the right way at that time but he seems like he realizes that and is trying to correct it.. Hon.. i am sure you reacted poorly at one time or another even if you dind't realize it at the time... well he made a mistake.. he does seem to love you and forgiveness is definatly needed here....


In your post you said that he thought it was one sided and this is your decision... well I read that he said he would personally WANT the baby and support you in this.. but he also said he would support your decision.... I think that was fine..... Because if you couldn't go through with the pregnancy and you weren't ready he would still be ok... Hon... take your time.. communicate with him and make the decision that you can life with for the rest of your life.....

I wish i was in your shoes here......I am still trying to get pregnant......

Softiee, I'm sorry to hear about all this. But it sounds to me that his inital statements were said out of shock. I agree with the others, he still loves you and want you. He wants the baby but he knows how things would change if you have it so he is leaving it up to you to decide- afterall, you are the one physically with the baby.

Please stay strong. Thing will be ok.

Hello softie!
I am new here but coudn't stop from telling you.....

First: are u married or living together?
Each has separate issues....separate family social ramifiv\cations..

Whatever may be....since the boy apologised time and again...he should be forgiven...and given a final chance to reconsile...

and ...probably the boy is streesed out at the job and bringing the tension of office to home and so cannot chat as freely now as he used to be...these ar e chancess....if any of these are true...u must not leave the boy ..rather be a friend and improve him as a man with your thoughts beliefs....here too...depends...if u are mentally of such level to influence him and his life....

main is common human virtues...search it...let it be spread...wherever it is missing...but anger don't help in the process...

just a opinion


What u thought while leaving