Let's Talk Money

Okay... We all know that being with an older man does come with a little teensy bit of baggage (sometimes more).... and well mine came with a whole lotta debt... This is real funny because I'm little Miss "started building my credit at 18" and he's Mister "Defaulted on a student loan in the 80's.." .... Now I always get dramatic and think that my life couldn't get any worse.... and I know money's weird to talk about.. but is anyone else having issues with it?

The stereotype is that all of us younger girls are looking for sugar Daddies... Oh what I wouldn't have given if M would've been one..LOL.. Naah, I love him... But with school and everything money is tight..

I have a student loan for next semester, but... the school doesn't release the loan money until tuition is paid in full by the student.. then they reimburse the student... Which TOTALLY sucks.. because next semester my parents may not have the money to help me.. and I may not be able to pay the initial tuition.... WHY? Because we can't save.. because we're too frickin' busy paying his credit card bills.. or computer bills.. or things like that.. It makes me wanna scream..

and to beat that.. next semester I have to drive over 45 minutes to get to school twice a week...Now, granted, I can go while he's at work... But we only have one vehicle.. and sharing is SOOO stressful.. and the thought of, "What happens if it breaks down.." keeps rushing and rushing through my head..... and we can't buy one because our credit sucks and we'll only get stuck with huge payments.. which we can't afford cause we're trying to make our credit good..

Am I the only one who stresses this stuff? Is it cause my personality needs to have control of everything ALL THE TIME... I mean should I just relax and go with the flow? maybe take less credit hours even if it means I don't graduate on time? I mean that scares me.. and I'm kinda an overachiever....

I mean I'm doin' the phone thing.. which brings in good money... but I just started.. so not a lot of repeat customers.. but the potential for that is huge...

I guess what I'm really getting at... aside from my little rant... is:

Am I alone with all these money problems? Or is this just stuff that normal newlyweds go through?

EllieMae

Ah yes, the money factor. Quick question...are you married?
Because I noticed you used 'our' so I figured you were married and you two share the bad credit now.

Well, I can't completely relate because my relationship never got this far...however, I can tell you that one uneasy feeling that D had was my money issue. I JUST pulled myself out of debt and I now financially stable, but his issues was as I get older the more money I'll start to make...but right now it's hard because I don't have any to contribute. Well little did he know...I did! He never asked for financial support....he was always offering me money (which I never took). He said that when he needed help he couldn't ask me. Well he should have because I did have it.

That's as close as I can relate to your situation. I hope all gets better for you.

All the best,
EM

Wow!

Money is an issue for me too, not because I earn double what my OM does, (cos he has capital!). But because I worry what's gonna happen when he retires in not too many years time (he's 57 in Feb and still climbing trees for a living).

It'd be nice for money not to be an issue in love, but for me it is (I'm not materialistic, but I value security).

I feel particularly uncomfortable when I hear that you are paying towards his credit card and PC bills (is that correct?) but can't afford your college tuition. What's going on there? Education is one of the most important things in life for me. Why can't he manage his own debts? I wouldn't want to take on anyone's debts if it affected my own solvency/future, no matter what age my partner. Your parents have, in the past, kindly subsidised your tuition, which in turn allowed you to subsidise him. Now the job of subsidising him falls to you.
Is there any way he can renegotiate his debts so that he is responsible for them? It doesn't seem fair otherwise.

EllieMae,

I can't help but notice that as I read your thread, you remind me so much of my younger sister. She is also married to an OM (she's 32/he's about 50). They met when she was 18 or 19 and in college. They married, began having children, she had to drop out of college, they moved to Cali, moved back to New Orleans. While her husband manages to find work, their biggest dillima is that he ofter gets hurt or ill on the job and is out months at a time. So that makes them a single income family and it gets pretty hard on her. Well, somehow she managed to go back to college and, I'm proud to say that, she earned her B.S. in psychology last year. However, they now have to deal with a massive illness that nearly killed her husband, a quintiple bypass surgery.

I remember my dad (May he rest in peace) often telling me that whenever you inherit someone as a spouse, you inherit their problems as well. Even if it's financial, mortal, or legal, it becomes your problem too. Unfortunately, when I got married it was I who had most of the financial problems. Both my wife and I had past student loans to pay and I had a few credit card bills.

I have two possibilities for you to consider:

1) Is there any kind of way for you to apply for a college grant (P.E.L.L., ACT, etc.)? That may be your greatest possibility.

2) I would hate to suggest this but........You may have to finish out this semester and stay out until you're able to pay off the majority of those bills. And let me also suggest that this be your very last alternative, since I personally value education as being the best investment in life.

Personally, you sound like an intelligent young lady who knows where she want to go in life. And because of that, I would like to hear that you've gotten your degree one day. But if you feel that you are up against a wall with your expenses, you may want to consider the above factors.

Whatever you decide, however, GOOD LUCK with your success, Sweetie.

Yes we're married...So.. His debt IS my debt... and I have to be a big girl and accept that.... I'm over dramatizing the school thing, I guess.. It's just real scary to think of there even being a CHANCE I won't get to do or be what I want as quickly as I want.. I mean, hey, I'm a princess..LOL

And Chosen, can't get financial aid of any type cause my parents make too much freakin' money.. and I'm still on their taxes for this year's financial aid..... I'm not gonna set next semesters stuff out.. we're just gonna not pay any of the bills in the month of Jan (Other than rent).... then once the loan comes (after I pay the amount in full myself... stupid bull**** community college) We'll just take that money and cut our losses and pay the bills.. It's just stressful to go through that stuff, ya know? I SOOOO wanna be established and have a happy little family.. it's just sometimes tough...

Mmm.. from the lack of responses, I'm also guessing not too many people on here go through the money problems.. I remember when I was living in Charleston on my own.. I was telemarketing for commission and KICKING butt... and my parents were payin' for my Celica... and I paid all the rest of my bills.. and still had money to blow.. instead of blowin' it..I shoulda been saving it...But I guess all this is a part of growin' up,, ya know?

Anyways.. thanks for the responses..

We don't have money issues as of yet -- the relationship's a bit new for that -- but I do worry about potential problems in the future. It's not something I was entirely comfortable discussing in detail in a public forum, though, partly because it seems unsafe and partly because K.'s not on here and I don't want to violate his privacy. I'll give it a shot.

I have some money (parents' college savings in my name that won't get used thanks to scholarships), and I ought to have some earning power if I ever get out of school. He's more or less flat broke, and while he's working again now, and I think his trade is wonderful, I doubt he'll ever be raking in the big bucks. If, way in the future, we got married, I don't think I'd have a problem with out-earning him, but then I worry that his ex-wife probably felt the same way at first. I worry about potentially buying a house someday with someone whose credit is probably shot to hell. I grew up solidly middle class, so I worry right now about the fact that he's living hand to mouth, that he probably doesn't have health insurance, and that the car he needs to get to work is unreliable and he can't afford any big repairs. I worry about whether it would be appropriate to offer financial help if he does have an emergency, and if so, how soon in a relationship that's appropriate. I worry that it would hurt his pride if I said any of this to him. So, yes, while money is not an issue yet, I worry about it all of the time.

Only issues we have with money we deal with together...our money is combined it always has been for at least a year....we make almost the same he makes more than me but it all goes to the same place... :)

Both our credit is in a rocky place right now but we together are trying to fix it....

WE had problems at first because he is a BIG spender and i'm a BIG saver so I had to get him back to reality LOL

Originally posted by Hazelnut
We don't have money issues as of yet -- the relationship's a bit new for that -- but I do worry about potential problems in the future.
...
I have some money (parents' college savings in my name that won't get used thanks to scholarships), and I ought to have some earning power if I ever get out of school. He's more or less flat broke, and while he's working again now, and I think his trade is wonderful, I doubt he'll ever be raking in the big bucks.
...
I grew up solidly middle class, so I worry right now about the fact that he's living hand to mouth, that he probably doesn't have health insurance, and that the car he needs to get to work is unreliable and he can't afford any big repairs.I worry about whether it would be appropriate to offer financial help if he does have an emergency, and if so, how soon in a relationship that's appropriate

Hazelnut, those are concerns I've also had from time to time. . .it's good to know someone else shares them. I know my OM has no insurance and not much in the way of savings (what he has is going towards paying for his college education right now). His car's in bad shape, but he can't afford to repair it. He just got a new computer after having the old one for. . .eight years? He was working 12-18 hour overtime shifts on weekends to get the money for that.

I wonder how he'll react if I try to help him out of some emergency (I have lots of money -- inheritance). I think it would have to be pretty desperate for him to accept anything. When we finally get to the point of moving in together, any house we have will probably be in my name; he's said it won't bother him, but it's still awkward. We've talked about money a little, but it's an uncomfortable issue.

So, yeah. I worry -- both about what will happen to him if something big (car crash, illness, whatever) comes up, and about how we'll deal with things when we live together.

So much for that silly YM gold digger stereotype.

Hmm - you asked if you were overreacting. I won't go that far, but I will say that you sound like you have as solid a plan as possible for the moment.

I certainly think it is better to pay off all the credit cards as soon as possible, but I firmly believe that you mental health is more important than your financial health. If it is making you crazy, it is not worth it.

I know that sounds a little dismissive, but I really think that when it comes to finances, you should do what you can (pay bills, save, plan for the future) and then LET GO of it.

I have been EXTREMELY FORTUNATE that my husband makes enough money to support the two of us if we live very frugally. I temp to bring in some extra money, but he is completely supportive of my acting ambitions and wants me to concentrate on that rather than on making money. (It would be easier if it weren't for the alimony he has to pay his ex-wife for the REST OF HER LIFE - but that is another story.)

Those are my .02.

Good luck!

Jumpin jiminy. If I had a boyfriend who had to pay his ex alimony FOREVER, I think I could work my creative juices into a froth enough to commit the perfect crime. :cool: Talk about maddening! And I thought debt from a divorce was bad. He's got debt, I've got debt, and he's paying for both a house and an apartment right now. (Until the house sells.) So we're both broke as hell. It's kind of funny, but only because we expect it's temporary. I only work two days a week, so I can't complain. It's enough to get by easily enough (waitressing- the highest paying job a dumbass can hope for), but it won't touch tuition. But he makes decent money, so to be living from paycheck to paycheck is really weird. But between fixing up the house, driving 2 hours each way every time he needs to check on the house, making the house and insurance payments......he's strapped until somebody buys it. Having sex is all we can afford. And fast food. We always joke we're gonna just quit everything, get married and move into a studio and laugh at everyone. Let the collectors call....screw 'em! You'll smell steak once a month, after the welfare checks come in the mail.....then it's ramen, baby.

Someday......when that damn house sells....when I graduate and get a full-time job.....when the debts are controllable......maybe I'll get my wish.