The deletion of the "Remember me?" thread

I felt it was a loss for the board when EM deleted the "Remember Me" thread. While there was some nasty things said, there were also many thoughtful, carefully written posts about a serious issue. Now that the thread is gone, all that effort was in vain and any lessons which might have been learned by those involved or those who might later have read the thread have been lost. Any questions raised are now lost. The conflicts raised have not been resolved, only suppressed.

I also believe EM misused her power as administrator by deleting the thread. After reading the forum rules, I discovered that the rules do not ban conflict or even personal attacks, but encourage harmony in the community. As I recall, those active in the thread had just begun working through the hostility and had begun to create harmony. I do not believe harmony necessarily exists where there is no conflict, but exists when conflict is worked through and resolved. It seemed to me that was what was happening in this thread. The rules state that a member can delete or edit his or her own post, but there is no inference that an entire thread will be arbitrarily deleted. EM, this is not an attack by any means, but I do believe that although you had the power to delete the thread, you did not have the right.

Personally, although I did not participate in the thread, I would have been proud to have a newcomer see this group tackling difficult issues and working through the conflict. Although not pretty, it was real, and I believe a newcomer would have felt comfortable raising their own difficult questions, knowing that although they might be challenged, they would still be accepted.

There were many nasty things said on that thread, especially about Katie. The deletion of the thread robbed Katie of the opportunity to respond and develop her own ideas in the context of honest disclosure and a willingness to stick in a difficult situation until harmony is finally reached. The message instead is to avoid conflict. Teaching others to avoid conflict is not my idea of relationship support.

In particular, I felt encouraged by Pink when she began to respond to Chosen1's feelings of being attacked. I, for one, feel this issue of extramarital sex is an important issue common to many age-gap relationships. Many young, unmarried women find themselves in an affair with an older married man. The blatant condemnation of some of the posters was giving way to a discussion of moral judgment, which was in itself evolving into a discussion of the issues involved. There was a great opportunity there that is now lost forever.

I was looking forward to seeing how the thread evolved. When EM took it upon herself to delete the thread, she deleted all of the good as well as the bad.

If someone coming to this board is wanting to learn how to work through conflict, how to stay with a relationship when things don't feel good, and how mature people resolve their issues, I would rather they had read Katie's thread with all its ugliness than the three pages of postings that followed EM's apology.

Again EM, this is not an attack on you but rather an expression of sorrow for the loss for everyone.

Am I alone, or does anyone else feel the same way?

Your Alone....


MSC on a serious note here ... Why are you here? to start trouble? to create controversy? what? I for one was going to place you on ignore and I still am...

but we ALLLL voted to have that thread taken off.. not just EM.. .so Yes your thread was a direct attack on Em... if it wasn't you wouldn't of just brought her into why it was deleted.. the entire board voted to take it off.... well majority of us did... that thread was OUT of control and not what Ageless Stands for... no matter what Katie decides to do in her life being with a married man is not acceptable....even if YOU think it is.....Like all your other posts you seem to me to be very self centered, self indulgent, and completely conceited.....You have no respect for women as from what I see ... that entire thread about perky boobs state that... what happens when your penis goes limp? or you need viagra to Get it up? do we just dismiss you??? and go for a younger man??? I don't even know why I am wasting my breath on you..... because I totally feel like you are only on here for one reason and its not what any of us are here for......... Others may think different but this is my feelings... and

Em You should of deleted that thread and thank you!!!

Yes, it is true that more than EMCAD's thoughts alone went into the deletion of that thread. Others here supported the idea.

I, however, do agree with msc423--a little bit. A lot of GOOD things went into that thread; a sensative topic was explored from many angles with many people putting their ideas forth. Many of the posts were thoughtful, or thought provoking.

However--there was a GREAT deal of nastiness there. Sometimes moderators ask people to edit themselves. Joannalee did that--she came down to our forum and suggested that people do some self-editing.

This suggestion did not pay out. After she suggested it, I saw very few people edit or rethink or attempt to remove the nastiness while retaining the spirit of the post....

Sometimes moderators delete individual posts. Again, this wasn't practical for the thread in question. Too many of the posts were inter-related; too many were "borderline" nasty...it would have been a monumental task for even the most fair person alive to decide what should stay and what should go.

So yes, there is a bit of regret that some fine words were lost...but the best decision here was reached, and put into effect.

And as for overstepping her "bounds"...not a chance. Moderators have the right to delete any post that is offensive; many people called the thread offensive; therefore she was well within her rights.

As you are within your rights to say you disagree!

By clicking the Agree button, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.

The owners of Ageless Love Boards have the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

Now msc,

When you joined you agreed to those terms......We all did!!

EMCAD only deleted that thread AFTER she was asked to do so by many members of the site (the Moderators of the other side included) She not only did so after being asked. She then felt the need to post a thread saying how sorry she was to have to do so!

Your thread is in the form of pointing fingers! the choice of dumping that thread was much much bigger than just EM alone and you know it....that or you never really DID read the thread!

Stop being so harsh with people please! If you want to post a thread saying you wished the thread was still here and that it was resolving its self....then fine....but to name names....is just way too wrong in many aspects!
I also believe EM misused her power as administrator by deleting the thread.
Thats just wrong on so many points I'm not even going to go there.....just to say you better read up on the website a bit more.

And by the way....shes not an administrator.
there is no inference that an entire thread will be arbitrarily deleted. Read what you agreed to once again.

Don

No suprise here, but I agree with Lara.

We I-N-F-J-ers think alike.:p

thats why I'm an ISTJ........ i guess lol

MUCH!!

we won't hold it against ya, Mer!:p We loves ya anyway. (even though you started a thread with 50 questions!) ;)

Seriously, I find I agree with a lot of people on here a lot of the time...that's why I skip posting on some threads, because someone before me has said it perfectly, and all I can add is "ditto!"

I do to.... but thanks!!! I loves yas all to!!!!!!

I am wondering how carefully you read that thread, Scott.

There was no resolution happening there. We were only going around and around in circles, and the thread was never going to die. I wanted it to be deleted and erased all my posts in an effort to demonstrate my opinion. While my thoughts on Katie's situation remain the same, I do regret the tone I used. Almost all of us got caught up in the witch-hunt that went on in that thread. If a new person saw it I think they would be terrified to ask for advice on a controversial issue. We are all better than that.

To publicly question Em's actions, in my opinion, is rude. This board is one of the best I've seen in large part because of our moderators. It's impossible for any of them to keep everyone happy. You are perefectly welcome to disagree with their decisions, but I don't think this is the best way to bring up a grievance. Have you asked her directly why she felt the need to delete the thread? If moderators aren't going to do things like that, then why not have an entirely unmoderated board? I think many people just don't appreciate all the work our moderators do and time they spend. They don't have to do that. Em, Maria, and Jody all have busy lives like the rest of us. I wish more people would be respectful of that.

I can't believe it took me so long to write that that you two have gotten the thread off topic! Now stop that!

Because I'm an INTJ, and I said so, that's why! :D

I'm here to say "SORRY"-----not because of what I said, for I will never rescind that-----but because the thread was shut down.

I, for one, was having a marvelously good time. Vulgar language for vulgar people, I always say.

So if you miss the thread, I'm sorry. If it was in any remote way my fault, which I'm not positive it was. (DUH.)

Basically though, this girl wasn't learning a bloody single thing, she just wanted us all to say "Oh girrrrrl, you're so sexy and daring and FLY.....if only we could all have such fun breaking the rules with reckless abandon like YOU!" Sorry. When I smelled where that load was coming from, I wanted to shove it right back up. In an ideal world, a backhand would have done just fine. :cool:

Well...I was sad to see it go, because I agree, there was a lot of heart and thought that went behind many posts. However, many a people contacted me to ask me to delete it...when it was deleted, I was thanked because there were so many nasty things goin' on. I started to neglect that thread because it wasn't a topic of interest...but when other people come to me suggesting the volume of offensiveness (is that a word?) I really had no choice but to delete it...especially when it comes from other higher ups.

I apologize if my "powers" (if you can call them that), but the majority asked for it. I'm bummed that a serious issue is gone, maybe we can revive it in a more positive manner.

Thanks
EM

In a couple of days it'll be the "Remember What?" thread. No-one will remember anything.

Unlike the unholy WRATH that will descend if you ever delete the BOOBS THREAD!!!
:rolleyes:

LOL @ the boobs thread.

Well, I will say that....I am the one who emailed EM and told her I thought she should seriously consider majorly editing or deleting that thread....

I've been moderating here for quite a while...In the time that I have been here, I am more than a little familiar with what is acceptable and what is not, according to the discussions I have had with the owner of the site, and the guidelines he has given me....I thought this thread was over the limits..and well, I think a few people agreed, and EM made a decision based on what was best solution for the community as a whole.

And your right, there was a lot of good discussion that thread...and it is a shame to lose it. Everyone has to remember though, if you have something to contribute and want everyone to read it, it has to be within the rules of the forum. In other words, its not what your saying, but how you are saying it. Different environments are different.

For example....at work I can't just walk up to any person I disagree with....and verbally attack them or use foul language, or I would surely be disciplined, or if it was bad enough, I would lose my job! Same principle applies in this situation...certain guidelines.

Anyhow, I don't know if this helped you any, but if you are wanting to blame someone, you probably should blame me as I got the edit/delete ball rolling.

i want to add that i too think that the thread should have been deleted, it was mean spirited and i don't think that this site is normally about that.

Originally posted by EMCAD80
I apologize if my "powers" (if you can call them that), but the majority asked for it. I'm bummed that a serious issue is gone, maybe we can revive it in a more positive manner.

Thanks
EM

Just for that EMCAD, I'm going to draw up a petition to have you RECALLED........LOL

If I can be serious for a moment............Despite the fact that I was the second person in that thread to have his *** chewed up like Doublemint, I'll have to agree with msc.

I guess I was one of the minority who suggested to keep the thread but "LOCK" it instead to prevent any other replies to it. It could have been used for informational purpose for newbies.

Afterall guys extramarital affairs are issues that, unlike forum threads, cannot be deleted. We can't just erase it and hope that it'll go away forever. We see it everyday and it can't be avoided. But when someone post such a matter on the board, many of us spoke our piece, and SHAZAMM!!! It completely disappeared in a week or two. I'm sorry if I've overstepped my boundaries by agreeing with msc but as he mentioned, alot of thoughts went into alot of posts and now they're gone. Sorry guys, we can't just keep deleting the threads that we don't like or agree with. If that was the case, this board would be pretty short. In a case like that one, locking the thread would have been more appropiate.

yes some threads shouldn't be deleted... but this one sure should have....... Her origional thread wasn't deleted and all of o ur opionions were in there anyway so why rehash it????? again???? Everything that was said in the first thread was in the second.......

So it's not that your agreeing with MSC... it's that deleting the thread was right.... it was hateful, it got to controversial, and I think it was unnecessary..... I'm sorry but I don't think Em should apologise she should know she was following the Ageless website rules... guys I think we all need to read the rules again......

Its not a secret that I don't apprieciate MSC's posts or threads I do feel that it is discriminatory and amoung other things but I don't think that this should have been brought here to this.. He should have PMed her and asked her why and stuff... Not to publicly point her out......

It comes with the job.

Like I said before, I don't agree or disagree...I see the point of views. But I have to see it from both sides...not just one sided...and not only did majority rule...but the rules of this board helped me make my choice.

Mera made a good point...Katie still has a thread here, and it states all of the same things, but a lot less of the name calling and bashing.

I'm sorry if you poured you heart and soul into that thread...it will be remembered, but never viewed by potential new members.

Thanks,
EM

As much as it'll probably surprise a bunch of folks (especially him), I actually agree with msc - mostly, anyway. I would rephrase a little bit - according to the rules of this site, especially the "we reserve the right to delete anything" clause (which is pretty typical and entirely within their rights), yes Em did have the right to delete the thread in question - but if I had been in her shoes, I wouldn't have done it.

As PinkPanther says, there was no resloution happening there - but sometimes it's not about resolution. I, for one, found the thread to be quite enlightening and revealing - about the members who were posting, not about any great spiritual issues.

Yes, I thought there was way too much personal attacking going on. And no, we weren't resolving anything. But by the end, the thread had shifted away from the personal attacks and back to reasonable discussion. And I, for one, think that it says a lot about the people on here that they were able to do that.

If it was going to be deleted, it should have been deleted earlier in its life, when it was just a bunch of attacks - not later on, when people were in the process of calming down and getting straightened back out.

That thread was never going to help Katie - for whatever reasons, I don't think she was ready to listen to any of the very good advice that was offered to her by almost every member of this board. But I think that it was good for the rest of us. Harmony doesn't mean that we're supposed to all agree on everything, or even like everything that somebody else has done. It means that we should respect each other despite all of that - and that thread was in the process of proving that we did.

With all that said, I'm going to tie back to the beginning of this, and say that the reason I didn't bring it up myself is because I do believe Em was perfectly within her rights to delete it - I just don't think it was the best decision to make, and its not what I would have done. But then, she's the moderator, not me, so it's her call.

If it was going to be deleted, it should have been deleted earlier in its life, when it was just a bunch of attacks - not later on, when people were in the process of calming down and getting straightened back out.

I totally respect your thoughts...but I stopped reading the post because of all the drama...had I kept up with I...I would have deleted it much soon. Plus, getting PM's from multiple people helped my choice in deleting it....this includes Katie.

Em you don't have to explain yourself.... you truely did whats right for the site and followed the rules and did your job... I am a manager of a store and sometimes I have to do things that others don't agree with but you know that comes with the territory....

can't we just all get a long???? can't we just have our ageless back again???

can I get an AMEN!

amen

hey...someone actually did it this time! Sweet!

Em, I'd like to read Katie's post. Could you kindly direct me in the right direction?

/R Andreak77

Click Here For Katie's Thread (http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6770)

Originally posted by EMCAD80
can I get an AMEN!

Wouldn't you rather a witness? LOL

Look at that!!!!! We brought Katies Post back to life Hmmmmmmmm

Originally posted by MerAlove23
Look at that!!!!! We brought Katies Post back to life Hmmmmmmmm

***TheChosen1 rubs the electrode pads together........CLEAR......
places the pads to the chest of this thread and shoots massive amounts of electrodes through the thread.................a consistant heart beat is heard from the thread...................

Yes MerAlove, it still lives. Katie would be happy......LOL

Originally posted by TheChosen1
***TheChosen1 rubs the electrode pads together........CLEAR......
places the pads to the chest of this thread and shoots massive amounts of electrodes through the thread.................a consistant heart beat is heard from the thread...................

Yes MerAlove, it still lives. Katie would be happy......LOL


LOL see now we can all be happy... the nasty thread is out and the Real one is back!! yeahhhhh

I'm sorry for thinking that EM acted arbitrarily and alone in deleting the thread. I don't come here every day, so I didn't read the discussion on deletion. And I also forgot about the agreement in signing up.

I did state twice that I wasn't attacking EM, but I guess you missed that part. Since no one else was speaking up, I’m glad I started this thread publicly. Otherwise, I would never have known others felt the same.

I still think the deletion was a loss for the board. I know there were a lot of nasty things said, but hey - you guys said it. You should be accountable for saying it. It was real, it was you, and it was nasty. Now you can pretend it never happened. I wonder if Katie can forget as easily.

Oh, I forgot...she's a bi*ch and a wh*re and a homewrecker and will never see the "truth" as you so eloquently pointed out, so it doesn't really matter.

I see some parallels between what happened here and what often happens in real life relationships. Of course, in real life you can’t delete what you say. You either have to work through it, or you pretend it never happened. That’s what most people do – pretend it didn’t happen. Then they don’t have to feel uncomfortable at the moment and not have to deal with actually learning how to work through relationship problems.

Then, when someone comes to the board complaining that their spouse had an affair, we can all give her our ‘opinion’ that she should “dump the jerk” or “divorce him” because “you deserve better than that.” You know, the kind of ‘relationship support’ we normally give people. After all, you can always find someone better.

Mera, I think you’re right. I think we’re not all here for the same reasons.

So I apologize for any and all my offenses on this board. I guess I should apologize for all the offenses I will commit in the future, too. I’m sure there will be more offenses, because I’m not satisfied to have a forum filled with the fluff of the type that followed EM’s apology post, and if I want a more valuable forum it looks like I’ll have to stir the pot a little. I’ll offend somebody, because some of us are easily offended.

You are all anonymous to me. While I enjoy your personalities and I want to help anyway I can, I’m more interested in the real relationships I have with people when I walk out my front door. I’m interested in this forum to help me and others like me have better relationships, and I’m willing to endure a little controversy to do it, and even a personal attack or two. After all, I am anonymous as well.

By the way, I think there are times when an affair is a healthy thing for at least one person in the relationship, especially if there are unresolved sexual issues. In this realm, blanket morality and the ‘truth’ as you see it is only one “opinion.” Remember what Pink herself recently said:

I just don't respect someone who states an opinion and then either cannot or will not defend it.
11/8/2003 "The Virgin Myth" Pink

Maybe I’ll start another thread on the same issue Katie raised. Mera, do you want to help? I’ll be glad to collaborate with you or anyone. Maybe, off-board and with your help, I can start a thread that won’t piss so many people off at me.

By the way, whether it's my place or not, I think some of you owe Katie an apology.

Okay this situation with the Katie thread is getting old. Dont people know how to let things go and move on?

It was a learning experience for everyone. Both sides attacked, both sides stated there opinions, and now the THREAD IS GONE.

Time to move on....:rolleyes:

Well first of all I agree with Softie... let let this go....

I could say so much more right now but I don't want to keep this issue going.. there is no need to... we all know how we feel... and nO apologies don't need to be heard or anything.....I don't owe any apologies for my posts... Although My posts were strong not grossly insulting but very valid and I stand by them.... Only the person who feels like they need to apologise will but thats not for you to dictate or anyone else for that matter...

MSC the only way your not going to be offensive in your posts is to #1 stop thinking your better than any of us....

#2 women are NOT piece of meat.. I am still torn with your other thread about age and boobs.... Jesus is that all we are is a body to you?? isn't there more to us than just that???

#3 I don't feel I could ever help you because I don't think your open to it really.. You did this your first thread around and we all told you ur posts were condesending and troublesome and you swore you would stop... Well WHEN is it going to stop???

I don't hate you I just don't agree with anything you have to say...

Excuse me? What exactly did that quote of mine have anything to do with what you're talking about? From now on, Scott, if you want to use something I said out of context and against the other members of this board, the adult thing would be to PM me first.

Pink your so right... these disagreements shoud be DISCUSSED in PM's... ask the other why they feel that way etc and express your opinion and M OVE ON...this so shouldn't be done like this in the public.... we are trying to keep peace not stir up trouble... this is so terrible...> Iam scared of what ageless seems to be these days...I have only seen a few good discussions lately between us or our lives or the only fun I get now is from the Chit chat side... but there is not solid discussions anymroe besides having an affair with Married men or women and attack mode.... my gawd....

http://www.alcofielen.com/pics/forumpics/threadsSUCK/thread_wont_stop/godmakeitstop.jpg

First and foremost, please excuse me as I remove this noose from my neck.

Once again, msc has made a valid point, as did a few of the rest of you. YES, we should move on now to bigger and better topics. But YES, no apologies were made to Katie for the outburst of negative opinions that were made against her. And so far, being another victim of the Ageless Love Lynch Mod, only one apology has been made towards me and upon which I accept. But again, THAT WAS ONLY ONE.

Guys, throughout the life of this board we are going to encounter hundreds of issues that alot of us will not agree with. And with it, many of us will stress our opinions and experiences. But it's not going to disappear simply because one of the MODS made the thread disappear. Whether or not Katie was hurt by the reactions to her thread is unknown. I've spoken to her, via PM, on a few occassions and have told her that IMO she's still welcomed here. Was I wrong? I don't know and personally, I don't care. As I see it, I have no hate for her or what she does in life. Like it or not, IT'S HER LIFE. How she lives it is up to her and ONLY HER. "Let he/she without sins cast the 1st stone." Otherwise, chill out folks. EMCAD admitted to making a mistake once, as well, and I don't recall anyone commenting on it except me. And even I showed some sympathy to her as opposed to tying another noose around her neck.

Frankly, I'm getting pretty damn tired of seeing this animosity on the board. WHERE'S THE LOVE?

Chosen, I was not trying to attack you in that thread. I only wanted you (and Katie, of course) to see at least a little bit of what it's like on the other side. I am sorry if you took my comments as an attack on you. You should know that I do like you, even though I might give you a hard time. (err..please don't make a dirty joke about that :rolleyes: :p ) I think you add a lot to the board with your sense of humor and unique perspective. I just don't always agree with you.

As far as the "cast the first stone" comment goes, I must say this: Yes, some of us have done some pretty terrible things and hurt other people. But as far as infidelity goes, I have never considered it for a second, and that is certainly not for lack of opportunity. Some women, when their husband is gone for months at a time and great-looking men are hitting on them, may not have made the same choices that I have. I don't mean to suggest that I'm better than anyone else at all, but I do feel like I can make some moral judgements on this issue, at least as far as my own morals are concerned. Also, the things I *have* done to hurt other people have taught me that it doesn't help anyone to condone hurtful or irresponsible behavior. I'm not saying that's what you did, but you certainly sympathized with her. You do have that right, but I took it personally and I shouldn't have, so I'm sorry.

And Katie is still posting. I've seen a few of her posts on the other side of the boards. I think I'm going to put her on ignore myself, because every time she makes a comment about her OM it really disturbs me to think that he has a wife at home.

Hey.......I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallll pissed off NOW.

I apologized to Katie in a different thread, one she had recently posted on and might actually read, but I want the select boneheads from THIS thread to know that it was not in any way, shape, form, semblance or spectre because of anything suggested in this thread.

I think everybody owes everyone an apology. Scott, that includes you. Does that mean we'll ever get one, probably not, so don't demand remorse out of everyone else when you've offended your share of the readers as well. Talk about playing God.

P.S. Hi, ralph_jonny_tom_loves_cruise_virgins_tight_young_v irgins_lauren_loves_you.

Could you be any more obvious, from your stilted command of the language to your absurd and similar names.

DOH!:eek:

you know, i was thinking the same thing, dat....

you don't have to be perceptive to know that they are the same person.....

what a dumbass that guy is.....

~Muse:p

Well I think MerA had a few suggestions....

but you're obviously looking to miss the point. You'd have to be to miss one that obvious.

Dat.. You totally got me wondering now....

This is ridiculous... IT's time to move on from this .... It's over get OVER IT...

Chosen now I am starting to see a side here.. I have never come down on you and I am seeing you do nothing but approve of this type of infidelity.... Yeah you made a mistake before but don't you think it was a mistake??? TO cheat??? WHy justify that it's ok to cheat and it's ok to sleep around?????

If you want to sleep with every, tom, dick, and harry then do it single you don't have to be MARRIED....

Katie can sleep with who she wants to... Who cares who she opens her legs to.... but it shouldn't be with someone who's married....

I don't owe ANYONE an apology... She brought up a controversal conversation and she said some nasty stuff also.... and she should expect to get very negative input back... most of us and I mean MOST OF US think very highly of our marriage.. My marriage is sacred to me......

What happens if these married men have children... How can you live with yourself breaking up this family??? Do you know what impact it has on a CHILD??? no matter what age???? Damn that's worst of all... Looking into a broken hearted child knowing there parents are divorcing.... Wow.... The poor children and the poor wife... all because the MAN or woman in instances are not HONEST with each other.......

what has the world turned into.....This is a sad sad thread... and one that truely needs to DIE... we all know how we feel about this why keep attacking each other???????

Oh my.

Well...I think now would be a good time to close this thread. It will not be deleted, however...if you have a comment on me closing it, please PM me instead of starting a new thread.

Thanks,
EM