Jo-Admin
11-07-2003, 08:33 AM
Im sorry, y'all, it was too big to PM. And well, Maria, if you do all these things your transcriptionist will really really really love you...
(Jannie, let me know when you read this...I laughed my butt off!)
Humerous Dictation Guidelines for Physicians
Adherence to these guideleines will assure the highest quality transcribed reports in the shortest amount of time.
1. At the beginning of the dictation, take as deep a breath as you possibly can. NOW, try to dictate the entire report before you have to inhale again.
2. When dictating a particularly difficult word or phrase, please turn your head and speak directly into your armpit.
3. We charge per character, including periods. An effective way to cut your cost is to dictate your entire report as one run-on sentence.
4. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
5. If you have to sneeze or cough suddenly, please remove your head from your armpit and sneeze or cough directly into the microphone.
6. Please do not stop dictating when you yawn, it throws off our rhythm.
7. If the patient's name is Alan Ratzlaffenhasenphepherzinsky, please have the courtesy to spell "Alan", as there are several spellings, you know. For the last name, simply state "the usual spelling."
8. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
9. Please note, the phrase well-developed, well-nourished white female...is only 3 syllables.
10. Do not stop dictating in the even of minor background noise such as an office party, the janitor's vacuum cleaner, a screaming infant, etc. Again, it throws off our rhythm.
11. Be sure to place the emPHAsis on the CORrect syLLABLE, especially if enGLISH is your SECond lanGUAGE.
12. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
13. Talk as fast as you possibly can. Fair's fair,...after all, we type as fast as we possibly can.
14. Please speak as quietly as you can...we want to be able to hear what's going on around you!
15. If you need to pause for 5 or 10 minutes between words or phrases, pounding the receiver on the desk or repeatedly saying, "still dictating.......still dictating......still dictating....still dictating..." reminds us that, indeed, you ARE still dictating.
16. Just because you need to use the restroon is no reason to stop dictating. Time IS money!
17. Don't dictate so loudly that you disrupt your fellow physician's football game in the doctor's lounge. In fact, you really should whisper all of your dictation, since the information is confidential.
18. If you need to correct yourself....sorry, correct an error, please do not rewind the tape....sorry, do not back and up and record over the error...sorry, wait, the mistake...just continue with the sentence....wait, go back...with the paragraph and fix the error....er, the mistake.
19. Please go back and delete that last guideline.
20. You (y-o-u) do not need (n-e-e-d) to spell out obvious words (w-o-r-d-s) for us (u-s). It is our job to know how to (t-o) spell words that (t-h-a-t) we learned in the third (t-h-i-r-d) grade.
21. When dictating on your cell phone from your car, be sure to go through as many tunnels as possible. This will ensure confidentiality of the information.
22. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
(Jannie, let me know when you read this...I laughed my butt off!)
Humerous Dictation Guidelines for Physicians
Adherence to these guideleines will assure the highest quality transcribed reports in the shortest amount of time.
1. At the beginning of the dictation, take as deep a breath as you possibly can. NOW, try to dictate the entire report before you have to inhale again.
2. When dictating a particularly difficult word or phrase, please turn your head and speak directly into your armpit.
3. We charge per character, including periods. An effective way to cut your cost is to dictate your entire report as one run-on sentence.
4. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
5. If you have to sneeze or cough suddenly, please remove your head from your armpit and sneeze or cough directly into the microphone.
6. Please do not stop dictating when you yawn, it throws off our rhythm.
7. If the patient's name is Alan Ratzlaffenhasenphepherzinsky, please have the courtesy to spell "Alan", as there are several spellings, you know. For the last name, simply state "the usual spelling."
8. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
9. Please note, the phrase well-developed, well-nourished white female...is only 3 syllables.
10. Do not stop dictating in the even of minor background noise such as an office party, the janitor's vacuum cleaner, a screaming infant, etc. Again, it throws off our rhythm.
11. Be sure to place the emPHAsis on the CORrect syLLABLE, especially if enGLISH is your SECond lanGUAGE.
12. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.
13. Talk as fast as you possibly can. Fair's fair,...after all, we type as fast as we possibly can.
14. Please speak as quietly as you can...we want to be able to hear what's going on around you!
15. If you need to pause for 5 or 10 minutes between words or phrases, pounding the receiver on the desk or repeatedly saying, "still dictating.......still dictating......still dictating....still dictating..." reminds us that, indeed, you ARE still dictating.
16. Just because you need to use the restroon is no reason to stop dictating. Time IS money!
17. Don't dictate so loudly that you disrupt your fellow physician's football game in the doctor's lounge. In fact, you really should whisper all of your dictation, since the information is confidential.
18. If you need to correct yourself....sorry, correct an error, please do not rewind the tape....sorry, do not back and up and record over the error...sorry, wait, the mistake...just continue with the sentence....wait, go back...with the paragraph and fix the error....er, the mistake.
19. Please go back and delete that last guideline.
20. You (y-o-u) do not need (n-e-e-d) to spell out obvious words (w-o-r-d-s) for us (u-s). It is our job to know how to (t-o) spell words that (t-h-a-t) we learned in the third (t-h-i-r-d) grade.
21. When dictating on your cell phone from your car, be sure to go through as many tunnels as possible. This will ensure confidentiality of the information.
22. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.