looking for insight

I go to other chat rooms on other programs. About 4 years ago i met a woman on this other program who was nice and we go ttalking everyday. then it got to a point were we started making plans to meet and see how it would go with the 2 of us. I liked her alot and thought after meeting her we would be a great couple.Then one day online i was talking to a buddy of mine who told me her was going to met the girl he was talking to. I asked who it was and he told me it was the girl i was making plans with.The 2 of us didnt know about each other. So when i told her i know about him. i told her it couldnt be more then just friends. So we both we our seperate ways and started dateing other people.We still talked as friends for the past 3 years.

Then one day she started dating a friends of mine who live about 5 minutes away from me. She and i would talk about how nice he was and how much in love with him she is. I would tell her i was happy for her and glad she found someone that made her happen. The day came that she flew out to meet him. they spent a week here together and one of the days she was here
he brought her out to meet me. All three of us had a great time talking and haveing fun.


Then the day came she went back home. From that day on she would send me messages telling me she was madly in love with her. I would tell her i cared about hear as a friend nothing more.Then just the other night she sent me a messages telling me that she loved me and needed me to tell her how i felt about her. I told her that i cared about her as a friend and she told me she wanted to to say it meaning ( i love you) and i wouldnt say it cause it wasn't true. SHe then asked me why wont i say it and i told her that i was in love with someone else. she asked me who this person was and i told her that she didnt know her but she wasnted to know the name and age of the person i loved. so i told her that i was in love with a person names nessa.

Then she responded with how hurt she was when wouldnt send her messages or talk to her online or call her on the phone and answer my phone when she called.I didnt repond to that thenthen next thing said well then will you invite me to the wedding. BUt i was ignoring her b.s at this point. Since i was doing that she sent the last message of i know you love me, need and want me but wont admit it. My actions by not contacting her should have showed her i wasnt interested in her in that way and telling her with my own words too should have shown her. Why does someone insist that there is something there that isnt?

Sounds to me like she is obsessed with wanting someone that doesn't want her.

I recommend you stop talking to her immediately. She sounds like potential stalker material.

Brian, plain and simple, I think she's got some serious mental problems, and I think you should steer WAY clear of her. That movie comes to mind....what's it called....where that kooky lady is so obsessed (glen close and michael douglas, i think) she boils his pet rabbits in a pot. Well, I think you need to cut off the friendship, and get her out of your life before she starts boiling your rabbits. Seriously.

Kye

I would definitely stay away from this one. She sounds like a nut case in the making, if she isn't there already.

Its too bad your friend brought her to your house, but I would advise them to not bring her by or give out any other info on you.

I would change my email IDs and become as invisible as a ghost. You certainly don't need the drama.

Paris

Considering I'm one who has trouble seeing it when it IS there...... darned if I know!

Other than a real mental health problem like delusional thinking, maybe she's hoping to provoke you into arguing with her, and at least keep the lines of communication open between the two of you.

Since she dated a friend, maybe you could ask him if he thought something about her was not quite all there?

Now my next question is should i tell my friend she is doing this because he is uinder the impression they are going to be married soon?

I would BigBri, but be prepared to lose a friend. If you have any proof it would help.

i have everything she has said to me save to show him what was said i just dont want him mad at me cause of her. hes been a great friend and i dont want to lose that.

But how would you feel if he found out another way and you hadn't told him. Or worse yet if they married.

We need more opinions on this. I would say you have to tell him.

I would want to know if I was him. If you lose a friend, well that would be his shortcoming. It wouldn't be because you did anything wrong. But you have to be prepared.

I say "tell". As factually and objectively as possible, and present him with the email evidence.

Ultimately, only he can make the decision about what to do about his relationship with this woman -- but he should make that decision fully armed with all the information that you have. If he chooses to deny or ignore it, there is nothing you can do.

And be prepared for him to put the blame onto you, as the bearer of bad news. I would suspect, however, that he would be even angrier if he found out in future that you had concealed this from him.

Tell your friend. Not because he deserves to know, because he's going to do whatever the heck he wants to do, but because you deserve to say it.

Once you tell him it will be his choice to do with the information whatever he wants to do with it. If you don't say anything, you've not given him the opportunity to make an inform choice. And that will come back and haunt you both if this woman is as wacky as she sounds. If you lose his friendship over this, well, buddy....he wasn't much of a friend to begin with or he has no concept of what it entails to be one, but I'm willing to wager you at least will have gotten a burden off your shoulders and can go on with your life knowing you did the best you could under such circumstances.

After all is said and done, "to thine own self be true".

paris

Brian, you can't be friends with this woman. Friends don't stalk eachother and try to make someone say how they feel about them when it isn't true. That's not how friends behave. This whole thing must be nerve-wracking for Nessa!

You must not have any more contact with this woman, and you should tell your friend and show him the e-mails she sent you. IMO, I don't think she's good for him either. She's a liar, she's psychotic, and until she gets her problems fixed, she shouldn't be with anybody! Do your friend a favor, tell him what a nut case she is. He deserves to be with someone who's honest and sincere, not someone like her. Your friendship probably won't suffer. He might be in denial at first, but he'll see the light, and he'll see that you told him because you care about him.

If you don't tell your friend (her boyfriend) what has been going on, then after you cut off all contact with this woman, she might retaliate by lying about you to her boyfriend (your friend). I am confusing myself. :(

More simply put ... just be honest. With him and with her. Then run like crazy.

Brian,

I think you tell this woman to stop harrassing you. And you tell your friend you told her exactly that.

You protect yourself first and your relationship with Nessa. Tellling this woman to back off is priority one. And if she doesn't, take steps to back it up. I also think you have an obligation to your friend to let him know that you've had to take this action with this woman. Not in a judgemental way, but just letting him know that she is behaving very strangely and you are concerned that something might have happened to her emotionally that she hasn't shown to him (the friend). He may have some clue that she isn't wrapped too tight as they say, even if he doesn't share it with you. Sometimes we have a second sense about these things yet we don't listen to our own inner voice. Getting into all the gory details out front isn't always the best. But if you approach him out of concern for her and him, I think you'll get the desired results. He'll probably ask you the details of her contact with you so he can take the proper next steps.


This stuff is never easy. I know my spin on this is a little different than every one elses, but it usually is!

Good luck to both you and Nessa. I don't know either of you yet but you seem like a cute couple.

Brian,

I think its going to be difficult, but that you owe it to your friend to tell him the truth about whats happened.
Who knows why this woman is doing what she's doing or if she feels "IT"...lol---more likely she knows she cant have you and she maybe interested in stirring up some trouble?
I would tell the truth, but as Swan says, you may lose him as a friend, at least for a little while so he can sort things through....but soon he should realize you were unselfishly looking out for his best interest, and you are a true friend.



:) Good luck

I want to thank every one for the great advice. Here is wht i did i have put her on block everywhere i needed to.Then this morning i called mt fierind and told him what was going on. he told me that he knew of other things and he doesn't trust her now.I showed him all the e-mail and th pm's do he woul know whats going on



he yelled at me at first for not telling him sooner but he understood what was telling him, he also told me he didnt knew why i ddint day anytime