Guilty of Judging

One of the main concerns of people engaged in age gap relationships is that of being judged by society. Strangers looks, people's comments, family or friend's objections, some of us have dealt or are still having to deal with all this.

I wonder if we have been in the position of judging this kind of couples one day; I know I have. When I was younger, in my teens and then early twenties, I would not have understood why a young man would choose an older woman. And I would look at an older man dating a younger woman as something almost imoral.

Have you ever been tolerant? Did tolerance regarding age gap couples come with maturity, was it natural to you, or did it happen only after you experienced it?

I am going to be the first to admit that prior to being in an age gap relationship, I was not very tolerant (I know ... BAD, BAD, BAD, GIRL).

I used to always assume that there had to be some OTHER reason than love for someone to date, and/or marry, someone older. This was my perception despite the fact that my youngest brother has been married for 20 years to a woman 12 yrs older than him!!! What was I thinking???

It was my assumptions, however, that brought me to ageless in the first place. When Remi first approached me about his feelings I could not accept it at all. I thought that society would never accept me being involved with a man 17 yrs younger. I didn't think I could trust WHY he was interested in me.

So, I came here to do some research. To talk to people who have been in long-term age gap relationships. Coming here has changed my perspective entirely. I realize now that my original perceptions were so wrong. :o

I have lots of thoughts on this...but am too busy wallowing in my own misery to do justice to this thread atm. I'll post on it later.

I remember as a kid growing up grown-ups bad-mouthing someone because he or she was much older than the other. I never had that problem. I always judged people that were together while one was a real butt-hole. I never understood staying with someone who treated you like @#&%#.
As far as age gap I always said if they both want it, go for it. Lucky him or lucky her...........

Cowboy

Yeah...to what whiterose said! :D (I find you type what I am thinking a lot) :)

I'm guilty.
Not feeling very proud about that, but I have passed judgement on Age Gap Couples.

Mainly I have assumed that pretty young women with wrinkled up old men are with them because of money.
I know, I know.....very wrong of me to assume this.

I will say though, that I am sure that there are a certain number of YM and YW that ARE with their OM or OW because of the material aspect.
I also think that the OM and OW in these relationships are very well aware of that and don't care.
So who am I to care - right?
Right.

This is where Ageless has opened my eyes and has given me much to think about.
I don't view the Age Gap Relationships so hastily now.
Afterall, I am attracted to a YM 21 years younger than myself and if he and I ever do have a relationship together, I would hope that others will NOT judge me, (although I am certain there would be those that will).

Thank you Ageless for helping ME be more open minded!

I remember my ex-fiance's best friend married a woman who was 6 years older and we all thought that the guy was crazy. Why would he want to marry someone that "old". Then as I started getting older, I could see why it might happen. And then it did happen to me...a guy 9 years younger. Gosh. And it worked for a while. Now I try not to judge. Sometimes I still do...but I try not to.

I've been guilty of being judgmental about relationships. I never looked askance at age-gap relationships (doubtless because I've been attracted to older women for so long!). But until quite recently I really despised same-sex relationships. Of late, however, I've lost my prejudice.

I think what happened is that I realized that logically, I don't have a leg to stand on. It occurred to me that I want to enjoy my age-gap relationship without having society look askance at my beloved and myself. I knew that I had to extend the same courtesy to other categories of relationships that fall outside the traditional social norm. And, finally, I thought that love is hard to find. People should, with the reasonable limitation of protecting minors, pair up in whatever ways bring them joy!

Just my $0.02 worth...

Dave

I think a lot of us here were once much less tolerant....until we landed in an age gap relationship and found out the truth ourselves. Knowledge is an eye-opener. Now it is our turn to make up for that by being ambassadors of age gap relationships and their validity TO THE WORLD !!!
Karen (marching and carrying a banner, and singing, "Onward
Age Gap Soldiers...")

I have to say I never gave alot of thought to age gap relationships before I got involved in one, although I am harder on myself than any other person could ever be on me.

I've said this before, but I think people just don't like "different" when it comes to relationships. They don't like age gaps, they don't like interracial, they don't like gay, etc. There are one or two couples on here who are in an OW/YM I think that are in an interracial, big age gap relationship and I look at them and go WOW, do they have courage! And I admire every ounce of courage they show. I admire that they are true to themselves and each other, and that the love they have for one another transcends age, race, and rails against what society has set down for us as norms.

I have to follow trends at work, it's part of my job. And one of the huge trends is the "agelessness" that taking over the minds and the hearts of the baby boomers. Due to technology, diet, lifestyle, medicine, it is becoming possible to live longer and with more quality. I see the avatars of women in their 40's and 50's here and they are so beautiful, more beautiful than the young girls half their age.

Let's all be good to ourselves and each other. We all have so much to offer in this life and to our YM.

Heck, I judged. Most of all, I judged myself as embarking on this relationship for all the wrong reasons. Dredged up every age gap stereotype you've ever heard and threw it at myself. Unlike alot of you, it really was my friends who told me to ease
up with all of that :>

Yes. Despite the fact that I've been in two age gap relationships, one YW/OM and one OW/YM, I always worried that the various suggestions had a grain of truth to them.

It's only now that I'm old and hoary that I don't give a hoot anymore :>

Originally posted by Desert Spring
Heck, I judged. Most of all, I judged myself as embarking on this relationship for all the wrong reasons. Dredged up every age gap stereotype you've ever heard and threw it at myself. ..., I always worried that the various suggestions had a grain of truth to them.

It's only now that I'm old and hoary that I don't give a hoot anymore :>

DS, I hope I am getting there too one day :p I am still my biggest critic of my relationship and I still haven't totally accepted that I might NOT be totally "whacked" by continuing with it ;)

But then again, if I am a nutcase, at least it seems to be fun atm :p

I don't think I've ever been judgemental towards any other relationship combinations. I'm such a romantic and I LOVE seeing people in love! I have always had a open mind to many different things, so when I would see two people together and in love, I would sit back and think, "how cool" they found each other to love.

On the other hand though, being in a age gap relationship for 2 1/2 years, I HATE being judged & gawked at by others, it makes me really uncomfortable. My boyfriend has never been bothered by it, he just laughs to himself and says how proud he is to be with me. Even though I feel the same way towards him, I can't help feeling that people think of me as some kind of cradle-robbing pervert.

In any event, I've never in my life been happier!

I have to agree with bubbleee there. People will judge whatever they see as different relationships, whether it's gay, interracial or age gap. It's a way of thinking that's deeply rooted in the human mind, at least where I live, and I'm sure a lot of people don't even allow themselves to dream of such relationships, simply because of social pressure. Sometimes I think that the fear of being judged is the strongest motivator of mankind. It's hard to escape that, because nobody is an island and you're influenced deeply by this way of thinking. I was born in this society, bathed in its values all my life. Until love falls on you in the form of an age gap relationship, the way you see things is less likely to change.

Cryptic