Energy levels

So, recap: the OM (43) and I (24) are currently living three hours' drive apart. His parents live about half an hour up the road from me, so he frequently stays with them when he's in the neighborhood. We met through a historical recreation organization (www.sca.org) within which he does martial arts. We see each other on average every other weekend. Problem is, lately we are generally both pooped! I'm a graduate student, so I'm supposed to be working nights and weekends and pretty much all of the time (not that I always do, but I worry when I don't, and the stress comes out about the same). He just started working again, and his trade's pretty physical, and he's "out of shape", as it were. I also frequently see him in conjunction with SCA events, at which he generally fights 'til he drops. He's also been under the weather a lot lately. And the logistics required to get together are sapping in and of themselves. Upshot is, we've both been pretty tired the last few times we've seen each other. He was over Sunday afternoon last weekend after we'd spent Saturday at an event together, and he spent half the visit napping on the couch while I cooked dinner (which was kind of sweet and domestic, actually, not a problem at all, but a little worrisome that he wasn't up to more), and we called off a date this afternoon on account of mutual exhaustion (I was busy at a conference all weekend and lost a lot of sleep; he was fighting yesterday, not feeling well today, and worrying about the drive home).

I can usually get myself psyched up to see him and get myself going, but he seems to have a lot more trouble. I'm guessing some of that is age-related (he has some physical wear-and-tear issues). Do any of you here have any experience with energy level discrepancies? Any advice? Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the homebody and enjoy quiet dates, but it's disappointing not to see him at all because he's afraid he'll be too tired to drive home afterwards. Part of the problem is that we've been using other activities (SCA, visiting his parents) as an excuse to see each other, which leaves us both tired and without much time to ourselves. I'm thinking scheduling more weekends just for us would help; any thoughts?

Long distance folks: do you have any tips for dealing with the stress of traveling?

Personally, not to take away from "interest" for you on his part, but three hours is not a long way if it's only a few times during the month.

For almost five years, my husband (57) and I (31) lived 3 1/2 hours apart. We saw each other about every other week (would split the drive). I got so fed up with the drive about 3 years into the relationship that I broke up with him (there were other uncertainties involved, but the wear and tear of the distance was definitely a factor). Nine miserable months later, I blew off work, drove out to see him and back in the same day because I missed him so much!! Once we got back together and began working on how to close the distance between us, the drive time didn't seem like such an issue. The key was we were moving forward to change the situation.

There were absolutely times our energy levels didn't match when we got together. But, the bottom line is, we were always so happy to see each other that it didn't really matter what we did. You definitely need to have "couple" time together when you see each other.

At different points in life, it is a good idea to take stock of your priorities and make changes as necessary. In my opinion, nothing (except your own personal health) is more important that nurturing your relationship and you should make that the priority if you want it to grow.

Best wishes.

Hey Hazel...

I'm sorry I don't have much to offer in advice, but please keep us posted!!!

EM

I totally feel for you here..... Hazel... I don't have that issue so I can't tellyou how to handle it... But It's definatly hard.. Takes lots of patience I would guess...

good Luck!!!

I agree with Joe, 3 hours isn't much. I have 2 friends who are both 6 hours away. Needless to say, I don't visit them regularly.

As far as advice, I got an idea but, unfortunately, it's not sold OTC anymore. So much for that idea.:(