How Can I Approach Someone?

I know I haven't posted here in quite some time, but I would sincerely appreciate everyone's advice right now.

Let's suppose I meet someone and I want to ask her out. The problem is, whenever I see her she's always around other people, be it if she's at work, at school, or some other social function. I don't want to put her on the spot in front of her friends, classmates, co-workers, etc., because I don't want her to feel forced into accepting my invitation to go out.

Basically, how can I get her away from everyone else, so that way it's just she and I without any distractions? Any and all advice on this topic is greatly appreciated, because it's keeping me from meeting some very good women.

Many thanks!!!

If you don't find the opportunity or have th guts to just go ask.

The following assumes you have some time, i.e. days to work on her. The first thing to do is figure out if they are itnerested in you. Easiest thing, smile at her and make eye contact. Make sure she catches you looking at her, then look away and look back shortly thereafter. Watch her reaction. Is she looking to make eye contact again? Read her movements? Does she look coy after you make eye contact? If so, she is telling you she has some interest. At this point relax, AND don't go chasing her. Once you are both playing the eye contact game, give her a big smile and leave. One of those smiles like Sean Connery would give in a Bond movie. The next day do the same thing, with the eye contact but faster, then go pay her a compliment, i.e. "that looks very nice on you." Is she still smiling? If no, you've lsot her. If yes, again walk away. The third chance, do it all again but ask. By this time, she will separate from the herd or her friends will be just clearing out of the way to let you do it. In an sense, you will have already asked the question and no the answer. Don;t do any of these thigns for more than a few minutes. Fifteen minutes of eye contact is going to really force you to do something or you will have blown your chances.

Can any women her either tell me I am way off, off, close or right on?

Be careful playing this on mutliple women, especially who know each other. If you do they will call you a player, and you just might be one.

Ok... as a newbie to the dating scene. Captain will you marry me?

LOL j/k ... but will you?

Good ideas Baddreamer you vixen you. I like the "I've been meaning to ask you something" get her curiosity up. Meet her somewhere, then ask her... what? "how do you mesmerize me so?" is that too tacky?

Ok imagination going full tilt here. Most of the men I date now I meet online first. But then phone conversations. And then in person. Sooo it is different from you real life only situation but I will try to combine the two realities together.

This person, don't you ever see her alone? I mean if it is work isn't she ever alone? Going to her car? Ever? I am thinking here about work. There is a guy I like. There are ALWAYS people around. He still finds ways to "flirt" with me. Actually we have a teasing relationship and the first thing he does when he sees me is he snaps my arm. You know a finger flick. He sends me funny emails. Once in a while he has offered to walk me to my car. (don't get all hot and bothered ladies, he is living with his girlfriend) BUT IF HE WASN'T.

Like Captain says eye contact, a smile, nod. SOOO many ways to communicate interest. If you are close, hold her arm and say excuse me as you brush past her, smiling into her face.

Another guy at work I like (married) always pokes fun at me. Sits in my chair while I am gone and says he is just bringing it up to temperature specs. (warm butt) Jokes with me relentlessly.

Wow Captain, for me, at least, you are right on the button! In fact, I've never heard a man describe how to play "the game" so correctly in plain English! Awhi, I think what you should try to concentrate on is that if you don't take the chance, you will never know if she will go out with you and you will spend your time wondering what it would have been like if she would have said yes. To me, this is worse than having her say no! Secondly, I know this is easy to say, but hard to remember, but if she says no, just know that it has nothing to do with you! If everyone was attracted to everyone, there wouldn't be such thing as true love. If she's not the one for you, then someone else is waiting just for you. But you will never find this person if you don't find the confidence in yourself to take chances.

Also, every woman is different in her preferences of how she wants to be treated - but I would think that most would respond to Captain's advice. For me, I can be attracted to someone, but what really gets me is when they're confident in their pursuit of me - yet still a gentleman. When I met my guy, I was in a crowd. I've never had a problem meeting men because I have an outgoing personality, but I would think that when my guy met me, he could tell that I was attracted to him because I got "coy" when he directed his conversation towards me, just like Captain said. My guy just stepped right in the crowd next to me and whenever there was a break in the conversation, he would direct his conversation and eye contact towards me alone. Later in the evening I was in a different crowd and he ended up coming up behind me, grabbing my arm, and pulling me right out of the crowd to tell me he wanted to see me again. When I left that evening, I found him out by my car asking if he could see me right then! By that time, I said, "LET'S GO!" But....the only reason this worked, I imagine, was because he was able to "read my signs" like Captain described. If it was any other man that I hadn't been giving those signs to, I would have been completely turned off and maybe even a little scared. I feel sorry for you men to have such pressure on your shoulders, but Awhi, find the strength in yourself to go after what you want in a confident, but tasteful, fun and flirtatious way - but look for those signs and if they're not there, leave her alone and see if she comes for you on her own. If she doesn't respond to you, don't sweat it! Wait for the next woman to come along that sparks your interest and have fun trying again - LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH, because that's what makes the world go around....Daisy

Originally posted by swanqueen
Ok... as a newbie to the dating scene. Captain will you marry me?

LOL j/k ... but will you?



Thanks. I am flattered. However, my girlfirend would not appreciate that I am getting proposals.

My only complaint is that I wish I knew how to play things way earlier.

It's such a simple game to play. Only we let our insecurities and fear of rejection get in the way so often.

I think the whole idea of the game is letting someone know you find them attracted and that you are interested, without being too forward, so you can give them time to respond. It's a give and take procedure. Each person needs some time to show some interest. At least if you are going about it the right way.

Well sweetie, I agree with Baddreamer. I would just off hand, casually say something like..."Hey, there is something I have been meaning to talk to you about, but I never seem to catch you alone. Let me know when you have a little time."

When you get her alone...just get your courage up and ask. I often don't know when someone is interested or not, and it would be nice if a man would just come out and say, Hey, would you like to have dinner some time? Rather tying to analyze things and figure out if someone is interested or not. I know, personally, sometimes I get some really confusing signals!

So yes, ask her to let you know when she has a few moments, and just pop right out an ask her....*hugs* I hope she says yes! Keep us updated...

Originally posted by babes66
I agree with Joannalee, I am useless at spotting signals, I always assume people are just being friendly, so unless they actually tell me they "like" me or whatever, I would just never know!
Someone smiling at me 3 days running? I'd assume he was a nice friendly guy!:D

I'm kind of the opposite of that, but as I have gotten older, I don't assume every friendly guy is interested in me.

The truth is, I am TERRIBLE at reading "signals".
There have been times, (that turned out quite embarrassing for me, I might add), that I thought a guy was interested in me, and he wasn't.
OUCH!
And then there have been guys that have liked me and tried to let me know and I didn't notice.

I have gotten so I don't try to "read" any signals anymore.

Guess they need to hit me over the head with a skillet and scream their intentions in my ear for me to be sure.

babes, Sage, joannalee, my bet is although you are not reading his signals, that you might be responding without knowing it, if you are interested. However, I would encourage you to try learn how to read them and send out your own. It makes life a lot easier on all concerned and you might not miss out on an opportunity.

I beg to differ ladies, I think I'm the most "clueless" person you will ever meet. Here's one example:

Once, many years ago a girl I worked with suddenly started acting really nice around me, she told me that my girlfriend wasn't good enough for me, and she bought me the new Pearl Jam CD for Xmas. Mr. Clueless here thought she was just being nice. I don't recall how I figured it out, but it was too late.

Now, that is clueless.

Women may be hitting on me all the time and I don't even know it. Whoa...there's a scary thought!

I'm anxiously awaiting my date with 'BB' tomorrow. I can hardly wait!!!!

JavaJunkie