ow with ym advice and input

Hello I am Dylan a 19 yom who is very much in love and involved with a 30 yof Jennifer with a 2yo son Austin. We met a year ago this month at work we both are firefighter emts for our local department. I am a volunteer and she is an employee. I became a volunteer there and the first day I laid my eyes on her I fell completly head over heels for her. I was.......crazy about her I would always do the typical "crush" type things like ask about her (all the time) check to see when the next time she worked was so I could be there hoping that she might stop in to hang out. I would never stop talking about her to anyone. I would talk to anyone that would listien to me. At that time I was a senior in high school and she was very unhappily married (roomates) with her soon to be x husband who is an a$$hole. When Jen would come in to work she would be bombarded with "Jen he is in love with you " Jen he wont shut about you " you name it they said it. For months she took it as a simple "school boy" crush and nothing more. I took it as she just thought it was cute that some kid had a crush on her she didnt know my true feelings for her and she was afraid to admit hers for me. I tried everything to get her to date me she stood firm that she wouldent date me until I graduated. I even wanted to keep it a complete secret that we were together she didnt to for it she stood firm on the graduation requirement. After I graduated I tried even harder (begged, pleaded, promiced, and garanteed) she gave in :D a few days later we had our first everything, and I mean everything :D ;). soon after we both fell deeply in love with eachother I began to stay at her house and soon after moved in with her and took up where her a$$hole idiot husband left off. Fixing up the house and our lives basicly. Now I find myself telling Jen as soon as I hear of and older woman with a younger man just to show her that these types of relationships do work out. when I think of our relationship I dont think that we have been together for only 5 months I feel like we have been married for years and I mean that in the good way. I wanted you to get the story of us before I asked my questions,
1 Did you or your spouse have doubts upon your other half because of their age, maturity level, or past?

2 Dose your other half worry that you are not going to find them attractive and desire them in the same way in 10 years?

3 If you are involved with a divorced parent do you sometimes get upset that the x always mannages to put the child in the middle of their sepperation and your not allowed to do anything or say anything and you see it upsets them? I know Jen's uses Austin as a krutch to get to her.

4 Did your other halfs parents accept you or do they know of you at all? At this time I guess its ok that one side dosent know of me because they disowned her in a way.

5 Do you get mad exceptionaly easy at him or her for the dumbest things? I say its because I love her so much.

6 I dont know if you have the same type of problem but when Jen is on duty I get frustrated that I cant be the way I want because she is working even though I do feel that pda's are unprofessional.

7 Are him or her very insecure about your feelings for you and future feelings. I know there is always the fear of the unknown but I think if you are reassuring there shouldent be that fear.

8 When people crack jokes about your age gap do you get mad if he or she dosent defend you or themself

Please post your answers I would really like to hear some feedback from people with the same type of relationships. after all I cant ask Demmi Moore or Cameron Diaz

I love Jennifer with all my heart. I would not be able to go on without her in my life she has made a very large impact on my life. She had showed me who my true friends are and that if you want something bad enough, and you try you will get it. I do believe in fate but, I feel that if I wasnt the way I am Jen would have never considerd me to be in her life other than a friend and would have never have fallen in so love with me. maybe if she sees that other people go through the same things or have. She will see that it isnt just her, that it just comes with the psycolgical territory.

That's alot of questions :>

1 Did you or your spouse have doubts upon your other half because of their age, maturity level, or past?

Sure. At least I did. We mwt, BTW, at 35 and 19, and are now 39 and 23 and living together for 3 1/2 years. I worried that this wasn't good for him, that I was robbing him of experiences with somebody his own age, that he'd get sick of me later on, that I was a novelty, and that it was unreasonable to expect him to take on me and my 20 odd years of dating and romantic baggage. He was, at the least, intimidated, and not at all sure why exactly I was interested in him and what he could offer to me.

2 Dose your other half worry that you are not going to find them attractive and desire them in the same way in 10 years?

Well no, he doesn't worry about that. I certainly did, but I do less and less as the years go by. I know it's me he likes, not merely the package that I am contained in. I do worry about illness and how that may factor in later on, but that's an issue for all couples, not just age-gap ones.

3 If you are involved with a divorced parent do you sometimes get upset that the x always mannages to put the child in the middle of their sepperation and your not allowed to do anything or say anything and you see it upsets them? I know Jen's uses Austin as a krutch to get to her.

Outside my league. Not divorced, not a parent and not involved with one. But there's plenty of people on here with a world of experience in this area.

4 Did your other halfs parents accept you or do they know of you at all? At this time I guess its ok that one side dosent know of me because they disowned her in a way.

My boyfriend's parents did have some concerns when he moved in with me before they met me. So we went on a visit, as commanded, and I guess they decided I was a good person. because they've been polite, positive and generally supportive since. They may worry alot behind the scenes, but I don't know about it ....

5 Do you get mad exceptionaly easy at him or her for the dumbest things? I say its because I love her so much.

No. And I don't think that's a good sign. Loving someone should make you want to be kind to them. It sounds more like anger and insecurity on your part and you should work on it.

6 I dont know if you have the same type of problem but when Jen is on duty I get frustrated that I cant be the way I want because she is working even though I do feel that pda's are unprofessional.

It is unprofessional. You have to be mature enough to manage your feelings so they come out at appropriate times and in appropriate ways. Have you thought about some short-term counseling on anger management and delayed gratification? She will need you to be able to control yourself if she is going to trust you and be able to depend on you.

7 Are him or her very insecure about your feelings for you and future feelings. I know there is always the fear of the unknown but I think if you are reassuring there shouldent be that fear.

Sometimes. I certainly was at the beginning of the relationship. I think it's natural for an older women when contemplating a relationship with a younger man. Society tells us that it won't work and we definitely absorb those messages even if we don't agree with them.

8 When people crack jokes about your age gap do you get mad if he or she dosent defend you or themself

Nope. I'd defend myself.

Originally posted by scheirer

1 Did you or your spouse have doubts upon your other half because of their age, maturity level, or past?

Yes very much so.
Originally posted by scheirer

2 Dose your other half worry that you are not going to find them attractive and desire them in the same way in 10 years?


No, but I do.
Originally posted by scheirer

3 If you are involved with a divorced parent do you sometimes get upset that the x always mannages to put the child in the middle of their sepperation and your not allowed to do anything or say anything and you see it upsets them? I know Jen's uses Austin as a krutch to get to her.


You have to learn to let this go. She will handle it if it needs to be handled. My advise stay out of this one.
Originally posted by scheirer

4 Did your other halfs parents accept you or do they know of you at all? At this time I guess its ok that one side dosent know of me because they disowned her in a way.

Dont know of me. Assuming by that, that they wouldn't accept me. Must be important as he is abiding by it...Cant offer any advise here, sorry.


Originally posted by scheirer

5 Do you get mad exceptionaly easy at him or her for the dumbest things? I say its because I love her so much.

If this is happening, its nothing to do with loving her so much. Try something else. Maybe insecurity, control issues.


Originally posted by scheirer

6 I dont know if you have the same type of problem but when Jen is on duty I get frustrated that I cant be the way I want because she is working even though I do feel that pda's are unprofessional.


Immaturity here. You'll grow out of that with time.


Originally posted by scheirer

7 Are him or her very insecure about your feelings for you and future feelings. I know there is always the fear of the unknown but I think if you are reassuring there shouldent be that fear.

I'm very insecure about his feelings for me. Reassurance comes in many forms. Depends what you're offering up as reassurance. Words mean little.
Originally posted by scheirer

8 When people crack jokes about your age gap do you get mad if he or she dosent defend you or themself


This hasn't happened (that I know of). However if it did, and he didn't defend us, yeah I'd get mad.


Hope it helps.

Sail

Not sure if you are still looking for answers, but here there are mine in any case ;) :

1 Did you or your spouse have doubts upon your other half because of their age, maturity level, or past?

both of us initially concerning age; now it's only me, I think, who gets worried at times :p

2 Dose your other half worry that you are not going to find them attractive and desire them in the same way in 10 years?

hm, maybe a bit at times, but not really that deeply

3 If you are involved with a divorced parent do you sometimes get upset that the x always mannages to put the child in the middle of their sepperation and your not allowed to do anything or say anything and you see it upsets them? I know Jen's uses Austin as a krutch to get to her.

not applicable to me (no kids)

4 Did your other halfs parents accept you or do they know of you at all? At this time I guess its ok that one side dosent know of me because they disowned her in a way.

his parents know about me, I am going to meet them in a month or so, most likely; in my case, they don't know (my parents are in their 80s and I would like to avoid them blowing a blood vessel for the time being :p )

5 Do you get mad exceptionaly easy at him or her for the dumbest things? I say its because I love her so much.

nope ;) well, I am kinda placid anyway, so rarely get mad - he's got a bit of a temper, but first of all it was never directed at me, also he has mellowed a lot since we started dating ;)

Personally, I wouldn't accept anyone getting mad at me or show disrespect - that's a definite dealbreaker ;) If you get frustrated with other people, figure out how to deal with it, don't take it out on the ones you love ...

6 I dont know if you have the same type of problem but when Jen is on duty I get frustrated that I cant be the way I want because she is working even though I do feel that pda's are unprofessional.

My motto generally is to keep work and private stuff separated ;) That's the smart thing anyway, especially considering that things might go wrong and then you got trouble at home AND at work; anyway, it's not applicable to our situation.

7 Are him or her very insecure about your feelings for you and future feelings. I know there is always the fear of the unknown but I think if you are reassuring there shouldent be that fear.

I think I have this insecurity at times (mostly when reading about another break-up on Ageless ;) ), but at the same time it's normally not a big issue for me (if it's for him, he's been hiding it which would be unusual, so I would venture it's not an issue for him either )

8 When people crack jokes about your age gap do you get mad if he or she dosent defend you or themself

hasn't happened yet, so no idea how we would react; my ym is generally more straight forward than me - I guess I might be rather diplomatic and (hopefully) quite chilled out there ;)


Good luck for you two :D

Seriously, someone who says they get mad because "I just love you so much" -- that is a classic symptom of an abuser.

I'm not saying you, Scheirer, are abusive -- but you really need to look into getting some help for that.

I honestly don't mean to say anything mean -- I just really saw a red flag when I read that. Please keep us updated! BTW -- my boyfriend and I are 20 and 30. :)