Momota 11-19-2003, 11:23 AM A month ago some friends took me to dinner (I had recently lost my boyfriend to cancer and was alone) and a friend of theirs met us, although our friends assured us both it was no set-up! :-) I knew right away I was attracted to him and he to me and we talked nonstop. Since then we've started dating and its fabulous! I've never been treated so well, like such a lady, made to feel so beautiful, so desired. But today I'm so scared.... he doesn't know how old I am but thinks I'm 35 (hes 34) but I'm 41 actually. He's very traditional in some ways, we haven't done anything but have long talks and heavy kissing, he's extremely romantic but also savy, ambitious, successful and smart. He hasn't asked me my age but I'm starting to really get stressed because I'm falling in love with him I think! On top of that I had a really dreadful marriage in my early twenties and I think I stopped believing in romantic love after that. I loved my boyfriend who died, but it was never a really romantic love, more the love of two dear friends who "went to war" (cancer) together. I've built my own business, am financially secure, fit, look and act young (most people think I'm 32,33) and have been comfortable with the idea of being happy alone. Although I've had boyfriends I've never fallen madly in love and here this YM comes along and I feel like a teenager! He is such a man too...full of integrity and believes in love, marriage, and forever. And now I want him....but I'm so frightened that he'll think I'm too old and move on! Also what about kids? I've never had one and I'm not sure how easy it is after 41.... Anyway, should I tell him now my age and just stop the suspense and protect my heart before I go any further? Thanks for everyones advice.
onetiger 11-19-2003, 12:00 PM Pretend like you don't know his age (unless he told you), ask him what his is and then tell him yours. If he has already tell him, then you need to ask him if he knows how old you are. It is interesting that he hasn't asked...most guys do if they are at all concerned. That's why I think he might not care that you are older. But it's better to get this out in the open sooner rather than later.
Good luck!
special K 11-19-2003, 10:54 PM Momota,
Actually, your age gap isn't big at all! I think even traditional men wouldn't think twice about only 5 or 6 years difference. I say, just tell him....if he has a major problem with it, then it's better to know now than later. And, frankly, it would seem really shallow to me if he's kissing you, etc. to be put off by only 6 years. That would mean he is more concerned with "tradition" or public opinion than with falling in love with a beautiful, intelligent woman (you!). That would just be stupid. Wouldn't want someone like that.
Hugs, good luck, and keep us posted!
Karen
Patricia 11-23-2003, 02:54 PM Welcome to Ageless! How exciting it must be to have a new love interest after the tragedy of your boyfriend dying.
If I were you, I wouldn't bring up age at all. Your gap is tiny compared to some of ours. I am 24 years older than my boyfriend. Just concentrate on having a good time and exploring common interests and activities. If he asks, then just answer truthfully, but don't make an issue of it. If you are comfortable with it, then he should be as well.
Cowboytx48 11-23-2003, 04:25 PM Hi and welcome.
I think he already knows how old you are. I'm sure he has talked to his and your friends. If he is 34 and "thinks" you are 35, then he is not bothered with seeing an older woman. But I think he already knows...............
Cowboy
Jennie213 11-25-2003, 11:20 AM Hi and so sorry about your loss. I'm glad for you that you found someone else who treats you the way you want to be treated. Don't worry about 6 years difference. I am 11 years older than my boyfriend. If you guys have fun together and are truely happy with one another then he's not going to care about you being a little older. He's going to know eventually so why not just tell him now. Who knows, he'll probably even compliment you. Good luck and take care.
swanqueen 11-25-2003, 11:33 AM 6 years is not a big gap. I know for the first age gap relationship where the man is younger you feel like you are going against the "norm" but seriously 6 years is hardly anything. I doubt that anyone would notice. I doubt that you are in significantly different stages of life or that you LOOK older than him. I don't think anyone would stick their nose up at you. Plus him being in this 30s means he knows what he is doing so no one will do the "cradle robber" thing to you. I doubt he would care at all if he knew your age, and he may already know. Why do you think he thinks you are 35?
I would suggest a lighthearted approach. Laugh about it. It don't mean a thang. I was married to a man 8 yrs younger and a man 10 yrs younger. No one in the world ever said a thing. And neither of them cared.
QuietScot 11-26-2003, 08:29 PM Hello Momota,
I agree with everyone else who has suggested you just tell him.
It is obviously the issue which is worrying you the most about a possible relationship with this man, but if you can find the actress in you for a few hours and somehow relax yourself before telling him in as light and matter-of-fact a way as you can, his reactions will be totally honest and not influenced by your concerns.
And as Karen and all the other more qualified people here have suggested, it should not be that important. Surely if he feels the same way as you described so well, your age would not be enough to change that? If it is, is he really deserving of your time and love?
take care, Andy
Jo-Admin 11-27-2003, 12:52 AM Okay, I am going to take the different approach here...and any of you have hard my big honesty lectures here...just plug your ears and go...lalalalalalala, there she goes again!
Personally, and this is just my opinion....if it concerns you, if it makes you feel worried and/or insecure...
Don't make a joke out of it, and don't find a way to casually express your age to him...He sounds like a wonderful man. So, one evening when you are talking I would literally say...well everything you said up there...how great he makes you feel, how well things have been going, etc etc...and then tell him something has been nagging at your or concerning you...." I've been a little worried, I wasn't sure if you were aware of my age, and if that would be a problem for you."
The reason I suggest going about this in this manner is...I am a huge supporter of honesty all the way...and the truth is it is bothering you, and something you should talk about. Your age difference is not very big, and as you said, you look younger and feel younger...It should not be a problem at all. I guess my theory is, if you can't deal with something like this honestly and openly, and you have to kind of play a game to get the issue resolved...what happens later with the bigger problems? *hugs*
BTW...I think Cowboy is right, I think he probably does know your age, and it is not an issue for him at all because he has not brought it up.
I have seen many many posts here asking for help since I first joined....and many times I have wanted to say...Hey, just tell your significant other exactly what you posted here, and your problem will be solved. *smiles* I would imagine he would love to hear all the great things you said about him here.
As I said, this is just my opinion. He sounds like a really great man, and he makes you feel good about YOU...and isn't that refreshing? I sure hope it all works out for you, and please keep us updated!!!
JavaJunkie2002 11-28-2003, 11:59 PM If he's anything like me and he hasn't asked then it is because either he:
a) knows and doesn't care
b) doesn't know and doesn't care
That's my 2 cents.
JavaJunkie2k2
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